BREAKING WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: Rick Sanchez has gotten up from the couch, brushed off the Cheeto dust, and duct-taped his laptop to his teevee. This changes everything. [Twitter]
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It'll be the biggest thing for news since CNN's holograms.
Rick is still going to read Twitter out loud for four hours a day, but in a whole new way!
In Pig Latin! Or maybe that Ubby-Dubby language they had on that PBS kid's show back when I was a kid. Zoom?
Oh, fuck! The Jews just patented this shit!
I would have gone with "qwertySanchez" as my Twitter handle. I don't see how you can pass that up.
Now that's what I call satire.
Duh, Jack, everybody knows you can't "brush off Cheetoh dust." If you try that, it catches on the pilled bits of your 50/50-blend Weeping Eagle sweatshirt and further stains your fingertips; it doesn't just fall gently onto your Freedom Tray to be licked up later. This is why I pour a can of Schlitz over Cheetos in a bowl and mash them with a fork into a delicious paste – no muss no fuss!
*shit, the remote's lost somewhere in my fat rolls again!*
Relevant.
Haha, your remote got "Rickrolled"!
Covered in Cheetos dust makes him quite the dirty Sanchez, doesn't it.
Bullshit. Everyone knows Alvin Greene is THE WAY.
Somehow he just doesn't speak to me the same way the RENT IS TOO DAMN HIGH guy does.
Why do we have to keep up with terminated reporters? Isn't "getting fired" supposed to keep their clownery out of my daily grind?
Ah, only 18 hours later and already 7 retweets! WOW, he's really breaking ground in news and connecting!
He invented the iTwit?
Did he make a megaphone out of the cardboard box instead of moving into it?
Rick Sanchez, inventor of the dildophone. And yes, it's just a phone — but don't tell him, it'll ruin his day.
Oooh, can't wait. No doubt this will be right up there with Bell's "Mr Watson—Come here—I want to see you" or Morse's "What hath God wrought" or Marconi's "dot dot dot."
Or Sarah Palin's Facebook page.
He discovered the old school "sandwich board" and he's walking around downtown wearing it.
Two soup cans tied together with a wet string isn't exactly new.
Is it wet string? WET STRING?! Goddammit! We could never get those tin can phones to work when I was a kid. No one ever told us that you needed wet string. Fuck…my whole childhood has been invalidated.
Also, you don't get cramps and die if you swim right after eating. Your eyes will not stick in a crossed position. You do not have to drink 8 glasses of water a day to be healthy. And you do not catch cold by going outside barefoot or with wet hair.
Then please explain my hairy palms and macular degeneration…..
Whenever I read Rick Sanchez's tweets I get an urge to tell him about the rabbits and the farm where we're going to live one day.
I just wanted to pet the bunny… it was soft.
If you hug it too hard, it goes to sleep forever.
techmologies?
So his wife set up a table and a fake camera in the basement?
Maybe he bought Wulph.com
Rick, masturbating to the blonds on FOX News does not count as a new way for you in news to connect.
BREAKING: Sanchez's dirty news "techonology" is called LipService ™.
He's "in news and in connecting"? What does this mean "in connecting"? I'm totally confused by what he says all other time so why should this be different?
He'll put the "sham" in Sham-Wow
Happy Channukah Everybody.
Rick, however, is happy that the Bush III Tax Cut Bill does include extending unemployment benefits 13 months.
I would like to be the first to kneel to our new drunk driving, anti-Semitic, idiot overlord.
Mel Gibson?
Oh. Disappointing at best, devestating at worst. I thought Rick had seen the light and embraced teh Joooooz. Maybe even changed his name to Rick Silverman.
Fuck Rick, what does his son think about it?
Retweeted by seven? What is it, even?
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