Adorable Earmark-Ban Vote Fails Miserably

  what do you expect from children

The Senate on Tuesday morning defeated a proposal from Sen. Tom Coburn (R-Okla.) to ban congressional earmarks.

In a 39-56 vote, members defeated a temporary ban on the appropriations procedure. The moratorium was offered as an amendment to a food-safety bill that is scheduled for a final vote Tuesday morning.

That’s cute. Even the ban on earmarks itself was attached to a bill totally unrelated to it.

Eight Republicans voted against the ban. An earmark successfully slipped into another bill moments later will have those eight Republicans melted down into an alloy that will be used to make bridges for every other member of the Senate. [The Hill]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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37 comments

    1. vietnamvet65

      Remember 2012 is coming, for all those in Congress who continue to think they will do whatever they want and not what their constituents want. America! Haven’t you bled enough??? Americans aren’t the problem; those elected or appointed to office are the problem!!! Take back our government in 2012. VOTE responsibly!!!

    1. SayItWithWookies

      I was just wondering that. What's also amusing is that Glenn Beck was railing against this food safety bill this morning when it passed the Senate with something like 75 votes. He was mocking the idea that people in America actually die from unsafe food — which, you know, never happens because we never ever hear about tainted peanut butter, spinach, etc. etc. being recalled for killing people. I'm giving him a year before he becomes too loopy for even his radio audience.

      1. DashboardBuddha

        I'll take that bet. My prediction is that the loonies will rise up to meet whatever increasing insanity Mr. Beck has to offer.

        1. SayItWithWookies

          He's been dropping hints that some powers-that-be are getting ticked off at him. The latest schtick is that he's having a big online yard sale and getting rid of all of his stuff, as he's encouraging his little army to do as well, but amid this is his talk that some big change is afoot. I like to imagine his show's ratings dropping to the point where he can't continue anymore, and he blames it on the Big Liberal Conspiracy driving him off the air.

          1. BaldarTFlagass

            Mayhaps he and his followers are getting ready to meet the spaceship that's hiding in the comet's tail.

  1. OkieDokieDog

    LOL! James Jebus Inhofe, the other crazy Senator from OK, was one of the Republicans who voted against the ban.

    1. Negropolis

      Oh, boy. "The Other Crazy Senater from OK" is exactly how I'm going to start referring to him from now on, everywhere. Thank you for that.

      I always wished there was a Rule of One for craziness. That is, that only one of your state's two senators could be crazy at any given time. Alas, we live in an imperfect world. Oklahoma deserves so much better than Inhofe and Cockburn…uh…Ladyparts Doctor Tom Coburn. Well, at least OKC and Tulsa.

  2. elviouslyqueer

    Also sprach JOHIOJACK, from The Hill comment board: Retiring and defeated senators should not be allowed to vote.

    This. is. not. HIGH SCHOOL. You utter moron.

  3. DustBowlBlues

    Another day, another amusing Spooky Doktor Tom reference. The only time this douche matters is when he's being an unimaginable dickwad, like when he's putting a hold on aid to Haitian earthquake victims because it would "add to the deficit."

    Hmmmm m m m m m That never seems to come up when this Eschatology-obsessed faux Christian votes for war making shit. No one can hate him like I do.

    1. trampndirtdown

      You know Iv'e got Crapo and Risch here in Idaho, and I'm sure they're just as dickish as your senators, but fortunately they don't seem to have the knack for getting in the news daily. I say it's fortunate because I don't think that more exposure would mean less votes here in militiaville

      1. charlesdegoal

        The fact that there are Wonkette contributors in Oklahoma and Idaho is faintly encouraging for the future of humanity and Western civilization. Thanks to both of you.

    2. ShaveTheWhales

      I keep forgetting to ask this question, so here goes.

      Are you sure that the low cost-of-living is worth it? I have enough aggravation just living in Red Cali, and

      1. Red Cali probably looks like Fire Island to most folks in OK;

      2. I can usually expect the actual urban Left Coast to keep the state's average sanity somewhere above water.

      I mean, Inhofe and Coburn are two of the Horsemen of the Fuckupalypse.

      None of my business, I know. And, also, too, I grew up in a state that has just decided that Russ Feingold isn't fit to be a US American Senator, so there's that.

      Basically, best wishes to you.

      1. Negropolis

        "I mean, Inhofe and Coburn are two of the Horsemen of the Fuckupalypse."

        Bwahahahaha!

        Honestly, Oklahoma is far from the only state with two conservative Republicans serving it in the Senate, but their senators are definitely a special kind of crazy. They make KBH and John Cornyn of Texas looking like mentally stable centrists.

  4. PublicLuxury

    Primary them tea tards. Come on, go get 'em. The rabid tea tards unleash gallons of acid to get rid of the corps.

  5. finallyhappy

    So the people who commented at The Hill don't know how to find out how someone voted on a bill- as if it is a deep dark secret. So stupid-I haz a sad about how stupid people are and yet have a computer on which to send comments.

  6. DoktorZoom

    OK, so when are these assholes going to vote on extending unemployment? I'm about 3 weeks away from the streets, and need to start planning for either a roof over my head or collecting hobo supplies…

      1. DoktorZoom

        Hey, if I live in my car, can I take the Household Energy Efficiency tax credit for keeping my tires properly inflated?

  7. LionelHutzEsq

    Did John McCain vote for the ban, but only after making sure that John Kyle had voted against it?

  8. nounverb911

    "Eight Republicans voted against the ban."

    The teabaggers are warming up their primary petitions even as we speak.

    1. Negropolis

      I didn't know he had a thing to swing. I thought his thing had retreated so far into that malnourished, souless vessel he calls a body, that it turned into an inverse thing.

      But, if he still does have a thing to swing, well, you know what they say; it don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing. See where I'm getting with this…because I sure as hell don't.

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