THAT AIN'T SANTA  12:40 pm December 1, 2010

U.S. Government Will Announce Space Monster Invasion Tomorrow

by Ken Layne

Lizard People gettin' busy.What did NASA send your Wonkette for some reason? Secret plans for the new Chevrolet space shuttle? A wacky “mash up” video of NASA accidents? No! It’s even better/worse than all that: “NASA will hold a news conference at 2 p.m. EST on Thursday, Dec. 2, to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life.” So it’s going to be a very merry xmas after all, because the Space Monsters are here, and we will all come together as a single human community to decide who gets fed to the Space Monsters first.

This press conference sounds very intriguing:

EDIA ADVISORY : M10-167

NASA Sets News Conference on Astrobiology Discovery; Science Journal Has Embargoed Details Until 2 p.m. EST On Dec. 2

WASHINGTON — NASA will hold a news conference at 2 p.m. EST on Thursday, Dec. 2, to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life. Astrobiology is the study of the origin, evolution, distribution and future of life in the universe.

The news conference will be held at the NASA Headquarters auditorium at 300 E St. SW, in Washington. It will be broadcast live on NASA Television and streamed on the agency’s website at http://www.nasa.gov.

Participants are:
- Mary Voytek, director, Astrobiology Program, NASA Headquarters, Washington
- Felisa Wolfe-Simon, NASA astrobiology research fellow, U.S. Geological Survey, Menlo Park, Calif.
- Pamela Conrad, astrobiologist, NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center, Greenbelt, Md.
- Steven Benner, distinguished fellow, Foundation for Applied Molecular Evolution, Gainesville, Fla.
- James Elser, professor, Arizona State University, Tempe

Other than the person from Arizona, this sounds like a very distinguished group of UFO fanatics. What will they tell us, tomorrow, about how the world is going to completely change forever, for the worse? And will they give us some guidance as far as mass suicides or other things we could do to prevent being digested (while still alive) for a thousand years in the mouth/anus of the Galactic Horror Gods? [NASA]

 
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{ 160 comments }

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 12:44 pm

I'm buying stock in Nike.

Buzz Feedback December 1, 2010 at 12:44 pm

Barry Hussein will invite the Space Monsters over for Slurpees and immediately give in to all of their demands.

Beanball December 1, 2010 at 12:59 pm

They want their unicorns and sparkle ponies back.

Slurpees will not save us when they learn the Republicans ate them.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 3:31 pm

And the sparkle ponies better fart glitter as they did when we dropped them off.

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Wait, now it all makes sense! Bohener's led the advance scouting party and he has determined that some of our species are ready for the the awesome advanced tax-cutting technologies that will move select segments of a segregated population forward along the path of evolution, while returning the rest to the Middle Ages they so desperately miss. Or, at least, that explains his alien hue.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 3:32 pm

They have cheeto colored body spray on other planets?

Dashboard_Jesus December 2, 2010 at 1:16 am

…as long as they agree to take the Boner and McTurtle with 'em for 'special' anal probing, I say give 'em whatever they want…personally I think they'll LOVE the Slurpee, it's an intergalactic treat!

jus_wonderin December 2, 2010 at 11:08 am

I do wonder if Aliens have found the cure to the brain freeze. Surely a civilization advanced enough to travel intersellar space would have a fix for it other than pressing ones tongue to the soft palette.

Lucidamente1 December 1, 2010 at 12:45 pm

"to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life": Mitch McConnell will finally reveal himself as head of our new overlords, the Lizard People.

Terry December 1, 2010 at 12:47 pm

Turtle people. McConnell is definitely one of the Turtle People.

Katydid December 1, 2010 at 12:58 pm

And Sarah Palin is what he shits out. Oh noes!

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 1:59 pm

Because his Turtle People system cannot fully metabolize a diet high in retard and bump-its.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 3:33 pm

And he will be distributing his new book To Serve Man and you know what, I say he can eat me.

CapnFatback December 1, 2010 at 12:45 pm

Great, more homeless to deny unemployment checks to.

Ducksworthy December 1, 2010 at 1:21 pm

No no. There'll be a deal. Barry will give tax cuts to our lizard billionaire overlords forever and the representatives of the lizard people will let the poors survive until they can be efficiently harvested.

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 2:04 pm

…until they can be efficiently harvested

Which will happen as soon as the population's median corn syrup levels are high enough. Our new overlords like to serve something sweet at the tea parties the throw for their rainbow-farting unicorns.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 5:56 am

Yes, peak corn syrup is nigh. We will definitely not be left to rot on the vine, that's for sure.

Dashboard_Jesus December 2, 2010 at 1:18 am

Soylent Green is PEOPLE! (and it's good for ya too :)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Sp-VFBbjpE

Mindblank December 1, 2010 at 12:45 pm

No big deal. They probably just found an amoeba from Uranus.

DashboardBuddha December 1, 2010 at 1:09 pm

Did you know that the bargain brand of toilet tissue wipes out Klingons just as well as the more expensive brand? It's true!

EatsBabyDingos December 1, 2010 at 1:11 pm

It was the Enterprise amoeba, which is known for circling Uranus and wiping out Klingons. Or was that Charmin.

killbot December 1, 2010 at 11:39 pm

I'm a microbioogist. I can make a whore moan.

smokefilledroommate December 1, 2010 at 12:46 pm

Gotta watch out for those atheist gayliens..

YeOldeFapSmith December 1, 2010 at 12:46 pm

I, for one, welcome our new Space Monster overlords.

MadBrahms December 1, 2010 at 12:46 pm

I know its been said a thousand times already, but I'm more concerned with finding intelligent life in Congress at this point, frankly.

elviouslyqueer December 1, 2010 at 12:56 pm

Too late, I'm afraid.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 3:36 pm

I think that one is going to have to get in line behind, the search for the fountain of youth, and the search for the Holy Grail, Noah's ark, and intelligent life south of the Mason Dixon line.

CapnFatback December 1, 2010 at 12:47 pm

This is exactly the sort of story you won't hear a peep of in the lamestream "edia."

Spenceredux December 1, 2010 at 12:47 pm

I, for one, bow down to our new alien overlords, the Republican Freshmen.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Obviously, they figure this is the last time they can mention "evolution" without the GOP threatening to cut NASA's funding.

johnnymeatworth December 1, 2010 at 12:49 pm

I can think of 42 Senate Republicans to feed them….

dr_giraud December 1, 2010 at 2:21 pm

And 1 independent Senator from Connecticut. . . .

FNMA December 1, 2010 at 12:49 pm

IT'S A COOKBOOK!

Katydid December 1, 2010 at 1:00 pm

Beat me to it!

Terry December 1, 2010 at 12:49 pm

No reason to get excited. They probably found a molecule that could become, under the right conditions part of an amino acid that, given very specific conditions could be condusive to the conditions that may be favorable for life over geologic time.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 12:53 pm

In other words: EUREKA!!!

Lascauxcaveman December 1, 2010 at 12:58 pm

You read teh science news pretty closely, don't you?

Terry December 1, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Yes, but only to find items to send to the Catholic League so that he can protest them.

x111e7thst December 1, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Representative John A. Boehner has your molecule right in his pants, and if you have your own microscope he will show it to you.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm

What color dragon will the fundies invent to symbolize the movement to deny Christianity through the measurement of space-farts?

WABishop December 1, 2010 at 10:38 pm

Hey, now, spoiler alert!

toomtabard December 1, 2010 at 12:49 pm

This from Fox: "I'd say that they've discovered arsenic on Titan and maybe even detected chemical evidence of bacteria utilizing it for photosynthesis," Kottke theorizes." Nothing will ever be the same after this. This must also be the first time the word "photosynthesis" appeared on Fox (of course it's in a quote).

Terry December 1, 2010 at 1:07 pm

2n CO2 + 2n H2O + photons → 2(CH2O)n + n O2 + 2n A
Carbon dioxide + electron donor + light energy → carbohydrate + oxygen + oxidized electron donor

I wonder where the arsenic is fitting in.

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 1:21 pm

it's under the old lace.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Hopefully in O'Reilly's coffee.

mumbly_joe December 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm

A friend pointed to this article from March, and there's some speculation that it's related, so the arsenic thing might be somewhat on-point, actually. Insofar as astrobiology is a viable field, they frequently draw inference from extremphiles for obvious reasons. Photosynthesis… eh. The main point seemed to be that life that use/rely on completely distinct elements and molecules than most of our own biosphere may well be more plausible than previously thought.

Oh, and also, we can apparently now analyse the spectra of exoplanets, so it's possible to look for atmospheres we think of as "viable", so that might be part of the announcement, too. Our technology is pretty amazing.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Extremphiles are disgusting, I hope you're not surfing them at work!!

But seriously, just the headline of that linked article made my eyes glaze over. Wake me up tomorrow.

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 12:49 pm

When did Arizona State develop a top (astro)physics programme?

I thought it was Porn U.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Actually, both ASU has had a good program for a long time. Clear desert skies are wonders for viewing the cosmos.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 1:12 pm

More importantly, how are they supposed to research aliens in a state where it's legal for the police to harass and beat them?

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 1:22 pm

oh shit. i went to up arrow you and down arrowed you in my giggle over your comment. so sorry.

someone please up arrow sorosbot please?

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 1:53 pm

hey, you didn't have to arrow me down to zero for that. i'm a cat, i don't have thumbs. and when i get around a mouse, i go a little crazy.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:23 pm

I arrowed you up, don't worry; I've made that mistake myself; and once even worse thumbed up one of the Breitbart trolls.

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 12:17 am

I, myself, am surprised to find that they are sober enough to conduct their research, at all. Don't tell me Tempe is turning into New Haven.

horsedreamer_1 December 2, 2010 at 12:32 am

The Tempe12 will always be better than the Yale Naked Party.

(By & by, still waiting for Wonkette to score the footage/photos of Barbara Bush (grand-daughter) from one of those.)

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 12:49 pm

"To Serve Man' is a cookbook, I tells ya!

PsycWench December 1, 2010 at 12:51 pm

I say we send a committee to outer space to meet them halfway, and that the committee will be chosen by national vote. First up: Sarah Palin.

bagofmice December 1, 2010 at 1:20 pm

Way to get all humans annihilated!

Ducksworthy December 1, 2010 at 1:25 pm

Good idea. If they eat her they'll be so sick of humans they leave the actual humans alone.

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Jodie Foster will be heartbroken.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 12:52 pm

You just know the Mormons will be sending their fresh-faced brainwashed young adults, and the Jehovah's Winesses their middle-aged guys in suits and old-timey hats, over to Gliese 581d to go and annoy the space monsters now.

Katydid December 1, 2010 at 1:01 pm

If only.

jim89048 December 1, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Mormon Doctrine already has those other planets sewed up, and when they've all been claimed, they'll just make more!

And how the hell did your p-ness survive this morning's alien attack? Are you one of them?

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:27 pm

I dropped a bit, but a combination of no internet connection at my new place yet, a four-day weekend and a day spent fruitlessly waiting for the Verizon asshole who never showed up to install my connection means I haven't been able to post much lately, and I guess the Breitbartars didn't dig real far back in their thumbs-down orgy.

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 1, 2010 at 12:52 pm

Xenu's gonna' nuke your punk-asses!

seppdecker December 1, 2010 at 12:54 pm

Didn't Senator Turtle Boy declare there would be no scientific discoveries or news of any kind until tax cuts for millionaires has passed? Why does NASA hate our freedom?

Beanball December 1, 2010 at 12:54 pm

The monsters are due on Maple Street.

Past due, actually.

ManchuCandidate December 1, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Klaatu Barada Nikto.

ttommyunger December 1, 2010 at 3:23 pm

Patricia Neal was so fucking hot! And Michael Rennie was so British, and Klaatu was so not to be fucked with.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Ah a movie from the 50's I still enjoy

ttommyunger December 1, 2010 at 4:18 pm

Me too!

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 12:57 pm

OMG! It's no coincidence that this is happening right at the time DoD is weaning itself off of acronyms. I'm sure the Space Monsters are ROTFLTAO at our military's incompetence.

bitchincamaro2 December 1, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Shred your bibles, America!!!!

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Oh no, here we go with the whole build a fence, starwars, illegal immigrant, alien gangs, Obama's fault thing again.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Perhaps NASA is going to tell us the origin of Orange People like Boehner?

harry_palmer December 1, 2010 at 12:59 pm

Step 1: Install new Rethug Congress, begin banning art, cutting unemployment benefits, handing all the nation's wealth to the rich. Your response: Stop the world, I want to get off.

Step 2: Government announcement: The nice little green fellow is offering you a ride in his spaceship. He's holding a book titled "To Serve Man." Surely you want to go with him, seeing how fucked this place is.

Moral: John Boner is an alien!!!!1!

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 1:02 pm

So <that's</i> what happened to our "p" values. Preparations, not reparations.

smokefilledroommate December 1, 2010 at 1:06 pm

yeah–wtf? just yesterday I had 84 pees

Bonzos_Bed_Time December 1, 2010 at 1:11 pm

I blame the Republicans.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 1:11 pm

Breifarters are among us…

Badonkadonkette December 1, 2010 at 1:32 pm

I thought that might be the case. But it would take an awful lot of "thumbs down" clicks to drop scores so much (I went from 111 to 66), and I really can't believe that even those basement dwelling mama's boys have the time to do it.

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 2:20 pm

They have to take a break from vigorous masturbation some times.

Fare la Volpe December 1, 2010 at 1:22 pm

Oh my God, I thought I was the only one. I was at 102 just yesterday and now I'm down to 69!

Hehe, "down to 69"

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 1:24 pm

I was at 102 and dropped to 43 – wish I could lose weight that fast.

Fare la Volpe December 1, 2010 at 1:31 pm

Preach it, sister.

SorosBot December 1, 2010 at 2:24 pm

Hm, maybe we should all stop thumbing you up so you can keep that great score.

Fare la Volpe December 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Or you could keep thumbing me until I get up to ONE HUNDRED and sixty nine. Oh yeah…

Boredw/Gravity December 1, 2010 at 3:50 pm

Ahhh, I went from 100 to 48 in nothing flat. I thought I had somehow managed to annoy a sh*tload of conservatards (and was actually quite pleased with myself).

CapeClod December 1, 2010 at 1:04 pm

The aliens found the Voyager space craft, played the record on it, and sent a message that says, "SEND MORE CHUCK BERRY!"

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 1:23 pm

Actually it said, "SEND MORE CHUCK BARRIS!"

Mojopo December 1, 2010 at 1:04 pm

I hope they finally answer David Bowie's question – the poor guy deserves a night's rest after all this time.

Then again, the aliens let us eat turkey first. The next logical step is to take our land.

Steverino247 December 1, 2010 at 1:05 pm

Finding life or evidence of life (like bacterial shit stains someplace) will blow away all the "special creations of (Your God Here)" stories in human history. All of them. Sure, some will deny it or try to ride a wave of bullshit of their own creation to stay ahead of it (e.g., Scientologists), but if we've found life someplace else, religion is done.

Yes, it's been a good run, but ever since the religious lost the ability to burn astronomers, their days have been numbered.

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2010 at 1:22 pm

You have seriously underestimated the ability of believers to ignore facts. Remember the Dover decision? Hasn't stopped the creationists.

prommie December 1, 2010 at 1:24 pm

The vatican long ago said they have no problem with other creations, other people, other jesus on other worlds, they've been prepping for this for years

SayItWithWookies December 1, 2010 at 2:08 pm

The Catholics figured out that the infallable and unchanging word of The LORD works best when it makes accommodations for new knowledge.

Chet Kincaid December 1, 2010 at 2:41 pm

This is why the Papists can't be trusted, they are not Strict Biblical Constructionists.

Ducksworthy December 1, 2010 at 1:29 pm

Yeah. Just like Galileo and Darwin's discoveries blew them away. Have you visited the Creation Museum in N. KY?

GOPCrusher December 1, 2010 at 2:23 pm

Hell, we still have morans that will tell you that the Earth is only 6000 years old, despite of the mountains of scientific fact that proves otherwise.

Steverino247 December 1, 2010 at 2:28 pm

I'm not saying it's going to go away quietly. There are still Flat Earthers, but they don't have the power or influence they used to have. They are back in the "crank" category whence they came. Creationism/Intelligent Design has been beaten back pretty effectively as Dover showed could be done. Nobody worships Zeus or Odin anymore, so it can happen here.

Translated into Wonkettese: I can haz hope?

DashboardBuddha December 1, 2010 at 1:08 pm

Forget the ghey part…If their first words are, "sorry…there is no god", the world will be united in a war against the alienists. Muslim and Christian will stand shoulder to shoulder to fight evil…

And we'll be stomped flat, paving the world to become the intergalactic version of Disney World.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 1:12 pm

Exactly. Not loving Jeebus enough means you're an atheist.

Serolf_Divad December 1, 2010 at 1:13 pm

So tomorrow is when we learn that Ellie isn't really the President's mistress, but rather a phonetic misspelling of an overheard acronym: ELE… which stands for Extinction Level Event? How exciting!

slithytovesss December 1, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Since it's NASA, I'm guessing the astrobiology finding is that there is no other life in the universe and therefore we will stop looking for it.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 1:43 pm

By order of the Speaker-Presumptive and "Leader" McConnell. Unless the aliens arrive with jobs. I hope they don't put us to work with shovels stoking the radium furnaces, like Ming did to Flash and Prince Barin.

Kidneys4Sale December 1, 2010 at 1:17 pm

Well, if the Rethugs are in control, we'll just do what the founding fathers would demand: Smallpox.

I feel dirty.

prommie December 1, 2010 at 1:23 pm

I for one welcome blah blah blah.

donner_froh December 1, 2010 at 1:25 pm

There are no "Astrobiologists" other than those in the overheated brains of tentacle porn fanboys but NASA gets three of them on the same panel.

That is going to be a really strange crowd there tomorrow.

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 1:26 pm

they found jesus. he was outbound, just about to cross the orbit of pluto, making for the oort cloud, but they nabbed him. they'll be bringing him back for a perp walk that will be divine.

(stay tuned for the next episode of, "survival of those who throw the biggest fits.")

MildMidwesterner December 1, 2010 at 1:27 pm

Update! Sarah Palin just claimed that she can see aliens from her house.

slappypaddy December 1, 2010 at 1:40 pm

she should put up a fence.

horsedreamer_1 December 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm

She must have just seen The Fourth Kind.

The best part of that movie was the audio over the closing credits.

Beowoof December 1, 2010 at 3:45 pm

I think she sees aliens in her house. In her mirror.

VaWyo December 1, 2010 at 1:30 pm

I hope the aliens like tea bags because they should first eat all those wearing them as accessories.

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Pee 103 this morning; 70 (or less) currently.

Now I understand how Bristol stayed on that program for so long.

sarjo December 1, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Ken's doing it. We've gotten too uppity lately.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 1:55 pm

What was your cholesterol?

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 3:06 pm

No, silly. That's how many centiliters of urine I passed. What else could "pee" mean?

Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 3:11 pm

V, based on the updated, just in time for xmas, "p" values — the December "p" Purge, if you will — you are like the funniest, most insightful Wonkette commenter — and I don't disagree with that. So fists up to you girlfriend. Bring on the funk.

V572625694 December 1, 2010 at 3:56 pm

Wow, I'm honored. Serolf Divad and Say It With Wookies were far ahead of me before the p-holocaust (12-1-10…nevar forget!), and deservedly so. Others bring much funny too. I think Ken's just fucking with us.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 2:37 pm

I'd tell Ken to quit, but I forgot the safeword!

user-of-owls December 1, 2010 at 3:05 pm

"Altar Boy"

Iam_Who_Iam December 1, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Radiotherapy December 1, 2010 at 3:15 pm

You need some more of those 400 up fist, Win of the Month, comments like the Iraqi kid in Bush's jar of horror. So get to work owl-boy. Make me laugh — or cry.

MistaEko December 1, 2010 at 1:39 pm

I'm hoping this is step one in NASA lifting from Ozymandias's plot to get humanity back on track.

/the novel version, not the movie.

LionelHutzEsq December 1, 2010 at 1:40 pm

Perhaps we can all agree that this has something to do with Tom Cruise.

Worthly Wokette Skum December 1, 2010 at 1:44 pm

What if the aliens are ghey and don't love Jeebus?

That's why we keep all those extra nukes.

bureaucrap December 1, 2010 at 1:53 pm

so it IS true about Elvis and JFK!!!

Mojopo December 1, 2010 at 1:54 pm

Obviously we must send numerous cans of Lysol to Mars, before these haughty bacterium get ideas.

Worthly Wokette Skum December 1, 2010 at 1:55 pm

Here come the aliens. Hold onto your heads!

chascates December 1, 2010 at 1:56 pm

"To Serve Man. It… it's a cookbook!"

Neilist December 1, 2010 at 1:58 pm

Marc "Beastmaster" Singer will save us!

When he's not taking it up the ass from Billy Ball, I mean.

(Or is that a too-obscure reference to the Golden Days of S.F.'s ACT?)

gurukalehuru December 1, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Astroboyologist= somebody who has seen all of the Astroboy cartoons

Mojopo December 1, 2010 at 2:22 pm

I hope they found gravy.

neiltheblaze December 1, 2010 at 2:24 pm

We're going to learn that we'll be able to extract an enzyme from alien DNA that allows human beings to live to be 300 years old – and the age for social security benefits will rise to 280 right after.

weejee December 1, 2010 at 2:25 pm

Then we are saved, but not so much the prey of Jeebus.

BaldarTFlagass December 1, 2010 at 2:37 pm

"to discuss an astrobiology finding that will impact the search for evidence of extraterrestrial life."

"John Carpenter's 'The Thing' was a documentary. We are fucked."

Gopherit December 1, 2010 at 2:45 pm

Let's invite the aliens to a nice tea party, shall we?

Sheesko December 1, 2010 at 2:52 pm

This showed in the last of the drive-ins back in, oh, the summer of '61, wasn't it? Mary Voytek was that Ina Balin who played the queen bee in that Outer Limits episode with Robert Culp. Funnily enough, Felisa Wolfe-Simon was played by Nancy Culp; this was the performance that caught the eye of the Beverly Hillbillies producers and made her a household name a year later. Oh, and Whitney Houston (ha ha get it? Houston?) played Pamela Conrad, the same year she was a guest bosom on The Man from UNCLE, the one about the island where all the UNCLE agents learned how to kill people 50 different ways with a fountain pen. Leslie Nielsen did his usual competent job as Professor Elser, but it was Tony Bill as Steven ("Steevo") Benner that was the real breakout performance. Sadly, the "distinguished" banner hung over him like a cloud when he later auditioned for parts in the Gidget movies and he never really went anywhere until he started directing.

Are they going to show it with a real concession stand and everything? Because that would be cool.

AntonovBureau December 1, 2010 at 3:24 pm

If Voltar isn't there I am not going to show up.

Oblios_Cap December 1, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Where's John Carter when you need him?

XOhioan December 1, 2010 at 3:24 pm

I know: Not only are all Mexicans aliens, but all aliens are Mexican.

ttommyunger December 1, 2010 at 3:28 pm

I hope it is an announcement in favor of extraterrestrial life. The Xtian Right will go nuts hyperventilating over that announcement. It would give the queers and the brown people a much needed break.

MinAgain December 1, 2010 at 3:30 pm

I want to believe.

lulzmonger December 1, 2010 at 3:41 pm

As long as it gets the god-botherers' panties in a knot, it's all good.

*crosses fingers for Martian fossil/s*

notreelyhelping December 1, 2010 at 4:04 pm

Uh…we found this black slab on the moon, and we can't stop it from playing Ligeti.

mrblifil December 1, 2010 at 4:58 pm

For the record, I consider myself a very distinguished fellow.

NadePaulKuciGravMcKi December 1, 2010 at 6:24 pm

V for Vendetta?
wikileaks is zionist poison
julian assange, the new yasser arafat
wikileaks, a touch of assange and the stench of aipac

SorosBot December 2, 2010 at 10:48 am

That's almost a haiku; I was almost tempted to give your crazed, off-topic antisemitic ramblings a thumbs up because of the lyrical, poetic manner in which you wrote them.

ShaveTheWhales December 1, 2010 at 7:54 pm

Well, at least if it involves Vogons, we and the the fucking asshole wingers will all get flattened together.

Man, we're really fucked when that qualifies as the "silver lining".

assistantatlas December 1, 2010 at 10:08 pm

I think it's safe to say: EVERYBODY PANIC!

johnnyzhivago December 1, 2010 at 10:54 pm

Ugh – oh…. Could life be imitating art?????
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qQfdqUAweZ8

killbot December 1, 2010 at 11:35 pm

do'h – you all got the 'To Serve Man' thing covered.

Dashboard_Jesus December 2, 2010 at 1:13 am

well of course they're grey, and why wouldn't they love the Jeebus? NOBODY fucks with the Jeebus! (oops, I see…'ghey' not grey…nevermind)

transfatz December 2, 2010 at 4:06 am

Are the Lizards for or against extending the unemployment benefits?

Negropolis December 2, 2010 at 5:53 am

Definitely for. The better to allow us to fatten ourselves up with. They can't have any stringy, gamey human appetizers, now can they?

transfatz December 2, 2010 at 6:16 am

So, I guess the economy will be looking up.

O/T fellow nightbird, is your back better? I hope so.
Also, I'd like to apologize for the very existence of N******t. You showed real class in the face of ugliness.

transfatz December 2, 2010 at 6:27 am

"being digested (while still alive) for a thousand years in the mouth/anus of the Galactic Horror Gods"
Sarah Palin, the first hundred days.

mrpuma2u December 2, 2010 at 10:36 am

Ok this is a joke I saw somewheres else on the internets,

Earth Person: Is there Jeebus on other worlds?

Aliens: Yes we worship Jeebus too! He comes back and visits all the time. The first time he came we gave him a party and a big box of chocolates. Why, what did you guys do?

BarryOPotter December 1, 2010 at 3:52 pm

Grendal Say nom nom nom

HistoriCat December 2, 2010 at 11:19 pm

"It's NOT a cookbook!"

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