IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  9:08 am November 22, 2010

America Remembers Handsome, Murdered President

by Riley Waggaman

Please thank us in the comments for not using the picture of JFK's exploded head. You know the one.

  • John F. Kennedy was assassinated forty-seven years ago today. Where were you when you read The Warren Report, and then laughed? We will probably never know if H. L. Hunt hired Blackwater to shoot JFK in the head, but most people reject the Oswald conspiracy theories and have accepted that President Handsomepants’ violent murder was just another routine CIA hit job. Sarah Palin says that John Kennedy betrayed his religion, so maybe Jesus was the guy with the gun at the Grassy Knoll? We simply do not know. Many equate JFK’s assassination with the End of America’s Innocence. Apparently everyone still had a super clean conscience in 1963, even after we dropped all those atomic bombs. [Voice of America/The Atlantic]
  • Two Israeli soldiers who used a nine-year-old Palestinian boy as a human shield during the 2009 Gaza Massacre will not be sent to prison, even though they are war criminals. Instead, these two soldiers will be demoted, from White Phosphorous Lieutenants to Bulldozer Cadets. Bummer! [Guardian]
  • Jim DeMint is hosting all sorts of bake sales, which will raise money for Joe Miller’s futile and pathetic attempt to steal Lisa Murkowski’s senate seat. [McClatchy]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 142 comments }

vulpes82 November 22, 2010 at 9:12 am

Am I the only one in the world who never got the "handsome JFK" thing? Every picture I've ever seen of him, even young, just made me go, "Eh." JFK Jr. was handsome, but his dad? No.

CrankyLttlCamperette November 22, 2010 at 10:01 am

Compared to Nixon, though…

Doglessliberal November 22, 2010 at 12:21 pm

I agree. He looks like a horse. And, I know this is sacrilege, but Jackie? Eh. Her face is all weird and squinty. Jill and Joe Biden are a lot hotter.

Failure_Artist November 23, 2010 at 2:45 pm

I think Robert Kennedy looked better.

Lazy Media November 22, 2010 at 9:15 am

Screw you guys. Believing in a conspiracy to assassinate Kennedy, given the evidence we know now, is not that far from Trutherism.

slappypaddy November 22, 2010 at 9:29 am

it's clear that oswald did it with his supersonic long-barreled uzi, which was never found, and that he acted alone out of a psychotic spite against god, who had caused him to be photographed with a puzzling shadow coming from his nose.

the idea that someone might have had it out for president handsomepants, say some cubanos his dad did business with back in the rumrunning days who felt a little fucked over because sonny-boy crapped out on the whole bay of pigs class project, why, this is utter nonsense. no one would plot to assassinate a president over such a trifle.

and that little patsy oswald would in turn be gunned down by jack the ruby is easily explained. jack had syphilis and was mad, i tell you, mad. he didn't know he was at the police station shooting oswald, he thought he was in his favorite whorehouse, doing the squirt-squirt up the come-hole of his hottest trollop.

q. e. the motherfucking d., bitches.

SorosBot November 22, 2010 at 10:07 am

It's been nearly 50 years; if there really was some vast conspiracy, someone would've talked by now. Look at Nixon; under his administration we had an actual government conspiracy to harass the President's political enemies and sabotage the election, and it all came out. All the various conspiracy theories ignore that no large conspiracy can last for too long before someone starts letting the secrets out.

Chet Kincaid November 22, 2010 at 11:30 am

Maybe it wasn't "large," and maybe people have been talking nonstop since the mid-60s. Maybe the stakes of killing a president are higher and more worth concealing than the stakes of a political burglary.

Rarian Rakista November 22, 2010 at 4:09 pm

Even Area 51 is being talked about openly now.

AddHomonym November 22, 2010 at 11:16 am

Brutus acted alone, also.

PsycWench November 22, 2010 at 9:16 am

It's official. Sarah Palin is the Antichrist.

Also, someone needs to send DeMint a recipe for Hopeless Cause Muffins so he can get baking. I'm told they freeze well.

DemmeFatale November 22, 2010 at 11:14 am

Yes, as the Snowbilly Grifter is adorning the cover of my NYT magazine, I cannot bear to open it. I sent a letter of protest to the Times (I believe I used the term "media-whore"). They won't print that, but the goal was simply to convey my sentiments.

Doglessliberal November 22, 2010 at 12:22 pm

No, the Antichrist actually stands for and believes something.

GOPCrusher November 22, 2010 at 12:40 pm

Barbara Bush said that Bible Spice should stay in Alaska. LOL! http://news.yahoo.com/s/afp/20101122/od_afp/uspol

Lucidamente1 November 22, 2010 at 9:23 am

Everybody knows you don't use nine-year boys as human shields. They're much too small.

Crank_Tango November 22, 2010 at 9:38 am

now nine-year-old americans, they're not so small. might need neilist to weigh in on their bullet-stopping properties tho.

OobyDoobyDoo November 22, 2010 at 9:25 am

Classy, that twat. Attacking a President for something he didn't say on the day he was assassinated. Boo.

cheetojeebus November 22, 2010 at 9:26 am

I was a little tike on my dad's shoulders watching the parade the day before in Houston. My father remembers a lot of hate in the crowd that day. I just remember the black car driving by.
and, no shit, i was at the WTC the day before as well.

Oblios_Cap November 22, 2010 at 9:30 am

You live on the West Coast now, I hope!

MarionNYNY November 22, 2010 at 9:37 am

Given that record, if you plan on visiting NYC again, could you please give me a warning call first.

cheetojeebus November 22, 2010 at 9:55 am

you got 2 weeks advanced warning, and bad news, I live on the east coast.
and to keep the snark alive; Palin is a slut for opportunities to inject herself into things. The cunt.

HistoriCat November 22, 2010 at 10:21 am

Would you mind visiting Sarah Palin?

gullywompr November 22, 2010 at 11:23 pm

Run, Forest, run!

KathrynSane November 22, 2010 at 9:27 am

The least attractive thing about JFK to me is the voice. How could you possibly listen to that while gettin' down? "AAAH YEEEEH, RAIT THEEEH."

weejee November 22, 2010 at 9:28 am

Thank you Jack for none asploding heads before our coffees.

Murkowski said DeMint is a douche too, also. The fratricidal games begin!

joobajooba November 22, 2010 at 9:29 am

Is that a blunt?

weejee November 22, 2010 at 9:32 am

Of course. Why do you think he had Sinatra around singing ♪♫ doobie doobie do ♫♪ ?

Oblios_Cap November 22, 2010 at 9:29 am

Can't you go one day without posting something Bush-related (like the JFK assassination)?

x111e7thst November 22, 2010 at 9:32 am

Palin's head would make a good shield. It is made of very dense material and is almost impenetrable.

user-of-owls November 22, 2010 at 9:54 am

Plus it's enormous. Just ask her.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2010 at 9:33 am

Everything I needed to know about the JFK assassination I learned from James Ellroy.

One_Man_Band November 22, 2010 at 9:38 am

And any further discussion of the matter should be required to be written in that alliterative, Hush-Hush style. For the lolz.

Chet Kincaid November 22, 2010 at 9:55 am

"American Tabloid" is awesome, poetry. "Cold Six Thousand" reads like an outline. "Blood's A Rover" is weird, even for Ellroy, like he just realized there are reasons people might go radical, and now all radicals are sexy gals/lefty college professors with amazing secret powers. And I'm tired of indulging his indulgence in racism. It's refreshing the first couple hundred pages, sickening after. Have you noticed that once he finally worked himself up to having actual "well-rounded," "human" black characters, he could only bring himself to do so by making them gay as well, unlike his square-jawed, degenerate main protags?

charlesdegoal November 22, 2010 at 10:23 am

Get serious here for a minute: "Libra" by Don DeLillo beats them all, including *truth*.

Chet Kincaid November 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

Ellroy has said he reveres that novel, and that's why he didn't touch the assassination itself in "American Tabloid." Haven't read it, but I did see Malkovich's Steppenwolf adaptation in the early '90s. Bizarrely, it starred Laurie Metcalfe, "Roseanne's" sister, as David Ferrie. But then, you can't get more bizarre/creepy than a photo of the real David Ferrie.

Pop_Socket November 22, 2010 at 10:29 am

Just read between the lines of Winter Kills by Richard Condon. That explains it all.

PsycWench November 22, 2010 at 9:34 am

Does anyone know where Dick Cheney was on the day of JFK's assassination?

Krugmanic Depressive November 22, 2010 at 9:47 am

He had other priorities.

trampndirtdown November 22, 2010 at 9:49 am

Hiding in a bunker?

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 22, 2010 at 10:27 am

Killing unicorns.

Hedley_Lamarr November 22, 2010 at 1:10 pm

Cheney (and Bush Sr.) Made 5 visits to the US Emabassy in Mexico City in the months prior to the assassination. Remember Mex City? That where Oswald hung out with the Soviets prior to the shooting.
I'm sure, if we dig hard enough, we can tie him to the Lincoln thing.

metamarcisf November 22, 2010 at 9:34 am

I'd like to share a very funny joke on this solemn occasion:

Why did Lee Harvey Oswald act alone?

Because he could never remember his lines!

If you enjoyed this joke as much as I did, please send your tax deductible contribution to the Kennedy Center. Remember, if Ted Kennedy had driven a Volkswagen, he'd have been our 38th president.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2010 at 9:39 am

And if you don't buy this magazine, we'll kill this dog.

Oblios_Cap November 22, 2010 at 9:51 am

No Sacred Cows!

Crank_Tango November 22, 2010 at 9:58 am

Too soon!

trampndirtdown November 22, 2010 at 9:29 pm

God, you guys are oooold.

freakishlywrong November 22, 2010 at 9:34 am

Sarah Palin says that John Kennedy betrayed his religion
Sarah Palin has betrayed my sense of decency.

Oblios_Cap November 22, 2010 at 9:56 am
MarionNYNY November 22, 2010 at 9:40 am

Was she dumped by an ivy-leaguer once or something? Really, whence the bitterness?

Steverino247 November 22, 2010 at 9:40 am

If Nixon had been President during the Cuban Missile Crisis, none of us would be here to speculate.

I saw JFK when he came to San Diego and rode in an open top limo. People were pretty happy to see him, but the security guys (lots of Marines) were probably not, but then that's a pain in the ass to do that. All of us at school were convinced the Cubans did it because of how he stood them down over the missiles. Makes as much sense as any other theory.

occams8ball November 22, 2010 at 9:59 am

I hope I can sneak this alt text into the thread. And I hope you check it out too! http://www.ultimatesacrificebook.com/

Dashboard_Jesus November 23, 2010 at 1:41 am

no shit, you were THERE to see JFK in SD…wow you're even older than me…that is so cool!

barkingspiders November 22, 2010 at 9:44 am

Sara Palin, articulating for the inarticulate. Or something.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2010 at 9:46 am

Inarticulating for the inarticulate?

OobyDoobyDoo November 22, 2010 at 9:50 am

Makes more sense than ANYTHING she's ever twatted.

V572625694 November 22, 2010 at 10:01 am

Ha ha, you you used "Sarah Palin" and "articulate" in the same sentence. This absurdity is refudiated daily by her Twats.

slithytovesss November 22, 2010 at 9:49 am

Sarah Palin proves Berkeley's thesis that esse est percipi. As long as we are aware of her, she exists, that is why she will do every thing, every day in every way to keep us thinking about her.

TimeCubist November 22, 2010 at 10:09 am

"I refute him thus!"

*kicks Palin in the head*

slithytovesss November 22, 2010 at 10:18 am

Perfect.

SorosBot November 22, 2010 at 9:53 am

The idea that America was innocent before the Kennedy assassination might have also come as a surprise to all the black people who kept getting beaten, shot and lynched throughout the 50s and early 60s.

V572625694 November 22, 2010 at 10:03 am

I'm so sick of this America's-lost-innocence meme. America lost its innocence when the Constitution counted slaves as 3/5 of a person in computing congressional representation. President Thomas Jefferson: carried into the Temple of Liberty on the shoulders of slaves.

Mindblank November 22, 2010 at 10:57 am

Indeed, America was born a slut. We are open to everyone, just like the inscription on the Statue of Liberty says.

Chet Kincaid November 22, 2010 at 11:20 am

The lost-innocence meme is about preserving the sanctity of the 1950s, that anomalous decade when God was in his heaven, Ike was in the White House, and America fattened up on the spoils of WWII. I think the notion of America's "innocence" comes from Baby Boomers who were force-fed a pack of lies in that decade and then had a titanic tantrum about it in the next. Anybody born before 1940 knew this shit was never "innocent," no matter what lies they told their kids. What's even worse are the morons born since, like Sarah Palin, who believe in "innocence" only because they will never crack open a history book.

BerkeleyBear November 22, 2010 at 10:06 am

And the Messicans who had lost their land, then their rights. Or the all the American citizens of Japanese descent whose government rounded them up and put in camps. Or the Native Americans whose treaties got broken and then they were rounded up and put on the rez. Or the Jewish Americans who still were dealing with open anti-Semitism 20 years after the Holocaust. Or the blacklisted Hollywood writers and other victims of the McCarthy hearings.

It is sort of like how Columbus "discovered" the "New World" – its only news to the last guy.

PsycWench November 22, 2010 at 10:34 am

and to women who were denied access to post-graduate schools, expected to stay home once they married, and were paid less for the same jobs as men.

Oblios_Cap November 22, 2010 at 10:44 am

We're still working on that wage equality thing, dontcha know.

SorosBot November 22, 2010 at 10:47 am

Yeah, pretty much to anyone who wasn't a straight white Christian (and not too long before Protestant) male; but it would take all day to all the groups shat on by America back then (and still today, but not as badly).

Failure_Artist November 23, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Innocent is just a nice way of saying ignorant.

V572625694 November 22, 2010 at 9:54 am

But here's an odd one: somewhere between the shooting in Dealey Plaza and internment at Arlington, Kennedy's brain disappeared. No one knows what happened to it. Not saying it proves or disproves anything, just that it's weird.

I was in high school. The principal came over to our cafeteria table of wise-ass nerds and said the Prez had been shot. I remember thinking, "Johnson as president?" Because no one outside of the Senate or Texas knew what a political powerhouse he was. Or that, by refusing to call up the National Guard and Reserves to fight in Vietnam, he'd ruin both of them for a generation.

HistoriCat November 22, 2010 at 10:26 am

Somebody dropped the jar holding the brain and then said "oh shit." After they swept up the glass and gray matter, it then became just another bureaucratic screw up. "We must have misplaced it."

Fucking bureaucrats can't do anything right.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 22, 2010 at 10:30 am

George W. Bush thinks otherwise.

Mindblank November 22, 2010 at 10:31 am

You know who *else* had his brain stolen posthumously?

Pop_Socket November 22, 2010 at 10:32 am

Have you not heard about the secret Onassis-owned island where it is kept?

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2010 at 9:56 am

I can't wait for April 14, July 2, and September 6, so Sarah can tell us what or who Lincoln, Garfield, and McKinley betrayed in order to rate their assassinations.

twaingirl November 22, 2010 at 10:24 am

Lincoln freed them blacks, thus leading to one in the "White" house. He turned his back on the 3/5 a person rule! Wilkes Booth was just trying to preserve the sanctity of the Union!

slithytovesss November 22, 2010 at 9:58 am

Re: "What were you doing when Kennedy was shot?" Jesus, some of you people are old.

NorthStarSpanx November 22, 2010 at 10:09 am

This blows my perception of what the Wonkette demographic is.

TimeCubist November 22, 2010 at 10:15 am

I well remember the shock, the numbing sense of loss. The astounded realization that Calvin Coolidge was now president.

BaldarTFlagass November 22, 2010 at 10:15 am

Guilty as charged. Although at age 4, the actual shooting had no impact on me. All the televised foofaraw that followed, the lying in state and the funeral and such, did fuck with my TV viewing. I think Diver Dan was preempted for like 2 or 3 days in a row.

charlesdegoal November 22, 2010 at 10:35 am

I was older than you and I don't feel guilty at all (I'm younger than that now). I also remember the preempted programs, on radio in my case, as I drove a friend and his girlfriend a couple of days afterwards from NYC to Godknowswhere PA, looking for an abortionist, to the sound of interminable dirges, all of us totally depressed. I even think it rained.

DashboardBuddha November 22, 2010 at 10:40 am

Holy shit…that is a downer.

DashboardBuddha November 22, 2010 at 11:39 am

I hope I didn't seem flip with my comment. I just had this image of three young people riding through the rain, dealing with the trauma of an abortion, all the while a Simon and Garfunkle style sound track playing in the background, inter-spaced with news about the Kennedy assassination. (I tend to think of things visually – like a movie).

I hope everything worked out.

charlesdegoal November 22, 2010 at 11:49 am

Simon and Garfunkel would have been fine, but what we got was like Gregorian chants. And things didn't work out exactly as planned. Also, it was before the drugs. Thanks for caring, though.

Chet Kincaid November 22, 2010 at 11:36 am

I was 3, and I have no memory of it. Strangely, the episode of "Mad Men" that takes place on the day of was really, really moving for me, because it brought up the same emotions as 9/11.

V572625694 November 22, 2010 at 10:26 am

Speaking for my fellow Olds, may I say that are honored by your respect and admiration. We've fucked up the world, so now go fix it, kid.

slithytovesss November 22, 2010 at 10:34 am

And God bless you all. I , however, was in diapers at the time, so you're probably passing the baton onto someone who runs a little slower than you'd like.

SorosBot November 22, 2010 at 10:28 am

I can still remember where I was when I heard what it was like when Kennedy was shot, from my parents who would have been teenagers at the time.

Pop_Socket November 22, 2010 at 10:33 am

Giving my mother morning sickness.

twogoats November 22, 2010 at 10:36 am

not only alive (in study hall, but still, technically, alive) but also pretty fucking innocent. at the time, and all. aka ignorant.

Oblios_Cap November 22, 2010 at 10:47 am

But we're still above ground! All we need to do is be faster or trickier than you young-uns.

I was pissed because they preempted my cartoons (they actually used to show those on TV on Saturday mornings, kids! And some were pretty damn good) for the funeral footage.

DemmeFatale November 22, 2010 at 11:28 am

I was a little 4 year old in Japan. Very confused by Japanese people openly wailing in the street, and running up to us to express sympathy and shock.

jim89048 November 22, 2010 at 12:35 pm

I was an audio-visual (we hadn't invented video yet) monitor in my 7th grade class. When the vice principal wheeled in the teevee without first asking my permission, I knew something big had happened, and that I would never again regain my powers. I mean, who gave that bitch the keys to MY closet?

horsedreamer_1 November 22, 2010 at 10:00 am

Sarah Palin wasn't even alive when JFK was shot, so how could we expect her to know anything about this?

NorthStarSpanx November 22, 2010 at 10:10 am

But she knows that humans and dinosaurs co-existed 6,000 years ago. Where is your logic here?

horsedreamer_1 November 22, 2010 at 10:22 am

That's in the Bible, the very Bible that John Fitzgerald Kennedy denied.

elviouslyqueer November 22, 2010 at 10:07 am

So shorter McClatchy article: DeMint and Joe Miller are totally fucking each other. TOTALLY.

DashboardBuddha November 22, 2010 at 10:11 am

Is there nothing, no matter how large or how small, that Palin can't comment on and embarrass our country yet again?

I had a girlfriend who was like Palin in this respect…she had no filter between what went on in her head and what came out of her mouth. There was nothing too awkward, creepy, or insensitive that she would utter. My senior year was one long face-palm. And the amazing thing is she hasn't changed after 31 years. We have run into each other on Facebook and she still does the same shit, except online…Just like Sarah.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 22, 2010 at 10:32 am

But did she put out in high school? Cuz' that makes it ok.

emmelemm November 22, 2010 at 11:21 am

See, when you said "she hasn't changed in 31 years", I though the punchline would be, "She's now my wife."

DashboardBuddha November 22, 2010 at 11:36 am

"I though the punchline would be, "She's now my wife widow." Fixed.

Seriously…I would have blown my brains out a long time ago. I don't know how the dude she married managed to last this long (another friend from highschool).

BTW – You folks probably don't remember this, but from a comment a long time ago about a friend of mine who is a birther, while at the same time belonged to a Big Foot "study" society…this is the same dude. Must be unending larfs at that house.

mavenmaven November 22, 2010 at 10:13 am

The only worthwhile Presidents to Palin and her gang of tea baggers are the "Founding Fathers".
Oh, except Jefferson. And Ben Franklin and all the Deists.
Well, I suppose its not really them either, only the Constitution.
And not most of that either, except the second amendment. Yeah, that they like.

BerkeleyBear November 22, 2010 at 10:22 am

Don't forget Adams, he of the strong central government and (gasp) National Bank. And Madison and Monroe for that matter, as one both framed up the original Constitution got his ass handed to him by the British and the other actually sought an end to the slave trade (interfering with private business). Basically I'm thinking the list of good Presidents for her ilk consists of Washington, Jackson, Eisenhower, Nixon and Reagan (when they ignore the last 3's actual positions/programs/bailouts here and abroad). W is also on the list, but in that secret crush sort of way that makes them so cute.

horsedreamer_1 November 22, 2010 at 10:47 am

Eisenhower!? Agent of the Communist Intenational! The Interstate Highway System? 'Nough said.

twaingirl November 22, 2010 at 10:49 am

Technically, Washington wouldn't be on that list because he actually worked hard to recognize Native Americans as a sovereign nation. That wouldn't fit into her white-is-best rhetoric.

rocktonsam November 22, 2010 at 10:14 am

Keep fucking that chicken $arah.

NorthStarSpanx November 22, 2010 at 10:16 am

Groan. There Sarah goes again, attacking anyone and all of 'em who aren't Sarah Palin. And the proof in the pudding that you can't take her at her own word on anything ever?:

Palin declared, “We deserve leaders that aren’t just going to take a partisan approach.” Bemoaning the “gridlock down there in Juneau,” Palin reminded Alaskans, “I have good relationships with these legislators.” An undisputed social conservative who backed a Constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage, Palin nonetheless told an interviewer, “I don’t wear my faith on my sleeve.” And she promised not to let her religious beliefs “bleed into policy — that is my commitment.”

JoshuaNorton November 22, 2010 at 10:21 am

I can still remember what I was doing when Kennedy was shot. I was watching "Mad Men".

Crank_Tango November 22, 2010 at 10:23 am

we've thought the same thing about my grampa, who was quite the coon-hound.

also, elvis collected badges, and hated hippies, no? LOL I don't actually know about the hippy part tho, but probably.

SorosBot November 22, 2010 at 10:31 am

He also hated illegal drugs, and didn't see the hypocrisy his own illegal abuse of prescription pills created with that.

marinmaven November 22, 2010 at 11:42 am

Hippies and also the Beatles who ended up turning into hippies. The Beatles and the hippies turned his music irrelevant after being the coolest thing since sliced bread.

Apparently, he had a one night stand with Marilyn, so it is quite possible he was jealous or wanted to get back at JFK for Marilyn's sake. Another damning piece of circumstantial evidence that supports my implausible tin foil conspiracy is how Elvis died. Wracked with guilt over putting a hit on a president only to see JFK eclipse him in adoration due to the fact no one will see him age, he does himself in. There is a sub- crazy theory where Elvis fakes his death and is behind all the maladies connected to the Kennedys, John Lennon, and Altamont .

Rotundo_ November 22, 2010 at 5:06 pm

I had heard E. died attempting to take a poop and had a heart attack in process. Seems he had an ongoing problem with constipation (nongoing). I think the theory that the Cubans and the Mob (with some charitable assistance from other wingers) took him out is probably pretty likely. He and Bobby pissed off a lot of disparate and desparate people.

marinmaven November 22, 2010 at 8:14 pm

Well, constipation happens when you take a lot of pain killers.

YasserArraFeck November 22, 2010 at 10:28 am

"Ich bin ein Snowbillycunt"
or
"Ask not what you can do for your country – ask what you can grift from your country"

prommie November 22, 2010 at 10:29 am

Riley, you kooky Konspiracy theorist, I bet you believe in chemtrails, and rodents of unusual size, too. Or that the anthrax mailings in 2001 were a psy-op campaign to panic the democrats in DC to follow along with Cheney's plan to triple the price of oil and seize the oil fields in Iraq. Get out of town with that crazy theory that Kennedy was murdered! Everyone knows that the Warren Commission concluded that he died of natural causes, of old age, and he went peacefully, in his sleep, a blessing, really. Oswald and Hunt's bullets shattering his skull, that was just an amazing coincidence, but the fact is, their attempt to assasinate him actually failed, becuase he was already dead before the bullets hit. Like the Warren Commission said, Kennedy died of natural causes, tragic, but certainly nothing criminal or any kind of Bush-CIA-Oligarchical coup or anything.

marinmaven November 22, 2010 at 11:45 am

I bet all the members of the Warren Commission were Elvis fans who were in on the cover up.

CapeClod November 22, 2010 at 10:29 am

I think people confuse "Innocence" with "Childish stupidity." This is how they can equate a serial adulterer with a story about a bunch English knights prancing around and singing about how great everything is.

arcane_allusion November 22, 2010 at 11:37 am

What does Monty Python's Holy Grail have to do with this?

Wait a second, today is Terry Gilliam's Birthday. Did some one give him a really odd 33 birthday president by killing JFK.

Wait a sec, that's the same age that that Latino guy Jesus was also killed. It's all starting to make sense now.

prommie November 22, 2010 at 11:58 am

When did this country turn back into a prudish nation of clucking scolds? People fuck. 95% of all supposed "virtue" is nothing but timidity and lack of opportunity. But people just looove the moral condemnation and looking down their noses at that awful adulterer. Fuck that shit, what next, you want to bring back the stocks, and the ducking stool, for people who dance too close?

CapeClod November 22, 2010 at 12:45 pm

"what next, you want to bring back the stocks, and the ducking stool, for people who dance too close?"

I wouldn't go that far, but a certain amount of self restraint on the part of the male members of the Kennedy clan, who were raised to believe that sexual entitlement was a birthright, probably wouldn't have been a bad thing, no?

DustBowlBlues November 22, 2010 at 10:33 am

I was 16 when he was assassinated. I skip the JFK song in Assassins, poignant as it is.

Sorry, Riley: too soon.

Limeylizzie November 22, 2010 at 11:05 am

Oh I love that song, just sad and wonderful

DemmeFatale November 22, 2010 at 11:38 am

I saw Assassins in NYC, and was heartbroken when I saw my beloved Neil Patrick Harris walk into the book depository and unpack a rifle.

Limeylizzie November 22, 2010 at 12:20 pm

Wasn't it magnficent, I adored Denis O'Hare as well in that crazy stairway sequence.One of my fave theatre-going experiences ever.

DemmeFatale November 22, 2010 at 2:38 pm

I had always loved the "Ballad of Booth," so I knew this would be a great show, but this cast! Wow! Unforgettable!
(The next night we saw Wicked. Meh.)

Terry November 22, 2010 at 10:37 am

Sarah Palin's quote about JFK shows her ignorance and lack of education. She has no clue at all about what it meant to be a Roman Catholic running for national office then. People talked about JFK wanting to place weapons in the Catholic Churches around the DC area as a part of the Papal takeover of the US government. She has no clue that just a generation ago that Catholicism was viewed with suspicion outside of the immigrant heavy areas (primarily cities with folks from Ireland, Italy, Poland and other parts of eastern and central Europe). She also has no clue that people from Irish families who arrived here during or after the Famine were looked down upon, even by Irish of earlier immigration waves.

The Kennedy boys, as my Mom calls them still, had their warts, but their hearts were in the right place. They cared about the welfare of people in Apalachia, for the rights of black people, that all Americans could get a fair shake.

barkingspiders November 22, 2010 at 10:38 am

Dumb and vicious. On a national stage. For two years or more. Good times, good times.

mrblifil November 22, 2010 at 10:39 am

How soon until Willow Palin tweets about what a faggot JFK was for letting his head get exploded by Communists?

mrblifil November 22, 2010 at 10:40 am

To say nothing of the fact that Sore Loserman is now one of their besties. Funny how the worm turns sometimes.

RedneckMuslin November 22, 2010 at 10:40 am

So sarah, JFK betrayed his religion and Oswald used his second amendment rights? Cunt.

RedneckMuslin November 22, 2010 at 10:45 am

I'll bet the Orange Boner cried. He cries at a drop of a hat.

Terry November 22, 2010 at 10:50 am

"Jim DeMint is hosting all sorts of bake sales, which will raise money for Joe Miller’s futile and pathetic attempt to steal Lisa Murkowski’s senate seat."

Is DeMint trying to assure that Murkowski doesn't vote strictly along party lines?

Limeylizzie November 22, 2010 at 10:58 am

Mr Limeylizzie saw him in person when he was a Democratic volunteer in 1960, yes MrLimeylizzie is an official old and I am forever his child bride, and said he was so charismatic and incredibly handsome. I saw Billy Clinton in the early 90s and wanted to run up and smell him, he looked so gorgeous.

Limeylizzie November 22, 2010 at 11:07 am

Although I enjoyed this typo from that article:

Kelly Emerson, newly elected Island County Commissioner, went further at a Tax Day rally, charging that FDR "threw up into the Great Depression." (Note to Kelly: The Depression began in 1929, Roosevelt took office in 1933.).

Oblios_Cap November 22, 2010 at 12:00 pm

If 9/11 and Presidential Assassinations are so Gawd-Awful for our nation, the least the government could do is make them paid holidays for all of us!

I can hear it now- "Happy Assassination Day to you, sir. And a Merry Terrorist Airplane Attack Day to you, also".

jim89048 November 22, 2010 at 12:58 pm

I got the day of ronnie raygun's funeral off with pay, thanks to Ahnold being my ϋberfϋhrer at the time.

prommie November 22, 2010 at 12:00 pm

I was in my freshman dorm, the day Hinckley made his effort. I never got over the disappointment. But fucking Chapman, he had deadly aim.

Limeylizzie November 22, 2010 at 12:22 pm

Little too old for arm candy! Just 20 years younger.

thefrontpage November 22, 2010 at 1:06 pm

Everyone knows that John F. Kennedy was killed by a huge consortium of shadowy secret conspiratists that included rogue CIA agents, rogue FBI agents, rogue military officials, rogue intelligence officials, rogue government officials, rogue Lyndon Johnson, rogue LBJ conspirators, rogue Russian officials, rogue Russian intelligence agents, rogue pro-Castro supporters, rogue anti-Castro supporters, rogue Dallas mobsters, rogue New Orleans mobsters, rogue Chicago mobsters, other rogue members of the Mafia, La Casa Nostra and The Syndicate, rogue financers and bankers, rogue Communist sympathizers, rogue anti-JFK agents, rogue anti-Bobby agents, rogue anti-Joe Kennedy agents, rogue psychopaths, and, of course, rogue members of The Trilateral Commission, The Illuminati, Interpol, FEMA, The Masons, The Council on Foreign Relations, and the John Birch Society.

Everyone knows that all of these people conspired together to have 28 gunmen placed around Dallas at one time to fire five shots from four different locations to kill the President of the United States in the middle of Dallas in the middle of the day.

Everyone: Reality check, please.

BTWBFDIMHO November 22, 2010 at 4:03 pm

Palin believes in the separation of common sense and speech.

Rarian Rakista November 22, 2010 at 4:11 pm

Well she is sure not a classy Georgia O' Keefe cunt, maybe some sort of rabid prison tattoo cunt.

EdFlintstone November 22, 2010 at 6:13 pm

The only thing Sarah will never betray is her bank account.

Limeylizzie November 22, 2010 at 2:58 pm

MrLimeylizzie is a Production Designer, so he is always uber critical of the sets, but he adored the set for this so much that we went three times just so he could see it from dfferent angles! We saw Wicked in previews in 2002 and walked out at intermission, I loathed it.

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