Relax, terrorists!
The TSA won’t be searching the anuses and vaginas of air travelers just yet — TSA chief John Pistole is saving that for … a national Christmas present? Maybe for the first day of Ramadan?
Remember, the porno-scanner machines may give you cancer and let some high-school dropout slob save a few jpgs of your grandma naked, but it cannot see what’s hidden in her rectum! This is super nice of the TSA to a) give everyone cancer and see them naked and/or dry hump everyone while b) still making it safe and easy for Johnny Taliban to put a stick of C4 up his butt and taking down a jetliner for Thanksgiving. USA USA USA! [Christian Science Monitor]
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Pistole wants to wait for the Xmas rush before instituting cavity searches.
There will always be some uncertainty. But we don't want the smoking Pistole to be a mushroom cloud.
I didn't realize body cavity searches were off limits. I guess we all know how to get that toner cartridge on board now, no?
"That's not a fuse, you idiot, it's just my time of the month!"
Everyone knows THOSE bombs work on a timer.
damn, and i'd got my hopes all up, too.
"We're not going to get in the business of 'doing' body cavities."
Oh great, that means Halliburton is on it.
You mean all those Whiskey/Ex-Lax cocktails I'd been guzzling in preparation for the pre-flight screening were for naught? What a waste of good bourbon!
No fear of a goatse attack, I guess.
They searched this guy's cavity.
http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2010/11/22/nationa...
But, what if they can READ OUR MINDS?
Science is on your side!
http://berkeley.intel-research.net/arahimi/helmet...
now stay tuned for an important message from Gold Bond Medicated Powder
The cavity checks will come when they get the presidency back in Repube hands and they need to blip the fear switch (see threat level changes, orange to red etc. under W.) When $arah gets in she'll make all non Alaskan fliers get the index with latex boogie.
"People in your background will be more co-operative than usual."
–Vaguely threatening Fortune Cookie
Who's writing these things? The Chinese Mafia?
Love the question about the "big loophole". Indeed.
Great, I shaved and waxed for nothing.
He sounds like my Prom date.
Body cavity searches would still just barely rise to the level of non-consensual sexual assaults, but not the legal definition of rape. So there's that.
Depends on what state you're in.
If you come to Arizona, you better be a Cindy-and-John shade of white and wearing accessories that identify you as entitled (Rolex, etc.) Boehner better stay home — orange is too close to brown.
I'd be okay with it if they only cavity-searched the rich. Hell, those motherfuckers are facing the end of their inheritance-tax-free year, so they've got nothing to live for. They're probably the biggest threat in the air right now.
But I paid an extra 50 dollars for it. I was promised a cavity search, and damn it, I will not be denied!
Fuck! Well, it's back to match.com for me.
DO NOT RETREATT, RELOAD!!!11!!1
This is bad news for Larry Craig.
It's okay. You can avoid the cavity search by keeping your colon in your checked baggage.
Damn Ken, you are more fired up about this than a gay guy in a locker room.
Keep up the good work.
But if you're looking for love from the TSA… http://bit.ly/bgTqPu
that Pistole: what a fuckin tease.
Johnny Two-Guns just gave the longest, most torturous, talking-point-riddled ("being an intelligence-based, risk management organization blah blah blah) "no" I've ever heard given in answer to a very simple question. This leads you to the conclusion that he's a dithering bureaucrat, which perhaps should not be surprising.
Did he say "not dispositive" at 1:12? If so, best use of doublespeak I've heard on the subject all week.
On the other hand, TSA agents will be fist-fucking turkey cavities with a vengence on Thursday. Run, tom, run!
I support body cavity searches. That way, the next time he flies, we'll finally figure out what's going on W's brain.
If the glove don't fit, you must admit.
But if I want a cavity search.. Can I pay extra?
Also. I've been tipping the TSA guys to run me through the porno machine then I wink and ask if I can get a nice lady in the "off site evaluation suite" to provide feedback.
First the shoes, then the underwear. First time a terrorist walks into an airport with a colon full of C-4, we'll have our cavity searches.. That's when we learn bin Laden has spent the past 10 years perfecting the exploding catheter.
I thought this was an article about stuffing turkeys. I liked the one about cranberry sauce.
The TSA just needs better PR people. They could sell the cavity screenings as free PAP smears and color-cancer checks. Shoot two "birds" with one stone, am I right?
A bird in the hand is better than two in the bush. Wait, what?
Once again, El Al has the best security screening process. Every El Al flight offers you the option to decline to be searched. However, you will be led into an armored room and any explosive on you or in your luggage will be automatically detonated. [**crump**] "Attention stand-by passengers. There is now seating availability on Flight 74 to Tel Aviv."
stupid terrorists, stupid TSA, stupid palins, stupid repubs, stupid germans,
cranberry sauce.
wonkette today is like a fawlty towers episode.
Too true. We need a better class of idiots to make fun of. As targets go, the jerks of our era are low-hanging fruit.
But I would happily settle for John Cleese and friends.
There will be none holiday fisting at the aeroportos? Will we get Pistole-whipped instead?
You know who else liked…er, today we all are…er, this is good news for…oh hell I got nothin.
But I will give willow a body cavity search, when it's all legal of course.
is saving that… for a national Christmas president
Can we televise this cavity search of our Muslin/Christmas president? Sigh. But Ramadan has come and gone.
It's going to be the finale episode of DWTS
Good thing that clever Ohio governor-elect just shitcanned high-speed rail.
And that clever Christie fellow in New Jersey is looking plumb prophetic for taking the same position!
Really, who needs rails when the economy is in the shitter and air travel is such a convenient option?
Or just stay home alone with this piece of crap
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-26tblpzL8
this is great news for all you drug mules!
Did he say why? I think it is because you are never supposed to wear white and/or institutionally fist strangers' anuses after Labor day.
Why not make this simple:
FLY NAKED – FLY FREE!
America brings back the "friendly skies"!
They could make the system very efficient. Women would be required to take off shoes, jewelry, underpants, pants, pocket change and lay on the conveyor belt with knees spread. A TSA does the cavity search x-ray in one fell swoop. Men of course would need to on their knees going in butt first and coughing.
A much more organized and streamlined process. No?
Let's say hypothetically if someone were to search my body cavities, I think I'd want them to be named Pistole. I just would.
Ken – I'm sorry to say this because I am really stoked by this issue, too, but the commenting is getting tougher on this subject because of all the posts we've had (Palin, TSA, Palin, TSA). I say this with love, but finding an original comment (or making one) is harder than….fill in the blank.
Needz moar riggling penisez.
They can search my rectum when they pry my cold, dead fist out of it.
Perhaps two worthy causes can marry? How's about we train the TSA to do prostate exams as men get on planes? Two birds with one probe.
So my choices are between some gross TSA employee (with the maturity to make fun of the images on the scan or beat people up) looking at nudie x-ray scans of me that even the pilots are boycotting because of the radiation levels or get felt up by an equally creepy TSA employee whose mission is to try to look for "contraband" in my boobage. I can choose between having pictures taken that would give a sexual assault survivor panic attacks or getting groped in a way that would give a SA survivor full-blown flash backs… all for a "security" measure that wouldn't even have prevented the Christmas briefs bomber?
I know I'm repeating myself and sounding more like Layne every time I do, but Christ. That one guy that punched the TSA worker… that would be self defense in that situation if it happened anywhere but an airport.
I've had it with Napolitano and all her lame hirelings. Time to GTFO.
I'm tired of her Count Chocula lookin' ass, myself. Plus, I said it when it happened, but the worst thing Obama ever did was to pick his cabinet from governors and senators. Looking what happened in Arizona, Kansas, what almost happened in New York and Delaware, etc…
Fuck yeah! Freedom up the ass! USA! USA!
BTW, if it ever comes to cavity searches, I'll be sure to eat milk-jug's worth of creamed corn the night before.
Janet likes his ability to sell out the public.
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