Bristol Palin went on official Palin family blog “The Facebook” today to attack Keith Olbermann and rouse the pity of the conservative faithful, just as her mother would. Touching. Instead of using the standard teenager speak she and her sister usually employ on Facebook, however, she translated her message to Olbermann with some interesting selections from a thesaurus. “Accusing me of hypocrisy is by now, an old canard. What Mr. Olbermann lacks in originality he makes up for with insincere incredulity.” We have no idea what this means, but everyone run to Bristol’s aid, because this tiny dancer has been SLIGHTED by a BIG TEEVEE MAN.
Recently, a left wing commentator named Keith Olbermann attacked me for being a spokesperson for abstinence education and for being an Ambassador for the Candies Foundation, which promotes teen pregnancy awareness and prevention education. He went so far as to call me “the worst person” he knows, apparently, for my efforts to educate teenagers about the real world risks of premarital sex.
Accusing me of hypocrisy is by now, an old canard. What Mr. Olbermann lacks in originality he makes up for with insincere incredulity. Mr. Olbermann fails to understand that in order to have credibility as a spokesperson, it sometimes takes a person who has made mistakes. [...]
I have never claimed to be perfect. If that makes me the “worst person in the world” to Mr. Olbermann, then I must apologize for not being absolutely faultless like he undoubtedly must be.
Bristol Palin has never claimed to be perfect. She has never told Keith Olbermann he has to be perfect. She has only told teenagers they have to be perfect, for money.
Also, here’s a bizarre thing that popped up on a celebrity blog today:
A source close to the top decision makers at Dancing with the Stars tells HollywoodLife.com that Todd Palin has definitely been approached to compete for the mirror ball trophy in 2011! But unlike his highly criticized daughter Bristol Palin, who competed in season 11, Todd may have a contendor from the Democrat’s camp! Sources tell us that Keith Olbermann has been considered but rejected as a potential choice!
Is this “source close to the top decision” Bristol herself, telling the media that Keith Olbermann was rejected from that dancing show she was on in the off chance he would see this and feel bad about himself? We certainly hope so. [Facebook/Hollywood Life]
{ 257 comments }
Is a canard something like a combination cunt/retard?
I believe it is in Shakespalin's vernacular
Nah, she just refudiatin' all up in tha facebooks. Grifter cuntards are gonna make Michael Palin change his name just due to cuntard similaritudinals.
That, and it's French for "duck."
Why a duck?
Vy not a chicken?
because the French have another word for chicken.
If it quacks like a duck, fucks like a rabbit and whistles like the wind in an alaskan cunt, it's a Canard……….
I think that insult only applies to Canadians.
No, but the Palin children's DNA is.
The diminutive feminine form of "Alaskunt" is "Alaschuntina."
Don't cry for me Alaschuntina.
A canard is a retarded canary in a coal mine (aka "Trig").
HOORAY! Ex Temp is back. So you can't find full-time…employ besides here, either? All is right with the Wonkette. USA! USA! USA!
A combination cunt/retard is called a "Palin".
See also: "Bachmann"
Bristol doesn't know the first thing about canards. I'll bet she has absolutely no idea why the Rutan brothers have made such extensive use of canards in their innovative composite designs such as the Vari-Eze, the Defiant, and the Voyager.
Years ago, a woman approaching me followed my gaze skyward to a Long EZ on the downwind and announced to her daughter while pointing "Look, honey. That plane is flying backwards!"
Was it a Palin?
Maybe it was a ZepPalin.
Take one Cessna 150. Point it into a 100mph headwind. Pull back to just above stall speed at 54mph. Which direction is the ground going?
East.
….get the stall speed wrong, and it'll be towards you……
cunt/retard translates directly to "Palin"
But if you insert random commas, randomly, at random places, and say "whom" ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS (since only stupid people say "who"), then everyone will know how smart you is!
"Is a canard something like a combination cunt/retard?"
It is now.
Fuck metrics, that's FTW!!1!
Mrblifil, you deserve some sort of award for that comment, Flowers? Money? Spanking?
I'm just proud to claim it it was my thumb that put his comment into triple digits.
Why, I never … but a man can dream, can't he?
All those thumbs up, and still I'm worried about the size of my p-ness.
my p shriveled to nothing a couple days ago after I thumbs-downed a comment.
now all I can do is look at it and wonder if it will regain its former glory when the weather warms up a little.
FIRST for the WIN! fucking well played sir blifil!!!
Canard is something you shoot out on the lake, then cook a la orange.
FOFLMAO! Flawless!
You've gotta be a hard ass worker to come up with words like that.
You've gotta have an IQ above 85 to know what they mean, but hey, can't have everything.
Haterz.
I have seen what happens to women's asses after childbirth, so I can only assume you are meaning she is a hard ass-worker, rather than a hard-ass worker.
Also.
(too)
You know, that hat makes Bristol's legs look fat.
BOOOO! I had a baby and my ass is fabulous. The whole "I can't lose the baby weight" thing is more like "I am too lazy to lose the baby weight" or "I grew too enamored of the idea of eating for two to stop".
Four of my five sisters (each w/2 to 3 natural delivery gerbs) can back you up on that. They're all reasonably slender, except the vegan yoga instructor; she's downright scrawny.
The fifth sister, the fat one, has never had a kid.
no way did the ignorant little cuntard write that FB twat herself, hell Mom can now afford fancy 'wordsmiths' to write the whole family's retardiations, every fucking day apparently…also
Kieth's just mad cause he's a loser and his life will never amount to anything. She's a hard ass worker and that's why her mom gave her a condo of her very own.
Oh and I think I saw that segment, where she told some douchebag that she's saving herself for marriage "for reals for reals reals." I didn't catch the rest of it as my head exploded.
I believe the ship has sailed on the virtue.
Okay, NOW I'm celibate. For reals. Oh, hello there. Wanna do it? Okay, *NOW* I'm celibate. For real reals. Okay, one more quickie and then I'm for sure celibate. Starting… (wait for it)… now!
Do blow jobs count? How about buttsecks?
Are you suggesting Bristol is into Saddlebacking? http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Sa...
They don't count among the people who wear Promise rings. In fact, those kids are in no hurry to get married because they know their sex lives will get way more boring. (Gotta have the woman on the bottom to make sure that semen can make plenty of Christian "babbies.")
All ports are active. Any sperm within six feet of a Palin is in grave danger. But on the bright side Bristol can have three babies, redo all three "hymens" with 300 votes per viewer power, and will be none the worse for the wear.
Bill Clinton proved that BJs don't count…oh, wait a minute…
Maybe Christine O'Donnell has shared the secret of the Regenerative Hymen with the young Brisket?
or at least the phone number of her plastic surgeon. Hymenoplasties cost more than a couple of prayers to Jesus.
Presumably that ship was part of Cunard Cruise Line.
It wasn't just some douchebag, it was "The Situation" from Jersey Shore, for reals for reals. That ad had to be one of the most surreal things I've ever seen.
Whose idea was it to promote safe sex by hiring two of the most hateable "celebrities" who have done anything around? It made me feel like having unprotected sex out of spite for a second; then I remembered I don't like children.
Never fear! The back door is near.
I watched that ad for the first time while spending five days trapped in a small house with my twin nephews who are 2 1/2. Love 'em to death, but those five days were a better argument for birth control than anything Bristol or The Situation could have said.
You/your partner could always get an abortion out of spite as well, but abortions will never get you on the tee vee, so…
How exactly do you "promote teen pregnancy awareness?" Do you point at the guy's d**k or the woman's vajayjay?
You need both together for a full demonstration.
You point randomly at every third girl at Wasilla High and say "There's one!"
Nah you just go up to pregnant teens and say "are you aware you're going to poop out a baby?"
How exactly do you "promote teen pregnancy awareness?"
Write "Bristol is knocked up again" on the wall of a stall.
(I stole that "wall;stall" thing from Byron. Don't tell anyone.)
Clearly this is an indication that Bristol didn't get her money's worth for her ACT prep. She isn't going to get into a good college to be able to support her bastard son. So sad.
Maybe she will get into 5 state colleges.
Beck U online.
And the quality education available there is legendary.
Good for Bristol — if she wants to inform all the young women out there that you don't have to be pretty or smart to get laid, I say Olbermann should just leave her alone.
Wait — the Candies Foundation does what now?!
They teach you to say "No" to premarital sex whilst wearing their "Fuck Me" shoes.
fucking perfect!
also, she could have made it rhyme.. .http://www.rhymer.com/
Someone needs to send the Palin house a dictionary/thesaurus set. It's no longer funny…..it's just sad.
So Ted Baxter is ghost-posting for the Palins from the grave? How very bellicose of him.
Bristol, you need look in the mirror; the last place you need to be working is some place you'll have access to lots of candies, which may be delicious but will just go straight to your already prodigious posterior.
Personally, I think it was awfully mean not to give that Situation oddity equal time in the Worst Person segment.
To his credit, he had enough awareness to question her statement of celibacy, even if he was limited by his two-word vocabulary. I would have liked him to continue with, "So where DO babies come from, then?"
Yeah, he's a horrible, horrible person, but at least he uses condoms. Now if someone can render Bristol and Sitch (gag!) sterile, I will be able to sleep at night.
By the grace of god if I should be so blessed, to have a transgender bisexual spring from my loins, I'd rather have him/her date The Situation than cavort with a Palin anyday.
Damn losing my virginity to a member of the Palin clan.
Could we have Todd dancing with Olbermann on Dw/tS?
I might actually watch that show.
It could be the introduction to Dancing with Gay Stars.
I'm confused. A unwed teen mother, promoting abstinence only, is not hypocrisy? Especially, when it's fairly obvious to the casual observer, that she is in a family way again?
Ding, ding, ding. I pointed this out to my extremely conservative sister-in-law on Thanksgiving and she said, "Oh my, that is quite hypocritical." Imagine my surprise. A conservatard admitting they are hypocritical.
Too bad she can't hide it until the 7th month like her mom could.
SEE! If you keep having unprotected sex, you can even get pregnant AGAIN, like me.
I called it 2 months ago. We won't be seeing much of Bristol after the New Year. She'll be upset at all the librul haterz that made fun of her and 'retire from public life' 'til at least around…. oh…. say March 2nd, 2011. 6 weeks later, a certain 'public relations firm' (BullShittinMakesPayola, LLC) will 'hire' a 20.5 inch, 8.6 lb 'media consultant' with crinkly ears named Trill or Triss or Trixx for six figures/year, mainly for maintaining 'cousin' Trigg's… uh, I mean CLIENT Triggard Von Palin's facebook page.
she's right, don'cha know, she's not the worst person in the world. there's always her mother. and there's still dick cheney.
So that would make her the second worst living person in the world.
Todd Palin has definitely been approached to compete for the mirror ball trophy in 2011!
Does this sentence really warrant an exclamation point?
No!
Jack, was putting Bristol's pic up next to the "ideeli" ad intentional? If so, bravo!
Man, if they paired up Todd Palin with Keith Olbermann, I'd watch the damn show!
Olberman dancing no way, he seems to be too smart to subject himself to that, even though I hear they pay 50 grand a week. Now which cable commentator is a real douche bag, in love only with his money, no sorry Tucker Carlson already did this. Well who is a real douche bag, loves his money, is only in it for the money I think Glenn Beck could be on DWTS
If there's enuff $$ in it, Glenn would do "Dancing with Dung Beatles".
And then sit down to lunch with them.
Embarrassed. Jesus H Christ on a cracker. I can not imagine a first family acting in the Palin fashion. Even the drunkard twins of Chimpy didn't behave this stupidly. Help me Wonketters, help me find another first family in the history of the USA that acted this way?
Malia and Sasha have more class in their little toes than this entire family has collectively. You can't write shit this stupid.
From what I read, the Jacksons were like the Clampitts. (Still, compared to the snow skank family the Clampitts seem like Tudors. So really no comparison.)
General Jackson had the stones to back up is hutspah. These Palins are just icky. They ;lob onto anything to get attention and more $$$$$$.
especially Tito.
You broke new ground, Pub. The first and only time the words "Palin" and "Fashion" have, or can, ever be used in the same sentence. And they say it couldn't be done. Huzza, huzza!
Breaking ground everyday. Someday I might even grow up and become something.
Don't rush it, the far end isn't pretty.
Billy Carter, Libyan lobbyist and cheap beer purveyor. Neil Bush, Silverado Savings & Loan
Carter, Neil Bush, and the Twin Bush twerps combined may add up to just one Palin child. But I take your point that the Palins didn't invent schmucky-ness
They just perfected it.
of course the thing is that Snowbilly ain't runnin' fer Prezdent at all, she's LITERALLY runnin' to the bank trying to grift as many $$$ from the morons before 2012 so her retard family never has to 'work' again (not that any of them are employable?) Fuck, bein' Prezdent would require another HUGE pay cut fer the cunt, that's why she QUIT bein' guv of ALASKAH!
Wow, those are some pretty big, complicated words, there, Bristol. Did your mom help you write that? Oh, wait… no, nevermind.
The great thing is, even after the Palins have long left this earth, the army of writers and computers they have generating their posts will go on.
That some pretty fancy eleetist talk there, i say.
Wherever did Bristol pick up that excellent Russian hat?
It's ain't Russkie, Hoss — it's a merkin.
Welcome back, we had a couple of Piper Palin threads that I missed your input on.
From her mom's house. She reached out and grabbed it when Putin reared his head.
She saw if from her house?
She got it at a yard sale across the strait, behring that in mind, I think it looks pretty foxy!
Next door.
I think it was that Christine O'Donnell person finally did something about that wildness downstairs and made the Palins a hat.
"And that's 'Cuntdown' for this, the 68th day since the beginning of my fourth pregnancy. I'm Bristol Palin. Good night and good luck, faggots."
yes it is nice to see you Wonking again! *golf clap*
No Keith please. The miracle of the dancing bear is not how well he dances, but that he dances at all.
P.S. Bristol, you can use as many fancy words as you want but you are still a low born gutter slut with 2 kids before the age of 18.
you can take the trash out of the trailer, but it's still trash.
Shorter Bristol: Do as I say, not as I do.
That would be easier to buy if she wasn't considered a celebrity and making good money off of it.
Even shorter Bristol: tl;dr
Even more appropriate Bristol: Screw as I say, not as I screw.
OMG, that's Presidential thinking!
Next up, Bristol accepts a position as a spokesperson for the children whose parents were too busy being media whores to educate them about condoms.
Bristol accepts a position
She looks like the type where the doggie position would put her best side up.
Whoa! Did I just discover a new continent or is that your ass, Honey?
She thinks "canard" is French for "gay."
She thinks any French word is French for "gay."
That's a step up from Willow, who told her in meant "fucking faggot."
"I have never claimed to be perfect."
There's a world of difference between "being perfect" and "screwing for abstinence".
Hey, Bristol. Look up "irony" in your Funk & Wagnalls.
Oh yeah..like the old T-shirt slogan: "Fighting for Peace is like Fucking for Chastity."
Jut wait until this cum dumpster's little spawn is old enough to Google his mom's name and realizes that she was paid money to say what a mistake he was, something urban moms do for free.
heh, heh…you said 'cum dumpster' :~)
Wow, if Bristol's "mistakes" qualify her to teach abstinence, she'd make one hell of an English teacher.
In a earlier Wonkette piece, the pic was characterized as Bristol "groping a giant ice dildo":
http://wonkette.com/425534/bristol-palins-music-v...
but I'm missing the metaphor. Who or what is the giant ice dildo here? Keith? Facebook? Grammar? Can anybody help me out here?
Today, we are all the giant ice dildo.
It is a bit of a play on Beauty and the Beast… Bristle being the beast and Keith being the Beauty. You know the story. A naughty beast captures/kidnaps the virgin princess. The beast holds the virgin in a locked room until he just can't stand it anymore and busts the door done and ravishes the virgin. The virgin, never having been ravaged before, doesn't know that sex is supposed to feel good, falls madly in love with the captor.
This has been defined as Stockholm Syndrome.
This is either the most brilliant satirical mind in the world mocking Keith's thesaurus abuse in his special comments or a ghostwriter trying to throw word salad over the multiple "fucking faggot"s in the first draft.
I'll take what's behind door numbah 2. Especially since that paragraph is totally out of sync wth the 3rd grade vocabulary of the rest of the post ("Recently, a left wing commentator named Keith Olbermann" – like anyone who gives a shit about her doesn't know who KO is) and even it still manages to use commas like a toddler with a claw hammer (in a randomly destructive manner).
You can top that word salad with croutons, bacon bits, and a tankerload full of balsamic vinaigrette, and it still wouldn't disguise the fact that underneath it's still a steaming pile of shit.
But if Todd is on DWTS who will watch all those Palin youngin's the women folk keep poppin out?
Willow. She's old enough to buy drugs in the Target parking lot and chug vodka at a party… She can damn well stay home and watch those babies and help keep the line long and strong by breedin'. If Willow is too wasted, Piper can get off her lazy little ass and help the family too.
Don't call Piper lazy, she does most of the work around there if the video clips are to be believed.
Oh, hell, everybody uses that old canard wrong.
Needs moar "faggot" references.
Mr. Olbermann fails to understand that in order to have credibility as a spokesperson, it sometimes takes a person who has made mistakes.
Hey, give her credit, at least she is admitting that Trig, Trotter, Tron, or whatever she had was a mistake.
And think of all she has to say to other teenagers. "Hey, if you get knocked up, remember, choose life and everything will be OK. You just have to live off the grifting of your mother."
Well, Keith did make a mistake by going on that NBC Sunday Night Football program.
Tripp. The kids name is Tripp. Not the kind you go on with the husb. Not the kind you take on acid.
Husband? what is this thing you speak of?
Turkey baster?
This jocular anecdote reminds me of the maladroit mental perambulations of the tyros whose SAT essays I scored this fall. Any time their vocabulary divagated from the quotidian, they'd perpetrate the most incommodious malapropisms.
Plus a lot of them were just dumbfucks.
dogberry lives!
Next up: Wonkette posters teach kids all about the joys of sobriety.
LOL
I'll drink to that!'
Wonkette Cocktail Hour: 10 a.m.
Followed by a live demonstration of Bristol-style celibacy (must be 18+)
I'm too old for boinking on the front seat of an old pick-up that's parked out by the dump. No thank you.
Isn't Canard® some kind of booze?
And avoiding gratuitous buttsecks references.
PS – buttsecks.
As I pop the cork, oh wait box wine has no cork, As I twist the tap on a new box of Pinot Evil, I raise my glass in salute to your idea.
"old" canard? Proof her source was the "New Word A Day" calendar. Who ever heard of a new canard?
Although once upon a time I did drive a Canardly.
I see what you did there.
What I didn't see was the qualitative easing of P-points. The recent deflation hit me hard. The current exchange rate with whore diamonds sucks.
Kiss your p-ness goodbye, just like your 401k.
If he could kiss his p-ness at ALL, we'd never hear from him again!
Runs downhill pretty well but canardly go uphill.
The make and model? Rolls Canhardly – rolls down one hill and canhardly make it up the next.
Thank you, I was struggling with it.
good one!
Or Old Canard®, 88 proof.
I have a case of Amnesia.
Can I share? Wait. Share what?
I wanna hear her read it. Out loud.
Ya think she's not edjamacated enuf 2 reed?
How can she tell people she made a mistake, when she made over $400,000 this year. She should say getting knocked up was the best thing she'd ever done.
By her logic, Newt Gingrich would make an outstanding marriage counselor, because one must make mistakes to be authorimative.
And, by that logic, GWB a great President.
'Cause he screwed up everything he touched.
So, the Palins got a new intern from a liberal, elite school to do their ghost-writing?
How do we know her ghostwriter isn't an undercover Wonketeer?
And with this posting Bristol Palin is NOW smarter than a 1st Grader.
Keep that thesaurus handy, for when you run out of ways to say "also" too.
"absolutely faultless"
Consolation word score points for creative use of a phrase outside of its natural habitat, an NBC Olympic gymnastic competition broadcast booth.
I just love that show! Should we finish off the beluga or should we have some smoked salmon nibbly things, sweetie darling?
We're letting folks know that we've created the "Sarah Palin Rogue Coloring & Activity Book" so they can have some Fun with Caribou Barbie before she becomes Prez & Confiscates them, then Slays us like a Salmon.. http://goingrouge.net
♫♪ Lolly, lolly, lolly get your abstract nouns heeere ♫♪
What Bristol really meant to tell Olbermann…."Fuck you you gay faggot! How dare you call me a hypocrite when I have a perfect Mommy. Suck it bitch!"
Oh – and canard rhymes with retard (or Trig) – sort of.
Who cares about Todd, I want the baby father, what ever his name was. He was described as sex on skates. I want to see that on DWTS.
Bristol still doesn't understand condom.
Of course she does. She lives in one in Anchorage now.
She thinks they taste funny.
Still my favorite graffito, on a condom machine: "Don't buy this gum. It tastes awful!"
Canard is what Sarah's going to name her next baby. Canard Tron Palin.
Love seein' them palin gurls, out front and tellin' it like it is. Plus, I can't afford real porn.
Did the word "contendor" come out of that thesaurus?
I'm sorry, but I really need to get this out of my system:
"Welcome to 'Countdown Syndrome', with your host, Trig Palin.
Our #5 story tonight: You've got mail! You've got mail! You've got mail! YAAYYY!"
Ah Special Ed, welcome.
I think we can all agree she danced her way into Wonkette's hearts.
I fear now I have cuntgestive heart failure.
tiny dancer?
elton and bernie weep quietly.
well maybe not quietly for elton.
Olbermann was an idiot for naming a non-player like Bristol Palin WPIW, especially with the other 'real' news events that week, but this is hysterical. Can't these people even fake it well? It would be interesting to see a side-by-side comparison of this note with her impromptu Facebook ramblings. I'm shocked at how literate she can be in one medium, but not the other ('insincere incredulity' there). As the saying goes 'your mother's ghostwriter is probably too old to be yours, too' (you know, that old canard).
The lengths these people will go to get that tax cut on the rich is
cavernous, yawning, gaping, huge, extensive; bottomless, fathomless,unfathomable.That's odd.
She's never used big words like that before. She's never spoken in complete sentences like this before, either. Usually it's "that sucked" or "shit stirrer" or some other classy words. I suspect she couldn't even read this aloud, let alone come up with it on her own.
Looks like another contribution from RAM. This family is so fake in its attempts to seem genuine.
It's amazing what a stint on DWTS will do for your vocabulary, grammar, syntax and diction.
Well I do hope it helped her with that because none of that dancing did anything for those thunder thighs.
Now we know why Keith wasn't on the TV machine last night. He was most likely devastated by this rebuke.
If it dances like a canard, and fucks like a canard…
There is incongruity between that erudite Facebook vocabulary and the usual Palin Bozo talking points. Sorry, I hope I do not insult clowns.
@sarahpalinusa Tweets sound like Piper pulled out several pages from a dictionary, then threw darts to choose her Mom's vocabulary.
What a circus sideshow they are!
Here's Bristol's abstinence program. We assemble all the kids in the cafeteria. We start playing the acclaimed video Nailin' Palin. We point and say, "See that, kids? Don't do that." Abstinence education achieved!
She is just flirting with you Keith.
No wonder Keith stayed home last night. Probably hiding somewhere in his Trump Tower digs hoping Bristle would be too tired to walk up all those stairs.
Would sincere incredulity be an improvement?
I like the idea of insincere credulity. It seems more apropos.
For all intensive purposes, this is a mute point.
Well played!
Let's all sit quietly and watch Tiny Dancer Bristol "count the headlice on the highway."
metamarcsf,
You may be the only Wonketeer who survived the December "p" Purge of 2010. When the truth comes out in 40 years, they'll talk about "metamarcisf, from -125 to 85." I always kinda liked your red badge of courage.
Can you tell me what happened? I have been out of town and all I know is that one night I was at -122 and the next morning I was at +85. I am clueless except I know that some of the cretins at Breitbart were saying the same thing – but to them, who are trying to save America, this is the type of issue that only a conservative-weighted Supreme Court should be able to decide.
No one knows, everybody took a hit in their "p" score. No explanation has been put forth. But, with our usual style, it has become a running gag. Some people lost 50 points or more. I know I can't speak for such a sophisticated crowd, but I think it's just another of our wacky memes.
I actually looked at Breifart last night, as I once had an insurgency campaign over there — but I got bored — and I thought the general "p" values were down, except for that "Cowboy Logic" dicknut and that fuck who always says DEMOCRATS=MARXISTS=TERRORISTS.
Anyway, I hate metrics. We know who's funny, witty, insightful, plaintive, or whatever here. You amongst them.
And it's been a fist-fest for the last two days.
Bristol Palin (ya' know it was her mother's ghostwriter, right?) used "canard" meaning "hoax" = what her mother pulled when pretending to be pregnant:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wZSVMzeR5jU
Perhaps Sarah's ghostwriter should be informed to never ever use any words that rhyme with Menard.
I always wondered what her pitch was.
"If you get pregnant as a teenager you could end up like me, famous and getting paid a shitload of cash just for showing up…what was my point again?"
Well, *someone's* Secret Santa got her a Word-A-Day calendar.
I seem to recall the phrase, back in good old King Edward VII's time, was "a base canard."
Bristol looks Russian in that picture. Bristolava Putinova Palinov?
She also added that Keith is a "copulating catamite".
I'd hit it.
Just sayin'….
That girl just plain looks unhappy. Looks plain, too, but seriously, I think she is an unhappy person. Sniff.
What Miss Palin lacks in self-awareness she makes up for with incoherent syntax.
Alt-text win, also.
Sit on that big glass dildo girl. Yeah, abstinence!
canard. is that, like, french? Again with the Canada.
meh ~
Is it too much to ask that this tragically fecund whore and her idiot mother return to Alaska and bury themselves in a pile of Moose dung? Their notions of grandeur is making me ill to the core..
To be fair, she really can't be the Worst Person in the World while her mom is around.
Herbert Morrison,: "I'm my own worst enemy."
Ernest Bevin: "Not while I'm alive…"
I have no idea who these two guys are. Or were.
I have suddenly found sincere respect and appreciation for the McCain girl, who is at least literate.
If only, if only, she had spoken these words, rather than allowing a ghostwriter to facebook them, then, one could use the immortal line "she uses her mouth purtier than a twenty-dollar whore."
You realize that you people are cheering on the guy with the tiny dick who thinks he's Edward R. Murrow, don't you?
I mean, it takes a special nobody to get your ass whipped by a certified megalomaniac Irishman night after night after night and still think you are the best thing since Uncle Walter left the air. Then top it off by going after some 20 year old mom just because she's Palin's daughter. I mean, come on, Bristol Palin?
At some point you folks are going to have to admit that the man is a flaming butthole who holds on to his job because the suits at Comcast don't quite know how to fill the demographic time slot. An hour of Downfall Parodies could beat this guy. But, strangely, he attracts angry lefties convinced that the Radiant Future is just around the corner.
Perhaps you would like to share with the class, how exactly you are aware of Mr. Olbermann's penis size?
I thought being (as opposed to having) a flaming butthole was a prerequisite (I know this word because when I was In college the course catalogue — or is it catalog? — required completion of Economics 110 and 112 as a prerequisite to taking Economics 210) to being a political commentator on TV.
Could these people just please go away. Right away. Like…now.
First, Olberman is kind of an ass for keeping that "worst person" thing going. He once picked a marriage equality organization in NJ as the "worst person" because they didn't un-invite Geraldine Ferraro who was scheduled to speak and had made her infamous senile racist comment the day before. He's picked lots of people who clearly aren't the worst, or even all that bad at all. It's supposed to be humor. The man also loves reading James Thurber stories which would be fine, but he reads them out loud on a TV show. Bristol being the little attention whore that she is, should be honored that she got picked at all, by anyone, for anything. That said, couldn't they at least find someone who could write in the voice of teenager? I mean we'd still know by the lack of expletives, spelling mistakes, and punctuation errors that it wasn't actually written by Bristol, but couldn't they have gotten a little closer?
I'd have more respect for her if her reply had consisted of making two straight minutes of loud angry armpit-farts on YouTube … THAT would at least be believable. Jesus … that paragraph is the abortion she should've had years ago.
We need some new canards – I hear all the old ones are tired & worn out now.
Having your photograph on the cover of People dressed in a graduation gown holding your baby.
THAT's the way to promote your "do as I say, not as I do" abstinence program!
Was that even a real Wasilla High grad gown?
I completely believe this story and I believe that this is the way that Bristol speaks.
It would have been a hoot to be a fly on the wall the night she said this to her mom:
"Mother, I am heavy in heart, knowing that I may have miscalculated the date in which I released my ovum and I foolishly allowed Levi to release his spermatozoa inside my womb. I've taken leave of my menses and I acquired a urinalysis test that detected human chorionic gonadotropin and I fear that I may be with child."
Sorry, I can't seem to help myself….
continued…
Come Piper, my dear sister. Grab your most fetching pair of jodhpurs, given to you from Papa and let's see if a spirited ride on a trusty stallion will relieve me of my burden.
Shut the fuck up, Brisket, you fat clueless cunt.
Whoa! Hold on there, missy, with those five dollar words. The apple HAS fallen far from the tree. Don't let your mama hear you talking like that!
Wow! Could the daughter of our favorite illiterate author be the next Proust? What a wordsmith! Rememberences of Retardation Past.
Wow Barstool, all them big words sound elitest to me. Don't let your mom hear you talkin' like that!
"Todd may have a contendor from the Democrat’s camp! " What is a contendor? is that a Mexican contender?
Well sure, a woman can't get pregnant if she's on top. That's just gravity.
Does that word also translate to "French military"?
They have a different word for everything!
How many trains are involved and which direction are they headed?
I learn so much here. Thank you for that thought I'd rather never have had.
Actually an airplane moves relative to the airmass, so getting the stall speed wrong would only result in standard stall.
Cessna 150's are very stable and recover from stalls quite nicely.
Welcome to Hell's Library
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