chiseling the mausoleum

Roland Burris To Be the Best Mayor of Chicago Ever

Supporters of Roland W. Burris, who is packing up his United States Senate office this week to come home to Chicago, have filed the necessary paperwork so that he may seek the city’s top job. [...]

Mr. Burris, who was appointed to finish the senate term of Barack Obama, was approached this fall, his aides say, by supporters who collected 20,000 signatures on his behalf. Mr. Burris, who is already hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt for legal fees related to his somewhat rocky tenure in the senate, has yet to decide whether he really will pursue the mayor’s job, the aides said.

This election is going to be a half-moldy deep-dish pepperoni pizza, and the media is going to have egg on its face for following all the big-name politicians who are opposing Rahm. [NYT]

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58 comments

  1. natoslug

    At what point will there be more candidates for this race than there are constituents? Don't these people realize that if they win, they'll have to live in Chicago?

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Chicago bites balls, big time! I have a 3,000 sq.ft. house in an ok neighborhood with a mortgage payment not far north of $1,000. With that much money, you can't even get a wall separating the toilet from the kitchen in New York. And as I mentioned earlier, I can fucking breathe in Chicago, unlike El Lay.

      1. natoslug

        Hey, quit bashing my stereotyped anti-Chicago screed! My only actual Chicago experience was a 3 month work trip, which I spent trying to get one of my former company's crap software products working for Bacon's Information Systems and ordering as much Sushi as possible from Oishi's (sp?). I explored all of Chicago between the sushi joint and my room at the Palmer House. Other than the bitter cold and all the people, I guess Chicago wasn't that bad.

      2. fuflans

        HA! me too! (well, my house is smaller. so is my mortgage).

        this is why – though i mostly work in LA – i can't afford to move there.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          Well, it's an "ok" neighborhood for us, because me and Ms. Kincaid are not afraid of living among Mexicans and Negroes. It'll be a long time before gentrifiers notice SE Chicago.

          1. Lascauxcaveman

            LOL beeyotch. I've got 2,500 sq ft and my mortgage is under $500. That's on a new 15 year refi that got my wife that new Beetle she had her eye on. Still scratching my head over the numbers on that one: "OK, we take out 20K in equity, knock 6 years off the loan and our payment stays the same? OK, OK, we'll refi."

            Also my place has 5 acres of mature cedars, fir and alder. (And currently a foot of snow on the ground. Very unusual for this time of year, too and also, which proves global warming is a H0Ax.)

            Although, I'm sure you've got better pizza in your nabe.

          2. Chet Kincaid

            You're out in the Pacific Northwest, right? (I've got all your avatars pinned to a giant map on the wall in my lair. Not really, just testing my memory.)

            Would you like to be in the first episode of "Look At My Circumstance, Beyotches!" on HGTV?

          3. natoslug

            I've currently got a 900s.f. and 5 acres of redwoods, alder, spruce and banana slugs. Unfortunately, I'm currently renting, but the $20 a month is acceptable until the new house is built.

      3. Limeylizzie

        God, I miss Chicago, I had a fantastic apartment there and I just loved the people, shit I even loved the weather.there was something very empowering about even being outside in the winter. New York has grown on me and I love Harlem, but if I could make a living in the theatre in Chicago I would go back in a minute.

      4. BaldarTFlagass

        Dang. My only experience with Chicago is a whole lot of layovers/connections at O'Hare, and Bill Swerski's Superfans. Ditka!

    1. Negropolis

      Especially considering how much cash and how many years-worth of human remains the Daley family has tored in the basement.

  2. Come here a minute

    Rahm will be declared ineligible because of residency issues, and Blago will parachute himself in there. Sorry Roland, Rod will not help you this time.

    1. Negropolis

      It's not as if he helped him the first time. He was nothing more than a pawn for Blago, a willing pawn, but a pawn nonetheless.

  3. SayItWithWookies

    Why would anyone even want that job unless they stand to inherit it like a Daly? Chicago might seem like a big town in many ways, but in national politics (where the only mayoralty position that counts is NYC and sometimes Los Angeles) it may as well be Tuscaloosa. This election will be like watching a pack of junkyard dogs fight over a hambone.

    1. SorosBot

      What are you talking about? The Mayor of Chicago gets to treat the police as his own private thugs, and send them out to beat up a bunch of hippies, along with supporters of one of the Democratic candidates for the Presidency, quite possible costing the Democratic Party a very close Presidential election.

      Now that's political power.

      1. SayItWithWookies

        You'll notice he had the smarts not to run for mayor. They haven't made the sandblaster yet that can wipe the taint of corruption off that office.

        1. Chet Kincaid

          So to sum up: #1 NYC, #2 LA, and #3 a corrupt old hambone beloved only by rabid dogs.

          What are the names of these mayors of New York and Los Angeles who have been President, again?

          1. SayItWithWookies

            Oh, Judas Peter and Pilate — of course ragging on the national significance of the Chicago mayoralty is akin to hating on the entire city and all of its denizens. How terribly wrong of me. But really, if I wanted to get into a pissing match over something, I'd get on a Grateful Dead website and say Jerry's solo on Casey Jones at Red Rocks in '73 sucked shit. I come here for the funny.

        2. BerkeleyBear

          Actually, President Obama was inspired to go into politics by a Chicago mayor (Washington) and most people expected that if the timing was right he'd run for the office himself. Don't count him out of running for mayor after he leaves the WH, like Jerry Brown becoming mayor of Oakland.

          Ironically, getting elected mayor would be tougher for Obama than President because of the concentrated power of guys like Bobby Seals and "Hollywood" Henderson who both hold longstanding grudges against him (mainly for not being their supplicant when he first started out)

          1. tcaalaw

            Don't count him out of running for mayor after he leaves the WH, like Jerry Brown becoming mayor of Oakland.

            That seems improbable. He could make far more money doing speaking tours. The only political offices I could see Obama taking after leaving the presidency are either UN Secretary General or US Supreme Court.

      1. BerkeleyBear

        Not only the most direct power, but no need to even try to play nice with the rest of the state as you suck money, attention and air towards the city boundaries.
        Unlike, say, Mike Madigan, who at least has to act like he gives a shit what downstaters think.

    2. PublicLuxury

      I knew Mayor Daley way before I knew of Mayor Giuliani. Mayor Daley was gettin' things done while Giuliani was lining his pockets. 9/11 pushed Rudy to the national attention. Only because he had a better response than out preznit. I like Chicago. They have Pollocks there and Negroes and messicans and ummm and ummm oh yeah, pizza.

    3. Negropolis

      "Chicago might seem like a big town in many ways, but in national politics (where the only mayoralty position that counts is NYC and sometimes Los Angeles) it may as well be Tuscaloosa."

      That town is provincial as hell. Were it not for the family machine, politically, it'd have been Detroit, and I say that being from Detroit.

    4. BaldarTFlagass

      in national politics (where the only mayoralty position that counts is NYC and sometimes Los Angeles)

      Hey, Henry Cisneros parleyed his stint as mayor of San Antonio into the coveted slot of Secretary of Housing and Urban Development! Plus, mistress scandal!!

      1. tcaalaw

        Federico Pena went from being mayor of Denver to Secretary of Transportation (which made no sense) and then later Secretary of Energy (which really made no sense).

  4. HistoriCat

    OK, maybe I'm on my own here but I've actually been pleasantly surprised by Burris's time in the Senate. He might not be the greatest senator ever but I think he's done better than many people (myself included) expected.

  5. JadedDissonance

    Rahm Emmanuel just spent the past month lurking in el stations and grocery stores (he loves grocery stores) on a "listening tour" of Chicago. I'm pretty sure most of what he heard were obscenities.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      He couldn't hear anything over the slurping noises made by the press sucking his trail of candy right to his junk.

    2. Chet Kincaid

      "Rahm, where is my motherfucking bus?! They used to run sooner than once an hour!"

      Seriously, if he really wanted the job, he would have ridden back into town making it rain with stimulus money, because the city, county and state have no goddamned money or tax base. Looks like we might finally make our delayed-for-decades slide into the depths of Clevelandhood (and I can say that 'cause I was born over there).

  6. PresBeeblebrox

    Why the fuck not? He has moar room for bullet points on his mausoleum, and dirty politics are just a way of life in Chicago. If Richard fucking Daley Senior can send cops out during a nationally-televised political convention to beat and mace hippies, and Richard fucking Daley Junior can send in the Chicago Streets Department to cold rip down a functioning airport in the middle of the night, why not elect Roland fucking Burris as Mayor? It makes perfect sense.

    Except… he won't be the "FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN IN ILLINOIS TO BECOME" Mayor of Chicago. Right now, Harold Washington is crying bitter tears of joy in Political Heaven.

    Unless he makes it something like

    FIRST AFRICAN-AMERICAN IN ILLINOIS TO BECOME

    * MAYOR AFTER BEING APPOINTED U.S. SENATOR BY A DODGY SERBIAN-AMERICAN GOVERNOR NAMED "MILORAD"

      1. V572625694

        As a native, and one who was there in 1968 and can admit all its faults, I too find the knee-jerk Chicago hate puzzling, along with the Schadenfreude when it didn't get the 20-whatever Olympics. The weather's terrible, it's true. The architecture's the best in the world, the public transportation works and reaches everywhere, there are beaches right in the city, and it has the best restaurant in the country — Alinea, look it up, bitches, or Topolobompo if that's not good enough for you — and all that funny-ha-ha on SNL (back when it was funny)? That came from Chicago too.

        If Shortshortsshorts were still around, he'd back me up.

        1. PresBeeblebrox

          Hey, I didn't say I hate Chicago. I actually really like the city. It's just that it has a particularly interesting type of governance. Really, Daley coming in and just fucking ripping up an active airport has a certain panache to it. Other cities would spend years with public input hearings, environmental impact studies, etc., but Daley just sent in the bulldozers and ripped some big X's in the runways…

    1. tcaalaw

      Actually, I think Asian Carp should lead the ticket. It has an immigrant-makes-it-big success story going for it.

  7. Negropolis

    In fact, they are even worse than "illegal immigrants" They are "invasive species." Even sounds extraterrestrial.

    Where's the birf certifikit, Asian Carp? Hengh? Hawaii my ass; this fish was born in Indonesia.

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