THINGS THAT HAPPEN TO HUMANS  10:20 am December 7, 2010

Elizabeth Edwards Is Dying, Hates the Baby (Baby Jesus)

by Jack Stuef

Yep.Hey you guys, Elizabeth Edwards, that lady whose husband cheated on her, is now dying. Do you remember when John Edwards announced she was dying of cancer at the beginning of his 2008 campaign, but he was staying in the race so you would vote for him out of pity? Yeah, that campaign promise was broken, because Elizabeth Edwards has lived for a while after that. She lived because she had unfinished business on this planet: She had to write a book about her husband’s bone-time and go around selling it to strangers. “Here is my anguish. There is a lot of sex stuff in it,” she told us, not long for this world, and everything ruined by her dumb husband. And now soon she is going away from us forever, according to a public statement she left in the hands of her dearest friend, The Facebook. But wait! There is no mention of Jesus in that statement! She hates that baby, and she and her cancer have teamed up to ruin His birfday, according to some guy!

Some terrible person noticed Edwards said nothing about God in her statement and decided to DIG UP THE FACTS, like the following quote, about this private citizen currently about to die of cancer:

I have, I think, somewhat of an odd version of God. I do not have an intervening God. I don’t think I can pray to him — or her — to cure me of cancer.

What?! You are not allowed to say that. YES, most people support medical research, because most people secretly think they can’t depend on God to cure all their ailments, given the millenia-long track record. But you cannot just say that in public, where there may be CHILDREN.

Clearly Elizabeth Edwards wants to put her faith in something, be it hope or strength or anything. But not God. I wonder if it’s just bitterness, that’s she’s been forsaken by more than just her estranged husband — that’s she’s been forsaken by Him.

Stupid cancer lady. Grow a pair!

Being anti-religion is cool, so Edwards’ non-theological theology gets props from the neo-communists.

Hopefully someone will be able to run screaming into her hospital room right before she expires to let her know she is a communist. [NYT/American Power via Newell-bird]

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BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 10:22 am

Nothing fails like prayer.

Badonkadonkette December 7, 2010 at 10:22 am

I wonder if it’s just bitterness, that’s she’s been forsaken by more than just her estranged husband — that’s she’s been forsaken by Him.

If there was a statement that could make it OK to wish the person who made it gets cancer, this would be it.

MarshallBanana December 7, 2010 at 10:35 am

Yeah, but if HE got cancer, it wouldn't be God's fault or his own fault, it would be all Satan's doing. Faithful: Good things happen = God, bad things happen = Satan. Unfaithful: Good things happen = God trying to win you back, bad things happen = God punishing you. It's quite simple.

Not_So_Much December 7, 2010 at 11:20 am

I've wished ass cancer on people before, even shitty people like Cheney. But then I got all liberal mushy and felt bad.

But this one, yeah, I'm cool with it.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 11:42 am

The latent Christian in me just wants to choke a bitch.

V572625694 December 7, 2010 at 10:25 am

I'm ashamed to think I live in a time when a putatively thoughtful article could bear this title:

"Elizabeth Edwards' Parting Statement Omits Mention of Faith in God"

In other words, she was asking for it!

Chet Kincaid December 7, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Don't make yourself crazy. 90% of the "putatively thoughtful" articles on the Internet wouldn't ever have been published 20 years ago. So you're just reading a legitimate publisher's slush pile. The old ways are best!

This is a good thing to keep in mind when immersed in the shit Wonkette dredges up for yucks to the point of wanting to blow your brains out.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 10:26 am

"But you cannot just say that in public, where there may be CHILDREN."

Or Chuck Norris.

I hope Elizabeth has a peaceful and pain-free road in front of her.

V572625694 December 7, 2010 at 10:33 am

That's the good news in hospice care (where she is): sweet, sweet Morpheus…I mean morphine.

God knows she's suffered enough.

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 11:26 am

No, Morpheus is still right.

When Morgan Freeman finally shuffles off, I can only imagine Laurence Fishburne will become the voice of God.

OneDollarJuana December 7, 2010 at 11:05 am

Chuck Norris has the sensibilities of a child. Don't like it? Kick it!

OC_Surf_Serf December 7, 2010 at 10:26 am

She could just have the cancer cut out and put in a jar by Barbara Bush's maid…that'll fuck up that little bastard child.

Too soon?

OneDollarJuana December 7, 2010 at 11:07 am

Maybe a little, but people who choose to live their messed-up lives in public have to expect that some of the public will find a bit of humor in their tragedy. ]

Still funny, though.

OC_Surf_Serf December 7, 2010 at 11:30 am

In the last 9 years, I lost two sisters and my mum to uncontrolled cell growth. You gotta laugh or you end up willingly reading the Daily Beast

Jukesgrrl December 7, 2010 at 3:49 pm

I admire your spunk and am showering you with p in my mind.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 11:46 am

"That's not funny; that's sick" was not, after all, a protest, but rather a marketing slogan.

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 10:26 am

The article in question has this quote "Imagine there's no heaven; it's easy if you try". Sure, and look what happened to John Lennon this time tomorrow.

Oh, and World Net Daily is offering Glenn Beck's new book for just $4.95. That's right, you order the book and they send you a check for $4.95.

SayItWithWookies December 7, 2010 at 11:53 am

Hmmm…maybe if they pay shipping and handling. Maybe.

Buzz Feedback December 7, 2010 at 10:27 am

God is too busy ignoring Steve Johnson and the Bills, he doesn't have time to ignore Mrs. Edwards.

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 10:29 am

I saw my first Bills game in 1962. I guarantee God makes sure that this team will always murder the spirit of anyone who gives a sweet shit about Western NY.

Crank_Tango December 7, 2010 at 10:36 am

I grew up within earshot of Rich, and those 4 Super Bowls turned me off to football forever.
That, and moving to where they rarely show Bills games…That, and pussy…That, and drugs…

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 10:48 am

Me too. All of it.

horsedreamer_1 December 7, 2010 at 11:27 am

You're Vincent Gallo?

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 10:47 am

And here I thought only the Bills' top running back ever was a murderer, not the whole team.

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 10:51 am

I started following in 1964 and they are a soul sucking orgainzation that has left me sad many a day. Which is why drinking heavily has become part of my game day ritual to ease the pain.

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 10:32 am

I think God was busy last night too, poking Rex Ryan with a sharp stick.

magic_titty December 7, 2010 at 11:02 am

And then Tom Brady did the same thing to Gisele.

Jukesgrrl December 7, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Do you think even his dick is skinny now? Eww.

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2010 at 10:34 am

Jeebus hates Scott Norwood.

Weenus299 December 7, 2010 at 11:26 am

You and eight other things beat me to it. "Had she not dropped the fuckin' pass, she'd be all 'Yay God.'"

Pietro_F December 7, 2010 at 10:30 am

Wow, making fun of someone for dying from cancer does not make you even the least bit funny. Yes, I get this blog is a haven of sarcasm, but don't feel obligated to make a joke out of everything.

SorosBot December 8, 2010 at 10:54 am

This is a little late, but no one was making fun of her; the post was making fun of the asshole who whined that she didn't mention any god shit in her statement, and some of the comments have also mocked her scumbag ex-husband.

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 10:30 am

Man, this is taking the Christian persecution complex to a new level. At least there's some people telling the creep off in the comments.

PublicLuxury December 7, 2010 at 10:31 am

I stopped praying a long time ago. God does not seem to be too interested in my life or my problems. Evangelicals have perpetrated a huge fraud on the unsuspecting masses. The bastards on Wall Street giggle and guffaw while the masses are on their knees praying to be able to make ends meet, feed the kids or not get evicted from their apartment.

Of course, Elizabeth left God out of her statement. She's lost a son. She's lost her health. Her husband humiliated her and continues to do so. Of the big three, Love, Health and Family, that Elizabeth had she was screwed out of all of them in some way.

The world belongs to those who lie, cheat and steal. Just ask Julian Assange.

If there is a God, it is not compassionate. The best argument that God doesn't exist is that republitards believe in one wholeheartedly and with a passion that borders on hysteria

Weenus299 December 7, 2010 at 11:33 am

It's OK. Prayer isn't the same as being on Santa's Lap, which is why I think all fundies who want shit out of life are fucking crazy for asking for it. I pray, to a God whom I cannot possibly understand, because I'm not capable of comprehending this Holy Thing who/that created the whole God-Damned universe. Which is pretty big, and humans who think they know God and what his/her/its/thing's aims are in our fucking little pathetic lives are fucking stupid.

But God gave us all a noodle to think for ourselves.

So I believe in that. I pray, but I'm not going to be a dick and tell you about what. I'll be God-Damned if I know myself.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 11:54 am

When the Catholics in my family (somewhat condescendingly) say "I'll say a prayer for you," I always say brightly back "Well, that certainly couldn't hurt."

Not all of them get the joke.

MissTaken December 7, 2010 at 11:37 am

God's a dick

lumpenprole December 7, 2010 at 7:01 pm

I was gonna say that I'm still open to the idea that there's a god – a hateful bastard.

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:44 pm

Last time I did anything religious, it was kowtow and burn incense at a Dragon god shrine. It was paying my respects, not asking for anything. I might take up the Buddhist meditation were I not so lazy.

Rotundo_ December 7, 2010 at 7:08 pm

I hear you. If God were actively involved or existed there would be enough lightning bolts sent up hypocritical "believers" asses to make a hurricane look like a light mist. Oddly enough it seems the evangelicals, the "true believers" (at least in their own eyes) are the biggest turn-off to religion. If all I had was the book and the hymns and some human decency from these people I might still feel some sort of connection. Unfortunately (?) I don't.

Dashboard_Jesus December 7, 2010 at 11:18 pm

wow PubLux, may be the best (no snark) comment I ever read on the Wonkette, mega p-ness to you (and God sucks, told him that right to His face I did!)

ManchuCandidate December 7, 2010 at 10:33 am

Good for her. Go with what you know.

Fuck the fake pious and their insecure protestations.*

*yeah, I'm an atheist. I'm not from the "in your face" variety (I think) but I respect Christians and other religions who live by the moral code their books lay down unlike many of the asshole fundie cults (see US America, AQ, etc.)

SayItWithWookies December 7, 2010 at 12:03 pm

HL Mencken said he respects a man's religion in the same way that he respects a man's idea that his son is smart and his daughter is beautiful. I'm a DADT atheist at work, just because there are too many idiots here who think it's out of ignorance ("No, even though I've lived in the United Jesus Fucking States of Jesus America, I've never heard of this savior fellow") or some sort of cry for help, or else they hypothesize the same ignorant idea that the author of that screed did — that I'm bitter because God let me down in some way. No — I'm an atheist because rational thought and the existential experience has led me to conclude that there is no higher power/order and there's no evidence to the contrary, period. Of course, as a scientific rationalist I'm always willing to examine objective evidence, but the faithful have no idea what that is.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 10:34 am

I hope she soon has a chance to talk TO him – and asks him to smite all the idiot fucksticks who use religion to justify being a cocksucker on a daily basis. They think you can say anything about anyone, if you say it in Jesus' name – well, FUCK ALL OF THEM, in the name of the Cheeto Jesus!!

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 11:59 am

It would be kinda nice if someone bothering to make the trip all the way up there would remind this supposedly Vengeful God to get off his fluffy white ass now and again and wreak some vengeance on the truly deserving.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 12:06 pm

Ain't gonna happen – they wrote THAT God out in the new testament. Remember, blood of Christ, blah, blah, blah… (killed his son so he wouldn't have to work anymore).

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:46 pm

I suspect he lets us punish ourselve by just being ourselves. It's punishment enough for most of us.

Dashboard_Jesus December 7, 2010 at 11:20 pm

Cheeto Jeebus is ORANGE which obviously means he's a HUGE dick

Monsieur_Grumpe December 7, 2010 at 10:34 am

I’d be willing to sacrifice John Edwards to some God if that will help Elizabeth. Oh heck, I’d be willing even if it wouldn’t make any difference. This just sucks.

Jukesgrrl December 7, 2010 at 3:56 pm

At this point, Edwards might be willing to sacrifice himself. I don't think he's enjoying life too much these days.

Texan_Bulldog December 7, 2010 at 10:35 am

Sorry, Elizabeth. God is too busy making sure all the right teams get in the BCS games & he's warming up for all the Hollywood awards ceremonies. You're on the bottom of his list right now.

But it's good to know that if you pray to God, He will cure you of your cancer. Too bad my mom & hundreds of thousands of other people didn't know that juicy tidbit.

Badonkadonkette December 7, 2010 at 10:43 am

It may sound trite, but: I am sorry for your loss, TB. You are not alone.

Texan_Bulldog December 7, 2010 at 10:45 am

Thank you, B. Lost her in Dec. 1998 & it still sucks.

BarryOPotter December 7, 2010 at 11:06 am

After the DNR hit the chart, we checked out of the hospital, went home and a week later, the deed was done. Still sucks.

Dashboard_Jesus December 7, 2010 at 11:30 pm

I feel your pain Tex, in the last 10 years lost Dad, baby sister, oldest sister and 25 y.o. niece to the big C (AND two of my bestest friends to breast cancer!) and it ain't about heredity or any of that bullshit…as a medical professional who has done a great deal of personal research I can tell the alarming cancer rates in this country are directly related to the toxic soup we are forced to breathe/ eat/ drink every day so that soul-less corporations can make MORE $$$$ and then leave folks to die w/out health insurance on top of it (sorry for the rant but I DO feel this pain every fucking day!) peace, out

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 10:46 am

I think you need to read it again – she is saying what you are saying (minus the BCS stuff – clearly, there is no God or TCU would be playing for the Championship!):

"I have, I think, somewhat of an odd version of God. I do not have an intervening God. I don’t think I can pray to him — or her — to cure me of cancer."

Texan_Bulldog December 7, 2010 at 10:57 am

Yes, I agree (but not about TCU…please!).

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 11:10 am

If God had his choice, it would be someone like TCU vs. Notre Dame, etc… – but not BYU, cause he hates Mitt Romney.

AutomaticPilot December 7, 2010 at 8:01 pm

According to an old episode of South Park, Mormon is the correct religion.

DaSandman December 7, 2010 at 10:37 am

What an awful nasty down in the dirt piece of prehistoric fuck slime that writer must be.

Jeebus, at my suggestion as we chat all the fucking time, had decided to give this Donald Douglas asshat a long and holy stomping of his teeny tiny nutsack.

His Will Be Done.

elviouslyqueer December 7, 2010 at 10:38 am

Thus scribeth Donald Douglas:She is the author of two books: Saving Graces: Finding Solace and Strength from Friends and Strangers, and Resilience: Reflections on the Burdens and Gifts of Facing Life's Adversities. Having not read them, I can't say what it is — spiritual or otherwise — that animates her sense of grace, but it's not God.

No, Mr. Douglas, "having not read them" means that your sentence should end at "I can't say what it is," whereupon you should immediately STFU.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 10:51 am

Having not read Glenn Beck's, Rush Limbaugh's, GWB's, Bill O'Reilly's or Sean Hannity's books – I still feel that I'm pretty close to correct when I say that they are all fucktards who tell lies to a bunch of idiots to get them to give them millions of dollars.

slappypaddy December 7, 2010 at 10:40 am

dying don't make anyone special any more than being born does. it's what you do in between those two accidents that counts. providing you get a chance to do anything and are not still a toddler or an infant or even a neonate when you get blown away by an airstrike or a hurricane or crispy-crittered in a slum fire or some such cruel shit that should disabuse anyone of believing there's some spirit in the sky that gives a rat's ass the way you or i might give a rat's ass.

oh yeah. oh yeah. there's a bearded old guy in some sky somewhere and you can pray to him and he will hear your prayers and give you what you want. unless he forsakes you. he does that, you know. refer above to the various ways young humans can die. humans of all ages can go out like that. forsaken all. screaming monkeys maddened by their foreknowledge of death and tormented by illusions of justice being attainable.

god has nothing to say to us that can comfort us the way we once wanted to be comforted. god has nothing to say except be here now because you are here now. it would be nice if we would have the sense to be decent and caring while we're here, but if we ever had that, we've lost it in a thicket of fears so intense they have driven us insane. we've had a nice run, but we're a mistake. when we're gone, the universe will not mourn our passing.

often i am just not very funny at all. sorry about that. the answers to our existential dilemmas are so obvious and so easy, but we're trapped on the other side of the glass wall separating them from us. all we can do is crowd against the glass wall, beating and tearing each other in the frenzy we've been driven to by being able to see through the wall but not get through the wall.

sounds like elizabeth edwards has a mature and measured conception of god. would there were more like hers.

StillGoinGreen December 7, 2010 at 11:01 am

When I was young, my grifter/preacher Grandfather would preach from the pulpit about being pure at heart to make it to heaven – then he would bang the church ladies and use the offerings to get drunk Monday through Saturday. I knew of this because I would hear my Mother talking to my Grandmother about it. I thought my Grandfather would be IN TROUBLE when he met his maker. Now, I realize that he figured out the password to it all: If there is a God, all you have to do is repent and everything will be OK – if not, FUCK IT!

Weenus299 December 7, 2010 at 11:49 am

Fuck! You're no less funny than I am. Not. Are. Is. Was. Were.

I've been inclined since birth to understand that probably those closest to God are the ones most in doubt of God.

God being totally fucking unknowable, totally un-understandable, a concept so fucking mysterious as to be nearly as incomprehensible as a Raymond Chandler plot.

This shit about God, the Baptist faith and other faiths do. They make God a man, this Holy Thing That Created this huge little universe, he's a man. He's just like us, we little smudges of DNA on one teeny planet floating outward from an unknown source among billions and billions of planets and stars (Sorry the Carl Sagan crap). It's fucking ridiculous. We vain people can make this God thing into our image.

I don't know what the fuck is out there, man. I'm as hateful at a lot of people's actions toward one another as the next guy. Or woman, or thing, dog, penis. Dogpenis.

Dashboard_Jesus December 7, 2010 at 11:44 pm

well said slappy, and the 'screaming monkeys' thing is not far from the truth…this kinda sums it up for me…'What We Are'

Weenus299 December 7, 2010 at 11:50 am

But for all or our idiocies, One thing we can do but don't do enough of, is comfort one another. I can't know God or anything, And the Jesus-of-the-Bible tells us all the same. "Verily I say unto you: You have no fucking clue who my father is. And he's your father too. So stop arguing about what the fuck God is and treat each other right, fair. Comfort one another, beause when you fuckers die, that's all she wrote."

Jukesgrrl December 7, 2010 at 4:01 pm

OK, here's what I want for Christmas: Everyone in both Houses of Congress, and all the people they take money from, to get that message.

Ain't gonna happen? Then fuck Santa Claus, too.

Mindblank December 7, 2010 at 2:57 pm

There's nothing that says we have to be funny all the time. (It's so hard to get free, brilliant humor, these days.) Not even Ken does that.

As to your rant, this is the Problem of Evil that goes round and round among philosophers.

Dashboard_Jesus December 7, 2010 at 11:45 pm

well said slappy, and the 'screaming monkeys' thing is not far from the truth…this kinda sums it up for me…'What We Are'

slappypaddy December 8, 2010 at 8:45 am

thanks. he hit the nail on the head (though that first band of monkeys were beatles).

weejee December 7, 2010 at 10:41 am

I can't be too snarky about this. Peace & hugs Elizabeth.

but i can add a hint of what i wuz thinkin'
Modern medicine is the result of science. There should be a couple of questions added to the hospital admit forms. 1) Do you believe in creationism or evolution? 2) Is global warming a scam by scientists? Those who answer incorrectly are given a hug and told their best chance for recovery is to go home and pray.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 12:09 pm

Sounds like you're interested in giving this evolution theory a helping hand.

weejee December 7, 2010 at 12:14 pm

Thinning the herd is not always a bad thing.

Jukesgrrl December 7, 2010 at 4:04 pm

"The tree of common sense must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of Chrisitanistas and teatards."

Barbara_i December 7, 2010 at 10:42 am

I want to take her children and hold them and make sure that they get through this pain.

Dashboard_Jesus December 8, 2010 at 12:00 am

thanks for that, rest in peace Elizabeth, you are a strong beautiful woman who had the courage to speak out for health care for ALL even as your own health was declining…I have much admiration for this woman ~ "The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered," she wrote. "We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."

BaldarTFlagass December 7, 2010 at 10:46 am

I'd hit that.

Too soon?

tcaalaw December 8, 2010 at 9:00 am

Depends on how you feel about rigor mortis.

Plowmon December 7, 2010 at 10:47 am

Hard to be snarky about this…

metamarcisf December 7, 2010 at 10:50 am

Do us a favor, Elizabeth. When you make it to that great pissfest in the sky, kick Reagan in the nuts for us.

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 10:59 am

But if there was a Christian afterlife, there's no way Reagan would be anywhere other than Hell.

HistoriCat December 7, 2010 at 11:15 am

I'm beginning to think that if there is a God, he/she is a lot like Oprah, "you're going to Heaven and you're going to Heaven and YOU are going to Heaven too!" Really, I can't imagine any deity who cares enough to have a good place/bad place set up but who does not care enough to be interested in what happens before then.

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 11:20 am

Yeah, the whole hell concept pretty much proves that the Christian god can in no way, shape or form be considered good, especially since according to most Christians simply not being a Christian is a one-way ticket to eternal punishment; Gandhi should be in hell according to these guys.

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 1:35 am

I've always said that if god is god and it is good, there is not one chance he'd ever allow himself to lose any part of his creation forever, anywhere, and most certainly not in a place as depraved as hell. He simply wouldn't allow it. If there is a god, there is nothing that you could ever do or say that would force this all-powerful/all-knowing being to part with you.

MoeDeLawn December 7, 2010 at 10:50 am

More than half the people who ever heard of her heard of her for the wrong reason. Fame and celebrity are the scourges of our time.

SheriffRoscoe December 7, 2010 at 10:50 am

Being realistic, and coming to terms with the inevitable are somehow thought to be disrespectful to God. That's interesting. I didn't know the benevolent almighty One wanted us to spend our final weeks anguishing over whether or not He'll come through and do his abracadabra. Peace and serenity are overrated anyway.

EatsBabyDingos December 7, 2010 at 10:52 am

I'm reminded of Jim Boutoun's basebll classic, Ball Four, where Boutoun's Manager had two replies to any and all shocking developments: "Shit Fuck" and "Fuck Shit."

Ah, Elizabeth, shit fuck the cancer and fuck shit the rest.

Beowoof December 7, 2010 at 10:53 am

Would it be too much to wish this guy a painful cancer of the asshole?

SorosBot December 7, 2010 at 10:58 am

Better yet, cancer of both balls; so that the only possible treatment is cutting them both off.

HistoriCat December 7, 2010 at 11:16 am

Breast cancer (yes, I know men can get it but I doubt this asshole would be able to deal with it).

widestanceroman December 7, 2010 at 11:22 am

Incurable hair cancer or GTFO.

Sparky_McGruff December 7, 2010 at 10:55 am

I sent an email to my wife to tell her that I paid the electric bill, and I didn't even mention Jesus. I'm waiting for the firestorm to start any minute now.

hagajim December 7, 2010 at 10:56 am

Even in dying the fucktards have to blow hard….damn there is no break from these jackholes is there.

harry_palmer December 7, 2010 at 10:58 am

She wasn't even saying there's no baby jeebus, just that he doesn't suddenly take an active part in stopping your dying just because you prayed to him and asked him to do it. What this cretin really regrets is that burning heretics is no longer "cool" to the neo-communists.

freakishlywrong December 7, 2010 at 10:59 am

I can't help but think how appalled Jebus and God would be if they had to confront the modern religious right wing. If Jebus and God existed.

magic_titty December 7, 2010 at 10:59 am

Considering every person who prayed to 'God' was immediately cured of cancer, the American Power Blogspot makes a salient point.

SheriffRoscoe December 7, 2010 at 11:05 am

God loves it when we get on our knees and beg and plead for our lives. That's what love is all about.

Mindblank December 7, 2010 at 11:07 am

Or just pleading for our favorite football team to win.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Yeah, well, the football thing, God's got something in the neighborhood of 50/50 that your team's gonna win anyway.

But curing cancer? That's a mighty tough nut. What's a God to do?

Sparky_McGruff December 7, 2010 at 12:37 pm

50/50? Not if you're a Redskins fan.

MarionNYNY December 7, 2010 at 11:06 am

This is bad, and I don't want to let anyone off the hook, but when it's the big C, many people with other irrational belief systems also become complete tools. If you read, Ken Wilbur's Grace and Grit, there's all sorts of moments when creeps with vague "new age" beliefs would ask his dying wife what she'd done to cause her own cancer and other equally inane and offensive crap. The religious right does not have a monopoly on this b.s.

SudsMcKenzie December 7, 2010 at 11:10 am

Shes the dieing ex wife of a son of a mill worker.

chickensmack December 7, 2010 at 12:23 pm

Dying ex-wife of a son of a bitch.

widestanceroman December 7, 2010 at 11:11 am

I wish for John to develop a conscience so he can hurt as bad as he should be hurting right now. Which is bad–really, really, bad.

That said, if John could not find decency while going down on whatshername, knowing what Elizabeth faced and could not run from, he never will and I'm fine with whatever hell he has made for his soul. As long as it hurts every day of his life.

Barbara_i December 7, 2010 at 12:28 pm

Her name is Rielle. I like to call her "butter face" She's somewhat attractive, butter face.

binarian December 7, 2010 at 12:33 pm

…..and will probably dump him as soon as she realizes how deeply two faced he is….

widestanceroman December 7, 2010 at 1:12 pm

If she hasn't realized that by now, she's either brain-dead or doubly deeply two-faced and I suspect the latter.

widestanceroman December 7, 2010 at 1:14 pm

HA! Not even the old 'cute in the face' sideways compliment!

zhubajie December 7, 2010 at 5:54 pm

John thinks with the smaller head, like half the human race.

SheriffRoscoe December 7, 2010 at 11:12 am

It's such a perfect example of irony here, where the so-called spiritual people, who'd insist their beliefs include an afterlife, or "better place" beyond this existence, would view shedding the physical body and going to that better place as something to be feared and postponed as long as possible. Jesus, I don't get them.

philpjfry December 7, 2010 at 4:51 pm

This is from a movie I think……"Everybody wants to go to heaven but nobody wants to die."

AutomaticPilot December 7, 2010 at 10:07 pm

Wait… I thought the perfect example of irony was ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

Allmighty_Manos December 7, 2010 at 11:14 am

You I'm beginning to think we should stop paying attention to these people — it just encourages them.

Oblios_Cap December 7, 2010 at 11:15 am

Who is this Jesus character that asshat keeps harping about?

DashboardBuddha December 7, 2010 at 11:19 am

I have, I think, somewhat of an odd version of God. I do not have an intervening God. I don’t think I can pray to him — or her — to cure me of cancer.

It's refreshing to see a bit of honesty when it comes to God and the Big C. This is the only right path. I don't want to seem like an ass and apologies to anyone who had to deal with cancer on any level. Many thumbs-up for Elizabeth…she has more class than her dickweek husband.

chickensmack December 7, 2010 at 11:57 am

Cancer happens. We live, we die. And it's unfortunate that she's been put in this spotlight in her waning weeks, but if it's reflection, repudiation and respect she wants…

MinAgain December 7, 2010 at 11:50 am

There isn't nearly enough divine smiting going on in the world, or that guy would be a smoking grease stain.

chickensmack December 7, 2010 at 11:55 am

This woman deserves the biggest, tightest, humanist hug of all.

Dashboard_Jesus December 8, 2010 at 12:07 am

hug somebody you love TODAY, hell hug somebody you DON'T like, thay can use it too…how 'bout a round for the house! :)

southernmuses December 7, 2010 at 11:59 am

Holy Cow
If only my mother-
and my aunt-
and my father-in-law–
and my close friend
had just dang prayed, more, or harder, or correctly they'd still be here.

Rat Bastard

And anyway–isn't this guy one of those people who like to tell us God has a plan when everything starts going to shit? He needs to make up his mind-like he 's got one of those.

chickensmack December 7, 2010 at 12:06 pm

I think Elizabeth has been hepped to this woman's ideas:


GalaxyPatrol December 7, 2010 at 12:30 pm

One of my bestest pals died last Dec 11th from cancer. He didn't have time to believe in god because he was busy making thousands of prayers (phone calls) to the true life and death givers, the insurance company.
In their infinite wisdom they chose death for him. Cost effectiveness, Blessed be they name.

binarian December 7, 2010 at 12:31 pm

So, some Neo-Christian know-it-all felt the need to take this poor woman to task for NOT believing as he does? Burn in hell, ass clown.

fuflans December 7, 2010 at 12:36 pm


iburl December 7, 2010 at 12:44 pm

In other words, liberals.

repsac3 December 7, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Anyone who doesn't think and believe just as he does.

iburl December 7, 2010 at 12:43 pm

You see what athiests get? Cancer. Now stop evaluating reality with your minds and submit to faith. Signed, Jesus.

Asa_Hawks December 7, 2010 at 1:15 pm

Yeah, I'm sure this lady dying of cancer REALLY GIVES A SHIT about seeming cool to anyone, let alone "neo-communists", whatever the fuck they are.

donner_froh December 7, 2010 at 1:31 pm

The only reason that I wish for a moment that there is a god is knowing that the the American Power guy would spend eternity either in a fiery lake of ever-burning sulphur unconsumed (Milton) or trapped in a frozen lake of blood and guilt (Dante).

Or something.

Just so he dies in pain and looks back on his worthless life with bottomless loathing and shame.

Serfville December 7, 2010 at 2:01 pm

Elizabeth Edwards has a genius level IQ. She thinks mundane questions through very carefully & thouroughly & gives the most thought provoking interesting answers. (Certainly more intelligent than her dickwad ex). Sorry no 2 word tea ass sophmoric soundbites here with this woman, that pander to the lowest denominator of bottom feeders( AKA Palin's "Base" yes the base of the human brain: AKA the reptilian brain). Elizabeth = Class, Class & More Class in the face of unspeakable tragedy & public betrayl.

Barrelhse December 7, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Jesus christ on fucking toast. I went to that fetid website and now I feel dirty and ashamed. I was going to post a comment, but couldn't manage anything coherent because of my anger and revulsion. I hope all those smug, hateful douchebags get to enjoy cancer, as I have. If there were a God those assholes would all be dead or suffering, so there's your proof of the non-existence of any supreme being.

anteater December 7, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Big Cancer.
Douchenozzles who worry about someone NOT conforming to their fucking Bronze Age tribal beliefs.
Weird world we live in.

horselover_fat December 7, 2010 at 2:48 pm

In all sincerity, the former Mrs. Edwards' thoughtful response makes me think quite highly of her. The acrimony by XXXTREME XTIANS towards people who dare grapple with matters of faith and human existence in the public sphere is the reason they will become utterly irrelevant in a couple decades, and thank the sly, subtle, self-effacing God of Elizabeth Edwards for that!

jim89048 December 7, 2010 at 5:05 pm

According to Tweety, Elizabeth Edwards up and died a few minutes ago…

Barbara_i December 7, 2010 at 5:08 pm

I just saw that. My heart breaks for their kids.

MissTaken December 7, 2010 at 5:18 pm

RIP Elizabeth

slappypaddy December 7, 2010 at 6:04 pm

rest in peace, ms. edwards.

Sue4466 December 7, 2010 at 5:14 pm

This is one of those times where you wish there was an intervening god so Elizabeth Edwards could ask her to smack the shit out of this heartless bastard with a well aimed lightning bolt.

Rest in peace Elizabeth Edwards.

sezme December 7, 2010 at 5:28 pm

RIP Liz.

chickensmack December 7, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Welcome to the other side, Liz.

lhettinger December 7, 2010 at 5:52 pm

Wow – even by wonkette standards this post is in remarkably bad taste.

Terry December 7, 2010 at 6:08 pm

Bless her, I hope she finds peace. I also hope that the children end up in a good, stable home.

AutomaticPilot December 7, 2010 at 8:05 pm

I must say, it's nice to see other agnostics/atheists here on teh Wonkett. It's nice to go to a place where nobody is offended if you use the Lord's name in vain.

Thedongsofwar December 7, 2010 at 10:04 pm

Way to go Jack, you snarked her to death. I'm no oncologist but I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

ttommyunger December 7, 2010 at 10:43 pm

One can certainly be excused for succumbing to Cancer. One can even be excused for questioning his or her faith during that particular extremis. It is, however, inexcusable to in any way profit or capitalize on another's suffering for the sake of filling column inches. What an asshole!

Negropolis December 8, 2010 at 1:44 am

Fuck cancer. Fuck it with a rusty spoon. I am so hopeful that even if this nation is on the way down that we will kill cancer (and AIDS) in my lifetime. I'm cynical about a lot of things; I will never be cynical about a cure.

Everything feels so bad, right now. I am thankful that Elizabeth died knowing she enacted meaningful change, and that knowing can only be surprised by our knowing that she positively affected the lives of more people than she could ever know.

I tell you this, what is better about dying than dying knowing that you were loved, that you mattered to someone, that you are part of humanity, and that humanity is built on the foundations of those passed? EVERYONE matters and the awesome thing is that everyone matters more than they'll ever know. It's the ironic beauty of individual consciousness.

Lascauxcaveman December 7, 2010 at 1:10 pm

God (being God) has to take the long view on this. The Redskins have had many good seasons, just as they have bad ones. Over billions of years, it averages out.

God has time, and his bookie is patient.

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