LOL  9:51 pm December 7, 2010

U.S. State Department Hilariously Announces ‘World Press Freedom Day’

by Ken Layne

Needs moar Depends.The United States, which is currently engaged in a complete war against some weird guy with a website, is going to host “World Press Freedom Day,” the Department of State announced today. They’re all especially excited about protecting the flow of digital news, which is why Washington is “concerned about the determination of some governments to censor and silence individuals, and to restrict the free flow of information.” LOL. This is the same Department of State (and Justice Department and Pentagon and CIA and NATO and PayPal) trying everything to cut off WikiLeaks’ access to the Internet and its own money. Washington is also, at this moment, planning to extradite Julian Assange if it can figure out what the Swedes want. Where is Sweden, anyway?

From the official announcement:

The theme for next year’s commemoration will be 21st Century Media: New Frontiers, New Barriers. The United States places technology and innovation at the forefront of its diplomatic and development efforts. New media has empowered citizens around the world to report on their circumstances, express opinions on world events, and exchange information in environments sometimes hostile to such exercises of individuals’ right to freedom of expression. At the same time, we are concerned about the determination of some governments to censor and silence individuals, and to restrict the free flow of information. We mark events such as World Press Freedom Day in the context of our enduring commitment to support and expand press freedom and the free flow of information in this digital age.

[U.S. Department of State]

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CablinasianDem December 7, 2010 at 9:54 pm

They're missing a huge opportunity for a corporate tie-in by resisting the urge to change it to Wordpress Freedom Day.

trampndirtdown December 7, 2010 at 9:56 pm

is Amnesty International uninvited yet?

OneDollarJuana December 8, 2010 at 9:43 am

Along with the ACLU.

Not_So_Much December 7, 2010 at 9:57 pm

Well, hope died today, so I guess it's cool that unwitting irony is thriving.

nomad December 11, 2010 at 7:54 am

LOL. The irony is so ironically ironic.

OkieDokieDog December 7, 2010 at 10:01 pm

LOL indeed. And pure BS. I ain't buyin' it.

I think if Sarah Palin stands on her roof and squints, she can see Sweden.

trampndirtdown December 7, 2010 at 10:27 pm

If she can see over the fence that Tahd built.

the_problem_child December 7, 2010 at 10:30 pm

That fence blew over in an autumn breeze.

trampndirtdown December 7, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Maybe Walnuts can help them finish the dang thang.

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 3:30 am

They could always ask the Israeli's. I hear they are expert wall builders. I also hear they are good at bulldozing poor people's homes, and they'd fit right in with that tactic in my very, very urban city filled with very, very urban people.

OkieDokieDog December 8, 2010 at 1:06 pm

I was wrong – it's NOT Sweden. She can see Putin wearing suede.

the_onceler December 7, 2010 at 10:01 pm

Remember, folks: we define what is press freedom and what is not. And press freedom means the freedom of *corporations* to speak freely. Just as we define corruption to mean what happens in other countries and not corporations giving unlimited money to political campaigns.

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 1:48 am

Randall Flagg's Trashcan Man couldn't of said it better "bumpty, bumpty, bump!"… "my life for you!"

MaxNeanderthal December 8, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Freedom, yes indeed:-
"Freedom from the reds and the blacks and the criminals
Prostitutes, pansies and punks
Football hooligans, juvenile delinquents
Lesbians and left wing scum
Freedom from the niggers and the Pakis and the unions
Freedom from the Gipsies and the Jews
Freedom from leftwing layabouts and liberals
Freedom from the likes of you…"

Tom Robinson Band

LionelHutzEsq December 7, 2010 at 10:05 pm

I'm just waiting for World Anti-Porn day, held at the Playboy Mansion in Bangkok.

SudsMcKenzie December 8, 2010 at 3:17 am

I'll be the one person wearing pants.

Africanlegend December 8, 2010 at 5:54 pm

Hahahaha…yes that would be as asinine as this…..

arihaya December 7, 2010 at 10:05 pm

War is Peace
Ignorance is Strength
Censorship is Press freedom !

thecryingeagle December 8, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Do it to Julia (n)!!!!

Lucidamente1 December 7, 2010 at 10:05 pm

You know, the government could use a special group of people whose job it would be to stop press leaks. They could call it, I don't know, "the White House plumbers." What could possible go wrong with that?

PsycWench December 7, 2010 at 10:14 pm

I hear there's a crack team available.

the_problem_child December 7, 2010 at 10:31 pm

All named Joe.

arihaya December 8, 2010 at 8:29 am

They tried that.

Unfortunately the chief plumber ended up becoming pundit in FOX News !

GravyBoyJohnson December 7, 2010 at 10:06 pm

they support the FLOW of information, not some trickling leak. BIG difference. no hypocrisy to see here. please disperse.

the_problem_child December 7, 2010 at 10:32 pm

And if you don't you will be kettled. At least in Canada.

jim89048 December 7, 2010 at 10:51 pm

Needs moar Flowmax?

smokefilledroommate December 7, 2010 at 11:08 pm

and a Flowbee

BarackMyWorld December 7, 2010 at 10:06 pm

Is that Christine O'Donnell in that screen capture? Or am I just going through wingnut withdrawal from not seeing her on tv every day and imagining that I'm seeing the bitch everywhere?

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 10:14 pm

Well it ain't Diane Sawyer.

ttommyunger December 7, 2010 at 11:39 pm

Thank Gawd! That bitch was ugly when she was young; and that VOICE!

PsycWench December 7, 2010 at 10:13 pm

Are we sure that "press" doesn't mean "apply pressure to bring something to an end"?

jim89048 December 7, 2010 at 10:52 pm

Like a pillow, perhaps…

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 1:52 am

Inappropriate! Inappropriate!

bumfug December 7, 2010 at 10:17 pm

First order of business: Get out to the New Frontiers and get those New Barriers up!

Crank_Tango December 7, 2010 at 10:24 pm

This is all just part of irony week, which is part of opposite month.

iburl December 7, 2010 at 10:25 pm

Snitches get Stitches….
isn't that part of the national anthem?

realmurkin December 7, 2010 at 10:30 pm

Is this some sort of joke? Fucking DOS hipsters and their irony.

Beanball December 7, 2010 at 10:35 pm

Don't you mean 'DDoS' hipsters?

realmurkin December 7, 2010 at 10:51 pm

Ha! I had to google that acronym. Because I have a vagina.

user-of-owls December 7, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Where is Sweden, anyway?

It's the broken condom poking up out of Scandinavia. Sort of like Florida, but erect instead of limp.

elfgoldsackring December 8, 2010 at 12:30 am

Sweden is completely flaccid. You must be thinking of perky little Denmark.

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 3:32 am

Si, and it curves a little to the left. I hope that becomes the national motto of Sweden: "And it curves a little to the left." How do you say that in Swedish?

user-of-owls December 9, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Wow, you are absolutely correct.

Visit Sweden: Land of the Spent Dick.*

*Which also curves a little to the left.

ChuckieJesus December 7, 2010 at 10:35 pm

Best part: They've started censoring comments on their official Facebook page!

It's like raaaaaain on yer weddin' day…

SayItWithWookies December 7, 2010 at 10:42 pm

So Rio gets years to clean up the biggest slum in the world, but we only get until May first to get freedom of the press? Well there's no motivation like a tight deadline — I suggest we kickstart the whole thing with a complete disclosure of the chain of authorization for torture, from the White House to Guantanamo to that secret prison in Poland to Bagram to Abu Ghraib to wherever the hell else we have. I mean, we've pretty much figured out how it goes — but until we see the whole chain of docs, some people can always blow it off. So come on — open the damn file cabinet.
You really want to put Julian Assange out of business? You can send him to jail, and that's just beating down the first person in a very long line. A world without secrets would eliminate the need for the whole line.

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 1:58 am

Julian Assange is no fun, he wold probably say "More weight!"

angryclownspawn December 7, 2010 at 10:48 pm

I heard they were going to ask Juilan Assange to host the event but the CIA says his sudden travel plans to an undisclosed eastern European location will prevent that.

resoundingmaybe December 7, 2010 at 10:53 pm

So there are times when events will *kinda* remind me of 1984, but this shit is practically plagiarism.

arihaya December 8, 2010 at 8:00 am

George Orwell was wrong … he think it will be Socialist dictatorship. Turned out it is Corporatocracy

good side is.. we gonna more in common with China

Numbat_Dundee December 7, 2010 at 10:54 pm

I refuse to eat Swedish meatballs until they arrest all Dicks that don't have condoms on – starting with Dick Cheney.

seppdecker December 7, 2010 at 11:02 pm

The world needs more Mario Lopez and Gretchen Carlson!

slappypaddy December 7, 2010 at 11:13 pm

the press can be perfectly free as long as they have the proper credentials. as for one certain pfc, he probably won't ever be free–didn't have his paperwork in order before he sprung a million leaks.

bitchincamaro2 December 7, 2010 at 11:14 pm

The other 364 days of the year are reserved for witch hunts and random searches and seizures of laptops at domestic airports.

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 8:18 am

searching and seizing laps, too.

MilwaukeeKent December 7, 2010 at 11:19 pm

Irony isn 't dead, it's just this zombie wandering about aimlessly, stumbling into the strangest places…

DCHatesMe December 7, 2010 at 11:29 pm

Government transparency you can see through.

gullywompr December 7, 2010 at 11:39 pm

C'mon guys, State is talking about countries that have actual "Dear Leaders" and Google-hackers.

gullywompr December 7, 2010 at 11:40 pm

There goes what's left of my P's…

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 2:05 am

63 ta 30 or sumthin. Aaah feel yoooor paaaiin!

ttommyunger December 7, 2010 at 11:40 pm

I have one question: Is ANYBODY in charge?

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 2:08 am

Just Evil Muppet Babies.

ttommyunger December 8, 2010 at 11:37 am

So it seems.

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 8:25 am

i wish. someone actually overseeing the raw dry clusterfuck our government's become could be held to account.

ttommyunger December 8, 2010 at 11:48 am

By “held to account” you mean given the Medal of Freedom, I assume.

tribbzthesquidz December 7, 2010 at 11:47 pm

Selected World Press Somebutnotall Freedomz Day

donner_froh December 7, 2010 at 11:58 pm

"Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one."

Liebling, Mencken, etc.

mumbly_joe December 8, 2010 at 12:00 am

The main funny:

Highlighting the many events surrounding the celebration will be the awarding of the UNESCO Guillermo Cano World Press Freedom Prize at the National Press Club on May 3rd. This prize, determined by an independent jury of international journalists, honors a person, organization or institution that has notably contributed to the defense and/or promotion of press freedom, especially where risks have been undertaken.

Any guesses as to who the frontrunners for this sort of thing might be?

You have to admit, it'd be kinda hilarious if the US Department of State were forced to grudgingly honor Wikileaks for their defense and/or promotion of press freedom, a mere week after having Julian Assange extradited to a black site until we can come up with some charge against him that'll stick.

Whatever December 8, 2010 at 1:07 am

Sorry I have but one thumb to give.

Well said Sir/Ma'am

PocketsTheClown December 8, 2010 at 2:04 am

I'll add my TU to that. I won the bet with a friend that the guy would surrender. What he (Assange) was counting on wasthat those that hosted him would protect him from the uncertainties of international law regarding states. Mr. Assange will, unfortunately, be thrown to the wind, which is apparently full of wolves. Watch for appearance failure – this guy isn't stupid.

We should all be NEEDZ MOAR TUMZ if the policy line keeps up.

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 2:12 am

Hookworms are more self aware.

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 8:27 am

when julian fucks with the russians there won't be any need for any stickin' charges.

mumbly_joe December 8, 2010 at 9:10 am

In Post-Soviet Russia, espionage acts violate YOU!

GOPCrusher December 8, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Fingerbanging Swedish women isn't an international crime?

simplyblue7 December 8, 2010 at 12:09 am

yup…definitely some irony in that.

V572625694 December 8, 2010 at 12:09 am

Freedom of the press belongs only to those fit to appear on the WaPo, NYT or WSJ op-ed pages. The reason they're all wrought up about Wikileaks is that they fear the public might find out that Cohen, Broder & company don't add any value to the little teeny leaks they garner by sucking the dicks of the powerful. If Assange is just going to give it away, just put that shit out there, why, "the press" won't mean anything at all!

elfgoldsackring December 8, 2010 at 12:34 am

"Never give anysing a-vay, a-vay, a-vay,
Zat you can sell!"

Jason_inthe_Peg December 8, 2010 at 2:12 pm

They're just pissed because no one slips them brown envelopes filled with government doc's anymore.

The professional jealousy and sour grapes of the has-been.

EdFlintstone December 8, 2010 at 12:32 am

I look foward to next month when the treasury department hosts the World Responsibility in Business Day at AIG and Goldman Sachs headquarters.

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 1:05 am

Ah yes the Swedes my peeps "neutral", I wonder why my ancestors fled from that country to come to the U.S.A U.S.A. U.S.A. To escape constant wars with the world as they knew it in the mid 1800s. Oops… no my cuntree U.S.A. wood never act like Sweden did to Norway, Denmark, Finland, Poland, Russ Russia, Germany, etc…
Did my Great Grandparents cum hear for peace or for a piece?
PS My Great Grand Mother was raped, well maybe not "rape raped" on the boat to get to America, you had to pay somehow.
I'm drunk, what was I saying..? Oh yes "world press freedom day" we are all doomed(not the rich) that is all.

dogscantlookup December 8, 2010 at 4:02 am

Give me back my broken night
my mirrored room, my secret life
it's lonely here,
there's no one left to torture
Give me absolute control
over every living soul
And lie beside me, baby,
that's an order!
Give me crack and anal sex
Take the only tree that's left
and stuff it up the hole
in your culture
Give me back the Berlin wall
give me Stalin and St Paul
I've seen the future, brother:
it is murder.

Things are going to slide, slide in all directions
Won't be nothing
Nothing you can measure anymore
The blizzard, the blizzard of the world
has crossed the threshold
and it has overturned
the order of the soul
When they said REPENT REPENT
I wonder what they meant
When they said REPENT REPENT
I wonder what they meant
When they said REPENT REPENT
I wonder what they meant

You don't know me from the wind
you never will, you never did
I'm the little jew
who wrote the Bible
I've seen the nations rise and fall
I've heard their stories, heard them all
but love's the only engine of survival
Your servant here, he has been told
to say it clear, to say it cold:
It's over, it ain't going
any further
And now the wheels of heaven stop
you feel the devil's riding crop
Get ready for the future:
it is murder

Things are going to slide …

There'll be the breaking of the ancient
western code
Your private life will suddenly explode
There'll be phantoms
There'll be fires on the road
and the white man dancing
You'll see a woman
hanging upside down
her features covered by her fallen gown
and all the lousy little poets
coming round
tryin' to sound like Charlie Manson
and the white man dancin'

Give me back the Berlin wall
Give me Stalin and St Paul
Give me Christ
or give me Hiroshima
Destroy another fetus now
We don't like children anyhow
I've seen the future, baby:
it is murder

Things are going to slide …

When they said REPENT REPENT …
fun for all

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 8:29 am

lenny? izzat you?

doxastic December 8, 2010 at 1:11 am

Note, that the federal government didn't get angry enough to prevent the diplomatic cables from being leaked, but they have gotten live prior to the Bank of America dump.

Submitted without comment.

PocketsTheClown December 8, 2010 at 2:11 am

Good call. I don't think this is over, just because Assange is going down. People that are willing to give up TS docs aren't going to stop just because you can't afford a banner ad. It's an idea, not a freaky-lookin skinny dude, that is driving this thing.

SudsMcKenzie December 8, 2010 at 3:30 am

In a special lunchtime ceremony, Donald Rumsfeld will be added to the "Ring of Honor".

HurricaneAli December 8, 2010 at 5:41 am

World Press Freedom Day. Haha, that's so funny because I was thinking of the same thing! Like, "wouldn't it be great if we could start some grassroots movement that would make "sensitive" information free and available to everyone so we could all laugh at the same stupid, inside jokes that only ambassadors and foreign service spies get to laugh at." But I would have called it "Oligarchy Neutralization Day."

Zvi_Bleindmeis December 8, 2010 at 7:06 am

New media has empowered citizens around the world.

State Department, this is unacceptable.

"Media" is the plural. "Medium" is singular. Like data/datum.

The diplomatic corps should set a higher standard than, say, Meghan McCain. A free press is important, but so is agreement of subjects and predicates.

V572625694 December 8, 2010 at 9:01 am

Between you and I, this is one my "pet peeves" too, along with gratuitous quotation marks. But remember that the Foreign Service Officers, who passed rigorous written and oral exams, all apparently took Creative Writing 101 at Georgetown to learn how to put all those literary flourishes in their emails, whereas State's press flack only went to J-School — uh, pardon me, I meant to say "Mass Communications" — where English Composition is apparently an elective.

johnnyzhivago December 8, 2010 at 7:50 am

Saying one thing and doing something else entirely. Isn't that the American way?

HistoriCat December 8, 2010 at 10:35 am

Cognitive dissonance is truly an American value.

mouse6 December 8, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Amen to that !!

weejee December 8, 2010 at 7:56 am

It's a cheap shot with eighty bazillion of us dismal olde boomers doddering off into our dotage that the lede mouseover is needs moar Depends. Ken you young punk, let's see if you're still skiing the black diamond runs when you're pulling 60.

lulzmonger December 8, 2010 at 8:04 am

Remember: April 1st marks the first official Global Peace & Prosperity Day!
Mark it on your calendar, citizen!

Also, mandatory urine-testing & 9 PM curfews take effect as of January 1st.

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 8:33 am

you can opt out of the piss-testing and covering your fire if you make a suitable donation to an accredited political charity, such as rink, or its shadow dink.

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 8:21 am

back from the shadows again
out where your enemy's your friend
where things ain't what they seem
and you can pee right into the stream
back from the shadows again

BaldarTFlagass December 8, 2010 at 8:23 am

In irony, we lead the world!!

Bluestatelibel December 8, 2010 at 8:26 am

The U.S. is at war with "some guy and his web site"? Jack and you commentators were actually pretty mean to Obama last night with that post…get ready for the predator drones.

Mindblank December 8, 2010 at 8:58 am

World Responsible Press Freedom Day

gurukalehuru December 8, 2010 at 9:03 am

I'm sure that terrible, horrible crimes have been committed, but we need to look to the future, not to the past and go forward, not back. This is no time for national divisiveness. Prosecuting anyone for these crimes at this late date would serve no useful social purpose.

Come here a minute December 8, 2010 at 9:06 am

If they can't stop him with prosecution or negotiation, they will have to settle for vague taunting.

Next up, Condom Awareness Day.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 8, 2010 at 9:14 am

No no no! They're talking about porn. Now it makes sense right?

Tanin December 8, 2010 at 9:15 am

Welcome to 1984.

macksemil December 8, 2010 at 10:53 am

All who commented negatively on the Free Press Day: your IPs have been logged, please stay in your homes. A team of government specialists will be there soon.

stronginva December 8, 2010 at 10:56 am In the world of "you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours" — Wikileaks has just dropped a new cable showing how State played footsie with Russia on some legislation so Visa and Mastercard would get a favorable outcome.

OzoneTom December 8, 2010 at 11:35 am

Does this mean that it is my patriotic duty to not do any of this year's xmas shopping at or to use PayPal or MasterCard?

thelema9393 December 8, 2010 at 11:52 am

Oh the irony. War is peace, right?

This whole thing is just creepily Orwellian. Assange was effectively censored. I feel that unless we step up and do something, the world is in a lot of trouble. Check it out and pass it on:

zappadoo76 December 8, 2010 at 1:53 pm

Well, you know what Chairman Mao said: "Don't watch their mouths; watch their hands."

theeclecticphysician December 8, 2010 at 2:20 pm

I hope the leading headline of the conference is breaking a story about this very irony.

Sadly, I don't hold out much hope for that.

On the other hand, maybe Anonymous will hack the whole thing for lulz.

Either way, it's going to be an interesting season for freedom of the press.

Jason_inthe_Peg December 8, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Perhaps it's a dateline style sting operation. You know they offer Assange an award and when he comes to pick it up:

the trap, it closes!

Dimitrios_M December 8, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Required reading for anyone with an irony deficiency.

deyallbad December 8, 2010 at 7:35 pm

us just gets goofier and goofier

mouse6 December 8, 2010 at 11:41 pm

When is the US holding War is Peace Day?

transfatz December 9, 2010 at 3:38 am

‘World Press Freedom Day’

What, no…they're Assanging my leg.

DrTrick December 9, 2010 at 9:25 am

aka World Irony Day.

BobBobLaw December 9, 2010 at 10:53 pm

Frodo failed,Cheney still has the One Ring

azhou10 December 12, 2010 at 6:30 am

just wow.

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