‘Palinman’ Back Stalking Sarah Palin On Her Book Tour

  living legends


Hey, it’s everyone’s favorite superhero, “The Palinman!” It’s that time again, when Sarah Palin fans have saved up enough Social Security to make their annual pilgrimage to sit outside a bookstore for days for the right to buy a book from that woman who is just like them except she’s on the teevee. Palinman, however, has the strength of ten pathetic Sarah Palin fans, so he is going to multiple signings to be with his brethren.

So here is Palinman at a Costco or whatever, with some very excited children:

And here are some other fans at the Costco, who have trouble explaining why they like Sarah Palin:

 
Related video

And here’s another video of Palin fans:

Fake! [YouTube]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Hola wonkerados.

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150 comments

  1. Oblios_Cap

    $arah:

    "G__d D___n your black heart, you ought to have it torn out of you, you u____ s_____ of a b_____. You and McCain has no sense. You k_____ his a____ and he is a d_____d fool for letting you do it."

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Ha! Some brave Congressperson should rise in that august body and amplify The People's Voices by inserting a compendium of Wonkette comments about Snowbilly into the Congressional Record. The collected creativity, ingenuity and inventive use of invective would also make great filibuster material.

      1. LocalGirlMakesGoo

        It may be due to all of the vodka I've had this morning, but reading the words "rise in that august body" gave me a serious girl boner.

    2. SophistFCD

      Oooh, I love madlibs!

      Grizzled Datsun your black heart, you ought to have it torn out of you, you unshriven spaniard of a brisket. You and McCain has no sense. You kibbutz his asbestos and he is a delineated fool for letting you do it

      Fun times.

    1. Kidneys4Sale

      Rarely am I so happy that the IT department does such a fine job blocking video content.

      It strikes me, though, that every time I experience this particular relief, it's because I've been saved from the mental/anal depredations of the Wonkette staff.

    2. WarAndGee

      Me neither.

      The last time I did that a cow orker (Yes I said cow orker) said she didn't know I was a Palin fan too.

      I chuckled and said, "I'm not."

      "Then why are you watching it?" she replied suspiciously.

      "Because Sarah Palin's fraudulent bumper sticker slogan approach to complex issues , coupled with her mismatched ego compared to her trashy underachieving past, wrapped in the vapid pop culture stupidity that seems to be appealing to your ilk fucking blows my mind. That why!" was what I thought.

      But Instead I replied with, "Do you like unicorns?"

      "Yes," she said.

  2. horsedreamer_1

    I hope Palinman got a visit from Trojanman before initiating sexual congress.

    Cleanse the gene-pool.

  3. Oblios_Cap

    Damn! That letter that got Rep. Thomas L. Blanton censured in 1921 still works pretty well today.

    Apparently, back then, ugly was considered to be profane.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Alliterative and funny. Bravo. Brava. Whichever you are, Mr/Mr. AODNLAKHDOID,

      Very excellent wordplay.

  4. edgydrifter

    You know, if Palinman really, REALLY lurved Sarah as much as he claims he does, he would want to wear her skin as a robe. I mean, that's obvious, right? I refuse to respect this half-assed camp follower until he starts walking his talk.

    PS: I have a really excellent knife he can borrow.

    1. jus_wonderin

      I am looking for a knife that is strong enough to pierce between the second and third vertebrosternal ribs, yet is long enough to puncture the heart.

  5. OC_Surf_Serf

    Okay…I watched part of the last one. Very sweet, cute little creatures.

    Too damn hard to shoot from a 'copter, so one must bludgeon with a club…

  6. Barbara_i

    I wonder if he's going to bring her a severed human head as a sign of his affection? He can just line up and look like the other people from the bar scene in Star Wars.
    Thanks a lot, BITCHES! Now I can't get a tomato at Costco this weekend.

    1. V572625694

      Don't go to Costco. It's evil, no matter how cheap the toilet paper is. Not as evil as Walmart, okay, but it's still artfully manipulating you in a hundred ways to buy more shit than you need.

      1. Rotundo_

        Every retail outlet is artfully manipulating us in a hundred ways to buy more shit than we need. If they aren't they're called a co-op or are some guy selling LCD teevees out of the back of his van real cheap. Though I'd buy from Van Dude before I'd buy from Wal-Mart.

  7. OkieDokieDog

    Slutty Sock Monkey.

    Oops wrong subject.

    I did click on the 6 second one, since that was the only amount of time/my life that I would allow to view this pathetic bunch of crap. Someone should inform Palinman and those losers that Sarah Palin is NOT the Gov, as she quit that job quite a few months ago.

  8. widestanceroman

    Actually, those lemmings are doing exactly what my brain cells do when I hear the she beast speak (while yelling 'cunt' at the top of their little cell lungs).

  9. elviouslyqueer

    I hate to break it to "Kat" in video 3, but her husband "Shane" is gay gay gay gay GAY.

    Also, I love the fact that they're standing in the toilet paper aisle. So synergistic!

    1. SorosBot

      The last I want to think about is any of these people fucking; Deadheads either, because they're all ancient now.

          1. LetUsBray

            Ooo, I LOVE that song where he sings the f-word a whole bunch of times. But I am walking-with-buttocks-extremely-tight white.

          2. Chet Kincaid

            Depends on which of many segments of Urbans you're referring to. Same critique could be made of "Things White People Like", which is really only things hipsters and bourgeois/affluents like (and not necessarily race-based, either).

            Me and a young Urban who sits across from me at the office got a kick out of his "Fuck You" video, yesterday. But we're fucking buppies.

  10. DaSandman

    Goddam I'm a pretty case hardened individual but this is unutterably sad.

    And why is this gay man chasing that skank breeder anyway?

    Welcome to Midnight in America (TM)

  11. slappypaddy

    queens usually have greater fashion sense than this drearie dearie is displaying. palinman needs some intervention from some compassionate sisters-under-the-skin, show him a more stylish way of doing a nascar-drag one-off.

    1. elviouslyqueer

      "drearie dearie" LOL.

      Also, the cast of Project Runway and What Not to Wear took one look at Palinman's lovely nylon and embroidered polyester ensemble and collectively defenestrated themselves.

  12. V572625694

    Here's today's instance:

    Alaskunt.

    Thank you again, Limey Lizzie, for coining this sobriquet, which so exquisitely captures the woman.

    1. marinmaven

      I am starting to think that this would be a cheaper option than moving to France. It isn't like we here in California will be getting any federal funds from the next congress, plus we never got as much money back as we put in. California will probably legalize pot in two years. California and Oregon can form Ganjastan. Hopefully what is left of the California republicans can move out of the state and leave room for refugees to come in. Biotech, agriculture, entertainment, high tech, and pot tourism will elevate us from the 7th largest economy to #2 behind China.
      Ganjastanis! #1! #1!

  13. GodShammgod

    I've heard some suggest stupidity was a venereal disease, but I had no idea it could be contracted by fapping to pictures of Palin on the teevee screen.

  14. ttommyunger

    Pretty obvious to me that "Palinman" has not seen a high hard one in years, unless you count someone else's.

  15. Janinthepan

    I get it, the last video was suppose to act as a sedative for when you go crazy from watching the first two. Good idea!

  16. Mojopo

    I like the bald guy with the bulldog overbite at Costco. He looks like Curly Howard's bastard baby. Butt plugs should be made in the shape of his face.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Hi, sailor: New in town? {winking seductively}. I see you haven't accumulated pees so I'm helpin' you out a little, if ya' know what I mean, commening on your comment.

      You follow me, I'll follow you. {Sashaying away in skin tight jeans.}

      (Yes, wonkeratti, I have sunk to this level. I don't get as many people following me now, presumably because we've all figured out there's a way to make those annoying windows disappear without hitting "follow" just to get them the fuck off your screen. I need to take some more pees. And not the kind that makes the Snowbilly Queen's book handy to have on the bathroom floor alongside the toilet.)

          1. Mojopo

            One day I had a hundred and sixty-seven, and then I had twelve. Then I had fifty-five but it changed again. I do not profess to understand any of this, but I don't understand how whitening toothpaste can repair enamel at the same time, either. I just believe in it.

      1. Dashboard_Jesus

        hell I'd follow the DustBowl around all day, seductively sashaying that Okie booty the way that you do! (long time listener, first time caller :)

  17. fartknocker

    I hope Palin Man shows up here in Austin at my Costco. I'll be sure to accidentally back over him in the parking lot and leave an impression of my blue trucknutz on his flabby ass.

  18. BeWoot

    About that American Exceptionalism: The US is not the only country where a disturbing proportion of its citizens are maleducated fuckwits. So there's no need to brag.

    1. SophistFCD

      But we're the maleducatedist and fuckwittedist of all the competitors. We're #1!

      USA! USA! USA!

  19. Mojopo

    One more thing – it has to be said: I can't imagine what kind of depraved, pathetic fringe personalities would camp outside Costco to see Palin. There isn't enough voltage in any shock treatment available to make me do that.

  20. slithytovesss

    Honest to Christ – Sarah Palin has more experience then Barack Obama WHO'S BEEN PRESIDENT FOR TWO YEARS! Sorry for yelling, but these people like Sarah because the power of the retard is strong in her and them. And why are the people who really need to be unemployed employed?

    1. SorosBot

      But she was a Governor for two years before she quit, and apparently four years in the US Senate and eight in a state Senate just don't count for some reason. Hey, these people are fans of Palin so you know they have to be too stupid to think straight.

      1. NorthStarSpanx

        I like the fact that she's now been a citizen without a title for a lot longer than she was a Governor.

        I know the principled quitter is quiet busy workin hard, representing the United States and whatnot, reloading is romantic and all that for a frontier gal. . .but perhaps, not havin a job or any responsibilities or accountability for over two years in this economy (while not being on unemployment and fightin tax restoration on the richest US Americans) is perhaps, for some great Americans out there, losin traction (along with our 'g's.')

      2. LetUsBray

        Don't you have to count the number of years she spent running her crappy little meth-addled home town into the dirt, too?

    2. dinkybossetti

      That part was particularly precious. (By "precious," I mean distressing.) "Experience" does have 4 syllables, so I guess it counts as a 5 dollar word, and nobody in the video bothered to learn what it means.

  21. xsluggo

    Palinman is followed in line by Fallout Boy, Ileterasy Lad, PedoBear, and Former RNC Chairman Yoh Stealeman.

  22. NorthStarSpanx

    I'm starting to have a great appreciation for Phish fans. At least they are/were doing something with their lives.

  23. PublicLuxury

    Just think. If they spent half of the money they threw away on the Tundra Twat how many homeless or near homeless they could've helped?

    Why give the money to the poor? They just gonna keep them hands out. Sarah is gonna be preznit and run the guvmint usin' commin scents. Them homeless dey jus' want 'nother hand-me-out so they dint hafta werk.

  24. Allmighty_Manos

    More trashy than a Wasilla meth farm, more proud of their ignorance than a Big Government blogger, able to fire-up motor scooted powered tea baggers in a single tweet

  25. donner_froh

    Lemmings are cute little beasts but to get all those shots of them plummeting off the cliff there had to be a grip throwing bushel baskets full of them past or over the camera.

  26. mrpuma2u

    These are the 'tards and muffler suckin', cousin fuckin' mouth breathers that were rallied to turn out for the midterms. Happy, progressives who didn't vote, that you gave more power to the votes of such as these???

    1. GOPCrusher

      I would hope that the DNC would use these videos in the 2012 election, with the heading "ARE THESE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT TO DETERMINE WHO WILL RUN AMERICA?", but then I hope they would have ran Joe Barton apologizing to Tony Heyward for the 2010 election.

    1. PabaBritannica

      The Gov? Governor of Tennessee Phil Bredesen, Democrat? What a nice gesture for his last month of his 2 terms!

  27. PublicLuxury

    What is painfully obvious is, the gene pool amongst these 'supporters' has been tainted. There is an errant gene(s) someplace.

  28. DustBowlBlues

    "the power of the retard is strong in her"

    Most excellent phrase, Grasshopper, and one that will be stolen by the wonkeratti universe and used as if we made it up ourselves.

    Nice going on the LC screen name, too. The only poem I can recite from memory.

  29. Katydid

    The second video, "We Luv the Gov," is worth watching, just to see how pissed off the last kid is. I can't get enough of his angry little face.

  30. MistaEko

    Palinman! Ahhhahhhahhhh!
    Fighter of McCainman! Ahhhahhhahhhh!
    Champion of a…….laska!
    Master of the WalMart!
    And Applebees!
    Throughout Nebraska!

  31. MoeDeLawn

    After Palin's 15 minutes expire, I think Palinman should check out being a celebrity lookalike for Willard Scott.

  32. Fare la Volpe

    If a group of whales is a pod, and a group of geese is a gaggle, then what do you call a group of shitheads?

  33. Barbara_i

    When he's not the leader of the "Palin Posse" does he switch back to his other alter ego, MANTHRAX?

  34. PabaBritannica

    So I was the guy that produced the Palinman video last year. I should really take the time to retell the story of how I was harassed into pulling it down and recutting it into an inferior video by the local GOP and how a Teabagger from some local "Constitutionalist" (read: militia or something) group talked about me on his cable access show without mentioning how I never actually answered any of his stupid interview questions for the show (like "if you love liburuls, why don't you move to Fidel Castro's pants?"). God Bless Appalachia.

  35. JackObin

    I was in Barnes and Noble today, when what strolls by but a fat humanoid carrying "books" by George and Pickles Bush, and future president Palin. I noticed that she walked briskly through the literature section with her eyes glued to the McDonalds across the street. I believe there is some connection there.

  36. MISTAHCOUGHDROP

    Cheezus. Can Wonkette please do a story about how Paul Krugman has a crush on Obama? Something very sexy and naughty. Break some news.

    Then, I'd like to see the feature piece on how Glen Beck will wrestle Chrissy O'Donnell in a mudbox on the tube. Can you break that story, too?

    Palinman? He should make like Sarah and quit, then have a baby or two.

Comments are closed.