America’s least favorite current president, Barack Obama, was nearly murdered in a basketball game today. He got 12 stitches! Apparently his face got in a fight with somebody’s elbow — maybe belonging to that Reggie Love character? — and next thing you know Joe Biden was about this close to nuking Alaska.
Remember when Obama used to seem graceful and whatever? Now he is just a dumb klutz like George W. Bush and Bill Clinton and Gerald Ford. Maybe the White House really does turn everyone into an amoral idiot (if they weren’t an amoral idiot the day they took office, like Nixon).
America was kept in the dark for many hours while the fate of Earth was in the hands of whatever drunken surgeon was called in to sew up the president’s head:
“After being inadvertently hit with an opposing player’s elbow in the lip while playing basketball with friends and family, the president received 12 stitches today administered by the White House Medical Unit,” White House press secretary Robert Gibbs said, according to NBC News.
Gibbs did not release the names of the people playing with the president.
Bin Laden, probably. Stock markets collapsed worldwide, not specifically because of this but just because of everything, because Jesus Christ …. [MSNBC/Marketwatch]
{ 298 comments }
still safer than drunks with shotguns.
Who are still safer than vice presidents with shotguns.
How dare he play kenyan roundball on this, the day of our whatever.
Ha, ha! Kenyan Roundball, got to remember that one.
This wouldn't have happen if he'd stuck to playing nothing other than the Scots game called "Golf".
A bunch of white guys chasing a little white ball or something like that, but still it can be pretty dangerous… http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/26/maurice-...
ouch, I can relate…as a kid I used to caddy at a country club and am surprised I never got killed by one of these drunken, fat, white, rich assholes swinging a dangerous weapon…just one o' the reasons I decided to never be a fat, white, drunk rich asshole (they were lousy tippers…also)
Is this part of Black Friday?
Yes. BTW, every Friday is Black Friday for Obama.
I dont think so.. I think it was the brightest Friday in a long time.
I bet Obama and Bin Laden got into an argument over who was the biggest cheater: Tony or Eva.
This basketball will be Obama's pretzels.
These klutz accidents do seem to happen at unfortunate times for presidencies.
Can't you see that this is just a coverup for an obvious suicide attempt? Stop criticising this guy. It makes him very tense and sad.
Helluva way to open a vein, that.
We need to make an "It Gets Better" video for the president, 'cause he's got a raging case of teh sadz.
Do you remember where you were when you heard the president took an elbow to the face? 11-26, NEVER FORGET!!!
too soon!
Not soon enough! Clearly that elbow was one of his base who thought he was gonna make real change, and is trying to get O's attention.
Pretty sad, for an O-face.
I was sitting at my computer reading Wonkette.
Jesus, even his mishaps are more impressive than W's. Obama takes an elbow to the face while playing basketball, W chokes himself unconscious on a pretzel while sitting on the couch watching Teletubbies.
How soon you Communist Liberal Pinko SKUM forget:
What about the half-gainer off the Segway?
http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/bl...
The grace. The style. The form.
Only the East German judge rated it below a 9.8.
Bush was too much of a pussy to walk or drive.
Late reply, but I have say: that could have been me.
I've never tried a Segway, but I'm almost certain I would first try to over-control it.
I would get it after a couple tries.
And I can confidently say I wouldn't have invaded Iraq because a bunch of Saudis terrized us.
But, you would have invaded somewhere, right? After all, we are Americans. No self-respecting American can be president without invading some place. We have appearances to keep up, damnit.
I'm guessing it was Dick Cheney.
Never thought I'd be wishing for a root canal without anesthesia while the dentist played the Pogues' "Fairytale of New York" on an endless loop. But then I read your last dozen or so posts, Ken.
The boys of the NYPD choir
were singing "Galway Bay"
And the bells were ringing out
for Kenny Layne
"I could have been someone!"
Well, so could anyone.
Cue avalanche of 'fat lip' jokes on FOX and AM radio.
I welcome their tongue-lashing. By which I mean, they can lick my asshole with extra-deep penetration.
I believe the polite phrase is a tongue punching of the fartbox, but you will have to check with the Emily Post Chair, one Nielist.
Or French kiss the poop chute.
I welcome their tongue-lashing. By which I mean, they can
licktonguepunch myassholefartbox with extra-deep penetration./fixed
Well this is lovely, Alex Pareene's dirty thirty just got a topic.
Loved that list. Pareene skewered them all one by bone like a filet-mignon shishkabob.
As usual, I have no idea who these people are. I suppose I should read something besides the CS Monitor, Guardian Online and "my" wonkette, I'll go check now–nah. Life is too short. I'll just go watch whatever crap the 5 year old granddaughter has on telly. Fairy Barbie, anyone?
Ah. Those are the type of shows I like to use to point out sexist stereotyping of gender to my son – it made watching Voltron a miserable experience for him but I got a laugh out of it.
If he had been out Black Friday shopping like a real 'murikan, this would never have happened. Then again, he might have been trampled to death by the crazed hordes, so maybe this was best.
If he'd gone out shopping, we'd be hearing about how the security shut down a 20 block area for hours while the Usurper and Marie Antoinette Wookiee indulged their imperial whims. Staying home was worth a few stitches.
WHY DOES OBUMMER HAVE TO PLAY BASKETBALL LIKE A THUG AND NOT LIKE THOSE CLEAN-CUT KIDS FROM INDIANA?
You're making a joke, but I remember some conservative during the campaign or earlier in his presidency saying that Obama played "streetball" as opposed to basketball. Uggh.
Ha, yes. The old "take something innocuous about Obama (e.g. he likes to play one of U.S. America's favorite sports) and use it as a vector to discuss why he is NOT PRESIDENTIAL" trick.
Double uggh.
Of course, clearing brush on Bush's Potemkin Ranch was the epitome of Presidential.
That sucks! Now he won't be able to make it to the K-Mart Black Friday sale to get Sasha the G.I. Joe with the Kung Fu grip today. Oh well, once the stitches come out he will just have to pay full price for it.
You obviously forgot the elitist theme. Unlike real merkins he will have his minions handle it. Kenyan is out of touch Peggers said so.
In that case, no need to have the Kenyan Barbie under the tree. It's probably the only one they are allowed to have anyway.
Obviously it was a blow to his uppity lip.
Nero: A fiddle.
Obama: A basketball.
Same thing, really . . . .
Neilist
Wonkette's G.O.P. Scholar In Residence
Office Hours: 4:59 pm – 5:00 p.m.
Every February 29th
"Knock Twice, But Don't Stand In Front of The Door Until You Hear 'The All Clear.'"
i gave you a +1 for that sig.
You Communist Pinko Liberal SKUM: Don't you know better than to encourage Neilist?
He's an ASSHOLE.
Neilist Neilist Neilist Neilist Neilist
Multiple Personality Disorder Clinic
Ward 4
hey I hear they actually have HELP now for that PTSD you got, even if it was in 'Nam (hey just kiddin', don't shoot…heh, heh…*walks away nervously*)
The psychopharmaceuticals don't work anymore.
And the last time they tried electroshock therapy was back in 1977. The power drain was a little higher than anticipated, with unfortunate results:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_York_City_blacko...
What did you mean by that, you ASSHOLE?
Neilist Neilist Neilist Neilist Neilist
Multiple Personality Disorder Clinic
Ward 4
To whom are you talking, ASSHOLE?
Neilist Neilist Neilist Neilist Neilist
Multiple Personality Disorder Clinic
Ward 4
Hey, Neilist, I was talking to my pschiatrist and he said that somebody who repeatedly says, in jest like, that they are an asshole are like double deflecting or some shit like that and that they really, deep down on some subconscious level, are an asshole.
Two words, Guruk:
Increase.
Your.
Meds.
(Okay, three words. Whatever.)
And is "subconcious" the part of the brain that triggers when you've downed two bottles of Bushmills, and wake up next to the fat girl?
Or is that Jungian?
Thank you, Neilist, and you may now retire to your 1950s-vintage back-yard bomb shelter and continue work on The Manifesto while waiting for Korean War II.
"Well I rung me a fallout shelter bell
I leaned my head, I give a yell
I said, "Gimme a string bean, I'm hungry man!"
Shotgun fired and away I ran.
Don't blame him too much, though; he didn't know me."
You know Hibbing's Mr R Zimmerman was singing to you, amigo.
So… Tuesday?
You Commie Pinko Liberal SKUM always talk about Global Thermonuclear War like it's a BAD thing. Lighten up a little, why don't ya?:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pklr0UD9eSo
So long, mom,
I'm off to drop the bomb,
So don't wait up for me.
But while you swelter
Down there in your shelter
You can see me
On your TV.
While we're attacking frontally
Watch Brinkally and Huntally
Describing contrapuntally
The cities we have lost.
No need for you to miss a minute of the agonizing holocaust. Yeah!
Little Johnny Jones, he was a US pilot,
And no shrinking violet was he.
He was mighty proud when World War III was declared.
He wasn't scared, no siree!
And this is what he said on
His way to Armageddon:
So long, mom,
I'm off to drop the bomb,
So don't wait up for me.
But though I may roam,
I'll come back to my home
Although it may be
A pile of debris.
Remember, mommy,
I'm off to get a commie,
So send me a salami
And try to smile somehow.
I'll look for you when the war is over,
An hour and a half from now!
You Commie Pinko Liberal SKUM always talk about Global Thermonuclear War like it's a BAD thing. Lighten up a little, why don't ya?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pklr0UD9eSo
So long, mom,
I'm off to drop the bomb,
So don't wait up for me.
But while you swelter
Down there in your shelter
You can see me
On your TV.
While we're attacking frontally
Watch Brinkally and Huntally
Describing contrapuntally
The cities we have lost.
No need for you to miss a minute of the agonizing holocaust. Yeah!
Little Johnny Jones, he was a US pilot,
And no shrinking violet was he.
He was mighty proud when World War III was declared.
He wasn't scared, no siree!
And this is what he said on
His way to Armageddon:
So long, mom,
I'm off to drop the bomb,
So don't wait up for me.
But though I may roam,
I'll come back to my home
Although it may be
A pile of debris.
Remember, mommy,
I'm off to get a commie,
So send me a salami
And try to smile somehow.
I'll look for you when the war is over,
An hour and a half from now!
So, you see my Bob Dylan and raise me a Tom Lehrer. Don't make me have to deploy the Buffy Saint-Marie Weapon. The tremolo is devastating and could have catastrophic effects world-wide .
"Universal Soldier" doesn't scare me, you Commie Liberal Pinko SKUM! I'm holding "We'll All Go Together When We Go!" in strategic reserve!
Thats why you tip out the back of the house, dear readers.
Yeah, I know this is late, but I've been eating turkey & sleeping. Still…
No one likes us-I don't know why
We may not be perfect, but heaven knows we try
But all around, even our old friends put us down
Let's drop the big one and see what happens
We give them money-but are they grateful?
No, they're spiteful and they're hateful
They don't respect us-so let's surprise them
We'll drop the big one and pulverize them
Asia's crowded and Europe's too old
Africa is far too hot
And Canada's too cold
And South America stole our name
Let's drop the big one
There'll be no one left to blame us
We'll save Australia
Don't wanna hurt no kangaroo
We'll build an All American amusement park there
They got surfin', too
Boom goes London and boom Paris
More room for you and more room for me
And every city the whole world round
Will just be another American town
Oh, how peaceful it will be
We'll set everybody free
You'll wear a Japanese kimono babe
And there'll be Italian shoes for me
They all hate us anyhow
So let's drop the big one now
Let's drop the big one now
(Randy Newman, Political Science)
From Greta Van Susteran's show yesterday:
Palin rips Obama for not using 'all this vacation time' to visit ANWR.
SARAH PALIN: Well, Obama needs to get up here. If he has as much time as he has on his hands to take all these vacations, maybe he should vacation in ANWR. At least fly over it, Mr. President, or play — you know, play golf or do what he does. This is a national security need. This is — there's that inherent link between security and our own domestic development. I think it's inexcusable that our president won't come up here and look at it.
She is such a mean girl.
Yuck.
"I think it's inexcusable that there's someone in America, real America right here, that is not obsessed with me! It's inexcusable that our president won't come up here and look at me!"
You know, sometimes it would be useful to be able to post images right here in the Wonkette, because this is all I can think of at the moment.
I'd rather be with *that* attention whore than Dear Leader Codename Northstar.
"I think it's inexcusable that our president won't come up here and look at it."? Look at what exactly Sarah? Sometimes I'm pretty sure you've got a big old crush on our Hopey, don't you? He ignores you and says he doesn't think about you, and here you are begging him to visit you in your frozen wasteland to "play golf…or do what he does." I'm not a shrink, but even I can read between the lines.
And just what the fuck is he supposed to glean from flying over ANWR?
Pilot: "Mr. President? If you'll look out the window, you'll see ANWR below us."
President: "Yes. There it is."
Naturally, this comes from the great philosopher-queen Palin, who thinks Heinlein's concept of "grokking" means "standing near something and looking at it."
I figure Barry can do as much by flying over ANWR as W did when he flew over New Orleans.
Well, she knows how much she's gleaned from viewing Russia from her porch.
Sounds to me like she is talking about her pussy. Mr Preznit, please do this bitch a favor and fly over her beef-flaps, for security and patriotism.
Why can't John McCain just crash a fighter jet into her snatch?
It'd probably be like crashing said jet into the surface of the sun…
Why can't John McCain just crash a fighter jet into her snatch?
Because he is extremely old.
Why doesn't she retire from politics and take up a new career in J-porn? The kind that involves OLD women?
How timely Ken,
Walnutz Pie.
And for those brave troops that we have there, also.
I heard her snatch was so big that in order to see it you had to take an aerial photograph.
It's so big it's like sticking your Johnson out the window and trying to fuck the world.
And so cold shit like this happens up in there all the time.
Republicans are attacking the president for running deficits and taking too many vacations.
Let that sink in for a minute.
According to Expedia, ANWR is one of the hottest vacation destinations right now. Right up there with Can Cun, Paris, and Argentina.
ANWR's supposed to be pretty in December. Pretty full of snow.
Really? She really said that? It's so hard to keep up with the stupid. Golf? WTF? Golf? There's a golf course in ANWR? There's golf in Alaska at the end of November?
The stupid *&$^ has so far quit everything else, can't she quit flapping her gums?
chascates,
that just makes me laugh.
that is all.
That cunt.
Alaskunt.
Really? She really said that? It's so hard to keep up with the stupid. Golf? WTF? Golf? There's a golf course in ANWR? There's golf in Alaska at the end of November?
I think Joe Scarborough and Sarah Palin need to go camping together. I hear all Joe needs is 20 minutes alone with a girl.
Sarah's pretty much been on vacation since she quit bein' governor and all.
Joe Biden was about this close to nuking Alaska.
Oh please, oh please….
She said this? Jesus, what a dumb bitch. She has as much depth as Miley Cyrus and the same devoted fan base.
Alaska's a big state. Just nuking Wasilla will do nicely, thanks.
Still would rather play some grab ass street ball with Barry's boys then be anywhere near "No Pulse" Cheney with a shotgun.
He's been walking dead for 30 years, you think he gives a shit about you?
Right before it happened you could hear Dick Cheyney saying, "Hey. Watch this."
Hang on. Wrong incident.
As I have always said: Basketballs don't kill people.
Basketballs in the hands of Kenyan Half-Breeds Kill People!!
Neilist
NRA Office of False Analogies
Wonkette Outreach Division
Oh you NRAOFA-WOD, you!
A touch! A touch, I do confess it!
I smell cover up. Does anyone know where the POTUS was when the Apple Store on Wisconsin Ave. opened this morning?
If Barry had been out doin' his patriotic duty and tapping-out his Vicadon-Express Card at the Mallz or eating Cheetos and watchin' the teevee, this would not have happened, and on Black Friday even. Word salads and remotes, not mixed greens and workouts.
He had it coming.
If Sarah Palin really plans on running for president, she'd better learn the difference between North and South Carolina.
There's a difference?
Oh my yes, like the difference between Jesse Helms and Jim Demint…Okay, bad example.
Let's try this: among the scenic delights of Charleston SC are a downtown mall built into beautiful old market buildings, each former stall now a Gap, Banana Republic, Ann Taylor, etc. The "market" was the slave market, and each one of those stalls was for hawking humans then called slaves.
Oh, and The Citadel, the beautiful military academy facility immortalized in Pat Conroy's dreary novels and a couple of movies…what is now the school was then the redoubt into which the white citizens of Charleston would retreat in the event of a slave uprising.
Not sure if NC has anything to match this.
Well theres the NC state zoo, where you spend the first hour wondering why all the wildebeests are wandering around out of the cages and who gave them all the cigarettes, NASCAR t shirts, and little rascal scooters and then you remember that you're in the heart of "reel amurrika" and you get the fuck out of that zoo
North Carolina is ground zero for NASCAR, and South Carolina was basically ground zero of the Transatlantic Slave Trade in the United States. You get that figured out, and everything else kind of falls into place.
so basically no difference?
As all hip beauty queens know, there's a mapp for that!
Friends and family. Hah! Some friends and family he's got. Bunch of elbow throwers.
Anyway, it's more macho than the Kennedy's with their sissy touch football games, but does it just get more macho from here on out? President Tyson?
WHY SO SERIOUS?
("You wanna know how I got these scars?")
I just know that on Red State or some other cunty website, they are rejoicing and making this seem as if Hopey is incompetent.
No, they're bitchin' about his traveling.
I'm not sure it was with Osama Bin Laden. My guess is that it was Jeremiah Wright, Bill Ayers, Farrakhan, and George Soros. I've heard Soros is pretty tough in the paint.
Pictures here…poor Hopey, 12 stitches in the lip is quite a cut They also identify the owner of the elbow!
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/40384019/ns/politics-...
Oh man, the one with him looking out the window gave me one of those sad feelings I don't like.
I know I had that same feeling, I worry about this man's wellbeing on a regular basis.
he said he thought he'd be just a one-term president. none of us realized that was his intention all along.
Where's the air? Neither Hopey nor Reggie are more than 'bout a half foot into the blue.
That is why Luol Deng is in the NBA, not his fellow Blue Devil Reggie.
Deng's going to be bringing home Bronze for the UK team at the London 2012 Olympiad, too.
After recounting Obama's manly injury, the AP writer compares it (snarkily, I suspect) with recent White House medical scares:
George W. Bush choked on a pretzel and briefly lost consciousness, falling and hurting his head. Bill Clinton had surgery and used crutches for months for a torn tendon in his knee when he stumbled on steps at the Florida home of golf pro Greg Norman. …The senior Bush also collapsed at a state dinner in Tokyo, which the White House blamed on an intestinal flu. Jimmy Carter fainted briefly while jogging near Camp David….Former Vice President Dick Cheney, 69, has had five heart attacks since age 37.
So this, feeble, puffy, pasty white guys, is how to have a presidential injury.
Did the AP happen to mention that Bush 1 hurled in a Japanese dignitaries lap prior to the passing out? That showed the puny Japanese who can party.
Silly MSNBC. Mexicans don't pay basketball (with black people). There is no way this Ray guy did it. I smell a cover-up.
It's all a setup – Decerega will be casting guilt-votes for Obama's agenda all next year. Barry is going all in – he'll get the votes he need the hard way.
And to think that, but for a few more votes here and there, it would be Walnuts! we'd be talking about today. "Today the president enjoyed pureed turkey with mashed potatoes and had a healthy bowel movement shortly afterward." "In other news, Vice President Palin flew to Pyongyang, North Korea to deliver a personal thank you to the beloved leader for shelling the South Korean peninsula. She reflected to the assembled crowd that we needed to continue our protection of North Korean interests as we have for half a century. President Kim Jong-il and son Kim Jong-un seemed somewhat confused by, but were generally genial with, the newly friendly representative from the United States.
McCain passing a healthy BM would be news indeed.
"Grandpa made a poo."
I do hope you are thinking Kids in the Hall.
Bo ate his poo. Walnuts haz a sad.
Is that what she did? Confuse the Koreas? The cramming session Walnuts campaign put her through, (gee. This stuff is interesting. I wish I woulda' learned it in school) left her slightly confused.
That's what he gets for inviting Sarah Barracuda to his pickup game.
McCain passing a healthy BM would be news indeed.
"Grandpa made a poo."
Yahoo News already has 172,022 comments on this story. The typical references to bigger lips, witch doctors, etc.
Where do all those fuckers LIVE? Good christ, it is as scary as reading the comments on the Seattle Times. If it wasn't for wonkett, I'd be huddled in my house, drinking, quivering with fear for the future….which, actually, pretty much describes me most of the time, anyway.
And at least half of them were no doubt PAID for their trouble. Just a little pin money to spend at the local Walmart.
Wow–and I thought that nothing outside YouTube comments could make me have a lower opinion of my fellow human beings. I'm especially fond of the "why wasn't he working instead of playing games?" flavor of faux outrage–because, as we all know, every previous president put in a full day at the office te day after freakin' Thanksgiving.
I hope Obama flipped the other guy The Bird.
Oooooh.
Its funny to go read this story on Breitbart because they are all trying really hard to not make a fat lip racist joke, and then like 5 posts in somebody was just like "to hell with it" and did anyway.
Even that amount of restraint surprises me.
"Playing basketball," my ass. He was caught in a brawl while waiting in line for a 46" plasma at the Landover Hills Wal-Mart.
I heard it was Michelle who done it right before she went on another taxpayer-funded vacation. Yup.
The attending surgeon, while stitching up the president's lip, still demanded that Obama remove his pants and undergarments for medical reasons, because wouldn't you?
Did the surgeon work for the TSA?
We should just encase our presidents in static-resistant bubble wrap and seal them into a room full of fireproof foam peanuts for their entire administration.
OT the Alaskunt is pulling off the gloves with JarJar Bush on the Ingram show. Sorry don't know how to do the linky thing, saw it on Radamisto.
I am so proud that my word "Alaskunt" has taken hold, thank you.
If limeys can't invent new English words, then who can?
The Alaskunt?
Oh Elisabeth you naughty naughty girl, you've started a trend.
Alaskunt (®2010 Limelizzie)
Now it's official
Smiles delightedy
In her case, would "shut your Red Snapper!" mean "plug your screech-hole" or "stop pooping out oafs"? The thought of Palin's particulars is enough to put me off Alaskan Salmon. Watch where you drop your pots, Buoys–Alaskunt® King Crabs are the Deadliest Catch!
–
®Alaskunt is a trademark of Limeylizzie. All rights reserved.
Greg Oden: Hung like a bull rhinoceros, sullen and quietly raging at fate, will rise again. Rip City lives, motherfucker.
And Obama: the Bill Walton of presidents. Throw down, big man!
Texas has quite enough home grown racist fucktards without Virginians putting up shit like this billboard I drove by today: http://weareaustin.com/fulltext?nxd_id=96585
Dd you see they arrested some aged ex-NYC cop , in South Carolina, for threatening to shoot Hopey? The fool had a dozen or so guns in his house
What was so funny about it? Obama didn't criticize her gaffe, so why is she going after him? What a loser.
Gerald Ford. "Secret servicemen wrestled the basketball to the ground."
instead of 'turkey day' or 'birthday' or 'talk like a pirate day' or 'flag day' can we have 'no sarah palin at all' day?
that would be the best day.
Dear Leader got knocked in the face with an El Boehner.
Spanky, the same El Boehner that told the new kids on the block to 'raise the debt ceiling?'
Republicans are just as bad as these evil demoRATS
Nah, just a case of "the red ass" since people picked up on the North versus South Korea gaffe. A litle prep H will take care of the burn. Comparing Barry's verbal fumbles to her own is a little risky I would think, given her dazzling speaking record…
To be fair, accidentally calling South Korea "North" isn't that big of a deal.
At least compared to this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this, this….
Oh, God, that woman is ignorant.
I need to start a youtube channel.
tm;dw but +p for your effort!
I, too, don't need to watch a second of one of those clips. But great job, BMW, in cataloging this spiteful, petty, vindictive, misguided, übergrifter.
What a kkkunt.
Sadly, I could've kept going.
Dude – be careful. Too much of that stuff will melt your brain and leave you automatically replying "tax cuts" whenever someone asks you a question.
Cheney would have inbounded the rock into Rey Decerega's face, and demanded an apology. (As if Cheney were capable of "balling," in any sense of the word.)
You obviously missed the Wonkette Expose of Dick Cheney's, erm, dick.
I thought it was a tumor on his thigh.
They used an anesthetic? For 12 stitches? President Pussy is more like it. Christ, a hockey player would self-administer first aid using the stapler sitting on the coach's desk or the nearest roll of duct tape and not miss a shift.
Canucks and their pucks…
Six people took the time and made the effort to thumb me down? IT'S A JOKE. (Never a good sign when you have to point it out…)
I have a feeling the Secret Service probably frowns on self-administered medical attention.
People, this was clearly tongue-in-cheek.
This is why we can't have nice things.
I have no idea what this stupid bitch is talking about and don't intend to read any shit or listen to her "interview" (fapping session) with Beck. I hate that woman.
OT but an important Public Service Announcement: America: quit using reflexive pronouns when you should simply say "me," "him" "her" or "us." If you can count, you will notice that they are NOT four-letter words. And this means you, too, Mister President Roundball Mishap.
Example: He gave the briefing papers to myself. NONONO.
I myself thank you, yourself, for this fine service. Between you and I, there's alot of grammatical ignorance out there.
Thoughts before I even got to Teh Wonkette:
- The conservatives aren't even going to know what to do given the "Fat Lip" headlines all across the media landscape. And shame on you, Susan Malveaux, with your dumb, hot, black, cajun ass for seeing how many times you could say it on the "Situation Room", tonight. Just because your incompetent producer puts it up on your teleprompter doesn't mean that you have to say it.
- We have come full circle; Obama is now the reincarnation of Gerald Ford, or is that Harold Ford, Jr.? I get 'em mixed up, sometimes.
- Bush & Pretzel. Fin.
I guess great minds think alike.
I google searched "obama fat lip" and you'd be surprised at how many hits were dated prior to today.
Actually I kind of wouldn't.
I would prefer to have my news read to me by that sassy ex-Chicagoan Tamron Hall, or the fine and under-appreciated Fredricka Whitfield, than Soledad or Malveaux.
They better have had the best plastic surgeon in the D.C. area on that face or else.
It's all fun and games until the latino dude throws a 'bow at the black kid. Not cool at all.
I suppose it's asking too much to hope that the soundtrack of the rumble from West Side Story was playing on the ghetto blaster.
Wow.
When your Thanksgiving Message To The Nation is basically about about how you are not as fucking stupid as everyone says you are, well… you're pretty much as fucking stupid as everyone says you are.
This Thanksgiving we should just all be thankful she is not president.
Let's just hope we can say that Thanksgiving 2013.
Do they have Thanksgiving in Costa Rica?
You don't want to go to Costa Rica. Isn't that where Rush cavorts with his pool boys?
no- but we almost went there this year for Thanksgiving. You can give thanks without eating turkey (I know- I've been doing it since I became a vegetarian- this year- pasta in Miami)
I think you summarized that brainless, grifting, hooker gramma perfectly. Please ask, oh, the NYT or CNN or some other media outlet to use it as a headline for all future stories about her.
Is getting shot in the chest really a "medical scare" comparable to stomach flu?
Having lost the game, the President then adjourned to the White House Galley to make pancakes.
Of, if you're a tea bagger, waffles.
Tea baggers prefer their waffles Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity-style from the IHOP.
Actually, he was grinding mud into the couch.
The first black president getting injured playing basketball on a slow news day is just history being racist.
How much does it hurt to hang a cigarette on a lip that has twelve stitches?
What an existential question, like wondering about the sound of one hand clapping or about how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood, even. Same difference.
Is it the North or the South lip?
You know who should get Rahm's old job? Rey Decerega, that's who. Put those elbows to good use in a higher cause.
Also, because it's the weekend and I know you don't have anything better to do or you wouldn't be this deep into the comments section in the first place: come check out http://www.gurukalehuru.com
Just call it Black and Blue Friday.
Nothing like a facial scar when you want to intimidate someone. I can picture Hopey looking down at Boehner and then leaning over so his hideously deformed face is 3 inches from the Orangeman's mug.
“How about a game of B-Ball John and just to make it interesting let's play for those tax cuts for the rich.”
A better bet than going on a hunting trip with Darth Cheney, I guess.
Meanwhile Barbara Bush scours the court floor looking for any part of his severed lip so that she could put in a jar.
For some reason I decided to watch Vanilla Sky last night, and am expecting Obama's face to be similarly disfigured the next time we see him.
(I could probably take this joke a bit further, and substitute a Barry-obsessed Sarah Palin for Cameron Diaz, and a basketball game for the car wreck…."Mr. President, four years means something!" **CRASH**)
1. Tragic. Just tragic. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family.
2. Boy, something like this really makes you put the game of basketball in prospective and pay attention to whats' really important in this game we call life itself.
3. Good thing Kermit Washington was nowhere near. (Too ancient history?)
Not ancient enough for Rudy.
Tragic. Just tragic. Our thoughts and prayers go out to the family.
—-Tragic?? Gimme a BREAK.. What did you do when Bush choked on a French Fry? You were probably happy. I know I was..
OT, and I'm not suggesting it's newsworthy enough to warrant a new thread while the Wonketted overlords are enjoying their Black Friday weekend, but Willie Nelson got busted again. Police said "there was a strong odor of marijuana coming out of the van."
FREE WILLIE!
Great. Now even the filthy Brits* are making fun of our epic national fail.
BBC Headline:
Is squirrel the perfect austerity dish?
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-1183418...
*Does not apply in any fashion to Limey Lizzie, who is lovely in every sense. Even dentally.
"Let them eat Squirrels."
-Sarah Palin
"Let them eat Bristol"
-Squirrels
And in the unlikely event we run out of Bristol,
"The other other white meat. (Retard) BAY BEH!"
-Fat Bastard
Not so much fail…remember the picture a few days ago of Dear Leader looking over the meat counter? NK Squirrel.
Rocky J.* Squirrel at your service.
*Juche
Well they coulda added a linkie to a recipe for a Cajun delight, rhowbean stew.
The Brits are on their way to their own economic epic fail, just as surely as the sun set on their empire a 100 years ago.
So true, and even if we're reduced to squirrel, well, they still have to eat their own local cuisine.
Coming soon to a table near you. Perhaps an "Austerity Meat" section in the local market? Maybe the Firesign Theatre was on the money with their Rat on a Stick (or was it Rat in the Box?) bit from a few years back.
I know it is vacation/weekend but seriously Wonkette, you guys are going to sack out on the couch and ignore the epic Fox News/Onion story? This is what you guys are supposed to live for. You are not even phoning it in!
Call me crazy but if I'm in the friendly weekly game with the fucking POTUS I might just let him get that loose ball. Grown men who play as if there's a pro scout in the stands chap my pasty slow white ass.
It is kind of sad, and if this is not heresy, I must say that Obama's near obsessive need to get in a game whenever he can and relive his glory days on the court has always struck me more as him having a midlife crisis, than him simply trying to stay fit. It reminds me of my dad. It also reminds me of Bush's obsessive need to run. You have to have some kind of OCD to be president, though, right?
His playing basketball so much doesn't strike me that way, but you could be right. Now that I think about it, I see it as a great way to reduce the enormous stress he has to deal with.
My brother, who's a few years older than Obama, plays a hard game of basketball for about 90 minutes every morning before he goes to work, and he stands up on his feet most of the day. He's got a very stressful job, and he says playing helps control the stress. I'm not big into exercise, but I hear it can be like a drug if you exercise hard enough, and frequently enough.
But you could be right, if you see something in Obama that you saw in your father. I just don't see it that way. I would guess it would depend on whether he has always played, or whether he took it up in his 40s.
If you're referring to Obama, of course he has always played, since being on his High School team in Hawaii: http://abcnews.go.com/Nightline/story?id=3082803&...
You may also recall that Michelle's brother, who is a college basketball coach, vetted Barry as being worthy of dating his sister only after playing a game of basketball with him, because the amount of "I" in your team game is a good measure of character. "Ball don't lie," as former Pistons-crybaby Rasheed Wallace famously said.
I think it's great that "Barry O'Bomber" uses hoops as a bonding/networking/informal-vetting activity more than some boring shit like golf, shooting defenseless birds, or other Old Boy pursuits. He has a network of gummint ballers that he's brought with him from Chicago. And I'm not going to criticize anybody for their choice of, or commitment to, healthy physical activity–I don't want to get Michelle made at me!
Yes, I was referring to Obama. Also, I forgot about how much fun basketball can be, if you're any good, which Obama appears to be. I love to watch it, but I suck so much it's no fun. My ex tried and tried to teach me, but I could never pick it up. Also: touching other people's sweat (unless you're having sex with them) is just disgusting.
Aaah, back in my early forties, I'd go for the ball. You can take it easy on little kids, but trying to ease up your play per opponent will screw you right up. It's doable in golf, but not in ball.
I imagine that O just lunged into the elbow, going for the ball (and I'm not joking. All but one of my own suture experiences came because I tried to do something stupid).
Also, too, mrblifil: When l still could, I ran my pasty white ass around as hard as I could because it was fun. I fucking loved to play basketball. Playing with folks that I had some experience with was as close to telepathy as it gets.
Also, too, Negropolis: It's quite possible that it is neither reliving glory days (did Obama have hoop glory days?) nor staying fit (although that is often a happy side effect). It's just fun, if you like the sport.
I played pick-up until my knees explained to me that they wanted to retire. It had nothing to do with glory or midlife crises. I had always played b-ball, and I did it as long as I could. And if we all got our telomeres reset tomorrow, I'd be ordering a new pair of shoes the same day. Because it has shit to do with OCD or glorious outcomes. Dropping a jumper, or telepathically throwing a no-look, or stealing a bit of garbage, all feel fucking great. Larger context is irrelevant.
I am something of a low-end aesthete. I appreciate (poorly) art. I have been moved by stage performances. I try to comprehend poetry. I am a reasonable facsimile of a musician, and music keeps me going. Incidentally, I'm a scientist, and I love every secret that Nature gives up.
And, considering all of those intellectual stimuli, none of them — well, hardly any of them — outranks executing a simple pick and roll for a score, against people that are bigger and faster than you. Because of telepathy.
It's "Fuck you. universe", but it's not a middle-aged thing. Those of us who don't happen to be NBA caliber (for me, a severe case of WMD) do this throughout our lives. Until our knees retire.
Shit. Let Barry enjoy this as long as he can. It may be the last activity he has (outside of family) that suggests that there is such a thing as cooperation.
Well said Mr Whales!
Nice nice very nice.
So many people in the same device.
Yeah, I like to play too, but he's the President and he has some other shit going on that his playmates ought to observe. Accidents happen, but C'MON MAN!!
Also too, my ankle once got badly rolled by some pituitary case not realizing he was playing at a pick up game at the local Cleveland YMCA, so fuck that guy and his ilk (present company excepted).
That's very nice. But what kind of scientist on you? The kind that tortures Thumper? Or other furry creatures? I hope not. It's why god made Republicans.
Any idiot knows Barry always goes to his left instead of posting up.
Screw this! I wanna see half-nekked Michelle in some kick-ass Roller Derby! What moniker can we give her? Fist Lady. Yeah.
NO BLOOD, NO FOUL!
watch Brian Williams report on Obama's basketball injury: http://gtcha.me/iaRFBB
This is dumb.. The basketball almost 'killed' Obama- DRAMA!! DRAMA!!
You left out the part about Joe Biden almost becoming preznit and nuking Alaska. Oh,! and Bin Laden being the guy who is presumed to have played b-ball with Obama and likely the one who busted his lip with his elbow. What a web sight this Wonkette is! It's like they just pull shit out of their ass, huh Paulette Anne?…..(if that's really your name!!!) !!!11!
I believe the proper response to PA is "poopyhead".
You said it, not me!
Yeah its my name. Sheriff.
What? You think I am a Palin fan? sorry to disappoint. Women are made to do work in the kitchen, not running a country, if you are referring to Alaska and Sarah Palin.
I think it would be a 'typical' day in America if Bin Laden and Obama played b-ball
Dammit…what happened to all of the good trolls?
And apparently. Not so good at sentence. Structure. And punctuating.
I wonder whether your words "Women are made to do work in the kitchen" should be read as "Women are created" or "Women are forced"? Either way, you are an asshole.
Isnt that racist and stereo-typical to have Obama on a basketball??
Isn't it too easy to say that Faux News trolls do not know how to use hyphens and apostrophes correctly?
I am disappointed by the poor quality of this trolling–on a holiday weekend, you'd hope that at least a few wingers would shake themselves out of their tryptophan-and-Coors-induced stupor and bring their A game, but this is just sad.
Judging from this and the Breitard, I think this is their "A game".
Isn't it too easy to say that Faux News trolls
Read more at Wonkette: Obama Nearly Killed By Basketball says Impossible.
What? Are YOU a FAUX News troll?
REPENT!!
A brief explanation of what Wonkette is about: We are "snarking" on political subjects, or applying a cynically wisecracking view on current events. Exaggeration for dramatic effect is done here. Since you've stumbled into a place with an intellect a few levels above your pay grade, I suggest you go back to RedState or Beckistan or wherever you came from. Things there will make sense. You'll be less confused by people who do not agree with everything you have heard on Fox. Now go on, back to your world where ironic humor and independent thought don't trouble your mind. Go on now, go home, off to Glen's waiting arms, Shaun's soothing voice. Sarah will be there too. Buh-Bye!
Now who's the Pollyanna, attempting to explain irony and humor to a Faux Newzfan troll. (Quick, troll, type up something about how I misspelled a word. Hurry.)
Hmmm . . .wonder why there are no comedians on their side, other than the angry and not very funny but definitely bitchy Dennis Miller. Remember when Faux News began airing their own version of the Daily Show and it disappeared before anyone (based on personal experience) remembered to try to find it? Either they gave up because even Roger Ailes didn't find it funny or they did air an episode, and the class dunces (their audience) were hopelessly confused by their attempt at humor and wrote furious letters to the sponsors and circulating online petitions demanding they refuse to advertise during the show.
Humor has to be more than angry, and angry is their only emotion. As for their intellect, now I'm making myself laugh.
Wingers are always complaining about elitists making fun of them. But really, what other response could we possibly have when confronted by their silly anger and their convoys of scooters?
True dat, DBB, and I should have used smaller words. I think that humor is a difficult thing in authoritarian circles, They're fairly good at belittling people different than they are, at least in the intellectually bankrupt playground epithet sort of way, but real humor as you say is more than anger. I think real humor is one of the greatest rhetorical weapons in skilled hands, since it defeats stupid and steals any justification for it away from the fool its rapier is trained against. Or to be more succinct: It's tough to come up with a snappy comeback when you just got hit with a shitpie to the kisser.
yes, pollyannie, it is. i think you should get yourself right onto doing something about it, too. you can start with a letter-writing campaign. from there you can move to a boycott. if that doesn't get you to your goal (whatever that is), you can try self-immolation. you may never learn if you win (whatever it is you're trying to win), but at least you'll go out in style.
Go home, bigot.
Stereo-typical? Did I miss something? Did Ken accompany the illustration with sound, in both bass and treble?
I don't think Ken owns a stereo-typewriter.
pauletteanne: Let's try this again:
"Isn't it racial stereotyping for you to portray Obama's face on a basketball?"
See? It isn't that hard. Next time you want to play troll on wonkette, just mark your first attempt as a draft and we'll correct it so you can communicate your scorn and derision (look up derision in the dictionary for yourself, you fuckingly stupid troll. You can't expect me to even define the hard words for you) in a coherent fashion.
We'll still make fun of you, of course, but still . . .
Is it safe to presume the red background of yer avatar is not the red of socialism? Is it the CFM red of those stiletto-heeled thingies found in shoppes on Rodeo Drive?
Weej, it's obvious this homeschooled asshat doesn't know anything about Socialism or Communism except that they are "words" they hear on Fox.
As far as making the WHOLE country happy, I'm in agreement with this clown. Let's line up all the Wall Street parasites up against a wall and cap their sorry asses, for a start.
That would be a start. To avoid us all becoming Bartlebys perhaps we should follow your updated Shakespearean meme "first kill all the MBAs."
"First, they came for the MBAs,
But I spoke up, because I'm an MBA. "
But I did attend a state college; isn't that enough to save me?
I just caught the "Dogma" reference – I've been getting too drunk to hang Xmas lights. One of my favorite movies.
Ahhhh, I just got it after you pointed it out. Too much time with the five year old granddaughter and fucking with the troll. My brain has already atrophied. Or maybe it's the senility.
By the way: Has anyone noticed there hasn't been a decent troll around here except for Neilist? Where is he, this happy holiday season, anyway? Out killing something?
A slow news day is one where we pine for the days of the fun trolls, or the ten minutes worth of them we abide before we start screaming at the editor to bring on the banhammer.
No offense intended Oblios. Hopey none taken.
Spent part of last week arguing with mgt. types that inspecting more often is not a reasonable response to the engineers saying fix the sucker now it's a safety issue. Since skipping fixing the gussets with greater inspection was a large part of what lead to I35W collapsing, I'm a bit aggressive to mgt defer maintenance shuck & jive lately. But attending a state school grad gains points with me, being one myself.
I wish Obama would bust-a-move on the BunnyCrushing Republicans who are going to come up with some crazy "excuse" on why we don't need to extend unemployment checks to "Lazy" unemployed people.
But I'm afraid if Obama did do a smackdown, he might get another elbow in his face from the GOP/Fox News.
Then he will have to go compose another 75,000 word email message….
The Repukes won't support extending unemployment because they are all a-twitter with the good newz that Black Friday sales jumped an astounding 0.3% from last year. They will also have their long knives draw to mutilate higher ed 'cause we can't be spendin' the monies we does not have.
Bleah……(for the audio of that cheer, imagine a 95 year-old with emphysema blasting away on his vuvuzela)
"Lazy" unemployed people.
Hey bonehead; People are going to have to suck it up. NY has NO MORE $$$ to pay the unemployed. You might tell Obanana to let people plant gardens, he is trying to take THAT too.
Uh, let me see here, how best to say this, HEY! IDIOT! IT"S FUCKING NOVEMBER! TAKE YOUR GARDEN IMPLEMENTS OUTSIDE AND DO A LITTLE RESEARCH! THE GROUND IS FROZEN! THIS IS WINTER. As for the rest, if they actually taxed the assholes who got us collectively in this mess there would be money for people trying to find work to continue surviving until they can find a job. With regard to you, here is hoping you get a heapin' helpin' of the karma yer' a spreadin'. Have a miserable and uncomfortable existence,and death.
One wonders when the wealthy are going to have to "suck it up". Damn…as a troll, you're definitely 2nd rate. Do you have a mommy or daddy who might be better at this? Put them on the computer.
Are you wearing your helmet while typing? I couldn't forgive myself if Wonkette gave you a tramatic brain energy.
WWJP – What Would Jesus Punctuate?
Perhaps he would give her a series of properly stroked keyboard commas, iffin' ya know what finger that is Pollyanna.
pollyannie, has your mommy told you yet that there is no santa claus?
Hi. I'm a socialist. I can assure you that Obama is not one of us: not a Bolshevik, not a "radical democrat" on the Laclau-Mouffe model, not even an advocate of a Scandinavian mixed-economy. Dude's a neoliberal like Clinton (or, let's be honest, Reagan) in the last analysis.
Get over it with the hyperbole.
OT but have y'all seen the shit hit the fan from WikiLeaks? I suspect the Wonkeratchik may be the only ones left alive who give a damn…
From what I've read it's basically Gossip Girls for the Diplomat set. I'm just surprised they did this via email instead of passing small notes back and forth to each other during diplomatic conferences with things like "Do you like Iran? Y or N?" written on them.
Perfect analogy. Are actors/actresses even such petulant, spoiled babies?
"From what I've read it's basically Gossip Girls for the Diplomat set."
That actually sums it up. That the government has been so hysterical about this is actually the bigger story than the actual cables. Basically, what we get is what we already new: King of the Sauds is scared as fuck about Iran, Iraq, and just generally pissed about anyone who's not a Saudi in that region. Karzai is mentally unstable, everyone in the region thinks Ahmade…whatever the hell his name is…is also a few fries short of a happy meal, etc…
One bit that will be interesting to watch play-out is that there are some papers that indicate the US State Dept., Israel, and many of their Arab adversaries are on the same page regards Iran getting the bomb.
Another was Rev Guard Chief of Staff Mohammed Ali Jafari bitch slapping Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad over Ahmadinejad being too soft towards the press.
It'll be interesting to see how the government spins reinstituting the draft. I imagine the slavish worship of the military is the first step down that road.
Well, it's Sunday on the Wonkette. Hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving (even the trolls) – Nobama better get his A-game up in there. I sense a coming turf war between the WH and the Congressional Hispanic Caucus Institute.
When you're a Jet,
You're a Jet all the way
From your first cigarette
To your last dyin' day.
Since the conservatives have made it clear to the point of gloating that nothing Obama does is ever going to make them happy, maybe one would realise that President Obama is not the problem.
Diplomat from Jah Booty: Send us whiskey! Good whiskey!
No, it triggers when the fat girl wakes up next to you.
Whoa. Who put a quarter in it?
Sounds like Neilist has been running around the snowy woods naked, hopped up on cranberry sauce and gravy, shooting at squirrels and wild turkeys with his musket…again.
The image may excite YOU, Bunny.
But not as much as the squirrels. Which taste a lot like bunny, come to think of it.
[No, not "taste" THAT way. The in-a-pot with greens way. Gesh. Get your mind out of the gutter.]
Anyway, yesterday I made Royal Mongul Leg of Lamb in Saffron Raisin Sauce, from Julie Sahani's "Classic Indian Cooking":
http://www.amazon.com/Classic-Indian-Cooking-Juli...
(No, no, the Bobby Jindal kind of "Indian." Not the Pocahontas/Pilgrim kind of "Indian.")
Neilist
"If It Flies It Dies; If It Hops It Drops. And Either Way, It Goes Into The Pot."
P.S. Possum, anyone?
I'll wait for the Roadkill Surprise but thanks anyway.
The image may excite YOU, Bunny.
Can't….stop….fapping.
The great thing about roadkill is that you don't have to pick the birdshot out of entre.
Oh, and the meat has already been tenderized. Particularly if the car or truck had studded snow tires.
But hey! Why I am telling you gourmets things you already know?
Neilist
Wonkette Correspondent
Culinary Quarterly
Duct tape to the exhaust manifold where ya' found it, or squished it flat, & by the time you gets home it is ready to serve. Mmmmm.
Sounds like sticking the MREs in the M1A1 turbine exhaust. Although you have to be careful that the damn things don't fly several hundred meters away.
[Just like Mother used to make. If Mother had a Birdie & Ball tattoo, that is. On her ass.)
Ah, yes, the sound of applause. What every great chef strives for . . . .
All right, Neilist, you win for now and may safely retreat to the Congressional bunker beneath White Sulphur Springs in beautiful West-by-God-VA. But keep your NBC suit handy. Things could get ugly soon.
Nope, El Rushbo only cavorts with the finest Dominican pool boys. It is tough to keep his proclivities straight: Cuban cigars, Dominican pool boys, good ol' American oxycontin…
I didn't clutch any pearls. I'm not a conservative so I don't offense at everything.
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