Avoid a Very Anal Thanksgiving By Staying In DC

Let’s weigh your options for this Thanksgiving holiday: There’s either subjecting yourself to the TSA’s new fingering policy or NOT GOING ANYWHERE. If America’s Top Molesting Force is insisting that it’s necessary to see everybody naked, and forbidding the transport of cranberry sauce unless it’s out of reach of anal probing, then this is the time when you should be thanking Obama for taking all your monies so you couldn’t afford that ticket home. Do you need a better reason to enjoy your socialist day of giving thanks and to eat whatever meager portions you can afford from right where you are?

Should you be staying in D.C. for Thanksgiving and if you’re entertaining relatives (Godspeed!), here are some places you can go for the ritual dinner:

• 1789: If you desire a classy Thanksgiving dinner, head to 1789. They’re offering a three-course Thanksgiving meal that includes your choice of pumpkin soup, bitter greens or citrus salad, turkey with all of the trimmings, and a full selection of desserts for $50.
• Front Page: Or, if you prefer a much less classy Thanksgiving dinner, head to Front Page. They’re offering a Thanksgiving buffet complete with Roasted Turkey, Prime Rib, Fresh Carved Ham, Steamed Asparagus, Green Bean Casserole and other traditional Thanksgiving items for $30.
• Bibiana Osteria-Enoteca: Should you desire to not be able to pronounce anything on your Thanksgiving menu, feast at Bibania. Their Thanksgiving menu includes Chestnut Soup with house-made Cotechino sausage and grappa cream, Heritage Turkey Cooked Two Ways, Roasted Dry Aged Eco-friendly Blade Steak, artisan foie gras and wild mushrooms served with a black truffle sauce or Whole Roasted Sea Bass with eggplant “Fungetto” and a citrus emulsion. Huh?
• Rasika: Celebrate Thanksgiving with the other Indians. Rasika’s special Thanksgiving menu includes cranberry Turkey Tikka with pumpkin chutney and spiced brussel sprouts and costs $16.

Other Thanksgiving dining options include, Ping Pong Dim Sum, Founding Farmers, Carmines and Jackson 20.

Or, if you’re too lazy to go out for dinner or even to cook your own meal, you can order in a complete Thanksgiving dinner from Zola Wine & Kitchen or Cork Market and Tasting Room or Georgia Browns or Marvelous Market. And BGR will deep fry your turkey for you, for FREE, just like Squanto would have wanted.

What to do with the family until they leave and you get your life back:

• Drink: Prepare for your out of town visitors, (or enjoy being family-free on Thanksgiving) by drinking. Town Tavern, McFadden’s, and Science Club are all hosting Thanksgiving eve pre-parties.
• Run: Do the FLOTUS proud — before you stuff yourself with turkey, run. SOME (So Others Might Eat) is hosting a 5K fun run and family walk on Thursday morning that benefits programs for the homeless and the Free Your Gizzard 5K Cross Country Race raises money to help America’s richest county feed all its hungry families.
• Volunteer: Maybe you feel sad that there are so many hungry people in America’s richest region? If this sadness actually moves you to do something good this Thanksgiving, the Washingtonian has a long list of places where you can volunteer on Thanksgiving Day.
• Black Friday: Here’s a much more fun line to stand in than the line for free turkey: the line for heavily discounted goods you probably don’t need. Friday is “Black Friday,” the special day every year when we celebrate the American pastime of stomping on thy neighbor in pursuit of this year’s Tickle Me Elmo-esque fad toy. Some stores in the D.C. area are offering heavy discounts to mark the occasion.