- Who made John Boehner our chain-smokin’ Orange Overseer? Crusty, rich white people who don’t use deodorant and have cabbage breath, according to a new and probably unnecessary study! It’s sort of silly that old people voted for all these deranged weirdos who want to make Medicare and probably even bingo night illegal, because without these two things old people will shrivel up and die like sad snails trapped in a giant jar of salt. Meanwhile, landline phones screwed up every midterm poll, since only ancient Republicans use those tethered banana phones from the Stone Age. Anyway, thanks for nothing, wrinkly white trust fund grannies. [McClatchy]
- Incoming Republican congresspeople received a 144-page brochure about proper Congressional Etiquette, penned by none other than Young Glock Eric Cantor. One of the first suggestions is “read and re-read the U.S. Constitution.” This time for real! [The Hill]
- Nate Silver says that Sarah Palin is automatically our next president, because so many people type her name into search engines every day. This claim is extremely suspect. If there was a direct correlation between Internet searches and political clout, wouldn’t “Bristol Palin DWTS Tentacle Sex” be (at least) Secretary of State? Yes, indeed. [NYT]
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I used to search "Nailin' Palin" all the time, but I finally wised up and bookmarked the page. Actually, it's my homepage now.
"Web Portal" is the hot term from 1997.
Not our Wonkette?
Where's the lover, Baldy?
When they move to the nude version of the Wonkette illustration, it will be my home page. Until that, I'm staying with Nuns and Nazis.
The article says the midterms are the fault of all the youngs who didn't vote. And this was the first midterm I ever voted. *sniff*
So in addition to screwing up the midterm election you are a whiner. Now get off my lawn.
Nah, I *did* vote, though I usually don't in a midterm.
I didn't vote (used pen in the absentee, then read directions saying to use pencil, and I'm too young/lazy to know phone etiquette for calling an office), but Van Hollen (D) still won 73% of my district's vote … so I'm covered.
Shit, all Eddie has to do is get up to the podium and rip through "Eruption" and he's got half the electorate in his pocket.
I thought all you young people knew how to do was take standardized tests with #2 pencils.
I'm a young'un, and I voted too. True, it was mostly just because I was finally old enough to vote for real, but whatever. Of course, I'm from Minnesota, land of 10,000 recounts, so I might never know if I actually accomplished anything.
Big O better get those death camps running before 2012.
"One of the first suggestions is “read and re-read the U.S. Constitution. "
How dare Cantor suggest a clearly elitist activity!
It's better just to imagine what's in the Constitution.
Why the hell would I read it again? – I'll already know how it turns out (the butler did it, of course).
Snape kills Hamilton.
Incoming fundies don't hafta listen to no son of Abraham.
But you do have to read it to know which parts you want to repeal. Or maybe not.
I support this measure; once the conservatives see that the Constitution forbids many of their favorite things, they'll lose it; hell the "no religious test" clause may make their heads explode.
Maybe we should follow the Conservative Bible with the Conservative Constitution. We can eliminate all those godless, icky parts.
Imagine there's no 14th Amendment. I wonder if you can.
Why is Cantor assuming that all of them can read?
Reading would just lead to the confusing possibility of interpretation. BELIEVE!
Read? What is this "read" of which you speak? Is this something the French do, because if so, I want no part in this "reading" business. Oh, you say "reading" is that thing where you look at a screen or a sheet of paper and try to make sense of the characters? Nah, that's too difficult.
Ooo! A squirrel!
Palin/Bieber 2012!
Only ten percent?! Dammit.
http://www.boomerdeathcounter.com/
I feel cheated. I thought this would be an Oklahoma State fan's slam-book.
Bob Stoops? More like Poops — amiright?
Fuckin teasippers
“Read and re-read the U.S. Constitution”: but make sure you only masturbate to the second and tenth amendments.
Statler & Waldorf 2012!
So if we can just hold on until all the old people die, we'll be golden. Needz more Carousel.
I used to think that my generation would have its day, but I look at my fellow Gen-Xer's and I don't hold out much hope anymore. We'll be changing teh oldz bed pans while they terrorize us and beat us with their canes, right up until we're old enough to collect Social Security ourselves, then there won't be any. Gen Y will have observed this, and so will leave us in the park with our names safety pinned to our shirts. Metaphorically.
Good news, soon Gen X will be old enough to be the new Republican Young Guns (Nazi regalia not included)!
" True terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country."
–Kurt Vonnegut
We've got a bunch of people going hungry, and are spending a ton of money on Social Security and Medicare for the old people who are ruining the country. Clearly, Soilent Green is the only solution.
Tastes great and is good for me!
Why, that sounds like a FINE OL' SOLUTION!
So per the braying Republicans, the "American People"™ are 35% of the public, and are old, shouty, wealthy and white. Just like the assholes they elected.
Those damn crusties have ruined our country with their support of the Orange Overlord. Which is why Barry craftily created the death panels.
Bwahahahahaha…
Sorry, I was too busy autoerotically asphyxiating myself with my corded phone to get to my cell phone in time to take the polling call. Does that mean I'm not an ancient republican?
Hard to say. Present on Wonkette -> no, not a republican, especially an ancient one. Autoerotically asphyxiating with antique device-> likely republican. Correctly spelling both autoerotically and asphyxiating -> possibly republican but definitely not a tea partier. How do you feel about the Second Amendment and barely pubescent boys?
In what sense, Charlie?
I think all of that Palin search traffic is less reflective of our interest in Snowbilly as a candidate than it is of our ability to tear our gaze away from an ongoing train wreck.
"I like to watch."
Just a simple reminder…many of us said the same thing about Reagan back in the day.
To say nothing of people just looking for the links to the Nailin' Palin series. And then you gotta throw in the folks who actually fantasize about fucking Palin, also too. Although I'm thinking that if Todd were away in meth rehab and you actually got your shot, there'd be some major onset of Coyote Ugly that next morning. Fortunately there are the child safety gates to keep things from getting out of hand.
"the folks who actually fantasize about fucking Palin"
Ewwww. Are these people deaf and blind? That is simply one of the most disgusting thoughts possible, just the thought of that face is a total boner killer, and that voice makes me wish I was deaf whenever I hear it.
Imagine , if you will, the dulcet tones of Alaskunt urging you on, as you are pleasuring her , the no doubt, fake nails raking your back, the slight whiff of whale meat emanating from her nether regions and the large pile of hair extensions left , as a reminder, on your pillow.
…
After that though, I don't know if I'll be able to get it up for the next week.
That's ok Liz I didn't want breakfast anyway.
Unicorn chaser, anyone?
http://www.boingboing.net/images/x_2008/obama-uni...
I may never be able to have sex again. Brain bleach please – now.
"Alaskunt" = new "Snowbilly."
Think she's had a boob lift yet? Just curious.
I'd definitely only be able to think of it as a hate-fuck, a symbolic rump-pumping of the entire political movement which she embodies/symbolizes.
I just shit myself in order to change my thoughts to a more pleasant subject.
you owe use some nice french resistance fantasies now.
Oh Lizzie, do not use your powers for evil!
Actually, if there is a correlation between Internet searches and political clout, then I'm pretty sure our next president would be a toss up between "Big penis" or "Big boobs."
Or red headed lesbians – I just made that up, really.
Willow 2012!
Pilosi/Clinton 2012!
Clitoris/Epididymis 2012!
The've already polled for this. Boobs won: http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-finds-major...
Which section of Cantor's tome discusses how to deposit lobbyist's checks in the cloakroom's ATM?
It's in the footnotes of the chapter on "cruisiest" highway rest stops.
Boehner stripped away that fig leaf by distributing tobacco lobby checks right on the House floor. By now of course they've set up direct deposit.
You mean Young Guns… err mid sixties white guys understand direct deposit. I don't trust them computers nyah see.
I think increased information about Sarah Palin, obtained via Google or otherwise, is a guarantee that she will never be elected as President and possibly as anything else.
Amen.
Nate Silver is using logic to make predictions. Haha .. fail.
Why read the constitution when you write your own just like it says we can in the constitution.
Much like the bible they only read the parts that help them make their point, all else is irrelevant.
Everyone knows that the 6th was inserted by Manchurian Founding Fathers. You know, teh blax ones.
Vote Naked Cheerleaders/Mesothelioma 2012!!!!!!
Liked BigBoobs/CheapInsurance better.
U.S. Ambassador to the U.N. Restless Leg Syndrome likes this.
Off topic (for today) but I had a horrifying realization this morning: If TSA scanners can't detect anything in body cavities, is there any reason our heftier citizens couldn't tape a bomb to the undersides of their panniculi? One would only need a Grade 2.
I just threw up a little in my mouth…but in a humorous way. Would they allow Mr. Creosote on a plane?
Some ladies can keep more than a pencil under their boobs. Just saying.
The main reason I became a religious gym goer, a couple of years ago, is because Mr Limeylizzie uses me as the subject of varous nude drawings, and I noticed that in one of them I had the beginnings of said panniculus. That is not pretty, especially as he tends to frame and display the finished product.
Does he have a website? Humminah humminah!
Oh, darling, you are too good to the husband. If I had the beginning of a panniculus, and still had a Mr. Katydid, and he dared to draw it and frame it, I'd kill him. Hmm, mebbe that's why there is no longer a Mr. Katydid.
Oh you have no idea, when I first met MrLimeylizzie and visited his LA abode, the place was absolutey filthy with canvases of naked women, all with fabulous bosoms and tiny waists. It was equal parts awe-inspiring and frightening.
Dearest Katydid, the reason(s) there is no longer a MrKatydid are manifold, your astonishing quick wit frightened him, your immense sexual power was overwhelming, your radiant beauty left him feeling inadequate ,he was clearly not your equal in intellect and everybody knew it and he was beginning to feel as if you loved that wee dog more than you loved him.
So you're saying that leaving a rubber fetus in a jar of cranberry juice on the top shelf of the fridge was a gratuitous gesture?
Do I know you??? Your accuracy astounds me! <wink>
Let us bear in mind that historically, a well-rounded woman with an incipient panniculus was a thing of beauty.
Yes, I'll take a curvy lady with an Italian Christmas cake in the oven.
Wait, what are you guys talking about?
I prefer to refer to the panniculi as a "cock-awning".
Comes in handy in case of rain!
Fabulous!
A friend of mine insisted that if she ever ran a personal ad, she'd include the line "Shelf over the toybox OK."
More likely they'd tape a can of beer, hence 'beer belly'
I clicked on that a few times myself.
Off topic, but wasn't it not too long ago that Newty and the blowholes were spouting non-stop about the low corporate tax in Ireland being so wonderful. Fastest growing economy, U.S. should emulate, job growth, blah blah blah. What happened boys?
What happened boys?
Reality. It's so spiteful when it knees you in the groin, elbow to your face.
The extent of that lots' economic know-how doesn't extend beyond the tried and true formula of (1) get some modicum of political power, (2) sell access to that power to the highest paying lobbyists, next (3) something or other and (4) profit!
Item (3) should be "Lower tax rates on rich people to be equal to or lower than those on minimum wage workers."
Talk about Mission Accomplished!
Without the progressive social changes wrought by the New Deal and Great Society, all the olds would've choked on their cat food and died long ago. So liberals are to blame for the Teapublicans winning the election!
What Nate Silver fails to realize is that most Palin searches are for tit pics. Which, following such logic, automatically assumes that there's likely to be a heated presidential runoff between her, Xtine O'Donnell, Megs McCain, Emma Watson, and at least two Kardashians.
That's change I can believe in.
Emma Watson, wow, … your obviously queer.
I gave you a point since I'm pretty sure you're Willow Palin. Or Willow hacked your log-in. The username gives it away.
Are you saying Bristol Palin DWTS Tentacle Sex isn't our current Secretary of State? I thought that was Hillary Clinton's nomme de guerre.
Best consolation prize: The olds will be dead soon.
But not before we deplete Medicare with expensive procedures that allow us live long enough to deplete Social Security, and then Medicaid when we are ambo-cabbed to the nursing home. Suck it, Youngs, and keeping paying that FICA and Medicare.
See, this socialized medicine/guaranteed health care you Youngs are clamoring for has a downside.
Two words for you: Death. Panels.
And Viagra allows us to keep shtuppin' the young wimmens who like teh moneyz!
You can keep the Kardashians!!!
I think Nate is reading the numbers all wrong. Most of those searches were actually for "Bristol Palin" and "mysterious weight gain".
And "hookworm"!!!
I contributed to that poll. That pikey is really packing on the chunk!
The old, white vote tipped this election?
Looks like the Fox News GOTV drive paid some handsome dividends.
Oops.
Okay… you're the President of the internets, now show us your tits!!
The saddest thing is that what with global warming, we no longer even have the option to do like the eskimos do with their useless, toothless elderly, and put all the old fucks on an ice flow and let it drift off into the arctic sea.
(I should note that I am, thank god, still a full year short of being eligible to join the AARP)
144 pages? Damn it I didn't get elected to Congress to have to do work!
Also, where's the section on calling the President a liar?
Maybe its one word per page like their budget.
As all good Mormons believe, the constitution was divinely inspired. Ergo, Mitt Romney should be the one briefing the new tea-zombies.
Young Glock a/k/a Eric Cantor
True. Most of the prominent Anglo-American rappers have been Jewish.
But, Eminem, still not Kosher.
Every time we type Palin in the Google search, another fetus goes in a jar.
"…tethered banana phones from the Stone Age…" Thank you Raffi!
That's some funny stuff, Riley! Almost makes me forget Julie.
Almost.
Meanwhile, the landlines do seem to not cause quite so much brain cancer (why leave it to chance? Stick that receiver in your ear full time!).
"…shrivel up and die like unwanted Bush siblings trapped in a giant jar of salt."
/fixed
My mother is an 82 year old widow with a land line, an I-phone and a boyfriend. She didn't fall for the Republican crap in the midterms and she is a Republican! Of course she ballroom dances and goes to the gym twice a week. What's wrong with the rest of the old folks in this country? There are so lame! Literally I guess.
“read and re-read the U.S. Constitution.”
Except for the preamble, article 1 section 8, article 6, amendments 4 thru 9, 16, and scribble the word "corporation" into the 14th anywhere you think it'll fit.
Use your wiping stick.
Yeah, it's gonna take a crane over here.
Buttseks, followed by a good mouthraping?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KZgsHi7wAiI
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