Did any good political news appear in your editor’s inbox this afternoon? Oh here’s something that looks very relevant: The manufacturer of a brand of hard corn-syrup candies has arranged for samples of this item to be glued to an underwear model, for display on a television network tonight. We know for sure this famous New York publicity firm meant for us to have this information, because the email was sent specifically to your editor’s work email, at Wonkette. Old candy stuck on some sweaty model’s butt, this sounds very compelling!
Let’s see the whole picture, of the lady with the empty expression and the nice body with the gross corn-syrup candies stuck to her privates:
Wonderful. The Christmas Season is truly here.
Everybody remember to eat lots of this brand of candy! It’s the only way to “become a lingerie model.”
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A little extreme, but if it stops the TSA gropers, I guess I can support it.
LET THE GAMES BEGIN
Yo, Layne. You've been gone all day and THIS is what you bring home?
I await the next abstinence ad starring Bristol Palin shaking her stuff in this underwear.
Maybe when Brisket was 11 years old. Now? She ain't fitting in any of it.
Pshaw. This outfit is for supermodels, not supersized mamas.
Actually, Bristol in a bikini might be the best abstinence argument around!
Damn, that girl is so skinny. She needs to be eating that candy, not wearing it.
Yeah–especially with the jaundiced leg.
I think that photo makes her legs look kinda hairy. Mmmm, hair in my candy.
Yet another reminder that I won't be having dental insurance anytime soon…
It reminds me of a creative way to floss.
Sorry old timer, these kids are shaved clean these days…
Yep, kind of liked the full bush look.
Yeah, me too only now I need glasses to see. These kids today, just no respect, they dress like bums, their music is just noise and they got no pubic hair…
The director said, "I want you to think about nothing," and she said, "Already there."
I'd eat that.
Had to be done.
I don't care where that candy corn is glued, I ain't gonna eat it.
Oh this is just disgusting. I will not participate with the usual juvenile comments.
*twitching*
*sweating*
Gahhhhhhyhhhhhhhh!
LET’S EAT!
*shame*
She's a little shapeless, I prefer my edibles Good 'n Plenty
Be careful – or you'll end up with a Baby Ruth.
Where is she hiding her Twix??
Are you implying she is a fudge packer?
If this were a real Christmas show, she would have sugar plum tits and a candy cane stuffed up her va-jay.
Leave Katy Perry alone!!!
The video for "Teenage Dream" is the kind of soft-focus erotica Oprah used to show on her channel (The O?) late at nite, on weekends, also.
I didn't get that email. I'm sure it was an oversight.
So cruel not to give us a link. How will we ever find the site?
Try googling "candy underpants girl," you'll find something!
Oh I am sure they will, maybe much more than anticipated.
Or just book a flight to Japan.
I can't believe I did this, but… http://www.robertvoltaire.com/blog/victorias-secr…
tasty little tit-bits?
I'd like to put my Almond Joy in her Mounds.
Almond Joy's got nuts.
Not that there's anything wrong with that….
Sometimes you feel nuts; sometimes you don't.
Well if you work for the TSA don't you feel nuts and lots of them everyday.
That's so bisexual.
Careful there sport, or you might wind up with a Baby Ruth.
I know where the candy corn can be found. *
In kisses? I handed these out this year for Halloween, they have not made them since 2008, am I a bad person?
http://www.thechocolatereview.net/2008/11/20/hers…
Is that candy on your ass, or are you just happy to see me?
Sprinkles!
http://www.eveningwood.com/wp-content/gallery/sex…
And, Ken, I can't help but feel you are being a bit dismissive of this glorious event. Who says the US takes second to anyone when it comes to inventiveness. Can you imagine what they would have done if they had known they would be getting a tax cut next year?
She looks like she has to hop around in the shower to get wet.
Old candy stuck on some sweaty model’s butt
I've got nothing bad to say about that.
"But ma'am! I thought it was one of the candies!"
Oh dear, one StarBurst led to a Milky Way.
Oh, Baby Ruth, Look, it's my Big Hunk! Lick my Whopper Malted Milk Balls and I'll give you Hershey Kisses. Maybe tie you up with Licorice Ropes while you shake your Smartees. I'll slide my Butterfinger in your Lifesaver. Man, I love your Juicy Fruit! Waitaminnit!, do I hear Snickers? You say I got little M&M's? Well, whatcha gonna do about it? Go out with the Three Musketeers and Oh, Henry? Hey, baby, you aint' gonna find Mr. Goodbar there, just Nerds.
this is the best argument for federal corn-syrup subsidies i've ever seen.
do we have federal corn-syrup subsidies? and why the hell not?
High fructose corn syrup and hot model ass….now that's change I can get behind….
High fructose corn syrup is really really bad for you, but hot model ass I can't think of anything I would rather eat.
"behind"
I'm trying to work in a butterfinger joke and failing.
Try buttering up before you stick her finger
You'll need a Butterfinger to get her warmed up before you put your Tootsie Roll in her Mounds.
(My god…this thread has brought out the worst in me.)
If you can find it, there is an old jazz song "The Candy Rapper" that I would highly recommend! You'll get your full of Butterfinger jokes and many, many more.
"Cracker Jack! You're better than the Three Musketeers!"
Call me when they shove a big-ass pretzel in her.
Like some sort of 10" long rod pretzel?
SKIT-SKIT!
Taste the rainbow!
If they had had the wisdom to put Carrie Prejean in it, it could have become a Tea Bag national talking point. Palin would have tweeted how it was a true Merkan response to Michelle's anti-obesity socialism, etc.
DIABEETUS!
Candied Panties are the only way lard-asses like Rush Limbaugh can even begin to think of intercourse with a woman.
(Of course, they'll need Cialis Panties to actually do the deed.)
Usually guys like him find a big wad of cash is the only way he can ever get laid.
Candy-ass.
Her torso is two-tone…her right leg is Boehner orange and her left leg is sort of a "smoker's mottle". What gives?
I agree those legs are disturbing.
Need more candy.
Hide those stumps.
Old candy stuck on some sweaty model’s butt…
I knew America would find a way to be great again.
I'm reminded of the scene when Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka drinks the nectar and proceeds to eat the cup.
Dentist: "What happened?"
Patient: "Busted a tooth on the edible panties."
I must be older, as I looked for tits and hips, then gave up. I'd be willing to eat candy off any part of her, once she gives up on looking like a 12 year old boy.
America really wants bacon panties.
If you build it, they will come.
She looks good enough to eat. The candy does too.
"Everybody remember to eat lots of this brand of candy! It’s the only way to “become a lingerie model.”"
You mean as long as you throw it up after?
Ah, I remember the good old days, when underwear candy was made with cane sugar.
Remember, Ken, women don't sweat, they glisten.
Or "glow".
Every hot girl is a little bi-curious.
When drunk.
And everyone is watching.
If I wanted to watch idiots I used to care about dance like desperate white people I would go to my family reunions.
Oh please, please Santa, leave a lady with an empty expression and a nice body with corn-syrup candies stuck to her privates under my tree this year.
I don't recall the edible panties they used to sell in the Hustler and Penthouse back in the 70s/80s looking quite so, uh, knobbly.
Chew on this: "The Candy Rapper."
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/452301/the_candy_ra…
All the candy bar jokes are here – and many more we couldn't think of. It's the original – and still the best.
It's only fair. The low-carb folks had meat dresses (and skirt steaks?).
Can't like the blotchy Brown paint.
It's the logical extension of the "youth culture". Regression bordering on pedophilia, seems to me. But I'm bordering on being an old.
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