MEET YOUR NEW MICKS  1:52 pm December 1, 2010

RedState: It’s Time To Ban Muslim Immigration

by Jack Stuef

The first terrorists.RedState has come up with a fun, new, very academic policy idea: Let’s stop letting Muslims immigrate here! That will solve all of the problems on the problems list, such as economy and fetus death. “By now it is evident to all but the most brassbound liberals, incorrigible in their refusal to face hard facts, that Islam contains within it a sizeable faction of determined men whose politics derive from the warmaking doctrines of the Jihad. Wherever Islam is, this faction will be also.” All groups of people have a few bad apples. (Who eventually turn into violent bad-apple cider? Sorry, that’s a dumb cliche.) But Islam’s bad apples are Muslim, so they shouldn’t be allowed to be Americans, according to America’s official blog, RedState. Plus, there are lots of other fun rules the government should enact to control current Muslim Americans!

RedState points to a list of new rules that should guide policy-makers. Pay close attention, because these are very wonky:

4. Require all Islamic literature, books and websites originating in the United States to be communicated in English. The use of Arabic will not be forbidden, but requiring English translations will make public advocacy of jihad and sharia more difficult to hide.

Gotcha, Muslims! Americans may not know much, but they do know how to read English! Sort of!

8. Notify all businesses, private institutions, schools and local agencies that anti-discrimination laws do not require accommodating the religious practices of Muslim employees, customers, associates or volunteers.

Playing keep-away with a fellow employee’s headscarf is an important team-building exercise.

A constitutional amendment is a good idea

It certainly is. That First Amendment has gotten a big head now that it thinks it can allow Musliming.

Finally, there are things you can do:

3. Discriminate. If you are an employer, find a way not to hire Islamists or potential Islamists. [...]

4. Censor. If you have responsibilities for a place that sells, displays, or makes available religious literature – anywhere from a campus bookstore to a public library to a private conference room – make the Islamic stuff disappear [...]

6. Christianize. Islam is ascendant because Christianity is in retreat. The resulting secularism leaves a spiritual vacuum, and the most aggressive religious views will inevitably fill the void. Secularism has neither the resources nor the political will to effectively oppose Islam: a restoration of Christian culture is necessary. Learn your Christian faith and especially its history vis-à-vis Islam. If you’re a young man or woman, get married and have lots of Christian children.

How did the Founding Fathers forget to put this crap in all the big documents? These rules are important and will finally allow America to become America. [RedState/What's Wrong with the World (exactly!)]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 275 comments }

chascates December 1, 2010 at 1:54 pm

And how about camps for the ones who are already here?

Arbeit Macht Frei!

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 2:12 pm

Sorry, Dearborn MI. Since you're all unemployed anyway, we're retroceding you to Canada.

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm

As long as we can keep that harlot Muslin Miss USA.

glindsey1979 December 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Just make the head-scarf the new symbol of slavery. The Bible condones slavery, right? AND it will help the whole unemployment situation too also! Problem solved!

GeoffPeterson December 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

and make them where little crescents so we can tell who they are.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 2:49 pm

You do realize, this will just lead to us having to give them reparations, which is what these Urban folks wanted in the first place.

ttommyunger December 1, 2010 at 3:08 pm

I, for one, am chubbing up, Chas!

WABishop December 1, 2010 at 10:18 pm

Albeit Matt Frei what?

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 1:56 pm

welcome to the land of the free and the home of the brave.

no, it's not here anymore, it's moved on down the road. catch it if you can.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Up the road; it's called Canada.

jackannapolis December 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

God bless Red State, America and freedom from Muslims. God bless the fuck out of them.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 12:42 am

Wait, did you mean "land of the fat and home of the slaves?"

Neilist December 1, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Never mind the Mooslims.

No more of those potato fucking, inbred, multiplying-like-rabbits Irish-Catholics, thank you very much.

It's already impossible to find a vacant barstool . . . .

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 1:59 pm

All right… we'll give some land to the niggers and the chinks. But we don't want the Irish!

Fare la Volpe December 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Hey. My ancestors never fucked a potato that wasn't asking for it already.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Hey! Those are *hic* fighting words!

DoktorZoom December 2, 2010 at 12:06 am

I'm so offended by that, I'm gonna go get drunk and go to confession.

Billmatic December 1, 2010 at 2:42 pm

If only I had the guns, Mr. Tweed, I would shoot each and every one of them as they came off the boats.

FraAnima December 1, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Then there will be blood.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 3:57 pm

You know the menu for an Irish seven-course dinner? A six-pack and a boiled potato.

DoktorZoom December 2, 2010 at 12:07 am

One less drunk! (everyone knows the setup, so why bother?)

BTWBFDIMHO December 1, 2010 at 4:56 pm

We gonna need the Irish to drive the NY cabs.

Neilist December 1, 2010 at 5:16 pm

You all forgot the definition of "Irish Foreplay": BRACE YOURSELF, BRIDGET!!!!!!!

Troubledog December 1, 2010 at 10:33 pm

Also, I fuckin hate pikeys. Also.

Buzz Feedback December 1, 2010 at 1:56 pm

How do we go about "disinviting" Christianity?

Starfish December 1, 2010 at 3:31 pm

Maybe if we all "unfriend" it on Facebook it will get the hint.

WABishop December 1, 2010 at 10:22 pm

Christianity *never* gets the hint. That's part of its allure.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Did Redstate mention the main reason to be against Muslims? Many of them are very, very Urban.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 3:08 pm

If you are more urban than a paper bag, it's off to the camps!

imissopus December 1, 2010 at 3:51 pm

By which you mean one of those white paper bags filled with Quarter Pounders McDonald's hands out by the bale, right?

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 1:57 pm

In the end, this is a foolish policy, as America does not produce enough redneck Christian hicks to fill all of its terrorist needs.

chickensmack December 1, 2010 at 2:08 pm

Duggers. They can outfuck mice.

WunkRocker December 1, 2010 at 2:30 pm

So little time, so few McVeighs.

elPadrino December 1, 2010 at 2:44 pm

I take that you ain't from Texas…

WarAndGee December 1, 2010 at 1:58 pm

No fat chicks too.

mrbubb December 1, 2010 at 3:10 pm

Just blew coffee all over my monitor. Thanks for sneaking up on me with that one.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 12:45 am

Fat chicks need love to, but they gotta' pay.

refudiatedness December 1, 2010 at 1:58 pm

I applaud this very, very rural idea.

OhNoGuy December 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm

The ruraler, the betterer.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 12:47 am

In all of rurality was a ever a better thought had!

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 1, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Merry Christmas, each and every one of you!

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Good thing you didn't say something disloyal, like "Season's Greetings," or "Happy Holidays."

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 1, 2010 at 2:42 pm

What are you, a Communist?

Gratuitous World December 1, 2010 at 2:02 pm

be careful what you wish for. if muslims are banned, what idiot kids will the FBI successfully entrap in their successful war on terror success?

…and then they came for the wingnuts, but they had good lawyers

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 4:10 pm

First they came for the wingnuts, and I said nothing because I was all 'bout damn time.'
Then they came for the very, very rural, and I said nothing because I was all 'bout damn time.'

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 1:04 am

Then Jesus came for the Teabaggers, and I was all like "don't let the atmosphere hit you on the way out.

Then Cthulu came and I was like "Oh, Fuck!"

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 5:14 pm

James O'Keefe still roams free.

snoopyfan2010 December 1, 2010 at 7:46 pm

You have to call the SPCA for that one.

PeaceWithHonor December 1, 2010 at 2:02 pm

Red State just made themselves the recruitment affiliate for Al Jazeera.

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Exactly. No better way to prevent radicalization than forcing Muslims into unemployment & destitution.

Only the rich fight jihad.

[CORRECTION: the rich fund jihad. I meant, 'fund'. Bin Laden, for one, has never met a fight he wouldn't extol (but not fight). G. W. Bush, also.]

WunkRocker December 1, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Right. Bin Laden was probably also in Skull and Boners and W forgot the reach around. Been preemptive war shit ever since.

doloras December 1, 2010 at 2:50 pm

… Al Jazeera is a news channel. Did you mean Al Qaeda?

PeaceWithHonor December 1, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Yes, I was trying too hard to make the network/affiliate analogy work.

facehead December 1, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Looks like someone missed the memo …

'muslim' is completely unpatriotic, promotes the abortion of jesus, and smacks of left-wing elitism.

'muslin' is the correct American spelling, but I don't see why you don't just write 'terrorist' instead.

bureaucrap December 1, 2010 at 2:03 pm

Brilliant idea — discriminate, censor and "christianize" because that will make the Muslims stop hating us.

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2010 at 2:04 pm

The resulting secularism leaves a spiritual vacuum…

Here's the essential flaw in the RedState logic — everything is a spiritual vacuum, much in the same way that everything is a Santa Claus vacuum, even Santa Clausism. The advantage of secularism is that it hasn't built its house on that vacuum.

axmxz December 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Confucius say, redneck who build house on vacuum shouldn't wonder at why it sucks.

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2010 at 2:35 pm

That Confucius fellow is a well-known Muslim.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 2:35 pm

I blame James Dyson.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 3:08 pm

I blame Freeman Dyson; if all the advanced aliens are living his spheres that would explain why we haven't been able to detect them yet, and the results would probably see a massive shrinking of the religious believers.

Rarian Rakista December 2, 2010 at 12:09 pm

He is still alive and nearly 100 years old, he might be alien himself.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 3:17 pm

I just think America should work properly. Like Canada.

genxr December 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

When we stop believing in Santa Clause, it creates a spiritual vacuum which is then filled by Mr Hanky the Christmas Poo!

OCKerouac December 1, 2010 at 3:55 pm

I hope us Secularists get Swiffers, otherwise the floors get awfully messy with no vacuums around…

marinmaven December 2, 2010 at 10:01 am

Christianity leaves a huge spiritual vacuum where love your neighbor means deport the brown people, deny rights to the gays, and screw the poor.

Fare la Volpe December 1, 2010 at 2:04 pm

When fascism comes to America, it will be wrapped in flannel and wearing a "Who Farted?" hat.

bagofmice December 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm

Dad?

blinky_twinkie December 1, 2010 at 3:39 pm

**WHEN** fascism comes to America?? I say it arrived on the Mayflower and never left.

Worthly Wokette Skum December 1, 2010 at 2:04 pm

I'll do my part by making my home and place of business scooter-inaccessable.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 2:38 pm

And here I thought Uniform Federal Accessibility Standards were a left-wing thing!

TanzbodenKoenig December 1, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Ill make sure to let them know their freedom of expression doesn't include wearing the American flag as clothing

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 2:04 pm

I think it's a better idea to expel RedStaters.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 2:10 pm

And what happened to my penis points?!?! I had 98 of the suckers yesterday – now 65? Geesh.

SexySmurf December 1, 2010 at 2:21 pm

I blame the Muslins.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 2:22 pm

What a drag it is getting old!

bureaucrap December 1, 2010 at 2:25 pm

I seem to have lost 38 points since the last time I signed in. Which of you 'hos has been dissin' me behind my back?

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 3:20 pm

There has been a 1929-level p-crash across the board.

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 3:45 pm

Dammit, and I had my retirement savings invested in p-points! Ah well, at least there's my Lehman Brothers shares to fall back on.

NotYerGaryBusey December 1, 2010 at 6:24 pm

The Great Pee Bubble of 2010 has burst

glindsey1979 December 1, 2010 at 2:11 pm

I was actually looking recently to see if there are provisions in the Constitution for expelling a state from the Union. There seems to be no consensus on the issue.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm

I say we start with South Carolina. Nobody will notice.

DeeJayKitteh December 1, 2010 at 2:30 pm

The comedians will. If that happened, there goes half of the Daily Show's material.

blinky_twinkie December 1, 2010 at 3:41 pm

What's it say about expelling a state of mind? Oh, wait…

glamourdammerung December 1, 2010 at 2:42 pm

I think it's a better idea to expel RedStaters.

It would save us a lot of tax money as well as lower our crime rate, illiteracy, divorces, bastard children, hate crimes, etc.

moralturpentine December 1, 2010 at 6:24 pm

Yeah, but then we'd eventually take them back with all the with all the illiteracy, divorces, bastards and all plus we'd end up transfering tax dollars to them, see e.g. Alaska.

glamourdammerung December 1, 2010 at 6:29 pm

I would like to think that people would realise how much better and more pleasant the United States was and not let these clowns back in.

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2010 at 2:54 pm

Devaluation. This wouldn't have happened if p points were pegged to the dollar.

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Screw that; we need to peg it to the Yuan.

Rarian Rakista December 2, 2010 at 12:15 pm

We would have to use supercontainer ships filled with Twinkies, beef jerky and MD for them, I don't think any cruise ship or buffet in the world could handle them. They would start auto cannibalizing.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:05 pm

By now it is evident to all but the most brassbound conservatives, incorrigible in their refusal to face hard facts, that Christianity contains within it a sizeable faction of determined men whose politics derive from the warmaking doctrines of the Crusade. Wherever Christianity is, this faction will be also; one of them was even President of the United States recently and others want to be so in the future.

mrbubb December 1, 2010 at 3:11 pm

I think you mean "assbound" conservatives.

chickensmack December 1, 2010 at 2:06 pm

Christians: When you prove utterly that God exists, we'll listen to you. If you can demonstrate objectively and scientifically the God we're supposed to support through Policy #6, you will have our rapt attention.

Otherwise, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND KNEEL EAST, bitch.

MaxNeanderthal December 1, 2010 at 5:51 pm

Ah, so many monotheists, so little ammunition………….

prommie December 1, 2010 at 2:07 pm

Sounds like a Modest Proposal to me.

glindsey1979 December 1, 2010 at 2:08 pm

That would require an understanding of satire.

prommie December 1, 2010 at 2:44 pm

That was Satire? Oh man, have I got egg on my face.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

Worse, I have Irish Child on my face.

bagofmice December 1, 2010 at 3:04 pm

If you've got the egg, I've got the sperm.

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 4:15 pm

♫Let's make lots of money♫

weejee December 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Swift remark

glindsey1979 December 1, 2010 at 2:07 pm

Wonkette needs a slogan. I suggest "Wonkette: It Angries Up The Blood."

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Satchell, is dat you?

prommie December 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Wear an onion on your belt, that will fix that angried-up blood problem.

glindsey1979 December 1, 2010 at 2:23 pm

But it has to be one of those big red ones; we don't have any yellow ones because of the war.

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 8:01 pm

"Fuck these fucking fucks with a fucking fuckstick".

glindsey1979 December 2, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Too subtle.

marinmaven December 2, 2010 at 10:05 am

Has the warblogging begun? It has been so long since the great PUMA blogwar in ought eight. Let me get my aviator goggles and Mao jacket!

MARCdMan December 1, 2010 at 2:08 pm

That War on Stupidity is sounding better and better.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Our troops are in the wrong countries to fight that war.

emmelemm December 1, 2010 at 2:11 pm

What exactly is a "brassbound" liberal? And I fear I resemble that remark.

LeAlbatross December 1, 2010 at 2:21 pm

One tastefully accented with hinges and fittings of brass?

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Must be a rich one — I usually use duct tape and zip ties.

bagofmice December 1, 2010 at 3:05 pm

Brassbound ? Like leia in Rotj?

emmelemm December 1, 2010 at 3:19 pm

Now we're getting somewhere.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 3:24 pm

A Steampunk Liberal who farts out of his clothing through an airlock, like that one villain in the first Hellboy movie.

Rotundo_ December 1, 2010 at 7:08 pm

It sounds like a really uncomfortable suppository…

CapeClod December 1, 2010 at 2:13 pm

And while we're at it let's kick all the blacks and latins out of our sportz. All they ever did was break all the white guys' records.

BornInATrailer December 1, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Happy Halolidays

LeAlbatross December 1, 2010 at 2:14 pm

Sooo…In order to protect America, we have to destroy it?

DeeJayKitteh December 1, 2010 at 2:33 pm

Pretty much. I do love how they're a perfect 3-for-3 as far as their "things you can do" list. All three are unconstitutional. So if we can just get rid of that pesky Constitution thing, we can have our country back! Yahoo!!!

FNMA December 1, 2010 at 4:30 pm

Hey, it worked in Iraq!

Sort of…

WABishop December 1, 2010 at 10:32 pm

It's worked before. As it is written in scripture (Star Wars IV), "If you strike me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine."

WordSaladNation December 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

…Islam contains within it a sizeable faction of determined men whose politics derive from the warmaking doctrines of the Jihad.

Oops. I misread "warmaking" as "wanking."

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

4. Require all Islamic literature, books and websites originating in the United States to be communicated in English. The use of Arabic will not be forbidden, but requiring English translations will make public advocacy of jihad and sharia more difficult to hide.

Like we'd be able to tell if the translation was accurate.

prommie December 1, 2010 at 2:21 pm

We'll be able to roast marshmallows on the bonfires, though. I mean, you know, when we burn the books written in arabic.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 2:24 pm

D'oh!

mavenmaven December 1, 2010 at 2:38 pm

The translators will be permanent residents of Abu Ghreib like institutions run by the Republican Congress and will get hooded and shocked if there are any questions about the translations.

Failure_Artist December 1, 2010 at 4:19 pm

Paranoid enough to think that everything not in English is about You, gullible enough to think they wouldn't just lie to you.

AntonovBureau December 1, 2010 at 4:29 pm

But why stop at stuff originating in the United States. They shouldn't be speaking furrein in those furrein lands

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Finally, someone said what everyone was thinking. This is the kind of truth-telling that makes Red State the opinion leader that it is. But they forgot the Joos!

Oh an it also helps recruit jihadis!

Good thing Christianity isn't warlike.

Schmannnity December 1, 2010 at 3:44 pm

Onward Christian Soldiers, marching as to war!

paxromanaclef December 1, 2010 at 2:17 pm

How do you write shit like that and now reflect on it and think, "Wow, I sound exactly like the evil, oppressive bad guys in every dystopian sci-fi story ever."? Do they know that they are villains?

axmxz December 1, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Eric Cartman: "It's not my fault you guys turned evil, Kenny!"
Mysterion: "You are the bad guy, fat boy! YOU!"
Eric Cartman: "I'm going around making the world a better place!"
Mysterion: "For you! You're making it a better place for YOU!"
Eric Cartman: "Right, that's what superheroes do."

the_onceler December 1, 2010 at 2:53 pm

because they are not a brassbound liberal.

genxr December 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

What a bunch of assbound conservatives.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 3:09 pm

Or perhaps "Rascalbound Conservatives".

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Or, "wow, I sound like an Ayatollah or Taliban Chief."

Actually, they probably admire them for their commitment, unlike us brassbound liberals and our abhorrent spiritual vacuums.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm

It would be interesting to see if there's any lawyers reading RedState who follows the idiot's advice to "Notify all businesses, private institutions, schools and local agencies that anti-discrimination laws do not require accommodating the religious practices of Muslim employees, customers, associates or volunteers" and ends up getting sued for malpractice as a result because the anti-discrimination laws very clearly do require that.

emmelemm December 1, 2010 at 2:38 pm

"Title VII prohibits discrimination in employment based on race, sex, color, national origin or religion."

FTMW.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 3:51 pm

Be more interesting to find out some member of the Department of Homeland Security notifies them that what they posted is encouraging some one to break Federal laws and may be a violation of Hate Crimes Laws.
Then RedState can throw a fit about how the Federal Government is violating their First Amendment Rights.

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 4:22 pm

9. Lawyer up because some self-righteous, brassbound liberal is not only going to sue the shit out of you, but they'll probably win if you're the type of hateful tool to follow the advice on RedState.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 2:20 pm

Whoa. This is waaay too subtle.

elviouslyqueer December 1, 2010 at 2:20 pm

If you’re a young man or woman, get married and have lots of Christian children.

Well, let's see… since I'm young-ish but not young, I can't get married, and I certainly can't have lots of children (Christian or otherwise), I guess this means I'm Mooslim. Which would be fabulous, except that there is NO WAY I can make a kufi look fashionable.

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 2:23 pm

And if you go tranny in a burqa, how the hell would anyone know? Kinda like the old forest falling in the trees thing.

glindsey1979 December 1, 2010 at 2:27 pm

They forgot the part about killing you and hanging you on a public wall for being a "gender traitor". Cf. "The Handmaid's Tale," Margaret Atwood. Best example I've ever seen of Biblical literalism taken to its logical conclusions.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:31 pm

What if they have lots of children raised Christian who become atheists as adults?

elviouslyqueer December 1, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Hey, how did you manage to only lose 5 p points, while I shed 16? *pouts*

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

I've shedded the same, from 84 to 79; I owe it to the Breitfarters not being able to tell if I'm one of them or not.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

It's weird. I only lost 5.

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Yeah, it appears quite arbitrary and random, I only lost 8.

Waitaminnit.

AAAAALVIIIIIIIIIN!!!!!

BornInATrailer December 1, 2010 at 2:44 pm

I lost THIRTY EIGHT points.

*struts around*

twogoats December 1, 2010 at 3:36 pm

41!

jodyleek December 1, 2010 at 4:00 pm

I lost 50 pee-pee points since this morning. I made a snide comment about the Jeebus, so those loving Xtians must have exercised my avatar and made it puke them out.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

As I mentioned in more detail in the alien thread, I have been unable to comment much recently and I guess the thumbs-downers didn't hit me too much.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Aha! So I should take my 33 penis point loss as an achievement?

the_onceler December 1, 2010 at 2:55 pm

you can be part of the gay agenda to institute sharia: http://bit.ly/fQ2Idg

Ducksworthy December 1, 2010 at 3:02 pm

I forgot how LGBT(Q) friendly sharia law is.

prommie December 1, 2010 at 2:22 pm

So, what to call the new government agency tasked with enforcing these rules?

Ah ha, I've got it, we can call it "The Inquisition."

Terry December 1, 2010 at 2:27 pm
the_deliverator December 1, 2010 at 2:39 pm

That is the first thing I thought of, and now I will be singing that all day. "Send in the nuns!"

Steverino247 December 1, 2010 at 2:37 pm

Yeah, nobody would expect that.

ttommyunger December 1, 2010 at 3:12 pm

No one expects the Inquisition!

prommie December 1, 2010 at 3:49 pm

Chief amongst their weaponry were surprise, fear, and a fanatical devotion to the pope! And they got those mooslems out of Spain, they did.

jodyleek December 1, 2010 at 4:04 pm

A reign of violence, terror and torture that makes a smashing film!

ttommyunger December 1, 2010 at 4:19 pm

To say nothing of the Joos!

BTWBFDIMHO December 1, 2010 at 5:01 pm

Department of No More Salom Alekums.

jim89048 December 1, 2010 at 7:55 pm

What a show!

Chill_Bill December 1, 2010 at 3:26 pm

Another exemplary display of Christian Talibanism. Fuck you, Red State.

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 2:26 pm
Terry December 1, 2010 at 2:26 pm

"By now it is evident to all but the most brassbound liberals, incorrigible in their refusal to face hard facts, that Islam contains within it a sizeable faction of determined men whose politics derive from the warmaking doctrines of the Jihad. "

As does the fundy version of Christianity, sadly enough.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 2:27 pm

Well, we will need the room freed up by expelling the Muslim hordes. As we speak, there's a whole new generation of mick papists walking up the gangplanks to set sail for our shores.

prommie December 1, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Hey, we wouldn't have a rabidly right-wing election-stealing Supreme Court if not for mick and guinea papists!

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 2:54 pm

And their negro lickspittles!

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 3:17 pm

I notice nobody bad-mouthing the Noble Savages that were successfully assimilated into our superior culture. That's what we have to do with all the other Mudbloods, too!

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 4:27 pm

"Who has lickspittled on my Coke?"

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 4:29 pm

Given it's length, coarseness, girth and smell, I'm going with either Christine O'Dons or SharrAngle's Muffti

SecretMuslin December 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Internment camps are ALWAYS a good idea. Ask the Japanese-Americans circa 1941 about that fun experience!! How could they have forgotten to add internment camps?

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 2:31 pm

Honestly, I'm really surprised that someone like Michele Bachmann hasn't suggested that we round up all the Muslims and put them in interment camps for the duration of the War On Terror.

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Celebrity Asian Michelle Malkin has done just that.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm

Gitmo was just a good start!

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Maybe we can relocate the rest of Cuba to Miami and turn the entire island into an internment camp?

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Of course, she was the one talking about liberals putting conservatives into FEMA camps, or some such bullshit, wasn't she?

Billmatic December 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Again, and pardon my ignorance in this matter, but how did liberals (root of word is liberty) lose the public battle on who stands for freedom to these guys?

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 7:16 pm

We've been losing it for better than 30 years. In America, freedom means the right to elect Republicans so they can raid the Treasury.

The people robbing us blind, stand for freedom. This is the same culture that made J. R. Ewing a folk hero.

WordSaladNation December 1, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Also, did Red State reset all our p-points?

Worthly Wokette Skum December 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Just for the Muslins.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Obviously, there is some fifth columnist skullduggery afoot!

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 7:17 pm

They did it for Christ.

obfuscator2 December 1, 2010 at 2:31 pm

i crested at righteous indignation. now i'm slowly but steadily descending towards "lay face down on the floor and sigh with resignation".

prommie December 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm

don't forget "drinky drinky, weepy weepy."

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 2:32 pm

Also, they failed to mention that you should un-friend all your facebook muslim friends. Although I guess their primary audience wouldn't have any, anyway.

weejee December 1, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Good thinking Red State. As if you asshats haven't fucked the sciences and engineering enough already with yer evilution, 6K year universe, and home skoolink. Hate to tell you how many Ali and Muhammad (various spellings), and Muslin womenz too, there are in my address book.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 3:01 pm

*ding dong*

"Yes, Mr. Weejee, good morning. We were hoping you wouldn't mind if we ask you a few questions. Nothing serious, of course, just want to clear up a couple of things. Excuse me? Oh no, no. That's not a blindfold, it's just our way of protecting you from retinal damage. After all it is an awfully sunny day out there. Now, just come along and we'll be on our way."

weejee December 1, 2010 at 3:16 pm

Thank you for that my feathered friend. What is particularly sweet is they, teh Federales, spent a lot of monies training me on how to shuck & jive during questioning.

DCHatesMe December 1, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Muslims and Christians are very similar. They both want the same things. Muslims want the same rights as Christians. They all want the God-given right to beat up and eradicate queers.

MadBrahms December 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Upside: Maybe if "jihad" and "sharia" were forced to be translated into God's Language, English, they would lose their status as signifiers capable of being mistranslated as hateful imperatives by common assmonkeys like Redstate.

doloras December 1, 2010 at 2:53 pm

So… "struggle" and "correct path to the oasis", pretty much.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 4:30 pm

"Exercise" and "healthy diet"?! I told you Izlum was evil!!

glamourdammerung December 1, 2010 at 2:58 pm

These are the same clowns that saw a conspiracy in Obama's choice of condiments on his hamburger.

AntonovBureau December 1, 2010 at 4:36 pm

I agree. How come God didn't say in the bible that English is the one true language. It seems the founders of the consitution had the same flaw.

JoshuaNorton December 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

Who do I call about using my P-Points to upgrade to First Class?

Edit:
Also, who do I call report P-Points fraud? I had 108 about 2 minutes ago. Not that I'm keeping track or anything as bourgeois as that.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Ghostbusters!

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 3:44 pm

It must be socialistic redistribution of whore diamonds!

Tundra Grifter December 1, 2010 at 5:16 pm

Overnight there appears to have been a P-Point devaluation of just over 16%. Must have something to do with the relative buying power of the Euro vs. the Dollar vs. the Yen.

Not that I'm keeping track either, of course…

WordSaladNation December 1, 2010 at 7:53 pm

My 103 p-points DIED AND WENT TO HELL, obviously. I'm having a Morrissey/Cure/Ministry/Depeche Mode marathon to "celebrate."

comptoneffect December 1, 2010 at 9:54 pm

I'll show up if you add Joy Division to the mix.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 2:43 pm

Redstate? Really? That shitty website is still around? I figured that black hole of illogic would have collapsed upon itself by now.

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

No, as you can see from this post, they are going from strength to strength.

glamourdammerung December 1, 2010 at 2:59 pm

I kind of figured it would be cnn.redstate.com by now.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 3:43 pm

Same thing could be said about Sarah Palin. Never underestimate a section of the American Public's love for crazy, know-nothing grifters. Hell, look at NRO.

PubOption December 1, 2010 at 2:47 pm

One addition to the list of constructive actions:
"Refuse to patronize any cab driven by a Muslim, or any taxi company you suspect might use Muslim drivers."

Red State readers may then be seen walking to/from their nearest airport.

Ducksworthy December 1, 2010 at 3:07 pm

Thanks Gawd for Greyhound, the Red State Airline.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Franchise Business Opportunity: Kristian Kab Kompany, Inc.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 7:29 pm

Especially considering that they'll assume any Sikh or Indian drivers are Muslin too.

Gopherit December 1, 2010 at 2:48 pm

Hey, u filthy muslins. Yur in Murika! Start bombing in english goddamn it!

axmxz December 1, 2010 at 3:05 pm

ANFO or GTFO!

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 4:33 pm

Wait! Carrot Top is muslin?

Mindblank December 1, 2010 at 2:59 pm

I'm sure Native Americans are wondering if a ban on immigration could be made retroactive.

axmxz December 1, 2010 at 2:59 pm

"Brassbound liberals". If only they had the balls to match! But they were apparently held by the scrotum when dipped into the secular pool.

glamourdammerung December 1, 2010 at 3:00 pm

You know who else advocated rounding up all of a certain religious group to save their pure Christian society?

bagofmice December 1, 2010 at 3:11 pm

I love the smell of red state in the morning. Smells like dhimmitude.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 3:12 pm

Learn your Christian faith and especially its history vis-à-vis Islam.

Actually having read up on this history, and being atheist (I know more about their religion than most Xtians do, too!), I gotta say that the Redstaters would probably be appalled if they were to learn the truth of how things went back then. You know, how the Muslins were impressively educated and urbane, while the christians were classless brutish louts that only gained what little technology they had by stealing it during the Crusades.

Then the maurading hordes descended from asia and basically wiped the civilizations in the Middle East out. Yellow Menace, indeed!

qwerty42 December 1, 2010 at 3:13 pm

Jesus. This is too sad. I have nothing to say, but ask what gives when racial/religious hatred becomes accepted, even endorsed? These people would have been under rocks even in the Bush administration; now they spout this stuff and who on their side says anything?

ttommyunger December 1, 2010 at 3:15 pm

Who among Red State Staffers (HeeHee, what a mental picture that phrase brings) will volunteer to sandblast those pesky Communist Words off of the Base of the Statue of Liberty?

donner_froh December 1, 2010 at 3:17 pm

About time we Americanize the Mulins who are already here and those who sneak in legally before Red State's enlightened policy in enacted.

First order of business should be language. They must be told repeatedly until it sinks in "Your are in America now, buddy. Speak Spanish like everyone else.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 3:18 pm

Hopefully, some of the RedState readers will follow his censorship regulation, since a bookstore or library employee making certain literate disappear is a good way to get their ass fired.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Here's the very hard, very sad truth. This and associated rhetoric in wide distribution on the right is virtually identical to the anti-abortion rhetorical cycles that have culminated in the murders of abortion providers.
Take this to the bank: before Easter rolls around, I guarantee you all that there will be at least one assassination of a prominent member of the Muslim community here in the US, most likely an imam.
I wish I was wrong, but unfortunately I research political violence and terrorism for a living. I never make iron-clad guarantees; except now. Weep for what has become of our nation; I know I will.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 3:30 pm

I do really hope the well-known imam who runs the not-mosque that isn't really close to ground zero has good security, after all the hateful rhetoric the evil bigots were throwing around over that.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 4:00 pm

I fully expect a mosque bombing. Of course, they tried to burn down that Portland mosque, so you know a bombing isn't far behind. http://www.kptv.com/news/25960773/detail.html

chickensmack December 1, 2010 at 3:37 pm

I LOOOOOOOVE my country. I LOOOOOOOOOVE its ideals.

Its Christian populace that think they run everything? Fuck 'em sideways, however, also.

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Are they internet-savvy enough to "get it" if you say "Gud Christianz: Ur razing them rong."?

OneYieldRegular December 1, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Srebrenica.

binarian December 1, 2010 at 3:49 pm

someone used the phrase "Red State Staffers" a bit ago. I figured the staff consisted of Moe and Erik in their respective mother's basements wanking off to pictures of the Michelles ( Bachman and Malkin).

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 7:39 pm

Yeah, but do they get off?

Redhead December 1, 2010 at 4:09 pm

So number 8 tells you that you can do certain things without fear because they don't count as discrimination/fall under anti-discrimination laws… and number 3 encourages you to do those things under the heading "Discriminate!"???

I know they're all too busy jizzing their shorts over Jugs McCain's fat rolls/boobs (since really, who can tell them apart anymore) to think with their other head, but this is just ridiculous.

BklynIlluminati December 1, 2010 at 4:13 pm

I got some addendum Must wear crescent moon patch at all times and in plain sight. While we are at it Latinos must wear sombreros and Jews the star of david. this sounds all to familiar….

Failure_Artist December 1, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Wondering how many doctors we'd lose if we kicked out the Muslims.

binarian December 1, 2010 at 4:31 pm

Mostly Gastroenterologists and ENT guys. I need both so lets not.

imissopus December 1, 2010 at 6:59 pm

Since none of us will have healthcare once the Republicans get their way, what difference does it make?

DoktorZoom December 1, 2010 at 7:05 pm

Prayer Therapy will be fully covered, happily.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 7:40 pm

I've got an Iranian dentist. The one before that was Pakistani.

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 8:32 pm

That's a realy good question. I live in Red California, and it seems like virtually every new-MD announcement from hospitals and medical centers in the region involves mostly people with Middle Eastern / Indonesian / Indian names. (When I lived in the South Bay, it was more South/Southeast/East Asian).

While a name does not, of course, guarantee a religious preference (or even Amurkanism — undoubtedly some of these folks are at least third generation), one still wonders if the successful implementation of Ewick's proposed putsch would result in millions of conservative Californians having their medical infrastructure reduced to a relative handful of post-retirement white guys.

It would be funnier if I didn't live here.

MinAgain December 1, 2010 at 4:32 pm

"Fat, drunk, and bigoted is no way to go through life, son."

PublicLuxury December 1, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Are you kidding me? Now the fundies will be breeding like rats.

BTWBFDIMHO December 1, 2010 at 4:53 pm

When I applied for my first US visa, in 1987, I had to answer questions like:
"Are you and have you been a member of the Communist Party"?
Nothing new here.

hagajim December 1, 2010 at 4:53 pm

While we all are in there changing that there Constitution thangy, we probly ought to add in a rule so only white hillbilly rednecks can aktually own that there land in these USA's cuz we be the chozen wuns! Damn Muslins hate Merika anways….ought to kill the spics and niggras while we'z doin' things as well.

Bugeyes December 1, 2010 at 5:07 pm

"Perhaps nothing demonstrates the folly of liberalism on this matter more clearly than that its adherents persist in laying hold of the old idiom of racism in abusing their interlocutors, when it is evident to anyone with a modicum of curiosity that this is chiefly a doctrinal and cultural, not a racial matter. Speaking from personal experience, it’s now been almost five years since I spent a portion of an evening at an event at the University of Georgia arguing (quite civilly) about the Jihad with a Muslim of Swedish extraction and American heritage."

Huh? What is interlocutor abuse? Is that a crime or a sex act or something? And hating muslims is a doctrine or cultural? What is this guy talking about? Did I miss something because I wasn't in Georgia five years ago? Is it because I persist to adhere to liberalism? It would be a lot easier to get his point across if he just said, we don't like muslims, we don't want them here, and this is our country so we can decide how things go.

MadBrahms December 1, 2010 at 5:52 pm

This is a case where a guy thinks he can go toe to toe with the liberal academy by using fancy soc/anthro/cultural studies words like "interlocutor", while completely failing to be up to speed on the whole "critique of the culture concept" thing.

But basically he's saying "wah, they keep picking on me!"

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 8:35 pm

I believe the key point here is that it has been almost five years since the narrator has spoken with a Muslim.

Tundra Grifter December 1, 2010 at 5:14 pm

Amazing how if you substitute "Negro" for "Muslim" it reads just as smoothly and makes just as much sense. We're all lost in the '50's tonight…

Wilcoxyz December 1, 2010 at 5:17 pm

Who's going to drive the cabs in the very urban areas? What, are we all just going to have to buy our own tractor or settle for sleeping with our sisters instead of going to a bar in a better neighborhood than we live?

twoeightnine December 1, 2010 at 5:22 pm

Require all Islamic literature, books and websites originating in the United States to be communicated in English.

What's that mean for our numbers? Do we have to write them out from now on? Because that's really going to ruin my tweeting. And sixtynining is completely ruined.

DangerHelvetica December 1, 2010 at 5:42 pm

Henceforth, it shall be known as LXIX'ing.

MistaEko December 1, 2010 at 5:23 pm

Dear China,

Please invade.

Love, Eko.

moralturpentine December 1, 2010 at 6:18 pm

“By now it is evident to all but the most brassbound liberals, incorrigible in their refusal to face hard facts, that Judaism contains within it a sizeable faction of determined men whose politics derive from the warmaking doctrines of Anarchism. Wherever the Jew is, this faction will be also.”

Sounds better in the original Protocols. Also, it's brassballed liberalism, thank you.

DustBowlBlues December 1, 2010 at 6:56 pm

" Learn your Christian faith . . ."

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH. (In lieu of the annoying combination of lol and rof, or whatever).

I'm assuming they would prefer you completely skip Matthew 6:6. (Do not be like the fucking Philitines. When you pray, go into your closet to do it.) (Poetic license taken on that, on my part.) Matthew 6:6, shortened form: STFU.

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 9:08 pm

I believe I've made it clear in previous comments that I no longer call myself a Christian. This is fundamentally for internal reasons, and not because of the un-Christlike behavior and thinking of many self-professed Christians; but really, who are these guys?

But, at one time, I made a fairly serious effort to learn my Christian faith. I've read the Old Testament (admittedly glossing over some of the extended name lists and descriptions of the latest extermination of idolators), and the New. I admit to reading English translations, as I don't read ancient Hebrew, Aramaic, or Greek. And neither does anybody at Red State. FWIW, I've also read the Book of Mormon, the D&C's, and the Pearl of Great Price.

And, despite the fact that I no longer believe in Jesus as the literal Son of God, the bits of the NT that are traditionally printed in red are still pretty compelling, and thought-provoking, and strangely resonant. You have to wonder if anyone at Red State has ever read any part of Matt 6. Or, really, any of Jesus' words.

DoktorZoom December 2, 2010 at 12:19 am

I know I've said this multiple times, but it's worth remembering that the only parts of the New Testament these fuckers like are 1) The Parable of the Talents, so they know that Jebus loves investment bankers; B) The bits where Paul sez no homosex; and III) The part where Jebus says "I come not to bring peace, but a sword," because killing the ungodly is awesome. Beyond that, they like the homo-killin' parts of Leviticus, and, if they're Brian Fischer, the parts about killing bears. They've pared down their Bibles far more selectively and thoroughly than Jefferson would have thought decent.

SorosBot December 2, 2010 at 11:05 am

Now, be fair; they also like the parts where Paul says, "bitches, shut up and make your husband a sandwich."

modestproposal1 December 1, 2010 at 7:13 pm

make the Islamic stuff disappear

If he had just replaced "stuff" with "people", he could have just skipped writing the rest of the article and spent more time beatin' up the local queers and coloreds, for Jesus.

jim89048 December 1, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Mine too, but the ones that stayed xtian died raptured young.

DustBowlBlues December 1, 2010 at 9:03 pm

Not to brag, but we're way ahead of Red State on this one, down here in the Dust Bowl. Cram your Sharia law up your asses, Muslins. We don't need no furriners here in OK. (Except, for the medical specialists. You can stay because gramma needs the Cancer Doctor, as the old fucks call Oncologists.)

DoktorZoom December 2, 2010 at 12:10 am

But didn't one of those activist judges put that dumb law on hold? Frankly, I'm not sure I see the point of an injunction against a meaningless law, either…

TheMeatmaker December 1, 2010 at 10:28 pm

What if they agree to do lots of work for free? And maybe count as 3/5 of a real American. Can they come visit then?

BarackMyWorld December 1, 2010 at 11:09 pm

Imagine for a moment if redstate.com had been around in 1954.

Just. Imagine.

DoktorZoom December 2, 2010 at 12:06 am

I see Reds, I see Commies. Get 'em, Simple J!

MilwaukeeKent December 2, 2010 at 12:23 am

By about this time next year, we might not have to imagine 1954. I think the Right imagines the '50s as their ideal decade, not so great maybe if you were Jewish, Black, Gay, Latino, Catholic or female, perhaps, but white males? Hey hey hey!
The 1990s on the other hand were that long national nightmare of peace and prosperity.

Lost_Teabaggers December 2, 2010 at 4:37 am

What bothers me so much about this article, so so much aside from the palpable religious bigotry and strawman "other" construction is this asshole writer is CATHOLIC; that's probably the largest irony at work in this feces ridden pants pissy fear-feast. A catholic writing to have communities openly discriminate against another religion in the US is a bit like a Jew writing a piece entitled "the Eternal Muslim". For centuries people like this asshole were subject to every petty slight, bigoted paranoia and phobia he's arguing in favor of. This is what you get when you have idiots with no understanding of religious intollerance being turned against them so that they can use extreme religious intollerance and pretend it's both rational and new. If you replace Muslim with Catholic or black and you have exactly the kind of reactionary fuckfest that would have appeared at this point last century; what a bag of shit at work here.

Geraldjezz December 2, 2010 at 5:03 am

I like this blog post and i think its not fair that Muslim community should be banned because its a part of our community. http://www.wellnessstarts.com/where-to-buy-nitro-

whuzzat December 2, 2010 at 8:43 am

Who would baby jeezus disinvite? Considering that the U.S. Department of Defense budget accounted in fiscal year 2010 for about 19% of the United States federal budgeted expenditures and 28% of estimated tax revenues, and including non-DOD expenditures, defense spending was approximately 28–38% of budgeted expenditures and 42–57% of estimated tax revenues, Medicare/Social Security funding would be better wasted/dedicated to armoring mobility scooters for border patrols, yes? Kill two patriotic/arthritic snowbirds with one earmark? Who's loving freedom NOW?

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 3:20 pm

Sure!

NotYerGaryBusey December 1, 2010 at 6:29 pm

Yeah, I lost 40 and barely ever comment. Yay me!

BornInATrailer December 1, 2010 at 3:41 pm

*prostrates self before twogoats*

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 4:42 pm

I'm only down 9 from my peak, so I guess I am too subtle for the Brightbulbs and Women's Christian Temperance Biddies. So out of solidarity:

UP JUMP JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IN A WHOREHOUSE, I HATE AMERIKKKA!!!!

mayor_quimby December 1, 2010 at 10:29 pm

sweet jeebus christ on a fuckin crutch, don't piss them off man!

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