REMEMBER THE ALAMO? NO JEWS.  11:07 am December 7, 2010

Texas Teabaggers Do Not Like Their Non-Christian Jew House Speaker

by Jack Stuef

No Kinky.Texas Teabaggers have launched a campaign to oust Republican Speaker of the House Joe Straus, a guy who is a Jew, because it is time that state finally had a “true Christian leader” instead of all these Jews and Scientologists who have run the place ever since white people gypped it from the Mexicans. It turns out at least one member of the state party’s executive committee agrees with this important religion test, according to private e-mails. “I got into politics to put Christian conservatives into office. They’re the people that do the best jobs over all,” John Cook later told reporter Abby Rapoport (JEW NAME! IT’S A TRAP!). And then he used the “some of my best friends” defense for his position on Jews, which is what you do when you want to sound like a bigot. Just write in “Jesus Christ” for every job on the ballot, Texas. It’s easier.

“My favorite person that’s ever been on this earth is a Jew,” he said. “How can they possibly think that if Jesus Christ is a Jew, and he’s my favorite person that’s ever been on this earth?”

AIRTIGHT DEFENSE. If you are ever accused of racism or whatever, hire this man as your racism lawyer. Perfect.

So this Teabaggery official didn’t seem like an anti-Semite to begin with, unless by that you mean he is very anti that Semite who runs the state House, but now he definitely does, the end.

One of these days, people are going to understand that Christians need to hold all elected offices. Because democratic politics primarily concerns itself with matters of theology. [Think Progress]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 166 comments }

DashboardBuddha December 7, 2010 at 11:10 am

I hate these people with the heat of a 1000 suns. Fuck all.

Limeylizzie December 7, 2010 at 1:32 pm

And because of your hatred of them, my love for you grows deeper, wider, warmer and wetter.

DashboardBuddha December 7, 2010 at 2:00 pm

And thus I am sustained.

BeWoot December 7, 2010 at 5:54 pm

Dang. I'm gonna have to write something that will earn me some of that deeper, wider, warmer, wetter love.

Might take a while, Mizz Lizz, but be assured I have a new goal. Watch this space.

mumbly_joe December 7, 2010 at 11:10 am

Edited because I just realized that Jack already mentioned that
"some of my best friends are Jews (who are, BTW, unfit to govern)" thing he said.

We should give this guy at least a little props- at least he's being upfront about the fact that he's a theocrat, rather than calling himself a "Constitutional conservative" whilst ignoring that little phrase in aformentioned founding document that begins with "no religious test shall…"

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 11:11 am

“Christian conservatives into office. They’re the people that do the best jobs over all”

I forgot about that part.

JustPixelz December 7, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Hitler was a Christian! (There, I did the Godwin.)

The plain language of the Constitution forbids religious tests for office. OH WAIT! Forgot these guys HATE HATE HATE the Constitution with its 14th Amendment and 16th Amendment and 17th Amendment. Plus that goddamn First Amendment

genxr December 7, 2010 at 1:44 pm

Yeah but Hitler was a liberal. Just ask any conservative.

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 11:12 am

Pauletteanne will tell us that it is a typical liberal PC overreaction to claim that this is antisemitic.

BarryOPotter December 7, 2010 at 2:50 pm

"Just because it's antisemitic doesn't make it racist, because there aren't even two people running against each other! Gah! LIEberals, always trying to twist the true meaning of Our Lord's words. No wait. That's what WE do. Never mind…"

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2010 at 11:13 am

There's a Yellow Star (of David) in Texas
That I am going to see
No other Christian wants him
No one but non-Christians.
I cried so when he got it
It like to broke my heart
And if I ever find him
He won't have the job.

OneDollarJuana December 7, 2010 at 11:13 am

Is that really the Texas Republican Party logo? It's mostly blue (Democratic), has a big hole where the heart should be, and the only red part (Republican) contains the asshole.

iburl December 7, 2010 at 11:34 am

The elephant will be redistricted as soon as the texas house republicans provide the final solution to the Jewish problem.

Graham Cracker December 7, 2010 at 2:28 pm

in other words, it's the perfect symbol for Texas Repugniturds… especially that last part.

Badonkadonkette December 7, 2010 at 11:14 am

Saying you can't be a bigot because you're Christian and Jesus was Jewish is like saying you can't be a bigot because you wear cotton and eat peanut butter, and hello, ever hear of slaves and George Washington Carver?

vulpes82 December 7, 2010 at 11:16 am

I often wonder if Kinky Friedman is the only Texan Jew anyone knows or whether he's THE ONLY JEW IN TEXAS.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 11:27 am

The hippie liberal places in Texas like Austin and Galveston have thriving Jewish communities. The other cities, you'd probably have to define "thriving".

OkieDokieDog December 7, 2010 at 11:29 am

Yes, but – Kinky was born in Chicago, so not technically a REAL Texan. But still Jewish.

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 11:49 am
FNMA December 7, 2010 at 11:49 am

And it was Kinky who once wrote, They don't make Jews like Jesus anymore…

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 12:49 pm
MiniMencken December 7, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Your Hebrews are thick on the ground in Houston and Dallas. Galveston was a major port for immigration in the period 1882-1900. But, Kinky voted for George W. Bush — TWICE — so I ain't gonna be sittin' shiva for that mofo if he kicks the bucket afore I do.

snoopyfan2010 December 7, 2010 at 8:17 pm

That's what makes Houston better and bluer than the rest of the state.

Troubledog December 7, 2010 at 11:16 am

By that standard, I suppose Jimmy Carter is his favorite president.

Boredw/Gravity December 7, 2010 at 11:17 am

Isn't it time to rapture these asshats up? Please?

HistoriCat December 7, 2010 at 11:58 am

God's too busy laughing at Elizabeth Edwards to get to that rapture thing.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:13 pm

I'd rather the ground open and swallow them up, like the sons of Korah!

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 11:17 am

Being from Texas, I'll bet he really said, "Hell, some of my best friends are niggers and spicks – and even they hate jews!! "

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 11:20 am

Oh, the Protestants hate the Catholics,
And the Catholics hate the Protestants,
And the Hindus hate the Muslims,
And everybody hates the Jews.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 11:24 am

Except the Amish – the Jews LOVE their furniture!

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 11:50 am

& the Amish are unfailingly polite when the Jews start bargaining the price down.

Not_So_Much December 7, 2010 at 11:17 am

Oh, Texas. I wish I could say you're just darling and maybe you could go gay-marry South Carolina and secede. But the truth is that you're just a hellscape shithole of grubby oil men and jeebus freaks. Take the children that you're damaging with your idiotic textbooks and just fuck off. That is all.

HempDogbane December 7, 2010 at 11:17 am

Straus will save his ass by coming out in favor of public executions.

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 12:52 pm

By crucifixion.

Serolf_Divad December 7, 2010 at 11:17 am

But, but, but them GOPers just loooooooooove the state of Israel so much! Why, they're Israel's best friends, as AIPAC and Sarah Palin never tire of reminding me. How is it possible to love Israel and yet hate the Jews at the same time?

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2010 at 11:26 am

Easy. You can take the contarded out from anti-semetism, but you can't take the anti-semetism out of the contarded.

Actually, tis the Rapture. They're buddy buddies with the Jooz till Israel gets blowed up real gud. Then it's Rapture time.

With friends like that, who need pogroms?

Chet Kincaid December 7, 2010 at 3:28 pm

That's the knee-jerk libtard response to this question, but having spent the first 25 years of my life around fundie/evangelicals, I never heard it put exactly like that. What I heard from various pulpits was that the Jews are God's chosen people, and that it's up to God to decide what to do with them, and even if he chooses to send them all to hell, the non-Jews who mistreated them on this earth are going to get some judgement, too. I remember seeing a Christian propaganda film in the early 70s proclaiming the rebirth of Israel and the flowering of a country in the Godless Arab desert to be one of His miraculous wonders. (They even had a catchy, moddy song about this that they kept breaking into.) And there are lots of evangelicals out there whose idea of "compassion" is feeling sorry for Jews who don't realize their Messiah has already come and gone.

Admittedly, my experience of white fundamentalists was mitigated by a semi-protective shell of black fundamentalists, and we were in big northern inner cities, not Bumfuck, Southern Baptist Texas. But I do know Moody Bible Institute quite intimately, if that gives anybody a gauge of my deep-cover anthropological field studies.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:15 pm

Oh G-d, yes it does! Have you recovered?

bumfug December 7, 2010 at 11:29 am

It's a bring-about-the-end-times-so-we-can-go-get-raptured thing.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 12:21 pm

Exactly. Israel is supposed to bring about the end of the world. Not sure why the fundies want to rush us all to that point. If they want to go to their reward right away, they should feel free to do so.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:15 pm

They want to rule us with a rod of iron afterwards!

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 11:32 am

They love Israel Jews because they're over there, kicking' some Ay-rab ass for us alla time. They don't love local Jews because we don't need that kinda service over here in 'murica (yet).

crapshooter102 December 7, 2010 at 4:20 pm

That's easy, you have to be Repubitard to understand.

x111e7thst December 7, 2010 at 11:19 am

I could say that some of my best friends are white christian conservatives but that would be a lie.

JustPixelz December 7, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Don't lie. It's against one of the commandments! You don't want God to get cross with you. Cross! hoo-wee I feel like a Texan now.

BeWoot December 7, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Some of my acquaintances are Jews. Some of the people I see at Costco are white christian conservatives.

Rarian Rakista December 7, 2010 at 6:25 pm

I have a question is there such a thing as a conservative Comedian besides the super racist and homophobic Gallagher ?
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/gallagher-is-a

DangerHelvetica December 7, 2010 at 11:20 am

Not only does he pull out the "favorite person" canard (thank you Bristol!), he can't even pick a Jew that isn't a fictional character.

SudsMcKenzie December 7, 2010 at 11:26 am

Since its the holidays, can we change it from "canard" to " that old chestnut"

SayItWithWookies December 7, 2010 at 11:42 am

Only if we roast it on an open fire.

Geoff December 7, 2010 at 11:31 am

I would have he'd go for Fagin from Oliver Twist given GOP tax policies.

Badonkadonkette December 7, 2010 at 11:21 am

By the way, you know who else was Christian, and hated teh Jooz? Of course you do.

DeeJayKitteh December 7, 2010 at 11:40 am

You're talking about Mel Gibson, right?

SayItWithWookies December 7, 2010 at 11:44 am

St. Jerome?

Plowmon December 7, 2010 at 11:46 am

Richard the Lionheart?

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 11:52 am

Torquemada?
Every single Pope?

Badonkadonkette December 7, 2010 at 11:54 am

No y'all. I'm talking about Helen Thomas, obvs.

SudsMcKenzie December 7, 2010 at 1:28 pm

Patrick Duffy?

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Churchill!

Rarian Rakista December 7, 2010 at 6:27 pm

All of South Carolina?

tcaalaw December 8, 2010 at 9:30 am

Richard Nixon?

bumfug December 7, 2010 at 11:22 am

Well, like Kinky said, "They ain't makin' Jews like Jesus any more."

comrad_darkness December 7, 2010 at 11:44 am

They aren't making Christians like him either.

FNMA December 7, 2010 at 11:51 am

I really should read the other comments before typing.

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 11:23 am

The saddest part is that, with this being the Texas GOP, this is not shocking at all.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 11:24 am

OH, man. Just wait 'til these guys find out Rick Perry is a Zoroastrian.

bumfug December 7, 2010 at 11:30 am

Is that fancy-talk for queer?

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 11:35 am

Careful, buddy. Some of my best friends are Zoroastrians…

SayItWithWookies December 7, 2010 at 11:45 am

Hey, that's something else Governor Perry has in common with Freddy Mercury.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Are we keeping a list? So far I've got

1. Great hair
2. Pouty lips
3. Flair for drama
4. Teh homosex
5. Zoroaster

anything else?

north_of_moscow December 7, 2010 at 11:24 am

"It's cool, baby Jesus, you're one of the good ones."

V572625694 December 7, 2010 at 12:12 pm

With those blue eyes, wavy hair and big muscles, you could hardly tell Jeebus was born a jewboy.

SudsMcKenzie December 7, 2010 at 11:24 am

If the seventh day of Hanukkah included a barbecue, he'd probably be alright.

BTWBFDIMHO December 7, 2010 at 1:41 pm

Actually, I went to a Hanukkah party last Sunday (here, in Texas) and the main dish was barbequed brisque with barbecue sauce.

harry_palmer December 7, 2010 at 11:25 am

“My favorite fictional character that’s ever been on this earth is a Jew, but by God we don't need any real-person Jews in the sovereign state of Texas.”

freakishlywrong December 7, 2010 at 11:25 am

I'm fairly certain non-Christian Jews are probably not fucking madly in love with Texas Teabaggers either. Like the rest of us.

Buzz Feedback December 7, 2010 at 11:27 am

Some of my best friends are Jeebus lovin' Honkies.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 11:27 am

Like Republican blacks and Republican gays, the phenomenon of Republican Jews defies comprehension.

iburl December 7, 2010 at 11:37 am

Why cant a Jew be selfish, violent and rich?

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 11:41 am

Well, when you put it in those terms…

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 12:55 pm

Eric Cantor defies comprehension but not for being a Jew.

_MISS_T_ December 7, 2010 at 11:28 am

The Fundies have now given up even the pretence to loooove Jews. America is so batshit at this point they can now proudly boast their anti-semitism and admit the Jews are only good for bribing Jebus to kill all non Fundie Christians in a homicidal rage – with little to no consequences from the media or
voters. In fact the low hanging fruit that vote all the douchebags in in Texas are drooling over this shit.

FoxyO_Wiley December 7, 2010 at 11:33 am

I should be embarrassed – being a Texas native and still living here. But I'm not. GW cleansed me. All hail Original Sin!

The Repubes want to excommunicate you from our great (nation) of Texas. Go away amerikkka!

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 12:57 pm

I would encourage all those in Texas to work tirelessly for secession. I am 100% behind Texas seceding from the union and taking Mississippi, Alabama and South Carolina with them.

OkieDokieDog December 7, 2010 at 11:34 am

Every good Christian knows that the Joos killed our lord and savior, Jebus Fuckin' Christ.
NEVER FORGET!!!1!1!! USAUSA!!!11!

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Yeah the Romans had nothing to do with it. It was all the joos that's what that there Mel Gibson snuff movie said.

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Well it's not like the organization that decided who gets the blame has been run by the Romans and their descendants for thousands of years or anything.

samsuncle December 7, 2010 at 11:35 am

How do you like your fuckin republican party now Eric Cantor?

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 11:39 am

Some of my best friends are Christians, but…

Monsieur_Grumpe December 7, 2010 at 11:40 am

Some of my best friends are assholes.

comrad_darkness December 7, 2010 at 11:42 am

Thinking of Texas, Ken Lay was a stunning Christian who did a wonderful job. Believing the invisible creator of the universe guides your every move, not matter how greedy . . . nothing could possibly go wrong with that for your fellow humans.

V572625694 December 7, 2010 at 12:13 pm

Is that really true? I thought he learned all his evil ways at McKinzie & Co, the Devil's Workshop.

comrad_darkness December 7, 2010 at 1:57 pm

His father was a Baptist minister, in fact. All that holiness did trickle down upon him from his ancestors.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 12:27 pm

My favorite part of Fundy Xtianity is that you just have to SAY you are saved, you don't have to do any of that pesky stuff like loving your neighbor, feeding the hungry, clothing the nekkid, or giving comfort to prisoners.

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Fuck that, there is money to be made taking advantage of the poor suckers the lord put here for me to overcharge, price gouge, defraud etc.

SilverFox December 7, 2010 at 11:43 am

But guys, all the wise media types have settled this already. The Tea Party Movement is about fiscal and economic issues. None of those pesky social issues (re: bigotry). Oh wait.

MinAgain December 7, 2010 at 11:44 am

Texas. It's like a whole 'nother country. One where they still have the Inquisition.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 12:00 pm

HEY! WATCH IT!! 'Least we ain't fuckin killed no war hero dog…. yet.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 12:29 pm

No, but you all scrubbed some records to make a frat boy who skipped out on his last years of Air Guard service look like a True American Hero ™.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Yeah, but it is not like we released him onto the world to indiscriminately kill and maim thousands in the name of… Oh shit, sorry!

jim89048 December 7, 2010 at 4:52 pm

Ray Wylie Hubbard has a song that fits…

arihaya December 8, 2010 at 8:33 am

Nobody expect the Texas Inquisition !

chickensmack December 7, 2010 at 11:45 am

His best invisible friend. Fixed that for the Honorable representative.

comrad_darkness December 7, 2010 at 11:49 am

They’re the people that do the best jobs over all.

That should be "overall". Unless that is dog whistle for über alles. Oh, I see what you did there. . .

Can't be a grammar error. He's a Christian and he's a leader, so he's perfect. So, I'll go with the dog whistle then.

snoopyfan2010 December 7, 2010 at 8:37 pm

It's always hidden their messages somewhere.

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 11:50 am

I'd like to ask Mr. Cook this one question: if you could have dinner with any figure in history, living or dead, whom would it be?

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 11:51 am

And be careful: he doesn't get a second chance if his choice turns out to never have existed.

FNMA December 7, 2010 at 11:54 am

I'm guessing he'd say Mel Gibson.

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 11:55 am

The correct answer, of course, is now Don Meredith.

ttommyunger December 7, 2010 at 10:49 pm

Oh, I don't know…..would it be SATAN?

hockeymom December 7, 2010 at 11:51 am

Well, at least she's not Rappaport.

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 11:51 am

Where's your Messiah now?
Where's your Moses now?

north_of_moscow December 7, 2010 at 11:58 am

First they came for the Texas Republican Speaker of the House, and I did not speak up because, well, fuck that guy.

PublicLuxury December 7, 2010 at 11:59 am

Do you think that being a Christian is more about WHAT you DO rather than what you say.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 12:30 pm

That kind of thinking will get you driven out of Texas and the GOP.

Graham Cracker December 7, 2010 at 2:45 pm

and Christianity

weejee December 7, 2010 at 12:00 pm

Is he sayin' he don't have the Heb-ie Jeebusies.

spinozasgod December 7, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Bible belt…biggot belt, same thing.

ph7 December 7, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Texans are only willing to accept Jews that aren't too jewy looking. If he bulked up a little, Jesus could be starting quaterback for the Dallas Cowboys.

WhatTheHeck December 7, 2010 at 12:08 pm

I've said this before and I will say it again.
The day is coming when there will be the Ten Commandments displayed in all Republican controlled state houses. And the words “Mah guns an mah bible” inscribed in stone to make the morons happy.

LeAlbatross December 7, 2010 at 12:13 pm

And cue the obligatory "Not all Texans are like this!" in 3…2…

Look, Austin; you are an anomaly. One that could be wiped off the Earth and…Texas won't care. Not an iota. Move. Texas is, and I'm being kind here, a buttcheek state. There are pleasant buttcheeks, but this, this is an unwashed, denim-clad, trucknutz- lovin' tattooed-with-a-burning-cross buttcheek state. You would be better off sand papering your own genitalia in Guam than living one more miserable soul-crushing day in idiot-strewn Texas.

Billmatic December 7, 2010 at 1:28 pm

Actually that's not true, if Austin wasn't here the rest of the state would have nowhere to go and have fun.

And yeah, blanket statements are fail anyway. You can say that about the whole country, it's not a Texan particularity. We're just louder and ornerier.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:27 pm

They' go to Mexico!

V572625694 December 7, 2010 at 12:14 pm

The post has a fatal flaw right off the bat, when it says we gypped Mexico out of Texas. We won it fair and square in a war, because the Slave Power needed expansion territory.

mavenmaven December 7, 2010 at 12:14 pm

“How can they possibly think that if Jesus Christ is a Jew, and he’s my favorite person that’s ever been on this earth, and if Jesus wanted to be speaker of the house we might have bent the rules a little to let a Jew in, but since He ain't available, it'll have to be one of our White Christians as speaker"

outragedcitizen December 7, 2010 at 12:21 pm

This asshole has a swastika tattooed on his body somewhere. If you look close you can probably even see the tiny teardrops tattooed under his eye.

BTWBFDIMHO December 7, 2010 at 12:23 pm

From the Texas GOP platform 2010:
"Homosexuality – We believe that the practice of homosexuality tears at the fabric of society, contributes to the breakdown of the family unit, and leads to the spread of dangerous, communicable diseases. Homosexual behavior is contrary to the fundamental, unchanging truths that have been ordained by God, recognized by our country’s founders, and shared by the majority of Texans."
"We oppose the legalization of sodomy. We demand that Congress exercise its authority granted by the U.S. Constitution to withhold jurisdiction from the federal courts from cases involving sodomy."

genxr December 7, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Shorter version: "Leave the sodomy to us."

jim89048 December 7, 2010 at 4:57 pm

Are they for it, or agin' it?

Failure_Artist December 7, 2010 at 9:24 pm

There isn't any tearing if you do it right.

JustPixelz December 7, 2010 at 12:23 pm

The One Star State lives down to its motto yet again.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Do you know why Texas is the Lone Star State? That's all the higher most residents can count.

MiniMencken December 7, 2010 at 12:30 pm

I have a vision of a dark, damp basement interrogation room staffed by fundies and the guy in the uncomfy chair is either Bill Kristol, Joe Lieberman, Eric Cantor, Charles Krauthammer or Jonah Goldberg. "Well, of course," the interrogator says, "You people were certainly useful to the Party when we were in persuit of power. But, seriously, now, how can you expect to have a role in a Christian government?"

Terry December 7, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Here's awesome news that may balance out some of the bad news. The Southern Poverty Law Center, an organization that tracks hate groups, is announcing today that they will now begin to track anti-gay groups such as the Family Research Council.

How fabulous is that?

Of course, Morris Dees will be denounced immediately as a hippie liberal socialist.

wvfii December 7, 2010 at 12:41 pm

ok fine, but Cook had better go after the Mormons with the same fervor. Every born-again woth his pillar of salt know that Mormons are no more Christian than a Muslim is. Sorry Beck, Mittens.

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Wow are these fuckers in trouble;. Jesus was a liberal Jew, I think he is going to be pissed off once these people check into the afterlife.

finette_ December 7, 2010 at 12:51 pm

Here in Louisiana, some redneck posted in the local newspaper's forum before the election asking if anyone else wasn't just a bit worried that Republican Lt. Gov. candidate Jay Dardenne was Jewish. How could they vote for someone who's not "at least nominally a Christ-follower"?

I'm glad to say that almost everyone laughed at the guy, even in this very conservative and Baptist area. And Dardenne won easily, so…yay? (Not really, he's still a Republican.)

samsuncle December 7, 2010 at 1:36 pm

Happy to see I'm not the only one from LA that posts here. I voted for Fayard.

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 2:57 pm

An Hindoo & a Jew leading the executive in Lousiana?

Your state truly is one-of-a-kind.

finette_ December 7, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Well, Bobby's all about the totally 100% rational and plausible Catholicism now, doncha know. I have wondered if he truly believes his unconverted parents are going to burn in Hell.

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 3:37 pm

He's still brown.

But let's think happy thoughts, like Curried Brisket.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:29 pm

Well, I don't think anyone doesn't know that Louisiana is more enlightened than Texas. Has been for a long time.

steveduncan111 December 7, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Christ was a Jew. But Christians are best at organizing and running things. So, why did God put a fricking Jew in charge of starting a new religion? Obviously He should have tapped Jimmy Swaggert for the task. Or Ralph Reed.

FNMA December 7, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Tapping Jimmy Swaggert or Ralph Reed?
Someone beat you to it.

Rotundo_ December 7, 2010 at 8:06 pm

Organizing and running what? Potlucks and bake sales?

prommie December 7, 2010 at 1:02 pm

It was lovable old W Bush who was asked, as he boarded a plane to Israel on his only trip out of the US before he became president, "Do you have a message for the Israeli people," and he answered "I gonna tell them they're all going to hell." On account of their jewy jew jewness.

fuflans December 7, 2010 at 1:12 pm

well it's ok as long as the texas republicans haven't heard of hollywood.

hagajim December 7, 2010 at 1:15 pm

That's all I can take. I'm gonna spend the rest of the day looking at Texan Jew porn….or something.

Billmatic December 7, 2010 at 1:31 pm

The real problem with Joe Strauss is that he's too fair and nice. There's redistricting coming up, the Texas GOP needs to make sure East Austin and McAllen are served by the same US Rep even though the cities are nearly 10 hours apart by car.

thefrontpage December 7, 2010 at 1:56 pm

All of the crazy, psychotic teabagger idiots, morons and crazies who are connected to this in any way should resign from office, effective immediately–and that's not a joke.

Texas politicians are all suffering from some idiotic, moronic, delusional state which obviously renders them incredibly stupid. That's not a joke either.

This is the state that gave us George W. Bush and Rick Perry–two of the biggest idiots and morons out there. That's not a joke, either.

chascates December 7, 2010 at 1:58 pm

His boss is a Jewish carpenter zombie.

horselover_fat December 7, 2010 at 2:41 pm

White conservative Christians are some of my favorite people. I love them so much I would like them rounded up and placed in FEMA camps, for their own good, because they are my friends and friendship is best expressed through bigotry, entitlement, and abject paranoia.

Tundra Grifter December 7, 2010 at 2:55 pm

Is anyone else as tired as I am of "the Judeo-Christian tradition?" Probably not.

Bull O'Really? and Sheer "Am i An Idiot?" InSannity are the chied peddlers of this horse pucky.

Sometime in the 1950's, after a couple hundred years of being put down, some Jewish folks finally got the Christians' attention. They must have said "Hey – not only are we not Christians, it's OK we're not Christians."

This was an obvious problem.

So those God-loving "Christians" invented the "Judeo-Christian tradition," applied it back to the Mayflower Compact, and decided the Jews could celebrate Christmas just like everyone else.

Is this a wonderful country or what?

comrad_darkness December 7, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Since this solstice holiday involving gifts and wreaths and holly is a pagan celebration it's okay if anyone celebrates it. Unless the pagans want to chime in and complain, I suppose.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:31 pm

I'm sure they still celebrate it with drunken parties.

Chet Kincaid December 7, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Jews did Romo's collarbone!!!

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Thanks, Jews!
-Every football fan in America outside of Texas

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 3:38 pm

It was an inside job?

I knew that Igor Olshansky wasn't to be trusted.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:33 pm

I'm waiting for the quarrel over who's a "real" Xtn to begin. You know the Baptists and Pentecostals can't stand each other, and neither has much use for the Mormons or the Catholics.

mrblifil December 7, 2010 at 6:30 pm

Wait until they find out Jesus was Jewish. They'll plotz!

ttommyunger December 7, 2010 at 10:51 pm

In twenty years the brown people will own the Texas Statehouse and Governor's Mansion and personally, I want to be alive to see it.

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 1:54 am

One day, they'll gay marry couples on the Texas capitol steps, and plant a giant-assed Menorah on the Texas capitol lawn, and this-here negro will personally chip in to pay for that.

ttommyunger December 8, 2010 at 11:37 am

In the meantime, save your money up. It will be a while before all that takes place in the Sovereign State of Dumfuckistan.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 11:32 am

Be grateful that it doesn't last all year.

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 11:33 am

He won't say peep. Unless it's to assert the words in the Bagger's mouth were planted by LIEbruls, just like the bullets that plugged Cantor's non-office office.

samsuncle December 7, 2010 at 11:38 am

One, great minds think alike.

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