THE DEAN OF HOUSE BONERS  3:50 pm November 24, 2010

Here Is John Conyers On An Airplane Fapping To Playboy Magazine

by Jack Stuef

Thanksgiving is an annual holiday of touching people’s genitals to celebrate the miracle of flight, so here’s a video that’s emerged of Rep. John Conyers of Detroit looking at a copy of Playboy on an airplane. And through the power of journalism, we know what pages the Judiciary Committee chairman cross-examined.

By the way, you have to confirm to YouTube you are at least 18 years of age if you click through to watch this video. Gross.

Conyers — in his aisle seat — is shown flipping though pages showing two nude gal pals in the August issue of Playboy. And he also apparently reads Hefner’s product for the articles. The pages he lingers on appear to feature an article entitled ‘La Chatte’ by Maureen Gibbon, on article exploring lesbian sex.

Nice work! Well, his insane 46-year-old wife is in jail for accepting bribes, so this poor old man has to get off somehow. And they don’t let you fap to porn on laptops when you’re about to take off, so this had to be done analog-style.

Please think of horny John Conyers and his porno mag tomorrow when you get your mouth around a forkful of turkey smothered in gravy. [Political Wire]

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Hola wonkerados.

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CablinasianDem November 24, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Actually, those are notes from his Judiciary Committee on the constitutionality of new TSA-based legislation.

Lascauxcaveman November 24, 2010 at 3:54 pm

Funny, I always figured Conyers would be more of a Gent gent.

Fare la Volpe November 24, 2010 at 3:55 pm

At least it's not Boys' Life.

CablinasianDem November 24, 2010 at 3:58 pm

Thank God he let Rep. Rothman's CoS borrow his copy.

GOPCrusher November 24, 2010 at 4:00 pm

You beat me to it.

Terry November 24, 2010 at 4:08 pm

He's a Democrat after all.

WhatTheHeck November 24, 2010 at 3:55 pm


SwanSwanH November 24, 2010 at 3:58 pm

In his defense, the magazine belongs to Harold Ford Jr.

LionelHutzEsq November 24, 2010 at 4:16 pm

Only white women, eh?

SwanSwanH November 24, 2010 at 4:23 pm

"Harold — call me."

PublicLuxury November 24, 2010 at 3:58 pm

I think Conyers was trying to make a pass at whomever was sitting next to him. He is ready to pop. A quick handjob under the magazine (paper) is just what Conyers needs for turkey day.

Fare la Volpe November 24, 2010 at 4:01 pm

I thumbed it, but good God I wish I could unthink it.

jim89048 November 24, 2010 at 3:59 pm

Time to release the python!

sherriawilson November 24, 2010 at 4:40 pm

NO! I am sick of the motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking plane!!

Barbara_i November 24, 2010 at 11:44 pm

Snake on a Plane?

GOPCrusher November 24, 2010 at 4:01 pm

What the hell was he looking at an August copy for? The January issue should be out on the newsstands by now.

samsuncle November 24, 2010 at 4:01 pm

Well, at least the pages were not stuck together.

Dimitrios_M November 25, 2010 at 2:18 am


weejee November 24, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Is this a case of pro bono, or maybe pre-Boehner, fapping for a grateful electorate?

Beowoof November 24, 2010 at 4:04 pm

With the new republican leadership set to take over the house, I am pretty sure fapping will be the start of every session.

Rarian Rakista November 25, 2010 at 8:21 pm

Lot of fapping, not a lot of finishing, it will be like 100's of men desperately trying to produce milk from their bear-chested mammary glands.

Not_So_Much November 24, 2010 at 4:05 pm

Playboy isn't even considered in teh pron category anymore, is it? But my home page is 2 girls 1 cup, so maybe I'm jaded…

Stay klassy John!

horsedreamer_1 November 24, 2010 at 4:28 pm

No, you stay classy. Two dames, one chalice, please.

Gratuitous World November 24, 2010 at 4:05 pm

last time i was on a flight, "how to deal with sitting next to an engorged congressman" was not covered by the in-flight safety instructions, or the laminated card located in the seat in front of you – which i'm cool with.

DahBoner November 24, 2010 at 4:06 pm

Splooge is The New Thanksgiving Gravy.

Beowoof November 24, 2010 at 4:07 pm

I though it was that white gravy they use for sausage and biscuits. I would think it is healthier than stuff they use down south, but I will pass on my serving.

SexySmurf November 24, 2010 at 4:10 pm

John Conyers is part of a new TSA program that lets airline passengers molest themselves.

Come here a minute November 24, 2010 at 4:12 pm

Speaking of floating reptile news.

LionelHutzEsq November 24, 2010 at 4:19 pm

My respect for John Conyers just grew strong and turgid.

slappypaddy November 24, 2010 at 4:22 pm

come on, people, he only gets it for the articles.

user-of-owls November 24, 2010 at 4:50 pm

Of course. That's why I keep my subscription to Bild. How else can I get my fix for die, der and einem?

slappypaddy November 24, 2010 at 4:59 pm

not to mention das, ein, and eine.

DoktorZoom November 24, 2010 at 7:58 pm

Odd coincidence, just yesterday I was esplaining to my 13 year old that Playboy used to actually have a reputation for good journalism and interviews (I was looking up a Kurt Vonnegut quote for the Wonkette, and he saw that one of the KV lines came from Playboy).

I get the impression that the kiddo still finds the entire notion of naked-lady magazines kind of ridiculous, though whether this is due to his not yet passing into full-blown puberty or to what he may know about internet pr0n, I prefer not to know.

GinnehRED57 November 24, 2010 at 4:25 pm

Hallelujah, I'm a born-again Vegeterianist. Pass the tofurkey.

By the way, iPhone's autocorrect wanted to replace "tofurkey" with "rigidity." Ceiling Cat is pleased by this show of devotion.

bagofmice November 24, 2010 at 5:19 pm
Missyb9479 November 24, 2010 at 4:26 pm

Whenever I'm in an airport bookstore and I see them selling Playboy and Penthouse behind the counter I always wonder if anyone actually bought them. What type of weirdo reads porn on a flight.

Well, there you go.

Rarian Rakista November 25, 2010 at 8:26 pm

You've never flown out of Utah than, they have half-naked men in speedos running around now.

vulpes82 November 24, 2010 at 4:27 pm

He was just reading for the articles!

mavenmaven November 24, 2010 at 4:31 pm

This might be a good TSA avoidance strategy. If you have a bag full of porn, the TSA people might be a tad reluctant to pat you carnally or even touch you.

Not_So_Much November 24, 2010 at 4:35 pm

My wife and I decided the next time we fly, our only carry-on will be a roller bag stuffed to the gills with sex toys. Big ones, using D cells and all running at maximum rpm.

Missyb9479 November 24, 2010 at 8:24 pm

They won't let you bring handcuffs onto an airplane. Even if they are fur lined.

Um… that's what I heard.

chascates November 24, 2010 at 4:34 pm

A member of the GOP would be reading Butt.

eastcoastelite November 24, 2010 at 4:48 pm

Jesus H. Christ. I once flew first class from Seattle to NY and the jackass next to me whipped out a Playboy and read it like it was the most natural thing. I kept thinking "Wow…no one is going to believe this." Alas……

Rarian Rakista November 25, 2010 at 8:27 pm

You mean you don't have in laws that have Playboys in the bathroom next to the cocoa butter lotion?

wegot2dobetter November 24, 2010 at 4:58 pm

Didn't they arrest Alvin Greene for doing that same thing? Also!

trampndirtdown November 25, 2010 at 11:07 pm

He was black in S. Carolina duh!

nounverb911 November 24, 2010 at 5:07 pm

Good thing the airlines stopped handing out blankets.

Jukesgrrl November 24, 2010 at 6:03 pm

I assume these magazines are gratis on the fondling line?

Wadisay November 24, 2010 at 7:18 pm

Personally, I hate it when I have to sit next to a wide-stancer / toe-tapper.

ttommyunger November 24, 2010 at 7:31 pm

I'm sorry, Wonketeers, I've seen porn, I've worked with porn, I know porn and PLAYBOY is not porn.

donner_froh November 24, 2010 at 8:53 pm

Conyers has a reputation around the Motor City for being pretty omnisexual.

DeLand_DeLakes November 24, 2010 at 9:21 pm

They still make porn on *paper*?!?!?

mrblifil November 24, 2010 at 9:38 pm

Playboy? That's almost sweet. If a Republican had been sitting in that seat, it would more probably have been a copy of Inches.

Negropolis November 25, 2010 at 12:44 am

This comes as kind of surprise, because it's always been whispered around Detroit for decades (yeah, he's been in Congress that long) that he's gay. His marriage to the hot mess that is Monica "Bribe Me" Conyers was supposed to put that too rest.

Pop_Socket November 25, 2010 at 11:00 am

Wow. I won't even bring last month's Wired on a plane.

mrbubb November 26, 2010 at 11:29 am

Back in Washington, Conyers introduced HR 6969, "in which this body declares itself resolved to be long, strong, and down to get the friction on."

4TheTurnstiles November 28, 2010 at 3:02 pm

Sorry, but this doesn't even make sense.

Maybe relax and think before you write, maybe try a yoga class or something?

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