Here’s a shocking twist in the Fetusjargate story: Larry King got Barbara Bush ON THE RECORD about putting her fetus in a jar and parading it around the house for George W. and everyone else to see. According to Barbara, “memories dim a little bit,” and the story Bush wrote in his book isn’t true. Now we can all rest easy, knowing that there never was a fetus jar centerpiece on the Bush family dining-room table, right? No. “Paula put it in the jar. And I was shocked when she gave it to him,” said Barbara. Jesus Christ, this is worse! Paula?
Who in the world is this mysterious “Paula” person who’s underneath Barbara shoving her miscarriage into a jam jar, shoving it in George W.’s face, and then wiping the mess of Barbara juice and Barbara chunks off the side of the jar?
BARBARA BUSH: I didn’t put it in the jar.
KING: What?
BARBARA BUSH: It’s not in the library. No …
KING: I know.
BARBARA BUSH: George — Paula put it in the jar. And I was shocked when she gave it to him to — but, you know, memories dim a little bit but, anyway — but he was very …
KING: Were you shocked that he put it in the book?
BARBARA BUSH: No. He asked permission, and I gave him permission. It’s his book. And I think he was trying to say that he and I have a very special relationship. We tease all the time, and that’s not very nice of me, but —you know, you’ve got to tease a little bit.
UGH, LARRY, WHY DID YOU INTERRUPT HER? We have no idea who this Paula person is. Was she George W. Bush’s mysterious space-alien nanny? Is a “powell-uh” a birthing job they have in Texas that’s sort of like being a midwife but for canning fetuses?
Meanwhile, in Detroit:
Detroit Public Schools officials today were baffled by the gruesome discovery of a jar containing a human fetus.
The jar was found Wednesday at Denby High School, according to Steve Wasko, a spokesman for DPS.
[...]
Investigators from the Office of Inspector General interviewed a science teacher who said the fetus predated his tenure at the school, Wasko said. That teacher started working there in 1986. The teacher said the fetus had always been in the closet, Wasko said.
Wasko, who also saw the fetus, said it was in an air-tight Kraft mustard jar with liquid, apparently preserved.
Well, at least we know where the fetus jar ended up. Not in the “library,” but in a Detroit school, putting a curse on that city and driving away terrified residents to this very day. [YouTube/Politico/Detroit Free Press]
{ 128 comments }
Paula Deen? Thank goodness all she did was put it in a jar. Too soon?
This is why Bushmeat is illegal in many countries.
I was thinking Paula Zahn.
So was I…and I'm not even sure who she is!
I survived being born in Detroit…us midwest Polacks will pickle anything
So the pickled fetus is kinda like kim chi but without the pepper and the gas.
They eat lotsa picked fetus in N. Korea these days, cuz there aint' no kim chee.
There is plenty of gas to be had from eating pickled boiled eggs.
Ain't that the truth. Everytime I go to deli counter around Detroit, I see something new and unique pickled and for sale. I wish the pickled baloney came in jars smaller than a half gallon. That one I'd try.
Down here we deep fry everything (Twinkies, pickles, butter, etc.), so it's probably a good thing the incident didn't occur when they lived here.
But why do you keep your fetuses closeted? You are probably against Same Fetus Marriage also.
"Memories dim a little bit" when someone spends a quarter century of his life completely blotto drunk.
The fetus was not the only thing that was pickled.
No, see the fetuses from Bab's uterus were underprivileged so this D&C is w orking well for them.
She remembers being shocked when "Pawlo" put it in the jar and showed it to W. She doesn't remember whether they had differing opinions on abortion rights….
….""It's not in the library!"
That has not been my experience. Memories are both persistent and pesky.
I called it! One of the "help" put it in the jar for her.
How does that work exactly? I mean, did they have a wrestling match over Fetus? Babs wanted to have Fetus stuffed and mounted but Paula pickled the little fuck first?! Who exactly was the boss here and wtf was the plan?! If the plan was, let's pickle the premmie bastard, then does it matter who stuck the sumbitch in the jar?!
And who was the fetus for? Did Paula give it to W before Babs had a chance to give it to an old friend?
well of course, you wouldn't expect Babs to use her 'beautiful mind' – or hands- on something so disgusting as a fetus, that's what the (illegal) 'help' is for…hell, I'm kinda surprised she'd carry that fetus they named 'George' to full term, tho I wish HE was the one she put in the pickle jar (and I bet a few million Iraqistanis feel the same way!) cunt…also
'Why should we hear about body bags and deaths? It's not relevant. So why should I waste my beautiful mind on something like that?'
Nobody puts Fetus-In-A-Jar in a corner.
except this "Paula" character
I think you meant to say "canning" fetuses, but "caning" is actually better.
= Justin
"Paula" her more evil twin who looks and sounds like her, but "isn't" her. Yeah, that's it.
The old "memories dim a bit" excuse, huh? Yeah, I totally forgot about that time we freaked out my retarded son with the gross out waste from my own uterus. You know, so many things like that happen over the years, you just forget sometimes.
You have to tease, right?
Old Babs has a perverse sense of humor. Was she more shocked at Paula showing her dimmest son a miscarriage, in the face of boasting that she is mean and teases her dimmest prodigy?
I'd reckon the miscarried cells have more cerebral strength than the whole of a sober George
"Paula" was probably the colored girl or Maine trailer trash servant who cleaned up up after the Bushes in Kennebunkport. If they'd been in Texas it'd have been Maria.
If Paula's still alive, can we get her to come in a few days extra and clean up the mess GW made of the economy, the world, the Constitution, etc?
"I don't know nothin' about puttin' no baby in no jar, Miz Bush."
We already hired a black dude to clean that shit up.
Paula is the hired help in Kennebunkport, Maria is the (illegal) help in Midland…it's so hard to keep track of all your servants these days, although I'm SURE she remembers Jose the pool boy (y'know, Jeb's baby daddy, that's why he likes the Messican girls!)
Paula is the hired (colored) help in Kennebunkport, Maria is the (illegal) help in Midland…it's so hard to keep track of all your servants these days, although I'm SURE she remembers Jose the pool boy (y'know, Jeb's baby daddy, that's why he likes the Messican girls!)
I will stop complaining about my family now.
Come on! Doesn't every family have disagreements over who was the person who put the miscarried fetus in a jar?
So many of these fetuses in Texas were underprivileged anyway, so this is all working out well for them.
And I think he was trying to say that he and I have a very special relationship.
By Special does Barb mean: "I traumatized him into the semi-retarded clown-boy he is today?"
I don't suppose that he could just have said "Mom and I have a very special relationship, if by special you mean supremely fucked up"?
For some reason, the word that keeps coming to mind is "incestuous." And every time it comes to mind, I have to reach for the brain bleach.
I think she was trying to say that he was the baby daddy.
Some people have memories that start off a little dim, and time and gin doesn't improve things.
Now some girls like a mourn', but some girls like the cry'n'
Some girls like to hear, to hear the white rich people a-bitchn'
But me, I like being crazy, `specially with my retard children
So here I am in Texas, here I am with the ball and chain, yeah
Musha rain dum-a-doo dum-a-da, ha, ya
Whack for my sonny-o
Whack for my sonny-o
Show'n a fetus in the jar-o
Sing it, Phil.
Ok so he lied about Mom's fetus jar, people publicly lie about personal matters all the time ( Like, no, I don't masturbate twice a day.)
But I still believe Saddam had WMD. They were smuggled into Syria. Bush '04!
Maybe Saddam smuggled the WMD inside the Bush fetus jars?
Weponized fetus?
So now we know what those aluminum tubes contained.
"We tease all the time."…
At breakfast table in Midland.
Bar: "George Jr! Now you know I asked for the strawberry preserves! It was funny the first 20 times you brought me the fetus, but come on, you silly goose! Besides, the strawberry preserves taste so much better."
George W: "Heh-heh".
Strawberry Fetus forever….
I'm channeling Martha Stewart now:
1. Add some glitter flakes, God's little snow globe.
2. Add a sprig of fresh Rosemary so that it doesn't smell like baby mummy meat.
3. Name him "Mason" set a place for him at the Thanksgiving table with a festive place card.
4. Make him into a lava lamp.
Sneak it into a bar and place it next to the jar of pickled eggs. Get a beer and watch the fun!
How did you get that tape out of the Vatican?!
#4—Wouldn't that more properly named "larva lamp"?
Heartwarming to see there's a place where dead baby jokes continue to thrive.
Something about teh Wonket that brings out the 12-year-old in all of us.
We had someone's large fetus in a Mason jar in the biology lab at my hippie non-public school in the District in the 1990s. But these things are like families–you think yours is normal until you figure out it's not. Were we not supposed to have a jar-fetus? It looked very peaceful, and I was never worried that it was about to go anywhere or attack someone.
"Paula" is babs' "imaginary friend."
Nah, she's real. Right after she put the fetus in the jar they canned her.
She was their housekeeper.
The Bushes get their help through the Sinister Staffing Agency – same ones that supplied Mrs. Dudley in the "The Haunting" and Mrs. Danvers in "Rebecca."
Maybe it's just me, but a world in which someone, never mind the former first lady, says, "I'm not the one who put the fetus in a jar," is a world in which Kim Jong Un makes perfect sense.
WIN!
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society"…Krishnamurti
Holy fucking shit.
Bastard in basket
and a fetus in a jar,
now on to the White House!
According to Barbara, “memories dim a little bit,”
C'mon Barb, alcohol only kills the weak brain cells.
Ha, reminds me of favorite Cheers episode…words of wisdom from Cliff and Norm! (and a good theory on why the Bush family has so many freakin' geniuses!)
"Well, you see, Norm, it's like this. A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it's the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Now, as we know, excessive intake of alcohol kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine.
And that, Norm, is why you always feel smarter after a few beers."
Can we call Barbara Bush "JarJar Bush" now?
I told you 'bout jar fetus and me, man.
You know that we're as close as can be, man.
Well here's another clue for you a-all:
The jarrer was Paul(a).
This whole topic is way disturbing. Who puts a fetus in a jar and KEEPS it? Aren't you supposed to plant it with a tree–oh, that's the placenta. Geez, wonder what they did with the placenta?
Thanks for elevating the discourse, Babs.
If you bury it upside down in your yard, your house will sell faster. Although that may only work in St Louis.
♫ True love means planning a life for two
Canning together the whole day through
True love means waiting and hoping that soon
Fetuses we've pickled won't turn blue
My love, my love… ♫
p.s. Paula the Doula? Paula Adbul? Abdullah Abdullah? more than a coincidence?
Paula had a Girl Scout Abortionist Badge & a Home Canning Badge , so she was the only one qualified to put the baby fetus in the jar.
Larry King: helping people cover up their interview gaffs for 25 years. LARRY KING IS THE ANTI-TABLOID!
This signals the end times, things are just too strange lately, this must be a sign of the apocalypse. Palins everywhere, Bush fetuses in jars, Boehner, rabid know-nothing racist teabaggers pining for the return of slavery and poorhouses. Something's fucking going on here.
I think we can thank Rupert for starters. For all the truthiness and balance and for elevating the discourse by calling the mixed race POTUS a racist.
I love the Holiday Season!
Fetus Jar Song time, kiddies!
Who put the fetus in the fetus jar?
Barbara put the fetus in the fetus jar!
Who, me?
Yes, you!
Wasn't me!
Then who?
Paula put the fetus in the fetus jar!
(etc., until Bushes/servants are exhausted)
So, the Detroit Public School Fetus can serve in the military?
Unless it's openly gay.
Until it comes out of the closet, then yes.
Out of the jar?
Imagine the poor dweeb who prank called their house and asked, "Do you have Prince Albert in a can?" "Well, something like that, we do"
you mean drunk-dialed? (of course it was George!)
It puts the fetus in the jar or it gets the hose!
Has anyone made the "no child left behind" joke yet?
surprisingly no, nice one!
This was considered fun at the Bush house?!? Rainy day craft time? We have some miscarried fetuses lying around, let's glue and glitter them and put them in jars with colored sand time?
It's like dipping easter eggs in food coloring!
…and then Paula gave the jar to George and said, "THIS is what sex is like after 50!"
And they all lived happily ever after. The End.
I notice that Glenn Beck still hasn't denied putting that fetus in the jar!
I think he was trying to say that he and I have a very special relationship.
It is impossible to know where to put the emphasis in this sentence although I imagine it is "special" as in "mother-son incest special".
Exactly. WTF?
Maybe the fetus jumped in their itself. Revenge of the Miscarried, this Christmas, on Lifetime.
well there go my plans to start thanksgiving cooking.
and that cranberry sauce is going to be pure sauce.
This might have been said previously, but is there a non-birth certificate available for viewing somewhere online?
It puts the fetus in the jar or else it loses its goddamn job!
This will be the closest thing Dubya got to science.
- and it scared him.
Oh, so THAT'S what that dog named Duke on the TV commercial has been trying to tell us for years! Had the people at the party just stopped eating their beans long enough to listen to the talking dog then maybe Saddam would still be alive and Al and Tipper wouldn't have broken up.
Larry should have asked HW about his role in the Kennedy Assassination, it being the Anniversary and all, and the theme of the night apparently being "credulous discussions of the unthinkable."
Nobody every explained what that fetus was doing on the grassy knoll
It's in the single-fetus theory found in the Warren Report, conceived by the esteemed
DemocraticRepublicanDemocraticloser, Arlen Specter.When Shrub was a lad, life in Kennybogusport was jarring. He and his sibs were always in a pickle, some longer than others. The town was in the mold Peyton Place and that Stepford Wively place in the State of Lieberman, and it was hard to keep a lid on what transpired. Then one rainy November day Paula arrived…
Oh, show me, the way, to the next fetus jar
oh, don't ask why, oh, don't ask why
for if uh we don't find, the next fetus jar
I tell you we must die, I tell you we must die
I tell you, I tell you, I tell you we must die
Paula Zahn? Paula Poundstone? Paula Abdul? Sen. Paula Hawkins (R-FL)?
Suffice it to say that Paula was the person whose job it was to root around in the unflushed toilets at the Bush compound, in hopes of finding rare treasure. I imagine she was also tasked with giving Jeb, Neil and Junior the odd hand job every now and again. And once a year on thanksgiving they got to sample her special sauce, extracted with care via turkey baster (great on leftover sandwiches later in the week). She now works at Mme. Tussaud's.
Paula Pamela Jingleheimer Schmidt
Hey, that's my name too!
Whenever a fetus drops,
Barbara Bush always shouts:
"Come can it, Paula Pamela Jingleheimer Schmidt!"
What they didn't mention was that, after handing Dubya the jar with the fetus in it, he proceeded to punch some air holes in the lid thinking it would keep it alive. True story. George Jr. is that retarded.
Paula put the fetus in a jar, and then she smuggled it out of the house and raised it up to be Karl Rove. The placenta, meanwhile, was kept, and named Jeb.
There was a persistent song in my head when I first read Fetus in a Jar. I couldn't place it until now.
Substitute "Fetus in a Jar" for "Pants on the Ground." It'll be a hit.
I make the words fit into 'Mexican Radio'.
Took me a few bars, but I could see that.
Maybe the sight of spooge put him off of stem-cell research, too.
Why in the name of all that's holy does Babs think this story is any better if she had the help put the fetus in a jar? She still kept her fetus in a jar!
This has an eep-factor that rivals family portrait photographs of dead children.
So many fetuses in jars, you know, were underprivileged anyway. So this is working very well for them.
When you wish upon a star
Put a fetus in a jar
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you
If your son is on the team
No ideal is too extreme
With your fetus in a jar
As oligarchs do
Fate is kind
She brings to those who lie
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret reality
Like a dolt out of the blue
A judge steps in and sees you through
With a fetus in a jar
Your schemes come true
"Junior, send Paula–I think I've found your mojo!"
Oh, if only all the offal from her fetid womb had been securely sealed in jars rather than loosed on the world.
Now we know why Dubya's favorite book was "My Pet Zygote"
At last, a terrible miscarriage of justice comes to light. And what a poignant relief this must be for Barbara, to not have to keep it bottled up any longer! To be able to say, Yes, sometimes even our greatest heroes have fetus of clay.
This is why Larry King is being replaced. For not immediately asking, "A, who the fuck is Paula, and B, why the fuck did Paula put your fetus in a fucking jar???"
See, he was the Edjamacation President all along.
Who put the fetus in the fetus jar at http://www.gurukalehuru.com
WTF!!?? How did Paula GET the fetus in the first place? Did she follow Babs around, ready to scoop it up when called upon?
Well Babs had her hands full already, what with the Chesterfields, the lighter and the sloe gin fizz.
Palin/Fetus-in-a-Jar in 2012!
Did Larry ask Babs why her son George evaded the draft and ended up an illiterate drunk? I'm dying to know.
The only Paula I can think of who'd remotely do something like this is that crazy-ass Paul Abdul.
"…he and I have a very special relationship."
That's the truest thing a Bush has ever said about anything, ever.
love it, I'm going to give some o' these out for Xmas presents (my 'pro-life' Catholic sisters will be THRILLED!)
time for neocon
damage control
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