If we’re reading this correctly, the 2010 midterm elections just signed a book deal! Congrats, midterms! You deserve it.
O’Donnell’s book will take the reader behind the scenes of her race for the Senate, and embody O’Donnell’s identification with America’s frustrations and concerns with the current political climate. According to O’Donnell, “The 2010 midterm elections were just the beginning—the first rumblings of a revolution that has not fully erupted. I plan on making my book one of the revolution’s catalysts.”
Yes, O’Donnell rubbed this nation, but it didn’t erupt. And a book about how she lived off campaign credit cards to buy food and shelter for the past few years definitely sounds like the way to initiate a coup d’etat against the most powerful government on the planet.
Oh, and pubic hair. [Twitter/National Review]
{ 188 comments }
There'd better be some scratch 'n sniff pages.
Why did your comment make me think "also some Nair®?"
Slightly OT, but when I was a young pup, smitten by my gf to the point of submission, she got me to put Nair® on my beard as an experiment. An experiment in domination, I think, because it burned liked mad! Those teenage hormones will make you do the craziest things…
So, today, we really are all masturbating witches?
Is one out of two close enough?
I would accept masturbating to or with witches.
Done and done.
And I mean done.
I believe the correct (non) answer is:
You know who Else was a masturbating witch? Also.
The Virgin Mary
Wicked!
No, we are masturbating witches everyday.
Hey, whatever pays the bills, bro. Whatever pays the bills…
She's well-qualified to speak for America, having won that election and all.
I hope she has enough crayons to write a whole book….
Of course. All that vote counting stuff is really just "spin".
You know why she lost?
VOTER FRAUD.
copiously illustrated?
i want to see the sequence of the hymen growing back.
That'll be a hell of a pop-up book.
In Smell-O-Vision, courtesy of Summer's Eve and Gorton's Fish Sticks.
I think you misread that — she promised it would be copraphagically illustrated. So yet another shitty book by a screeching nobody.
She had the hymen that always grew back, until it grew over her face like slap she deserved…
Sorry, need stem cells for that.
She needs to rub harder and faster if she wants it to errupt.
“The 2010 midterm elections were just the beginning—the first rumblings of a revolution that has not fully erupted. I plan on making my book one of the revolution’s catalysts.”
I smell a pop-up book!
Boing!!
I smell kindling!
It could reveal her first trip to the spa where she received her first international brazilian.
Like that's ever happened.
Really. We have testimony to the contrary.
I believe the plan is to let it grow, then donate the harvest to "Thatch Roofs for the Third World".
Or RealDolls Conservative Womein in Power Series
Snatch roofs would be more appropriate. Just 'cause they're poor, they don't hafta be exposed to substandard bush.
Refresh me — how many is a brazillion?
'bout a donna
Or as the Spa workers later referred to it, the shearing of the black sheep.
Still, O'Donnell has a point, if insane grifters like her or Sarah Palin cannot get elected, what does that say about this great country, or the hopes for a Republican Majority?
Thank God the Democrats have no balls.
Thanks. I think I shall now go and slit my wrists.
This is kinda like how the tire fire is the only thing holding back the coal ash pile…I'm not sure how, but I'm also not sure how a revolution is an eruption either.
Okay, who is running that publishing house and what did they take before they signed her?
It has to be some good stuff.
Well, they turned down a novel of mine twenty-some years ago, so they obviously have terrible taste.
After reading that first sentence, I'm willing to believe that they have neither taste nor editors. Perhaps their monkeys use the same thesaurus Bristol relies upon.
OR Very bad drugs…
CPA classes.
Accio cash flow!
In marginally Xtine-related news, my P is back up today.
My P is still small and deflated — spent, as it were.
And no matter how hard Xtine rubs it, it's not coming back up.
I guess she won't be getting a real job anytime soon..
There will probably be a whole chapter dedicated to her love for Sarah Palin and how she felt when Palin accepted her into political society, AKA Facebbok and how she felt all tingly in her naughties when Sarah posted a Hello Kitty on her wall.
The dedication page will be to (pick one):
A) Jesus
B) Sarah Palin
C) Puddingcup the Xtian Rokker
D) America
With a forward by Ronald Reagan.
Christine calls her vibrator 'Horse with no name'.
Masturbation for America
Have you ever seen a herd of Facebbok leaping across the veldt at dawn? It's truly a breathtaking sight.
I liked your Boer-ish comment so much that I just poked you to death on Facebiko.
Get a good ghost writer to polish things up and an inside look at the O'Donnell campaign could become required reading for Senate candidates to learn what not to do unless you want to be a miserable failure and nationwide laughingstock.
You said an inside look at the O'Donnell. How ungroomed of you.
How did you manage to hold onto your pee score when the rest of us have seen ours toppling?
You guys didn't really expect her to go get a job now did you?
Her goal is to be Sarah Palin's speech writer, it's in the bible in the chapter after self abuse.
Is this the first step before being made a fox news analyst?
Si. And, it's two whole steps before you get your first reality show on cable television.
I believe this would be the second step, the one usually filled with question marks.
In all fairness, can I be terribly unqualified for a job and make millions off of a book and rambling foolishly on Fox News? Hell, I'm barely competent as it is, and I don't come close to making a million.
The plot has a few tangles and needs to be trimmed up a bit.
Yes lets dwell on the past for 240 pages, revise history, and then move on because what we say or did in the past doesn't matter.
Goofy Wing Nutters, always with the paradox.
It used be they would wait a day or two before contradicting themselves now they just do it in the same sentence, shamelessly, in front of millions.
Obviously, you just take them out of context.
History is written by the winners.
"Shamelessly"
Ha ha! You almost make it sound like they actually could be shamed, ever.
Say It Proud — I'm Celibate and I'm Loud.
But if you were celibate and refused to even masturbate, how would you know if you were loud?
I'm just going by what her neighbors said.
Hmmm. St. Martin's used to be a fine house, noted for beautiful books and really good authors. Gone are the days.
Lately they are more likely to publish the likes of Dan Brown, Jackie Collins, Stephen Cannell, and Janet Evanovich, the author of America's best-selling detective novels featuring bad jokes and one syllable words.
I am hoping for pics of that old school bush. Yowza.
So setting the record straight and moving forward is the new not quitting by quitting. But this time with more pubic hair.
As big as home plate. Rumors has it they filmed "Lost" down there.
Batter up!
Smells like dead fish going with the flow
Goddammit. That's it. I'm going to run for some unattainable office so that after I lose in a landslide, I can write a fucking book that makes the bestseller lists and the book tables at Costco and makes me a million dollars. So, please, in the next election, please mark your ballots for jakegittes for secretary general of the U.N.
I thank you.
You've got my vote, Jake, I don't care what you run for.
You could take a mustache ride with John Bolton too.
jakegittes in '12
Title: How to Snatch Defeat From the Lips of Victory In Ten Weeks
Snatch, lips, heh,heh.
Are you saying she's a cock-tease? Hope so!
I guess there will always be an audience for a geek show.
PT Barnum is gleefully yelling from hell "I told you so"
A chapter with her version of the blissful night with the 25 year old Philadelphia man?
Three ways Christine is like Karl Marx:
1. About as politically relevant.
2. Says shit like "I plan on making my book one of the revolution’s catalysts."
3. Has a big, bushy beard (except Christine's isn't on her face).
Damn right. Karl Marx, who claimed that capitalism was heading for a huge breakdown because capitalists act stupid in search of short-term profit and rip off the workers to the point where they can't buy the goods they produce themselves, is clearly totally irrelevant in 2010.
Sing it sister! And don't even get me started on the fetishism of commodity! Or any kind of fetishism really. You appear to be into it, maybe?
I cannot take Marx seriously, considering the prodigiousness of his beard. Were he true to his word, he would have trimmed it, allowing all parties to share in the means of mustache-riding.
Marx was a great economist but a lousy political scientist. We are witnessing the collapse of capitalism as he predicted but the workers' revolution was a failure.
Title?
The Chronicles of 'Tardia: The Hymen, the Witch and the Hairy Bush Robe.
"Not Dirty, Not Sexy Politics".
Charlie Rangel
diedwill be censured for her right to spew bullshit…If the clit-flickin' Wiccan's book floats, does that mean we get to burn it?
She hasn't turned into a Newt, though.
Will the e-book edition make my Kindle vibrate?
I'm not sure how St. Martin's plans to profit from a book that will literally travel along a conveyor belt from the presses to a dumpster behind their facility. That's an interesting business model.
Coming soon to a 99 cent store near you!
publishing as a tax shelter for the german conglomerate (name unpronounceable) that owns the publishing house. and other publishing houses.
I think they're relying on the P.T. Barnum business model…
They do all kinds of shit with corn. Surely this book could be repurposed with a little subsidized ingenuity.
It's the Right's answer to The Washingtonienne.
(Granted, Jessi Cutler worked for Mike Dewine's office, & is prolly a Republican herself (thus, teh buttsecks, & whoring), but our WAR-BLOGGING Wonkette broke the story. So, RINO. QED.)
Works for Lockheed Martin and General Dynamics.
Will this book include some of her favorite recipes that use eye of newt?
Xtine is publishing her diary? I wish it was in time for the gift-giving season. My family could use the laffs.
She's like a drug that makes you feel like you have a Frenemy.
I am approaching MTV for a new Reallity Show. "Real World Retards" I believe I have my latest house member. Thank you, Christine.
Wow. Sadness. Nobody is going to buy that book. Nobody. Christine just doesn't have the the PAC to buy up copies, and Palin's ghostwriter is busy writing Cliff Notes on de Tocqueville for Sara's inevitable gotcha journalism attack by the lamestream media.
I'm expecting at least five chapters on what it takes to love a man with a pudding-cup beard.
I'm guessing the ability to shut one's eyes reeeeaaaally tight.
Pudding-cup beard = pudding ring = chocolate-coloured goatee?
Chuck Todd was banging Christine O'Donnell (before he was married to someone else)?
And here I am, having to query and requery agents, while her name gets a green light for a ghost writer.
you need a platform. she has a platform. and a short shelf-life. st. martin's knows the time to cash in is now. six months from now she will be so rancid.
My platform: Everything she's against.
Plus I'm a fiction writer, completely different animal.
she's writing nonfiction?
Hahaha! No, the ghostwriter is! But yes, poor them, having to sift through the muck that is the fantasy world she's created for herself.
I feel your pain. Every time a celebrity signs a book deal, a hundred midlist authors lose their wings.
You should try running for Congress then.
Book deals are a good way to move on. This is why I am still stalking my ex-boyfriend.
You can put a stop to this any time you want, Harper Collins.
The bastard. Who's he boinking? Is she hot?
See how easy this is?
We'll FINALLY get step-by-step diagrams of that masturbation stance.
Wonketeers are seeing an unusual amount of Chicken Crap today. I can't wait to see which color Crayon she will use for her book. Hoping for Orange, I think you know why…
Oh goody – another fame whore in the mama grizzly mold. Here is my spin on the 2010 midterms Christine….you got your ass handed to you. Maybe I ought to act like a total maniac and run for public office so I can get a book deal….Jesus!
Those who can't, write.
Clearly, this is a definition of "book" previously unknown to Science and/or Western Culture.
"I plan on making my book one of the revolution’s catalysts"
I just don't know what to say… or how to make fun of this. It's like a parody of itself.
You know who else used their book as a catalyst for a revolution.
When did St. Martin's start their "Books for People Who Can't Read" imprint?
It's the biggest growth sector, you have to admit.
I wonder if she'll use the same ghost writer as Palin?
If anyone needs me I'll be in a padded cell with a bottle of whiskey and the twenty or so rejection letters literary agents have sent me over the last few months.
i feel your pain everytime i see numbers for reality shows.
I thought she only worked with scrolls.
This shit reminds me of a scene of that great Peter Sellers movie Being There. The part where the retired maid is bitching to her friends:
Louise: It's for sure a white man's world in America. Look here: I raised that boy since he was the size of a piss-ant. And I'll say right now, he never learned to read and write. No, sir. Had no brains at all. Was stuffed with rice pudding between th' ears. Shortchanged by the Lord, and dumb as a jackass. Look at him now! Yes, sir, all you've gotta be is white in America, to get whatever you want. Gobbledy-gook!
Well, white and female, in the case of Sarah Palin and this idiot.
Well, white
and femalenot afraid to show a little cleavage for freedumz, in the case of Sarah Palin and this idiot.Fixed it for you
Thanks. I left out the cleavage and "fuck me" pumps because this is a family-friendly website.
Oh, wait!
Why is it Republicans dismiss "Climate Change," a real, tangible thing, as a hoax but continue to trot out the intangible "Political Climate"? "
"We firmly believe in this collection of meaningless words but doubt this collection of words with a very particular meaning."
And to think that people are getting tenure for trying to answer the question, "Why don't Americans read?"
Hm, note to self, St. Martin's press publishing crap. Never buy . . .
Added: submit maybe?
Hint, you need to have a record in need of straightening. The voices in your head cannot co-sign onto this process.
This is going to be like that book Madonna came out with in the early 90s, right?
Failure sure is profitable. I must reexamine my life.
I must be doing it wrong. All I ever got were lawyer bills.
The working title for her book is "I'm eeew!"
Between this little tome and the drek Palin is churning out, the mark down bin at Barnes & Noble is in danger of ending up as a hazmat site.
Will she be borrowing Bristol's thesaurus?
Did Vegas set the odds on pop-up vs. non pop-up? I want some of that action
That Xtine O'Donnell's a real canard.
How do these people sell books when their supporters can't read?
bachmann, palins, o'donnell. right in a row.
it's the republican crazy girl group.
without any talent also.
You'd call that a book? Gutenberg's rolling over his grave.
I didn't know Steve Gutenberg was dead.
Just his career.
I'm glad COD's book will come out next year because the last of my unemployment benefits are already set aside for a copy of Sarah Palin's Ulysses.
ironically, writing this book will be the ultimate form of empty self-gratification.
She could do worse than to title the thing: "If I Did It"
She's going to set the record straight: "Iz a lye, mai pubez r totes awsum!"
Possible ghost writers:
-Samantha
-Sabrina the Teenage Witch
-W.W. of the East
-Tituba
… with a Foreword by Jesus H. Christ.
Fuck me. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. She is a gnat. Her 15 minutes–more like 10–is up. Another legitimate publisher will lose another of their shirts on another lame ass book that no one will buy. Meanwhile, they will make up their losses by kicking a midlist author they barely pay, as is, into oblivion.
{Gah. Just saw the Coburn face hair someone asked me about. It doesn't help, Spooky Doktor Tom}
Please, wonkette gods, please do a post tomorrow about Gates' smackdown of John (7-1/2 years!) McCain. I listened to it on NPR, and you didn't need video to see the veins pulsing in Gates' temples. He made Mullen's treatment of Sen. McCain (R-Douchebagistan) look namby pamby.
It was a sweet, sweet moment. Nitey, losers. Gotta' run.
Nice video here: http://pushingrope.blogspot.com/2010/12/mullen-ga…
Hell, I think Gates is worth quoting in full:
Yeah, I don't remember reading about Harry Trueman doing a poll about racial integration, or a poll about women flying helicopters. Why now?
I only hope she plans to approach this Kenny Powers-style:
No writing, just spoken words. The old-fashioned way.
St. Martin's? Jesus. I remember when they had standards. It was long ago – but this is just sad.
Say hello to the retard's "Mein Kampf"
Mein Hairy Kumpt, maybe.
Jokes about witches, masturbation and pubic hair aside; could there be any greater testament to the profound and likely terminal sickness of American society? In what remotely sane society would this person secure a book deal? How deranged would someone have to be to purchase it? How is this possible? (Forgive the lack of "snark").
Is there an Ignobel Prize for literature.
Yes, last year:
Ireland's police service (An Garda Siochana), for writing and presenting more than fifty traffic tickets to the most frequent driving offender in the country — Prawo Jazdy — whose name in Polish means "Driving License".
Christine O'Donnell: From White Trash To Riches, by Christine O'Donnell.
All I want to know is when she plans on devirginizing herself!
Same publisher for Jackie Collins' books.
Gotta have some sex in it.
"embody O’Donnell’s identification with America’s frustrations"
Says it all.
I saw this book when it was a movie called "Single White Female."
Since when is a series of 'tweets' a book?
She signed the deal now, but it will take her 15 years to finish it. However, in the interim, she will write a one page assignment off campus at Oxford, at which point she will be an Oxford published writer so la dee da.
As a lawn-mowing savant, I offer my ghostwriting services.
How does Christine O'Donnell sign a book deal–with an (x) or with a paw print?
Expect a foreword by Jesus H. Christ, the likes of which will be translated by Kirk Cameron.
A book deal, eh? What the fuck does it take for a wingnut to get discredited in this country?
A Sale Of Two Titties
St. Martin was famous for giving his clothes to beggers. Is Xtine the Cherry Girl going to be equally generous?
Someone needs to let Christine know that a revolution requires one to put down the press-on nails and get off the couch.
I think St. Martin's is just hoping to get some of that sweet sweet nectar of wingnut welfare where books are bought by the truckload and the title shoots up the best seller list. Joke's on them because that ain't happening with O'Donnell's book. Who does she think she is, Sarah Palin?
Oh, right.
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