WE'RE SAVED!  4:55 pm December 1, 2010

House GOP Ends Climate-Change Committee Because It’s Not Real

by Jack Stuef

Woot!Because Republicans won a majority in the House in the 2010 elections, climate change no longer exists. Hooray! Jim Sensenbrenner announced that Republicans will be getting rid of the Select Committee on Energy Independence and Global Warming when they take over, so it held its last hearing today so everyone could sign each other’s climate-change committee yearbooks or whatever. So why does this very important issue no longer need special congressional attention? It turns out global warming never existed! Whoops! Why didn’t those silly Democrats listen to the Republicans? Here they are holding hearings about the future of the Earth itself, and the whole time our goofy planet wasn’t warming up at all! What a hilarious blooper!

Sensenbrenner will continue to make sure other people in Congress don’t make this amusing little “climate change” mistake again, he promised. Apparently some people, like the now-dead committee’s chairman, Ed Markey, just don’t see what terrific boners they’re making here.

“We are not going away because the problems that climate change presents are too dangerous too urgent for us to disappear into the abyss of cynicism and loss,” Markey said. “We are not going away because China, India, and Germany are not going away as competitors for global energy dominance. We are not going away because the national security threats from our continued dependence on foreign oil are not going away.”

Hey Markey! Why are your pants all wet? Did you pee yourself? Haha!

No, wait, that’s melted ice-cap water filling the building. And now we’re all drowning. Well, it looked like urine there for a second. What a goof! [Politico with thanks to Wonkette operative "GuyClinch"]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 222 comments }

jodyleek December 1, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Climate change is a sham! My invisible space zombie Jesus told me so!

jackannapolis December 1, 2010 at 6:12 pm

It's only practical that they won't worry about climate change. These guys will be dead by the time Goatfuck, Nebraska gets subsumed in the Great Tsunami of 2104 and the SharkMen invade Cincinnati.

Lascauxcaveman December 1, 2010 at 9:04 pm

I've known that Global Warming is a hoax since last week. I mean, we got like, a foot of snow! Hasn't even all melted yet!

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 10:47 pm

And shit, it's not like it's winter or anything.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 10:43 pm

Hey we just got snow here in Rochester, about three weeks past when we would normally get it. And because there is snow on the ground the can't be any global warming.
And if there was going to be global warming Jesus would have told me about it in revelations.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:32 am

A while back a fellow prof told me it can't be happening because Al Gore says it is. "It ain't happening people" are classic nutburgers, a lot like 7-day Creationists. I suspect many ARE 7-day Creationists.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 4:58 pm

First the pee scores drop…then no unemployment monies…muslin ban…space monsters…noah's ark…and now global warming=jk!

End times.

GuyClinch December 1, 2010 at 5:07 pm

This truly has been a day of calamity here on the Wonkette. Oh, and for the rest of the country.

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Also, snow day in Boise. Had fun taking the spawn sledding, though of course it also meant I won't be getting that big $65 for substituting for the elementary-school secretary.

JadedDissonance December 1, 2010 at 5:25 pm

My sister had a baby today, so it's not a total loss…

PublicLuxury December 1, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Yay! Congratulations. You are now an aunt or uncle… leaning toward uncle but it is hard to tell… Sure hope you turn out to be a good one. Buy a stuffed toy and Confederate War Bonds for the kid. The South will rise again so it is a good investment.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 8:41 pm

Congrats. Pretty soon he or she will be asking for the car keys, so enjoy.

OhNoGuy December 1, 2010 at 9:19 pm

We had a baby today. Leftovers tomorrow.

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 5:33 pm

Did you "pee" yourself?

It's even worse then we thought. Our Wonkette overlords are mocking our pitiful metrics.
I've mentioned this before, but, petty. vindictive, middle-managers (not that Jack is a petty, vindictive, middle manager — oh, no, no, no — love ya big guy) just use metrics as a hammer. Today we have all been nailed.

imissopus December 1, 2010 at 6:36 pm

It's as if they don't realize how much of our self-esteem is tied up in our precious, precious pee.

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 6:42 pm

Now we know how the über-rich feel about their precious, precious tax cuts. See, we do have something in common.

OhNoGuy December 1, 2010 at 9:20 pm

AKA "Wiz Kids"

weejee December 1, 2010 at 5:34 pm

And Ken et al haven't reported on the really bad things that happened today. Like, ah, uh, Bachmann and Palin haven't yet raptured to the circling Jebus Zombie space ark, or something.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 5:58 pm

At least we learned that Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Schlock, is broke. So there's that. The only danger is he'll try to paint his way out of it

Lascauxcaveman December 1, 2010 at 9:07 pm

Kinkade is broke? WTF? Is he the the MC Hammer of bad art, or something?

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 11:28 pm

Saw it in a comment here on the Wonkit this morning:http://www.mcclatchydc.com/2010/06/15/95877/artist-thomas-kinkade-faces-dui.htmlThe arc of the universe is wide but it bends toward justice.________________________________________

Radiotherapy December 2, 2010 at 12:36 am

I always say, 2 steps forward, 1.9999 back.

tribbzthesquidz December 2, 2010 at 12:43 am

That's a whole lot of gift book sales to go broke on. I knew he was a mean drunk. Was he into the cocaine also? I hear that costs a lot of money.

HurricaneAli December 1, 2010 at 10:11 pm

We were at a tourist trap over the weekend and the Thomas Kinkade, Painter of Light art gallery (and I use "art" in the broadest sense) was having a close-out sale. Now it makes sense. Weird.

BarryOPotter December 2, 2010 at 8:36 am

End times.

Yeah, logic had a good run, but all things must come to an end. I increasingly feel like I'm taking a long ride on a slow boat to Le Moyen Age (I insist on using the French words to characterize our society's current trajectory 'cause I'm just a classy cat like that…;-)

Rosie_Scenario December 2, 2010 at 9:19 am

Why has our pee been devalued? How's the euro holding up?

Not_So_Much December 1, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Who will take the lead on apologizing to all the oil companies? That pig-face shitbag Joe Barton already got his turn. Someone else should get a chance to strap on the cash knee-pads.

CZL December 1, 2010 at 5:06 pm

Joe Barton is now firmly fixed around the corporate-lobbyist teat, a la "The Human Centipede," except this is even more degrading and disgusting.

BornInATrailer December 1, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Like everything else today, that committee acquired Thumbs Down Syndrome.

MadBrahms December 1, 2010 at 5:59 pm

More like "sitting with thumbs in assholes" syndrome, in my reading.

SeveredHead. December 1, 2010 at 5:01 pm

As long as they maintain the all-powerful Wish It Into The Corn Committee.

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Oooh, Jack.

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 5:02 pm

they couldn't do fuck about it anyway, so why have a committee?

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 5:47 pm

The House actually did; it was the Senate where the climate bill, like so much else, was stalled to death.

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 5:56 pm

thanks. i forget about how the democrats have been in the minority in the senate for a generation now.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 1:35 am

Yeah, apparently, anything under 60 seats in the Senate in a minority, now.

BarryOPotter December 2, 2010 at 8:47 am

I think that definition only applies if the Democrats are the "majority" party.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 5:03 pm

Are they going to drop the House Oversight Committee? Because that certainly didn't exist during the six years the Republicans controlled the House and Bush was in office.

Boredw/Gravity December 1, 2010 at 5:04 pm

Why, God would never let the icecaps melt or the rainforests disappear or the air quality worldwide to become untenable or every other Mayan prediction to come true!

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:34 am

The Rapture will save the Good People and the rest of us don't matter.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Following this logic, the Republicans should abolish the House Armed Services Committee and *poof* no more threats to national security!

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

likewise, "Homeland" "Security".

EdFlintstone December 1, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Well who could argue with some Koch brothers scientists and Flip the weatherman from San Diego against some measly nobel laureates.

imissopus December 1, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Flip loves lamp.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 10:46 pm

The Hippy Dippy weatherman has more credibility than those assholes.

4TheTurnstiles December 1, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Bad policies for bad people.

JustPixelz December 1, 2010 at 5:05 pm

Global warming will affect food production, disease transmission, fish migration, infrastructure, insurance. It's not that we won't know what hit us. We will and that's pretty pathetic.

petehammer December 1, 2010 at 5:27 pm

But that's LATER. Tax cuts for the rich is RIGHT NOW!

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 10:47 pm

Well they will need more money when things go bad.

BorderJumper! December 1, 2010 at 5:36 pm

As the recent elections proved once again, people have short-term, selective memory. If they believe the economic mess we are in happened over the last 2 years, how can you expect them to grasp the concept of climate change, which takes decades to evolve.

PublicLuxury December 1, 2010 at 5:36 pm

Those things are bad? They are opportunities for the banksters and tea tards to make a fast buck offering products that supplement the lack of food production, disease transmission, fish migration, infrastructure, insurance and so on. You see disaster, a tea tard see an opportunity to further exploit the planet and their neighbor.

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 10:49 pm

And then "we" will be screaming at the gubmint because they let it happen.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:40 am

Well, most of these ignorami have no idea of how food is produced.

Texan_Bulldog December 1, 2010 at 5:06 pm

First a giant Noah's Ark & now no more climate change committee; let's just anoint Snowbilly the virgin Madonna, get this rapture shit over with & start from scratch.

OneYieldRegular December 1, 2010 at 6:41 pm

Chrisamighty – that's it, isn't it. They just want to wait until the water really starts rising so they can fund NOAH'S BLOODY ARK II, because they're all about not being LEFT BEHIND. Good luck rounding up the two raccoons and a couple of the 88 billion cockroaches that'll still be around.

Texan_Bulldog December 1, 2010 at 8:38 pm

Because, frankly, I could live happily without some of my holier-than-thou 'homescholing' neighbors frowning every time we put our beer bottle filled recycle bin next to theirs.

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2010 at 5:06 pm

It's gratifying to see the party that believes FDR and Hitler fought on the same side against Jesus' Freedom Dinosaur Cavalry aren't letting those godforsaken liberals and their preponderance of scientific elitist studies push them around.

Ducksworthy December 1, 2010 at 5:22 pm

So Jesus' Freedom Dinosaur Cavalry was led by Stalin? Makes sense to me, doseitoyew?

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 10:48 pm

Facts, again with the facts, I know a guy with red shoes, a funny hat and a book that he says has all the answers in it. He tells me not to worry because this guy will show up one day and make everything all better.

Monsieur_Grumpe December 1, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Global warming can be fixed with tax cuts for the rich. It says so in the bible.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 1:38 am

Which, from now on, will replace the heathen Constitution.

EDIT: WTF is going on? This is Wonkette. I was being facetious. I didn't think I'd have to say that.

This is why we can't have nice things, folks.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:37 am

The biggest topic in the Bible is "Stop Cheating Poor People!!!" These nitwits don't actually read the Bible.

aguacatero December 1, 2010 at 5:07 pm

You meant "2010" elections, not "2008" … this error in a post about global warming further proves global warming isn't real.

ManchuCandidate December 1, 2010 at 5:09 pm

Retardicans, indeed.

MinAgain December 1, 2010 at 5:09 pm

In the words of the young Bill Cosby, "How long can you tread water?"

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 5:11 pm

They probably figure we can just escape the flooding in that mythical boat "recreation" they're building in Kentucky.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Hey SB, no disrespect toward your great commentary, but how'd you manage to survive the Night of the Long Pee Knives? I mean, I went from exactly where you are now to a 71 between roughly 10am and 12pm this morning, which actually bummed me out more than I thought it would. Seriously, what's going on?

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 5:41 pm

Yah, I noticed that, too. I think this is a social experiment to see how fast we all turn on SB to bring those pee points down. I am terribly disappointed as I was going to use mine to leverage a pay raise, or more basically, my job.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 6:08 pm

"They stab it with their snarky knives, but they just can't kill the beast."

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 6:25 pm

Another thought is that Metamarcisf (or whatever) introduced a negative pee virus. I haven't seen that name lately – have you?

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 8:43 pm

Yes, he/she is floating about on another thread and that's the funny thing: he's no longer in the red but rather quite respectable (giving the newly devastated averages) pee-wise. I smell a redistribution of wealth here!

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 10:44 pm

Well now, this is starting to sound suspicious.

I think metamarcis has been lurking here, collecting all our personal infos, and then it STOLE OUR PEES!

I knew I shouldn't have used my login data as light banter.

Crank_Tango December 1, 2010 at 6:49 pm

yeah I dropped 30 peez overnight, and then added one through my brilliant whatever, gumption?

Today, we are all peed on, or peed down, something like that.

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 8:36 pm

Atlas Peed

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 8:55 pm

I feel like I belong to the Brotherhood of the De-Peed

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 10:51 pm

It is just another rendition of trickle down economics. They come over from Brietbart, pee on us and we lose all of our p points.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 1:39 am

Big Bible is a strong-ass lobby, innit?

Spenceredux December 1, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Maybe next they'll abolish the ATF and we can really get down to some fun.

Crank_Tango December 1, 2010 at 6:27 pm

DEA or GTFO.

Terry December 1, 2010 at 6:37 pm

And the IRS so we'll all have more money to buy alcohol, tobacco, and firearms. Come to think of it, aren't those three things the holy trinity of the South? No, it has to be Jesus, Elvis, and Dale Earnhart.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 10:53 pm

For the first time in my life I was in the sporting goods store checking out the Mossbergs. I made need one to keep teabaggers and gay mexicans who want to get married on my lawn out of my yard.

MistaEko December 1, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Well, now that giant ark in Kentucky makes sense then!

bumfug December 1, 2010 at 5:19 pm

Talking out of their asses has to release alot of methane but apparently it's not affecting the weather.

johnnymeatworth December 1, 2010 at 5:20 pm

Today is a bad dream, it has to be. I'm going to bed.

PublicLuxury December 1, 2010 at 5:32 pm

Are you going to sleep with a republican? Becareful Johnny. They have been known to grind meat worth $100.

johnnymeatworth December 1, 2010 at 5:35 pm

Good point, I'll make sure to check voter registration cards….

Gratuitous World December 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

i couldn't think of a better GOP house member to lead the charge against science and diversification of our energy supply than the despicably dishonest and contemptible douchebag Jimmy Sensenbrenner. most of the GOP nuts I can laugh off as near characatures of themselves. but i can't even formulate an unninspired pun for him. i hate hate that man.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:41 am

You're in his district?

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

In other breaking congressional news, the sun revolves around the earth, which is flat.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 6:02 pm

Maybe we could get Copernicus declared an enemy combatant, the way Newtie wants to do with Assange. Sure, one's dead and the other never picked up a gun. We can't let that stop us!

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:42 am

I believe the Alabama legislature is ahead of you.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:43 am

The giant turtle which carries the flat earth told them that there's no globe so there can't be global warming! Although turtle warming is another thing….

fuflans December 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

ok that's it for today. If somebody doesn't find a 'small boy rescued from dank basement of creationist, global warming denying, teabagging, republican preacher who serves on Children's Affairs Sub-committee' story, I will have to go to Star Magazine.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 10:46 pm

Bristol's probably pregnant by Todd again–does that help?

hagajim December 1, 2010 at 5:24 pm

More wonderful newz from the idiocracy. Boy am I so very happy that the Republicans are in charge again because they are the party of science….the best kind of science that is. If it ain't in the Bible then it ain't science – unless Arthur Laffer says so….

fuflans December 1, 2010 at 8:34 pm

this day has been a non-stop stream of horrors. including the US section of 'the economist' whose editors seem to be having buyers remorse for the their right leaning inclinations.

thank the god of many eyes and probably cats we have the wonkette.

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 5:25 pm

Extinction Committee is now extinct.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 5:28 pm

Did I miss something or did they also quash the Senate-approved Pee Score Protection Act?

weejee December 1, 2010 at 5:38 pm

Good gravy, you were a C note & change yesterday. I missed your post that musta really pissed a lot of folk to loose that much pee. It musta been just the best ever.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 5:55 pm

The deal is, though, that I have no negative scores at all on any of my posts, according to my profile. Plus, our old friend metamarscif (sp?) of perpetual red ink is now about equal with me. I think Ah Puch is afoot.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 6:10 pm

Regression to the mean, owl. We couldn't be exceptional forever.

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 6:19 pm

some sort of quarterly balancing of the books?

while we're at it, anybody wanna buy a stray mortgage? small country? or a congress, we've always got one of those for sale.

weejee December 1, 2010 at 6:14 pm

Or Ken hired Joe Btfsplk to run IT.

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 6:33 pm

It's a new fucking algorithm – the same one my institution is using to "balance" the budget.

weejee December 1, 2010 at 6:39 pm

Al Gore ain't got no rhythm no how.

Crank_Tango December 1, 2010 at 6:50 pm

ah, P cuts for the wealthy, is that it?

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 8:34 pm

See, this is what life in socialism is all about–they take the pee points from those with the most and redistribute 'em to people like metamarcisf. All the hard work you put into getting your pee points is gone, pffft! in the blink of an eye. All for the "Common Good."

HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR SOCIALIST WONDERLAND NOW, COMRADES?????????!!!!!

PublicLuxury December 1, 2010 at 5:31 pm

Are they going to throw an "end of year" kegger at the shore? Oh wait. The shore is now 25 miles closer. This is GREAT, less driving, new development opportunities and the fishing from the back porch is OUTSTANDING!

HistoriCat December 3, 2010 at 10:41 am

At this rate, I should have ocean-front property in about 30 years. I'll be 71 then, so if I'm lucky I can sell my new upwardly valued real estate to fund retirement – after all, we won't have Social Security any more.

harry_palmer December 1, 2010 at 5:33 pm

How fun! We're in full freak show mode and they haven't even officially taken over the Congress yet.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 6:12 pm

Srsly. Were they this bold 4 years ago?

Cicada December 1, 2010 at 8:23 pm

Just wait until Steve King takes over the Immigration Subcommittee. This is the guy who compared illegal immigrants to stray cats and livestock.

C-SPAN should just start playing "Yackety Sax" over their coverage of the House.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 10:22 pm

I'm wondering if a mournful dirge might be more appropriate.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:47 am

If the illegals left Storm Lake, the place would dry up and blow away. The local economy is based largely on the local packing plant, which is staffed largely with illegals. I doubt they could replace them with locals: they went through the supply of young, strong, locals who are willing to do the worst kind of assembly line work for LOW wages quite a few years ago.

trampndirtdown December 2, 2010 at 12:28 am

I remember back in the late 80's early 90's Newty and that other idiot B1 Bob from cali were back bench bomb throwers.Then there was talk about Newt for speaker and I thought that dipshit ha ha bring it on. Well it was brought and as horrible as it was at the time the dipshit shone it's way through, people realized what a toad he really is. I only hope something similar may happen without too much damage in the meantime. Refudiate Also.

PsycWench December 1, 2010 at 5:35 pm

The GOP will reverse this decision once they realize how much "money" (dead seals and fish) can be gained from The Polar Bear PAC.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 5:39 pm

Can't they at least wait until the new Congress, before they flush the toilet that was America?

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 5:43 pm

Today the earth haz a sad; give her a hug people and tell her you love her.

elviouslyqueer December 1, 2010 at 5:47 pm

Blackburn (R – TN) added that the panel has offered a useful platform for climate skeptics. “I think that we’ve done a good job of proving that global warming is not a decided science.”

Yep, this from a woman whose state brought you the Scopes Monkey Trial. Plus ça change.

SudsMcKenzie December 1, 2010 at 5:57 pm

Now with that stupid climate shit over with, can we Pleeaase get back to Steroids in Baseball, think of the Children!

WhatTheHeck December 1, 2010 at 6:07 pm

I’ll send a letter to all those sub-tropical birds which have now moved into European temperate zones to get the fuck back to where they belong. Cause Merika said so.

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Hey, you know how Global Warming is all a myth? Turns out that those crazyheads in the Insurance Industry are taking the goofy idea seriously, and are very, very nervous about having to write policies in coastal areas that may end up underwater.

I'm looking forward to the warming-deniers explaining that the insurance industry is controlled by a cabal of liberals.

fuflans December 1, 2010 at 10:13 pm

heard that. thought EXACTLY the same thing.

doxastic December 1, 2010 at 6:23 pm

James Inhofe can't wait to have beachfront property in Oklahoma.

DebC2 December 1, 2010 at 9:07 pm

And we can't wait for Inhofe to be underwater in that God-forsaken hole of
Sharia law fearing rednecks.

JackObin December 1, 2010 at 6:26 pm

They really are men's men, these Republicans. It's too bad most of them have multiple chins and predilections for draft-dodging.

imissopus December 1, 2010 at 6:29 pm

If I spend any more time reading this site today I'm going to kill myself. It's too damn hard to find the funny with these shitheads at this moment.

weejee December 1, 2010 at 6:50 pm

I'm with ya, but you have to follow the Neilist's advice, remain the shooter but redirect who is the shootee. Instead of whack-a-mole how's 'bout whack-an-asshat? Or when the new GOPee House caucus caca-R-us meets for the first time and Mr. Chairstick Boner yells pull at the start of their group fap, Opus needz to be in the gallery with a 12 gauge and see how many chickenhawks you can bag.

That's a joke Homerland Security, in case yer a bit slow.

imissopus December 1, 2010 at 7:10 pm

It's always a struggle to hold my 12-gauge steady with my flippers but I'm willing to give it a shot.

And if the FBI is reading this, Hoover was a flaming queen.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 9:13 pm

If the FBI is reading this, they should get the fuck back to work.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:49 am

Probably they are surfing porn sites.

mrblifil December 1, 2010 at 6:31 pm

Actually Senator Ensign got his parents to send The Earth a check for $98,000, and suddenly everything got good again.

Worthly Wokette Skum December 1, 2010 at 6:33 pm

Wave bye-bye, Knut!

DCValleyGirl December 1, 2010 at 8:52 pm

I have no idea what the story's about – I keep getting snagged on that picture. That is one seriously freaking cute cub.

Clancy_Pants December 1, 2010 at 6:37 pm

Pee score meet toilet. Toilet.. pee score.

OneYieldRegular December 1, 2010 at 6:42 pm

What these people would have done to Galileo…

LakeLucilleLoon December 1, 2010 at 6:44 pm

Not until New York and DC tourists are regularly navigating the city via raised 3 foot sidewalks will anyone in a position of power realize that this shit is real.

DashboardBuddha December 1, 2010 at 7:40 pm

Oh they'll believe it…they just won't believe it was human caused. No harm, no foul, right?

prommie December 2, 2010 at 9:38 am

I see you've been to Venice.

BarackMyWorld December 1, 2010 at 6:47 pm

You know what I like about Republicans being in charge of Congress?

Its like they can't wait to put big target's on themselves, and without the Democrats to hide behind its that much more obvious who to aim the ridicule at..

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:53 am

When things go really bad, they will blame liberals, Muslims, Jews, immigrants, etc. Anyone but themselves!

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 6:51 pm

I just lost all of the carefully cultivated pee respect of my peers. Now I know how Canada feels after Wikileaks.

#User-of-Hoekstra

Crank_Tango December 1, 2010 at 6:57 pm

Today, we are all victims of Fistallnacht.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 9:15 pm

Night of the Long Thumbs

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 10:02 pm

Somewhere, a monkey is pointing at us and taunting, "So Mr. I'm-Opposable-And-You're-Not, who's laughing now?"

mumbly_joe December 1, 2010 at 6:51 pm

To be fair to the incoming Congress, if they didn't get rid of this committee, they wouldn't have had room for the new House Select Committees on:

Where's the Birth Certificate;
Completing the Danged Fence;
Why Climate Change is a Complete Fraud, and if Anything We Should Be Paying BP to Emit Carbon, While Apologizing to Them, Also;
Un-American Activities, Part II: McCarthy's Revenge;
Nullification;
The New Black Panthers;
Defunding ACORN Some More;
Seeing if There's A Way We Can Cold Torture Some Mulsims and Mexicans, Even if a Certain Very Very Urban President Doesn't Want To;

And many others. This is important work, folks.

Remember kids: if one major political party says that the preponderance of evidence suggests that global warming, driven by the rapid uptick in greenhouse gas emissions incident to human industrialization, is already having a significant impact on the biosphere and also low-lying island countries, and could have catastrophic effects within a generation or two, and the other major political party says that that view is a form of paganism and therefore wrong because the Bible says No More Flooding right after the part where the 250-year-old man fit every extant species of life onto a single boat and kept them from eating each other for a month and a half, and also that Global Warming is a hoax perpetrated by a conspiracy comprising thousands of scientists, the UN, the governments of every other developed nation in the world, Al Gore, and probably also George Soros, then clearly the Rational Center lies between those two extremes, and thus the only reasonable position must lie somewhere in between and incorporate elements of both views. This is how reality works.

weejee December 1, 2010 at 6:58 pm

and the Ctte on Misunderestimating, too, also.

BarackMyWorld December 1, 2010 at 7:53 pm

A candidate or office holder's relative position on in an arbitrary political spectrum and desire to compromise or even completely abandon their views in the name of bipartisanship is far more important than whether or not their views are supportable with evidence or proof.

Evan Bayh in 2012.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:55 am

You know, lots of earlier civilizations have destroyed themselves by screwing up their environments. You can be sure that each time, important people denied the obvious.

BarryOPotter December 2, 2010 at 9:11 am

This is how reality works

Are you sure? I thought that's only how CNN worked. Hm. The More You Know (TM)…*

bagofmice December 2, 2010 at 9:17 am

This is CNN.

indecencycmdr December 1, 2010 at 6:58 pm

I can't wait to move to balmy Greenland and raise Nile crocodiles.

Plowmon December 1, 2010 at 6:58 pm

Ok, it's getting warmer, the planet has been there before. It sure beats glaciers in Central Park though that will come again eventually. Everyone just take a big bong hit and relax…

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 10:27 pm

Ah, the "lay back and enjoy it" strategy.

Plowmon December 2, 2010 at 7:38 am

That's right, the chances of governments across the globe agreeing to limit growth (and actually doing it) to combat climate change is about zero. Mother Nature will come up with something new to control this infestation of hominids and then all will be well, something like an airborne hemorrhagic fever maybe…

BarryOPotter December 2, 2010 at 9:13 am

Mother Nature will come up with something new to control this

Ever hear of the Rapture, people? Duh!

HempDogbane December 1, 2010 at 7:14 pm

The House Select Committee on Lighting Farts and Naming Stuff After Reagan will be retained.

Neilist December 1, 2010 at 7:19 pm

This "democracy" thing is a good idea . . . why, precisely?

Sorry. Can't wait around for the answer. Alcibiades wants my vote on this "Sicilian Expedition" thingy.

Sounds like the Best Military Idea since the Medes invaded Attica . . . or was that the Iraqis?

Neilist
"Get Out The Vote: Get It Wayyyyyyyy Out!"

cheaphits December 1, 2010 at 7:46 pm

Republicans = Regression

weejee December 1, 2010 at 7:59 pm

But it's so hard to do the maths. All the Repukes are squares, well maybe the odd null set here or there, so how do you do the least squares?

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 8:50 pm

Use dummy variables, of course.

I_P December 1, 2010 at 7:50 pm

Butterstick will solve ALL of your climate woes…

glindsey1979 December 1, 2010 at 8:10 pm

Good. I want to see all the dipshit fucktard Teabaggers starve to death, honestly surprised as hell that they weren't raptured up or granted manna (a.k.a. "KFC Double-Downs") from heaven or something.

Or maybe we can kill and eat them when food becomes scarce.

Not that I'm bitter or anything right now.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:57 am

They'll blame the Jews for not building the Third Temple like they were supposed to.

samsuncle December 1, 2010 at 8:25 pm

I have nothing to add to the discussion I just wanted to check my "p" score.

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 8:26 pm

whaaaa? Did you have a sekrit p-stash?

samsuncle December 1, 2010 at 8:54 pm

I just dropped from 112 to 25. WTF?

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 10:28 pm

Hey now, you're up to 26 already!

HempDogbane December 1, 2010 at 11:33 pm

I never understood what it meant anyway, but now that my score is cut almost in half, I must only be half as ignorant.

trampndirtdown December 2, 2010 at 12:35 am

Welcome to the ranks of the mediocre you former elitist.

x111e7thst December 1, 2010 at 8:48 pm

After the revolution I will want one of these fucktards to be my pukka walla. I will fit him with a shock collar for those occasions when I need him to make a more strenuous effort.

RIPconstitution December 1, 2010 at 8:49 pm

Global warming exists=increased bikini sales.
versus
Republicans in congress=increased lingerie sales.
Honestly, I don't see where the loss is.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 8:51 pm

With all this pee mischief afoot, has anyone checked on what Tituba's been up to today?

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 9:03 pm

Yippee. From 102 pees to 43 – a pocketful of comments and I'm up to 45. Who says people need monies for motivation? All they needs is peesies. Never mind govmint salaries – freeze 'em all and give 'em pees. Bravo Wonkette!

Pragmatist2 December 1, 2010 at 9:09 pm

Climate change isn't real, but Noah's Ark was.
Don't need to know any more about Republicans.

L188188 December 1, 2010 at 9:14 pm

I am so glad the Republicans learned their lesson from the trouncing they got in 2008, and have come back into power with a fresh new outlook and a wonderful vision for helping America again!

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 9:21 pm

Yes – we are fucked.

comrad_darkness December 1, 2010 at 9:35 pm

The Europeans are discovering that at their latitude, absent the gulf stream, it snows like hell. Maybe the Inuit can teach the Scots how to hunt seals to survive, they live at the same latitude.

Yippie, with climate change Santiago de Compostela, Spain gets to be the new Buffalo, New York.

BarryOPotter December 2, 2010 at 9:23 am

Ooo!!!! I can't wait for Santiago de Compostela Wing night at La Tasca!!!

"Un Negra Modelo, por favor. Que es ésta, una cerveza? No hay mas de Naomi?"

mercianomad December 1, 2010 at 9:55 pm

So we use scientists when our engineers aren't smart enough on their own to build an atomic bomb or send us to the moon, and we use them to keep Dick Cheney's robot scarecrow body alive in order to maintain his execrable mind and personality in perpetuity, but they are soap salesmen when they try to tell us our planet may be in peril because of the nature of our "progress." Smart, we are. And very savvy. As well.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 10:31 pm

In a few years, untold thousands of low-lying island residents around the world will pick up the Teabag chant: "We want our country back!"

Only they will mean it literally.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 10:32 pm

Tonight, we stand together.

I will upthumb every one of you dumb bastards until we rise again!

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 10:39 pm

Fist me. Fist me.
(I fisted you.)

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 10:49 pm

Yeah, you like it!

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 11:08 pm

What am I, chopped liver?

Throw the thumbs out (and up)!!

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 11:32 pm

There's one, our fine feathered friend.
Mmm, nothing like fresh cloaca.

hooray4anything December 1, 2010 at 10:46 pm

To all the pundits, columnists, and cable news "experts" who wrote about the need for moderation from Obama or bipartisanship or played the "well, both sides are crazy" thing or talked about how a Republican congress would be good because it'll help us fight the deficit and make the government work better, bite me. And then, after that, suck it. And once that's done, go fuck yourselves and then go fuck your family. Any idiot with half a brain could have seen this coming except for you, all you David Broders out there. How's that "bipartisanship" working for ya?

And if you write one more time about how Obama has to reach out or be more moderate, you can go repeat everything I just told you to do and then repeat it over and over again until you realize that you're all a bunch of fucking jokes who are responsible for America's ever-increasing status as a third-rate country as anyone.

VinnyThePooh December 1, 2010 at 11:02 pm

The naysayers still think they're livin' in Jeebus Dayz, when the Earth seemed without limits in size or resources. Now, climate change aside, you'd think any half-witted person would embrace the prescribed minor lifestyle changes just for the energy savings alone. Nope. They believe scientific data isn't real because it's intangible and they certainly don't like those tree-huggin' hippies tellin' 'em how to live, because that's conspirin' to takes der freedumbs.

Well, monster truck morons, the pain you're about to feel will be very real…and Jeebus won't save you from it. You had your chance to exercise a little foresight and take the slow, painless path towards renewable energy, but opted to have an Alamo for your selfishness and righteousness. So be it. Reality is comin' for you like a gunslingin' Yul Brynner. You ready?

trampndirtdown December 2, 2010 at 12:39 am

Preach brother preach.

MiniMencken December 1, 2010 at 11:18 pm

Tilt. Game over.

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 11:20 pm

O/T. But this tax cut on the rich thing, to me, is a crucible for Obama and the Dems. Certainly, I'll always take them over Boner and teabaggers, but if they don't cave I will have some respect thrown in.
For some reason it's all quiet on the Stormfront, Redstate, Breitbart. Do you think, even those black is white, up is down clowns can't defend this abject iniquity? They'll just let Boner and McConnell do the heavy lifting and hope all is forgotten or obscured in the next cycle? Seriously, like only the intractable 23% think giving the house away is reasonable.
C'mon Barry and Harry, for once, just once, do the right thing and stick to 250,000. 75% of this country knows that it is the noble, fair thing to do.
But, I wouldn't bet on it.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 11:42 pm

I concur. My concern now is that there only seem to be two possibilities:
1) Barry and Co. have a plan, and I'm too stupid to see it; or
2) Barry and Co. are giving away the farm for a handful of beans, and I was stupid to expect otherwise.

obfuscator2 December 1, 2010 at 11:41 pm

i guess i kind of agree with the incoming gop leadership in the house in one respect: if this is the kind of government we can expect, i actually do want less of it.

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 11:48 pm

Hey, they were OK with having a war that would be paid for by future generations, so why not run out the clock on the climate, too? I got mine, Jack, and maybe Jebus WILL show up, it could happen.

DoktorZoom December 2, 2010 at 12:25 am

I like this guy. Eno what 'e talking 'bout.

trampndirtdown December 2, 2010 at 12:42 am

They're also ok with trying to balance the budget with SS cuts, not theirs but in the future, you know for the kids. Greedy fucks!

chascates December 2, 2010 at 1:14 am

Next up: laws mandating toilets with 20-gallon flushes and light bulbs made out of hand-spun glass.

REFUDIATE SOCIALISM!

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 1:36 am

Give us all your money, or the fuckin' planet gets it between the eyes!

e_z December 2, 2010 at 3:55 am

Myself, I'm investing in those neck gill things Kevin Costner had in "Water World". I'll be a ba-zillionaire and the Bush Tax Cuts will just be the iceing on the top of the fishcake.

mememine69 December 2, 2010 at 5:48 am

You self serving political animals that rode the back of climate change to push your hate for opposing political views will be viewed in history as criminals and heartless modern day witch burners. WE NEED LOVE, NOT WINDMILLS. You tried to scare my kids for 24 years, JUST to get them to turn the lights out more often and vote for your party? HOW DARE YOU!. Now you are seeing a denier wave of denier rage from both liberal and neocon ranks.
As for the news editors, BLAME can squarely be placed now on the NEWS EDITORS for this 24 year old CO2 mistake that not only lead us to another BUSH like neocon false war against a false enemy of climate change, but saw billions of people needlessly condemned to death by CO2 and for distracting us from our real environmental goal, population control.
System change, not climate change.
News Editors must be charged with treason for this needless war and needless panic.
System Change, not Climate Change.
Climate change has done to journalism, science and progressivism, what abusive priests did to religion.
-FROM A REAL LIBERAL.

cheetojeebus December 2, 2010 at 7:40 am

oh, i see, the windmills thing is a Don Quixote reference……<crickets>

sarjo December 2, 2010 at 8:44 am

It's too early for the crazy. Can you come back after lunch time?

HempDogbane December 2, 2010 at 9:08 am

Thanks for having the courage to present your views. Please send me two (2) of your WE NEED LOVE, NOT WINDMILLS bumper stickers.

comrad_darkness December 2, 2010 at 9:27 am

Yeah, I think population control will go over much better with the, um, population than suggestions about light bulb technology. Lord knows, light bulbs are sacrosanct.

Climate change is a done deal. Best start discussing how best to plan for its effects, actually. Politically, given that the u.s. will be a net winner, it should be easy to get a discussion opened. The teabaggers and nascar fans cry if you tell them the u.s. isn't number one in absolutely everything and in this case you can start the conversation with that and they won't just put their fingers in their ears and try to kick you in the nuts like they do when most obvious things are pointed out to them.

SorosBot December 2, 2010 at 9:43 am

Moron, just because you loudly scream that the Earth is flat doesn't make it any less round. And here, you idiots who deny proven reality are really dangerous because we are not doing anything to prevent a looming disaster that we know is coming, all because useful idiot corporate tools like you keep claiming that proven facts are wrong. Fuck off and stop trying to kill humanity you stupid stupid shithead.

natoslug December 2, 2010 at 9:52 am

Visualize Whirled Bullshit!

Save the planet, eat a Thing!

There, two more slogans for ya. Although I still can't decide if you're seriously that Trigged, or if that was some amazing snark. I need coffee.

binarian December 2, 2010 at 10:54 am

I for one am hoping this is snark. Else someone forgot to put on their tin foil hat.

GOPCrusher December 2, 2010 at 1:08 pm

This reminds me of the tirades that you read on some of the hunting forums I go to. I actually read that some moran was against windmills because they would affect migration patterns of geese.
The stupid, it burns.

zhubajie December 2, 2010 at 5:59 am

There's plenty of evidence for stupid.

DahBoner December 2, 2010 at 8:01 am

Republicans to Polar Bears: DIE YOU FUCKERS, DIE!!!!!

Also, in addition to: PALIN 2012: MAYAN PROFIT SEE?

Mindblank December 2, 2010 at 9:05 am

Whatever. I'm waiting for the newly-discovered human-eating aliens to save us all. For later.

SorosBot December 2, 2010 at 9:45 am

Did the editors have a bender last night so they're all sleeping off a hangover?

GeorgiaBurning December 2, 2010 at 12:36 pm

Next up, revive that old Indiana state bill that changed the value of "pi" to make math easier.

HistoriCat December 3, 2010 at 10:35 am

It's right in the name – "National Socialist" – why is that so hard for you to understand?!?

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 9:23 pm

I can feel my incentive to be clever just being slowly sapped away….

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 9:54 pm

Now I remember what trickle down felt like under Reagan.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 10:18 pm

uh. yo momma. priest, pilot, accountant. why the long face?

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 11:54 pm

Hey, guys, we can all go off an' live by ourselves and be snarky and insightful all for ourselves! And we should start tonight, the first night of the Festival of Lights. If people ask where we went, we'll just tell 'em….

WE'VE GONE HANNUKAH GALT!!

Guys? Uh…guys? What are you doing with that dreidel…?

neiltheblaze December 2, 2010 at 7:55 am

They're doing it for America.

bagofmice December 2, 2010 at 9:15 am

Tranny porn sites.

sarjo December 2, 2010 at 8:41 am

It's much cheaper in Canada though.

BarryOPotter December 2, 2010 at 8:55 am

…except with fewer brown lumps. (Hey! That's not coal!)

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