Julian Assange Julian-Assangeing Around In Britain Now

Julian Assange is very important, you guys, because he runs a website that compiles government documents some people find interesting, but if you handed them to pro skateboarder Tony Hawk, he would probably say, "Boring. I don't want read this." In his latest WikiLeaking, he revealed documents that show that U.S. diplomats are only capable of seeing the world as a system of "Batman and Robin" binaries, which is pretty embarrassing. (Canada is a Robin to the U.S.'s Batman. Dmitry Medvedev is the same to Vladimir Putin.) The media is waiting for the U.S. military to kill this Assange's website, while Assange is living in the streets of London, expertly disguised as a lowly Cockney shoe-shine boy, masturbating to the thought of getting assassinated.

But the U.S. military is not going to go after this guy's website. And the Swedish charges for him allegedly doing a rape with a couple of ladies don't seem like they are going to get him.

And also:

A spokesman for WikiLeaks said Assange had received assassination threats and had to remain out of the public eye.

They're called "death threats," bro. And everyone gets them. Even children. Especially children.

The only way this guy is going to die is if he does it the way David Carradine did. Or if people eventually stop paying attention to him and he really does have to become a Cockney shoe-shiner full-time and gets one of those various archaic diseases Cockneys get. But until then, we will keep having the same conversations about what to do with him every time documents are released. And his mom the Australian puppet lady will be worried. [ Reuters ]