Americans have no idea what they want, having given their nation’s leaders no clear mandate for what to do the next few years. So Republicans, as always, will be around to tell Americans what they want. John Boehner and Mitch McConnell are meeting with Barack Obama today to tell him this, and they also put it in a handy op-ed: “Republicans got the message voters have been delivering for more than a year. That’s why we made a pledge to America to cut spending, rein in government, and permanently extend the current tax rates so small-business owners won’t get hit with a massive tax hike at the end of December. That’s what Americans want.” Vague sentiments about deficit spending and continued tax cuts for those making much more money than them. Yes, that sounds like what Americans want. Stick that Boehner in there and make them moan.
And that’s the message Republicans will bring to the meeting today. In other words, you’ll have a voice at that table.
You are the Republican leadership! Congratulations, America. You finally found yourself a job! Or did you?
While Americans have been asking “where are the jobs?” for more than two years, our friends across the aisle have clung for too long to the liberal wish list, including a job-killing health-care law, a “cap-and-trade” national energy tax and an out-of-control spending spree.
How about these Americans pick up a newspaper and try to find a damn job themselves? The government is not there to do everything for them. Maybe if they actually put some effort into getting “the jobs,” we would have time to help sick people get health care and let the gays have some rights. Because, yeah, otherwise these guys are right: Congress is constantly brimming with ACTION and lots of bills being passed. Bills that should only be allowed to be about jobs. How in the world could we get Congress to pass any more legislation than they already are? That place is more of a sweatshop than actual sweatshops. (Which are good places to find steady work, actually. America should look into that and stop whining when Uncle John Boehner is TRYING TO CRY INTO HIS MERLOT AFTER A TOUGH DAY AT WORK, JEEZ, SHUT UP. [WP]
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Dear Jack, you aren't quite as adorable in angry-mode. Moar funny, plz.
I beg to differ with all due respect. I thought his was a fine post. Although I too like the funny.
/see cuz the Retardlicans Don't Ask what 'murricans want. They do tell. Unless they get caught with dropped trousers in an airport men's room. KEEP THE LIE ALIVE!!!!!111
The American people want exactly what homeless puppies want — neglect, abuse and hunger.
But homeless puppies have their freedom and liberty, Wooks. Isn't that worth the price of tapeworms, fleas and getting run over by cars?
Not to mention that homeless puppies who get knocked up never get abortions! They just make more homeless puppies, which makes Tony Perkins very happy.
Speak for yourself, Mr. sheriffroscoe. Since I lost my jerb, I can't afford a tapeworm.
"Liberty" is just another word for "not having a black president," and after all, isn't that worth any amount of tapeworms, fleas, and hit-and-runs?
See? The system is working. Every bum you see on the street is a freedom fighter.
In the future the GOP will always run on a platform of firing the one guy in the country who still has a job and raffling that job off to one lucky American! And the public will vote for the Republicans in hopes that they might be the lucky winner and realize their dreams of eating something they didn't dig up with their own hands from the grassy lot behind an abandoned auto plant.
What makes you think that there will be grass to dig up in the future? Only the Rich (they're better than you and me) will be allowed to have lawns.
You don't really expect me to take care of my lawn, do you? Of course you don't. That would just be silly.
Jeeves!!! (The hell is that man…)
You must not watch much Fox, Sheriff. I hear them all the time saying how America wants to maintain the status queer and keep DADT. You want to know what 'Merika wants, watch the Fox, Fear and Unbalanced.
Thank god somebody got the message we think the rich folk have been so overburdened having to even think about their tax rates going up they stopped buying their yachts and stuff. Now bring on the low paying jobs we are all probably over qualified for anyway! This time when we get trickled on its gonna be nothing but good times ahead!
I really don't see Boehner as a merlot kind of guy. I imagine his tastes run more to near beer followed by quart-sized shots of Southern Comfort.
If John Boehner was only half as subversive as Willy Wonka, then this could be really entertaining. Alas, no.
Turtle-Boy and Booze-Breath sure speak for me, yowza! Wonder if they'll be able to refrain from calling Barry "Boy" during the meeting? Wonder if Barry will be able to refrain from cutting their narrow asses? Good times.
A. That picture never gets old.
B. 30% of the population is not the "American People"™
The crowd is massive and excited as Boehner steps up to the mic.
Boehner tearfully yells “What do we want?”
The crowd enthusiastically responds with “We don’t know!”
Boehner retorts “When do you want it?”
The stupid masses yell in unison “NOW!!!”
Well stated, Grump.
El Pueblo, unido, jamás será stupido!
"BRAINS!"
Does Boehner ride to the meeting in McConnell's neck waddle?
That's a foreskin.
WTF is the definition of insanity again? Hey morans, it's no longer Republican economic "theory", We KNOW what 8 years of tax cuts, war, and deregulation created and it ain't pretty for 99% of us.
But that 1% provides 99% of their campaign funds, so really it all balances out.
No, no, no, you got it wrong, the economic collapse and the financial crisis were caused entirely by Clinton and the liberals enacting a regulation that forced the poor banks to make mortgage loans to shiftless, lazy negroes, who all immediately defaulted, because they are childlike, with no sense of responsibility, and thats why they were actually better off during slavery, when they were well cared-for, being valuable property.
This is what Rush Limbaugh has been saying for 3 years now, anyway.
Just once, wouldn't you like to hear a leading Democrat say something like "if John Boehner wants to blow yet another hole in the deficit so he can help his rich jerk-off friends while they send more jobs overseas, he's welcome to try." Well, wouldn't you?
OH TO DREAM!
Meanwhile, the Obama administration is busy seeing what benefits he can take from federal workers, because, as you know, the best way to negotiate is to give away what you have before the negotiation even starts.
It's called showing goodwill (being a giant fucking puss).
Just once, wouldn't you like to hear a leading Democrat say something like…
No, not just once, but many, many, MANY times I want to hear shit like that from them. I'm almost to the point of giving up on that dream, because, to quote Talib Kweli:
You try to vote and participate in the government,
And the muh'fuckin Demoncrats is actin' like Republicans
Et tu, Barry?
I believe Alan Grayson is the man for the job, he can take one more shot at the assholes on his way out, and he'll do it on the House floor with a BIG FUCKING SIGN IN ALL CAPS! so the morons can read it…also
"That place [Congress] is more of a sweatshop than actual sweatshops."
explains why it stinks to high heaven.
Hey Boener, while you're at the table, being my voice, so to speak, and thanks for that, by the way–I've got these two democrats in my state who keep trying to extend unemployment benefits, and repeal DADT, so I can't count on them– but could you see if you can grab me some sweet White House swag. Anything will do, a coaster, a pack of matches, a shot glass, anything at all. Maybe you can get me an ashtray that's been used by Barry, that'd be awesome, also…oh, and some tax cuts for the rich…damn it, I almost forgot what I really want.
There. Have I set the bar low enough?
Oompa Loompa doompadee doo
I've got another puzzle for you
Oompa Loompa doompadah dee
If you are wise you will listen to me
Who do you blame when the economy tanks
Certainly not markets, especially not banks!
Blaming libruls, appealing to fear
That is exactly what you'll hear:
Job-killing Libruls! They'll turn us all Gay!
Oompa Loompa doompadee dah
If you serve the rich you will go far
While pandering to teatards too
Like the Oompa Loompa doompadee do
All I want is a Pepsi
And the Republicans wouldn't give it to me.
Coke, no Pepsi!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LoF_a0-7xVQ
Mine was an old reference, SNL “Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Coke, no Pepsi”. John Belushi.
"Hey Suds, remember that time when you were in your room and your mom and dad came in and were all "Suds, we need to talk to you" and then you go "ok, what's the matter?" Remember that? Dude, you didn't see that shit coming at all, did you man? So anyway, when are you getting out?"
repeatedly over the past year and more the republican national committee has sent questionnaires to a human i know well, who is a staunch and public democrat, asking him for his feedback to help them know what americans want. he has been only too happy to fill those forms in and send them back. for all the good (or bad, or ugly) it did.
So, if the Republicans are truly giving us what we want, what time should I expect Natalie Portman to show up in my bed tonight?
'Bout 5 minutes to never o'clock! Sucker! Thanks for the vote! HAAAhahahahaha BWAAhhhahahaha. What a maroon… (What do you mean the mic is still on?…)
Or maybe the Kardashian family?
Well nobody asked me what I want. And as an American who knows what he wants let me infrom the Republitard leadership. I want video of Boehner being gang raped in a prison shower. All the while the guards are smoking up Boehners Cigarettes. With regard to the turtle, I want to see him spend 8 hours a day in a Kentucky Coal Mine for the next fifty years. Making barely enough to survive and ducking cave ins.
"John Boehner began the war that ended a slightly more equitable tax code and made this a free Republic. His zeal in the cause of freedom was infinitely superior to mine. Mine was as the taper light; his was as the burning sun. I could live for the Goldman Sachs associates, the Kim Kardashians, the health insurance CEOs; John Boehner could die for them"
Apologies to Fredrick Douglas.
It's sad to see Boehner cry while being raped by stronger, more dominant oompa loompa there.
If all the gays who want to be in the army can actually be in the army, then what buff army-ready gays will be left to be in our gay army porn?
Please, Larry Craig is concerned deeply about this issue.
Small bidnesses like Koch Industries and Bechtel have spoken: Bush was wrong for proposing that his huge gift to them should end after ten fucking years of insane profits.
Holy hell, we are so fucked.
This is what happens when a willfully stupid subset of the electorate blinded by hate and fattened by KFC double downs votes in a bunch of sadistic morons dead set on just cold fucking this country up to benefit a handful of rich-as-fuck assholes who piss themselves at the prospect of a tiny increase in their marginal tax rate.
I'm glad Beohner is here to make sense of it all. All I took away from the elections was that we were anti-witch, pro-masturbation, not on board with lemonade babies, and ambivalent toward aqua buddha. Thank god he's here to translate that into "we want to cut undisclosed and undetermined classes of discretionary spending while cutting taxes on the rich!"
And that’s the message Republicans will bring to the meeting today. In other words, you’ll have a voice at that table.
Um, John, as an out and proud cocksucker, I can pretty much guarantee that my voice will not be welcomed as part of your conversation today. Or ever.
" … the message voters have been delivering for more than a year." It only takes that long in Minnesota. And Afghanistan.
I don't think soon to be Speaker Drunky McNicotineStain understood the message that this American was saying. I was saying that all Republiklans should die in a CancerAIDS fire.
How he translated that to give more tax cuts to assholes that haven't created any jobs in the last eight years that they've had these tax cuts, Gawd only knows.
John Boehner's America wants a spray tanner that won't make their hides look like basketballs. They want to be spray painted golden brown, like McNuggets fresh out of the fryer.
Can I watch? HehHehHeh.
Boehner and McConnell. Enough to make you want to avoid Kentucky and Ohio; forever, doesn't it?
Oh please, like we needed a reason. These two just make it that much easier.
come to think of it, I have Chambliss and Gingrey (shudder).
These fuckin' republitards. cleans spittle from the laptop.
1. Medicare-funded Rascal Scooters
2. Keeping the government out of our Medicare
3. Glenn Beck's Jew Gold
4. American flag t'shirts
5. Tea
Am I forgetting anything? Less brown people? More guns?
So they want less government in our lives, except for the times when the government should give us all jobs? Needz moar wine.
The only things the voters (all 40% of them) want are more Doritos, sweat pants and bad television.
Strange how the Republicans didn't seem to give a fuck what the "American people" wanted until Jan. 20, 2009.
You know, I hate Torto-man and the Orange Mandarin as much as anybody, but the the thing that makes me want to cry is that something like 18% of my fellow eligible voters voted for these dickwads, and maybe 16% voted against them, and most of the rest couldn't be bothered to fucking vote. Or whatever the fucking numbers are. And, yes, I'm looking at you, Wisconsin.
Every two years we have the opportunity to peacefully adjust the composition of our political ruling class. (BTW, for those who see no difference between the major parties, just repeat "Speaker Boner" a few times). And, except for exciting Presidential election years, half of us (and, sadly, more than half of us un-RealMurcans) don't bother to expend the tiny amount of energy needed to actually cast a fucking vote.
Ah, fuck it. Another two years of Shitty on the Hill. I wonder if my liver has enough reserve capacity.
a "liberal wish list"? how seasonal.
It figures that John Boehner would drink Merlot.
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