- The House is expected to vote today on extending tax cuts for the greediest 98 percent of Americans, “the middle-class” — the war merchants, sweatshop owners and oil barons who have gang-raped all six continents while simultaneously ruining any hope of a peaceful, simple existence for America’s persecuted minority, the struggling single mom billionaires. But don’t worry, you don’t need to sign the Amnesty International petition to “stop the exploitation of trillionaires” — not yet at least! Because that Orange Thing knows this vote is nothing more than “a Washington stalling tactic with job-killing implications,” which is totally unacceptable. Are there any jobs left to “kill” at this point? No, they are all already dead, since “the economy has such limited job openings that even if every open position in the country were filled, four out of five unemployed workers still wouldn’t be able to find a job.” So yeah, that’s why we must cut unemployment benefits for millions of Americans and let rich people hoard all their money. Guess who lost the Class War? [Fox News/MSNBC/ThinkProgress]
- Prosecutors will not charge John Ensign with “conspiracy to fuck a friend’s wife, then help said friend find a lobbying job.” There was zero evidence to support this ridiculous claim. [NYT]
- The House will (also) probably vote today on whether to censure Charlie Rangel. Hooray, maybe they’ll finally “pass” something? [CNN]
{ 133 comments }
Hooray once the rich win the class war, we can limit the vote to landholders.
I'm all for this if we restrict it to those who own in "freehold," i.e., no mortgage. There will be like 8 voters left, and they will all vote to bring back Matlock.
I dunno; didn't Andy Griffith turn out to be an evil commie fascist soshalist Obamacare-supporting secret urban Kenyan Muslin?
True. They'll vote to bring back Murder She Wrote.
But isn't Angela Lansbury a foreigner?
I always forget he's still alive, but then remember his turn in Waitress. Such a stately performance, such a great film.
"I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor."
You forgot "white" and "male."
Oh no that comes next lolz.
Ah, the days of my youth, in de ole south, there was a common expression a man would let fly upon announcing that he doesn't care what anyone thinks, he's gonna have another beer, or some such trivial shit, it was a way of announcing his prerogatives: "I'm free, white, and 21."
My own not outwardly racist San Francisco native mother used to say that as well.
Hey, I own property in 3 states! Moar votez, plz!
They say that in Iowa as well. Except it was "I'm white, male, and over 21."
Don't the Chinese own most of the land now?
I for one welcome our landed gentry overloads.
Mohnin' govnuh! How's my accent? Now, could someone translate that into Chinese, for me? Gracias. Tambien.
At this point, the House prolly couldn't pass gas. I suppose cuz they're all full of crap.
Never underestimate the will of the federal government to punish a blackman for the horrible crime of messing up paperwork. Meanwhile, Mark Foley is getting a footrub in South Beach and David Vitter is eating a bowl of prunes.
You're correct. They'll never raise the gas tax.
Look on the bright side — soon there will be a few thousand additional openings for police to put down the food riots.
A nation one half secret police the other half informers.
And they said the East German model couldn't work!
Turns out Joe Miller was right.
Americans seem to only be able to protest when the black man in the white house wants to pass a Republican-style health care reform bill.
I am sorry, the Republicans won't support funding for additional police unless it is fully funded with spending cuts elsewhere. Except Medicare. And defense. So, basically, unless it's fully funded with cuts to NPR.
The good news is that, because the tax cuts are being extended, rich plutocrats can afford to hire additional private security to guard their convoys through the New American Favellas. So, jobs in the private sector! You will like working for Blackwater, I am sure.
Just increase the Defense Budget to pay for a paramilitary force to restore order in America. They can fund it like they did the Holy Crusade Against Islam, with supplementals.
Will these new American favellas have baile funk parties in the week-end?
I remember that it was either this year, or last year, but one of the big stories around where I live in Michigan is that the state was about to hire a few hundred new employees to man the overworked phones at the state unemployment office call center, and it was treated a positive news. It was something straight out of The Onion…except that it wasn't out of The Onion.
John Ensign: Free at last, free at last. Great God almighty, he's free at last! So good to see the system still works. Now he can join his spiritual soulmate, Mark Sanford, in chasing fresh tail!
Riley: your "lede graf," as the journosaurs call it, is brilliant.
And yet they didn't object when our p-cut expired. Ps for the poor, Govna? Ps for the poor?
Ken is trying to get yer electrolytes up with Pee-dee-yah-lite.
I figured out that yesterday was officially P-Tax day. We all had our deductions garnished and the P's were redistributed to those most in need (i.e. metamarc).
I think my ex-wife owns a piece of MasterDebate. Suddenly yesterday my jokes were only about two thirds as funny as they were the day before.
Try not to think of it less p, but more concentrated p, like if one were to go on a spinach and asparagus bender.
I've been taking B-complex vitamins. Man, do they turn my P-score yellow!
Maybe the Dems could tack on a special tax on "capital gains associated with precious metals" to off set the loss in revenue? I don't think buying gold creates jobs?
Buying gold has certainly created a job for Beck, isn't Goldline his last remaining sponsor?
The minute Boner takes over the house, we all need to email and call constantly and ask him where the "jawbs, jawbs jawbs" are. Especially since they're going to get their millionaires, (the jawb creators), their stupid tax break anyway. Hateful fucks.
The only jobs they've created is for a few tax-cheating-advice accountants, insider-trading stock brokers, lawn jockeys, mens' men, personal chefs, and scullery maids.
I'll have them on speed dial. The unemployment rate better be zero one second after midnight on January 1, 2011 or else…..
Boner keeps calling every Democratic initiative "job-killing", even when it makes no sense like here or, like with the stimulus or health care reform, actually creates jobs. Really, how the fuck is this supposed to kill jobs at all? It's completely illogical.
I sense a lack of snark in your comment.
Sometimes the anger makes the snark hard.
Might I suggest more Vodka & T? It will assist in making your snark simultaneously easier and turgid, which is in accordance with the prevailing natural laws governing Wonkette… If not, at least the V & Tonics will give you a nice buzz while taking the edge off, unless you're an angry drunk, soooooo, either way, it's a win.
Probably why SorosBot's score wasn't slashed during yesterday's p-holocaust.
I lost six whole points!
It's simple: should the Democratic initiatives prove successful, people vote the Dems back in, thus killing many Republican jobs. Plus, then Boner can't afford his entire team of low-IQ midget illegals to roll him around in Cheeto dust each morning, and who will think of the low-IQ midget illegals, if not Boner?
That's the beauty part. The illogic is designed to make liberals all pissed off. It wouldn't be worth doing otherwise.
Boners know no logic.
I'm thinking sell the pencils unsharpened then offer to rent a pencil sharpener? soon i'll have enough to buy a monocle to go along with my top hat.
Huzzah!
Feh, who cares about millions of unemployed schlubs, so long as Bonehead and McTurtle get to keep their jerbs, their muneez, and the ability to keep playing power bottom for their poor, suffering super-rich overlords.
I wonder if its too early to fire up the death panels? Maybe if we eliminate the weakest among us and then set up some sort of cage match for the remaining jobs to service the rich we can prevent the food riots.
soylent green is POORS!
(delicious poors anus burgers)
I doubt that the Republiklans/Tea Baggers have given a lot of thought to the fact that once the food riots start, the only people left standing will be the Bosnian and Serbian refugees that migrated to America in the late 90's/early 00's.
They have experience with fighting to procure nourishment on a daily basis.
This is somewhat off-topic, but Andrew Breitbart is a nose-picking bed-wetter with back acne and horrible breath, a scabby, syphilitic parasite on the throat of society.
His supporters, however, are thoughtful and generous individuals with tremendous personal integrity, whose every act is based in the teachings and example of Jesus of Nazareth.
[Now we sit back and wait for the reaction....]
Still lobbying to get your p score upped, eh Zvi? NICE TRY.
While I agree wholeheartedly about AB, I have to take issue with your comments about his followers.
They are the worst, the lowest form of human scum to ever drag their knuckles across mother Earth. These mouth breathing, dorito gumming sacks of failure and bile are the fuel that keeps evil bastards like Breitbart, Beck, Palin, and the rest afloat. The more they hurt, the more they taste the lash, the more they will blame an "other" while voting with the ballot and the dollar for the overseer who holds the whip.
There's a Godwin card here and I'm going to throw that motherfucker down:
Without the masses of followers, the torchlight parades, the Nuremberg rallies, Hitler would have been an annoying little prick that everyone laughed at and eventually ignored.
(…shhh….I'm trying to make their heads explode….)
Try a strap on and a burka… TSA is too busy with grandma at the airport.
Found something very interesting……………….
IM me
And they said there were no more great writers in America!
Riley, can you confirm Zvi's assertions?
I'm sorry, Riley. I didn't mean to reopen the wound. Don't worry about it. I'll just take Zvi's word on this.
My mind just exploded from the crystal clarity of that snark.
Nose-picking bed-wetters are offended by your remark!
Thank goodness that's all over, then. When do we start to negotiate the modern-day equivalent of the Versailles Treaty? I mean, that worked out pretty well, right?
Of course rich people won the class war, what with Boehner as Eisenhower and Barton as Patton.
And Barry as a conscientious objector.
Today, we are all the slapped soldier. But no apology will be forthcoming this time.
And David Vitter's Depends as Hiroshima.
It's like our masters aren't even pretending to give a shit about the rest of the country anymore. Plus…mutherfucking PLUS, the "rest" of the country are the ones that voted for these evil fuckers in the first place.
Oh Riley… the class war was already won in 1980 when some half senile actor won.
Deficits be damned unless it's Demoncraps who "tried" to help regular people. The problem with class wars is that when the rich win everyone loses. Tell that to some Teabagger who's only hanging on because he thinks that rich people will accept him when his bajillion dollar "idea" or lottery win somehow lands him in the gentry class.
All the proles have is hope, well that and victory gin. Hope of winning the lottery and Jeebus coming back from outer space to boil their enemies in boiling lead like he promised.
It's not over until we say it's over. Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?
When I was young & naieve, I used to listen to "The World's Greatest Sports Talk-show" on WISN — I know, I know — & the self-dubbed 'Homer' always played this clip when the chips were down for one of the local sides. Always got a chuckle.
He's right dammit, this is supposed to be a war blog!
I thought I would never see carnage worse than the Cola Wars. It was so rough out there, on Madison Avenue, the effrontery paid by the fodder of the rival firms: shoulders shoved while traversing the sidewalks, bodies pressed store-front to curb, but these were, in my case, intentional shoves. Slams, really. I still bear the bruises on my psyche of these swipes. But I did well. After the botched launch of New Coke — something for which, eventually, I was redeemed, when the remaining stock of same was repackaged as Coke II, in 1993-4 & sold out — I took a severance & repaired to Aspen. I hiked the trails in summer, slushed in winter, all the while feasting on Champagne & blueberries & my mistress, Ksenia. I fought in a war, but I came out the other side, largely intact & ready to take my place in Valhalla.
Then, the Class War came. It was horrid. I still remember, having decamped from the Western Range to Biscayne Bay for some R n' R, getting trapped, suffocated, by the Brooks Brothers Riot of December 2000. My sandal got smudged, I was deterred from my path from bed n' breakfast to beach for upward of eight minutes — I could smoke crack in that length, & trust me, I have (though it was years ago, a youthful mistake in '96) — I didn't think I would make it. But, once more, I did. & I realized, soon after, my wounds, same as in '85, were for my betterment. My dear disposal income, so tenuous, was saved by the 2001 tax cuts. & I lived, went on living…
Sundown always approached, though. 2010. Judgment Day for my financial well-being. Would the gains of war be lost in peace? All experts advised 'yes'. So, I moved funds not already off-shore to Monaco, Switzerland, Singapore. I had to prepare.
Needlessly.
For, a leader came upon scene, one I barely recalled but whom I treasure, now: Boehner. Trailing smoke from his Marlboro Ultra Lite 100 & bearing a suspicion of Stoli Orange, he marched into the well of history, & prevailed. My position was secured. & I was happy.
Oh, so happy.
A tale epic and inspiring. Really I haven't heard it's equal since the Crimson Limited Insurance.
Subscribed.
* weeps silently *
It's all about perspective. My neighbors think I'm rich but then the IRS sent me a letter telling me I might be eligible for EIC. WHOOOHOOOO, I'M RICH, BITCH!
Teabaggers can just wait for all those tax cuts to trickle down after their unemployment benefits run out.
So the trickle down theroy didn't work so now they have graduated to the "suck the remaining cash out of the poor with a hugh vacuum" concept?
Which, eventually, will morph into the "Shat on" economic theory of wealth distribution. (Notice I didn't say 'redistribution' cause, really, where's the change?) Nadine was ahead of her time…
Mehbe the lame fucks could bring back something like what was in force during the Great Depression. Provide different capital gains exclusions for
asshatsassets held 1, 2, 5, and 10 years. Now "long term" means anything held for a year. Sesame Street has given 'Murica the attention span of a gnat, but 1 year is not long term and the biggest bang for the buck is at the lower tax rates who do not own big enough blocks of stock to catch the attention of CEOs.Iffin' da Congress were serious about trying to flatten the hills and valleys of our economy, they need to get the attention of the Richie & Bitchie Riches but not with a carte blanche like they are about to be a' doin'. If funds and the rich got a real tax break for holding assets longer than three pico seconds, meybe the CEOs would be workin' on the long term performance of the firms they are managing and not always be locked in a
63-month performance horizon that is key to performance of assets for asshats. Don't hold yer breath for that kind of thinking.WeeJee, you are so cute when go into full-on fantasy mode.
When I ask it whether a rational system of taxing static assets and unearned income (Yes! I went there! Interest and dividend income is not earned!) of the Riches, the planchette on my Ouija board went right to "Good Bye."
After that, did it spell out "We'll be back for you later"?
"Interest and dividend income is not earned…" Truer words were never spoken. A million P's for you.
Notice Boner and his crew are keeping miles away from the Rascal subsidies. They know if they cut those the whole charade is up.
Oh. And another thing. When are we going to start referring to Mark Sanford and John Ensign as "disgraced" as we do whenever we mention Eliot Spitzer? Oh, we aren't? Because they're Republicans? Sigh.
About the same time we stop referring to John Edwards as if he's the head of the Democratic party.
I wonder if the Ensign "prosecutors" bothered to ask the recipients of the checks if they regarded the payments as "a gift?"
He gave his gift to his mistress.
When they were just trying to kick people out of the military, or restrict a woman's access to abortion or certain forms of birth control or make everyone say "Merry Christmas" that was one thing. But now they're going to burn the economy they already crashed and take out the middle class. I say second amendment solution time.
It is just as Jon the Stewart predicted –
GOP on campaign trail "We must control spending and the deficit (Really, baby, we learned our lesson – we won't keep doing the same stupid shit)"
GOP day after election "Fuck the deficit, the only thing that matters is giving our zillionaire overlords tax breaks – they create the jobs, after all (Shut the fuck up, I am not as think as you drunk I am, bitch)"
Goddamn, the GOP base of white stupidos fell for it again.
Yeah, pretty funny stuff. Even Bush the First said trickle down economics was bullshit when running against Ronnie Raygun in '80. "VooDoo Economics" was the term he used I believe. A moment of accidental honesty I'm sure. 'Cause the more you have the more you want to keep it. Reinvest in the economy 'cause of the tax break you gave me? HA HA HA HA HA HA I don't think so, I'm buying another yacht.
Well, that's cool; if you build yachts for a living, anyway.
I don't think I'm doing too well on the sarcasm thing….
I kan haz lecksus detailing shopz jobz now?
Give them everything they want. Let the experiment run its course.
I'm inclined to agree with this at this point. It has become patently obvious that Reid's "Democrats" are utterly incompetent and cowardly, and Obama's idea of diplomacy is "10 CONCEDE / 20 GOTO 10". So give them absolutely everything they desire, and in the meantime, let's see the *real* intellectual force in this country "go Galt". See how all the Randians like it when they don't have automobiles, radio, television, Internet, phones, electricity, gas, and running water. Wait until all these inbred moron fucktards realize that they are NOT John Galt — they are the ones that Galt was running from.
They want to decry generosity, sharing, and "socialism?" Fine. I'd love to see how well the homeschooled, mouth-breathing, theocratic, bigoted simpletons do on their own.
I remember horrifying my 4th grade teacher with my cynical view of what our future would be like–polluted, brutish, ugliness everywhere; it was her own fault–she read parts of 'The Population Bomb' to us (it was the 60's). And then the 80's brought 'Blade Runner' to the screen, visualizing the concept. With Ray-Gun in office the die was cast–his 'concepts' are heartedly embraced despite their heartless, inane, ridiculous, earth-and-humanity unfriendly logics. The timetable may not have been completely accurate, but we are certainly being overrun by Teh Stoopids thanks to the marketing techniques of their masters.Time to buy that shotgun and perhaps another large dog.
the class war was over when they shot Kennedy.
Oh come on. JFK kissed the Riches asses as facilely as any other pol. Why do you think he went to Dallas?
The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The ants go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The ants go marching one by one,
Boehner stops to put on his bum
And they all go marching down to the ground
To get out of the rain, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Wonkette should send Boehner one of these, while we Wonketteers should send him a tube of these. Wassa matter Mr. Sneaker sir. Ya got ants in yer pants?
he is, sadly, my representative, you know. i'm scheduling a visit to the capital and asking for a tour by one of his interns. we could have all sorts of fun.
by which i mean, only with words.
In a way, the rich can never really win the class war — not against the people who make their food and care for their children.
You mean Archer-Daniels-Midland and Kindercare "learning" centers?
Or do you mean Consuelo out there in the kitchen cooking dinner and taking care of Todd and Connor while Mom drops an Ambien? Consuelo doesn't get to vote, cuz she's…what's that word?…oh yeah: Illegal.
Really, it would be much easier if we just replaced "illegal" with "indentured servant". Once again, the Bible specifically condones it… everybody* wins!
* Definition of "everybody" may vary.
Pish. We wouldn’t need all these “jobs”, if we’d just revert to the feudal system where a few privileged people have all the property and power and use it to oppress the less fortunate. Oh, wait…
It is amazing how effective government can be when you buy it outright at wholesale prices.
Pish. We wouldn't need all these "jobs", if we'd just revert to the feudal system where a few privileged people have all the property and power and use it to oppress the less fortunate. Oh, wait…
Oh, here's a little ray of sunshine: Nigeria is about to indict Dick Cheney. Not for war crimes, but for Halliburton bribery. Now I'm no connoisseur of Nigerian jails, but I'll bet Dick wouldn't find them as comfortable as his Wyoming ranch. Plus, they probably won't let him use the torture chamber — at least not in the way he's used to.
Extradite him NOW!
He'll just connive his way into a Principality, then fleece us, again, via e:mail.
The thought of a Nigerian paramilitary force, heli-dropping on to the location of the Cheney secret underground lair. After a brief gun battle with his personal Xe employees, they drag him out in shackles and throw him aboard a waiting Gulfstream V, where he is flown to Nigeria to face prosecution.
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Oooh I love a happy ending!
And they drag him out into the sunlight, where he bursts into flames and finally meets his end.
This is good news for Ensign, Sanford, Vitter ET.AL, because there are so many people out of work finding someone to fuck is going to be a breeze. There must be thousands of men and women just ready to help the boys lay pipe. They're fucked either way, might as well get a little money off it.
I do not believe Christianity means what you think it means.
Repubs announce they will vote on NO legislation until their fav tax cuts for the rich is addressed. Maybe it's time for the Democrats to call their bluff – help the unemployed or SHUT IT DOWN!!
aka repudiate THIS assholes.
If there are any questions on process a certain William Jefferson Clinton might be of use in explaining how, and then explaining to the American people why.
You're forgetting that if ANYTHING goes wrong, it is automatically the fault of Democrats and liberals. No matter what. This is the very definition of "scapegoat".
So, Charlie Rangel doesn't declare his vacation home in the Dominican Republic and gets censured. He did wrong, he should face the consequences.
When are the other Congress people like, say, Phil Gramm, who made a frickin career out of designing bad legislation that screwed up our financial system?
We need a "clawback" system like they're using for Wall Street bonuses: If your shitty legislation ends up costing the country money, you're liable for the full amount, plus interest.
Of course the rich won the class war – they have the money to fight while the rest of us ask for handouts in the street. And the fact that Ensign gets to walk just proves the point that if you are rich you can bugger the hell out of anyone and just walk away….
'merica fuck yeah!
sigh.
Karl Marx put it best:
A specter is haunting Amerika–the specter of an orange skinned buffoon.
Where can I get that "We are Doomed" button?
Well, the rich may have won the class war, but I still have my, my…..I got nuthin'. Oh, by the way, as part of the deal, Eric Holder has agreed to send a FBI Agent over to Ensign's office once a week to blow him, just for good measure. No hard feelins'.
It's only considered "class war" when we fight back.
Like my right-wanger friends on the facebooks would say, "RIP America."
If by "wins" you mean like how a purse-snatcher "wins" his booty, than yeah, they won…for now.
Comments on this entry are closed.