House GOP Ends Climate-Change Committee Because It's Not Real

 
 Because Republicans won a majority in the House in the 2010 elections, climate change no longer exists. Hooray! Jim Sensenbrenner announced that Republicans will be getting rid of the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming when they take over, so it held its last hearing today so everyone could sign each other's climate-change committee yearbooks or whatever. So why does this very important issue no longer need special congressional attention? It turns out global warming never existed! Whoops! Why didn't those silly Democrats listen to the Republicans? Here they are holding hearings about the future of the Earth itself, and the whole time our goofy planet wasn't warming up at all! What a hilarious blooper!

Sensenbrenner will continue to make sure other people in Congress don't make this amusing little "climate change" mistake again, he promised. Apparently some people, like the now-dead committee's chairman, Ed Markey, just don't see what terrific boners they're making here.

“We are not going away because the problems that climate change presents are too dangerous too urgent for us to disappear into the abyss of cynicism and loss,” Markey said. “We are not going away because China, India, and Germany are not going away as competitors for global energy dominance. We are not going away because the national security threats from our continued dependence on foreign oil are not going away.”

Hey Markey! Why are your pants all wet? Did you pee yourself? Haha!

No, wait, that's melted ice-cap water filling the building. And now we're all drowning. Well, it looked like urine there for a second. What a goof! [ Politico with thanks to Wonkette operative "GuyClinch"]