Being a government worker is basically the greatest thing ever. Whether you’re fisting an infant child for the TSA or drunkenly driving truckloads of live nuclear weapons through the American Heartland, the important thing is you get to retire in 20 years with a giant pension:
The U.S. Energy Department’s watchdog says government agents hired to drive nuclear weapons and components in trucks sometimes got drunk on the job, including an incident last year when two agents were detained by police at a local bar during a convoy mission.
The Energy Department’s assistant inspector general, Sandra D. Bruce, said her office reviewed 16 alcohol-related incidents involving agents, candidate-agents and others from the government’s Office of Secure Transportation between 2007 through 2009. A new report Monday said the incidents “indicate a potential vulnerability” in what it described as a “critical national security mission.”
[CBS News]
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A fresh buzz might come in handy when your nuke convoy gets attacked by The Terrorists
Thank goodness the Supreme Court has ruled that federal jobs are the property of the employee and may not be withdrawn without due cause. This makes it very, very hard to fire them. Observers may have noted that in the drawdown at the end of the Cold War, almost no DoD civilians were laid off, thank Zombie Jeebus, because come 9/11, we still needed 'em, and they were very well rested.
I love that law and government policy just can't conceive of a middle ground here. It's either "this job is yours forever" or "we can fire you any old time we like. Right now, in fact."
Socialism for the wealthy and the government who supports them and capitalism for everyone else.
Those drivers are armed BTW. And I don't just mean w/nukes. They're like marshals or something. If they think someone is threatening their payload, they get to shoot.
Payload? So they're drunk and jerking off? Where do I apply?
It is like US Marshals, I was on a flight one time sitting next to one on a 45 minute flight and he smelled like rye bourbon and cat litter every time he opened his mouth.
They are above the law and they know it.
I want that job. Unfortunately, I usually alternate between being an angry drunk and a maudlin drunk. After nuking Kansas, I'd probably cry like a Boehner.
But before I apply, just what kind of stereos do these convoy trucks have? I'm looking for an 8-track system with a stack of Black Sabbath and Motorhead albums. And a couple of empty two gallon gatorade containers. And beef jerky. And a pile of fuck books for when I pull over to the interstate rest stops.
There is plenty of professional talent at the truck stop. And some talented amateurs. The fuck books are probably unnecessary.
STOP MAKING ME WANT A CAREER CHANGE
You can be sure it's C&W for most of them.
Fuckin' A. Is this a great country or what? What other country would let you drive a vehicle loaded with WMD completely shitfaced? Canada? Great Britian? Australia? WooHoo USA! USA! USA!
Certainly not Pakistan, where drinking is NOT ALLOWED! Not sure about India and Israel.
No one gets trashed on Manischewitz.
Um, MD20/20 (previously known as Mogen David…)…
Pakistan drinks like America smokes weed.
In Russia, I think it is required. But only vodka, comrade.
this danger presents the unique opportunity for the creation of the world's biggest glory hole.
which i assume would be located not far from Iowa's World's Largest Truck Stop.
You mean Little America.
http://www.sinclairoil.com/la-wyoming/index.htm
The finest truck stop in Wyoming!
Ι've ridden Greyhound across the US a couple of times. Somehow, there's always an obnoxious wino who's thrown off somewhere in Wyoming.
I don't know if this matters or not, but the Russian counterparts of Our Nation's nuclear weapons handlers are probably drunk too.
Eh – being drunk is practically a requirement for driving in Russia.
Except, wouldn't the radiation shrivel and destroy the trucknutz?
No, I believe that you are mixing up radiation with marriage.
This is all just part of Lex Luthor's plot.
If a pretzel choking drunk can have his finger on the button, is it really that wrong if a drunk drives the truck with the nuke?
Well, when you put it that way…
Why the fuck are we just cold driving nukes all the fuck over the place?
You ask a very good question. A thumb up. Maybe these are nukes on Iraqi SCUD trucks that we got a bargain on.
Guess it beats buying a Denton castoff and then having to harvest commenter rage to gin up advertising for a living.
Sounds like a job for retired airline pilots.
I smell a new reality show!
The Deadliest Belch?
Potbellied Armageddon-Makers?
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