We sent Jack Stuef to the airport to get lucky with some TSA harelip. Here’s the photographic evidence proving that Jack is still cowering in the airport bookstore behind a pile of Tucker Max and George W. Bush frat-prank books. [Twitter]
BAND OF BROTHERS
November 22, 2010
Airport Bookstore Explains Everything
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{ 47 comments }
Am I the only one who hopes that Tucker Max will be run over by a freight train?
I'm feeling greedy. How's about both of them getting run over by a freight train?
Crushed by a crate of pretzels.
The problem there is that it traumatizes the train engineer, so we need a better way. Thrown into a pit of vipers?
No, vipers actually have tastebuds.
OK, so a pit of centipedes? The giant, foot-long ones?
I am willing to make the sacrifice and be traumatized for America. Where are the keys to the train?
Good thing Americans don't read.
George, I am your brother, Fetus Jar Jar Bush, and I am running for preznit.
Put your man pants on, Jack, and go through the checkpoint. And then of course drop those man pants when asked.
Heh. It's not like bookstore clerks aren't cruel or have a sense of justice.
I laughed when I saw a bitter book clerk's handy work that put Canada City's Lardass Moobed PM Stevie Harper's Asskissing Bio next to a diet book and one about how to lose Man boobs.
Or put a book about being Macho Man (Alpha male?) next to MAnn Coulter tomes.
Who the tuck is Fucker Max?
The problem is that countless people spend their or their parents' hard-earned money on buerks such as those two and Palin's forthcoming opus.
Hey, it's the new 'Fucktard' section at Barnes and Noble (right between Sports and Exotic Literature)!
Meh. A more accurate book display would have Sarah's newest (what is that title again? Family, Fucking, and Failure?) flanking Tucker's asshole. Or, for sheer lunacy, BrokeBeck Mountain.
I was thinking throw in Palin's book and the Trilogy would be complete.
Meh. I picked up Keith Richards' memoir in Dayton on Thursday. A lot more fun, and with no dead brown people.
Edit: Except Meredith Hunter.
Partying with the Stones, drunk Hell Angels, a crowd cranked up on speed and acid and and brandishing a pistol. Meredith knew the job was dangerous when he took it.
Now it seems you're just trying to piss me off. Tucker was the biggest asshole I knew in college, and the fact that creep is now sort of famous just infuriates me.
Is he from Austin, Texas? I thought it was "Keep Austin Weird" not "Keep Austin Lame".
Ha! I lived down the hall from him in B-J. The only thing I remember about him was that he was short. And southern. And all the Republican males were in love with him. "Ooh, 'Tucker Max,' what a masculine name!" I guess that was kind of revolting.
Tucker Max is a masculine name in the gay porn sense.
I was Shoreland and ate at BJ. The main thing I remember is how he always complained about how he thought all the women at the U of C were ugly, when it was clear that his real problem was that most could see through his bullshit and wouldn't sleep with him.
Wha? You mean to tell the book cover showing him near 6'0" isn't reality? lol
So, I actually wasted my time looking this up, and here is what the shoot looked like:
http://www.quotabletuckermax.com/images/mugshot_h...
What a douchebag.
I think I'll stick to GENT.
Wouldn't you need an actual ticket to go somewhere before you are put through the TS&A routine? If you want the real experience without incurring the expense, just put on a "Palin '12" button and go stand in the airport men's room for a couple minutes. You'll end up with more Republican finger prints than an FBI data base.
Jack should stand in line at airport security and instead of showing his ticket and ID to the first TSA person, insist that they search him vigorously and immediately.
I didn't know chimpy wrote two autobiographies to be released within the same month? He's so with it. He's so ambitious. He's so leaderish. Maybe he should'a been preznit.
Well, since the first is heavily plagiarized, he may have actually written it himself!
When do the naked pictures of Jack go up?
Everyone knows that John F. Kennedy was killed by a huge consortium of shadowy secret conspiratists that included rogue CIA agents, rogue FBI agents, rogue military officials, rogue intelligence officials, rogue government officials, rogue Lyndon Johnson, rogue LBJ conspirators, rogue Russian officials, rogue Russian intelligence agents, rogue pro-Castro supporters, rogue anti-Castro supporters, rogue Dallas mobsters, rogue New Orleans mobsters, rogue Chicago mobsters, other rogue members of the Mafia, La Casa Nostra and The Syndicate, rogue financers and bankers, rogue Communist sympathizers, rogue anti-JFK agents, rogue anti-Bobby agents, rogue anti-Joe Kennedy agents, rogue psychopaths, and, of course, rogue members of The Trilateral Commission, The Illuminati, Interpol, FEMA, The Masons, The Council on Foreign Relations, and the John Birch Society.
Everyone knows that all of these people conspired together to have 28 gunmen placed around Dalls at one time to fire five shots from four different locations to kill the President of the United States in the middle of Dallas in the middle of the day.
Everyone: Reality check, please.
let's go rogue.
And all of them were wearing too much makeup.
Today we are all Jack's junk.
Thanks to Our Wonkette and the Wikipedia, I now know who this Tucker Max person is. If I'm really lucky, that knowledge will not make it to long-term memory.
I made it as far as reading his middle name. Mental self-preservation ordered me to go no further.
His Wikipedia page uses the word "fratire" to describe what he writes. I stopped there.
Being an American, I forget, which one sent thousands of troops to their deaths in a war of choice against a country that had nothing to do with the attack on us?
Oh, and is it possible to have the name "Tucker" and not be an asshole?
Well, Preston Tucker was pretty cool, at least as portrayed by Jeff Bridges. And I always liked the Marshall Tucker Band. Maybe it's a first-name thing.
Exactly. Backwards-named people are nothing but trouble. Like Scooter Libby.
""Tucker" and not be an asshole? "
Tucker puckers?
Tucker Max stole that title from Cheney's forthcoming bio. Now he's going to have to use his second choice, "Fuck All of You."
Very nice comparison of the two books at:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/president-frat...
Important caveat to the advice, "Assholes finish first." If you are a nice guy who is just acting like an asshole, you will not finish first.
Assholes only finish first if the number of assholes is small, compared to more normal sorts. If the number of assholes is large, they kill each other.
Bush had a bris?
Today's BookChat item: There is an Amazon review of Newt Gingrich's latest screed written by Dick Cumming.
And, apparently, it is serious. Although I still think the fine hand of a Wonkette reader may be found here.
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