BREAKING: Old Ex-Nazi Slightly Changes His Opinion On Condoms

  the olds

Haha! This is like that baby who smoked. Cute.Well, not exactly BREAKING or whatever, unless you’re Catholic for some reason and didn’t see this yesterday: Some old European guy in a Rome suburb told a guy who was writing a book that some people should wear condoms, if they’re gay AIDS prostitutes in Africa who can’t help themselves from giving everyone AIDS. This was apparently reported in the media because it was a slow news day, and an “old people are cute” story seemed like a good idea. And also this old man, who is a former member of the Hitler Youth, said something about Jews that Jews didn’t like very much, but what did they expect? We think we also heard that this man’s grandson is getting married to some girl named Kate Middleton and will hold a fake job similar to the one his grandfather has. Cool.

The statement, and the pope’s interview, suggested that, notwithstanding the interpretation of remarks he made last year on his visit to Africa, Benedict accepted that condoms reduced the risk of infection from Aids.

His spokesman, Father Federico Lombardi, said the pontiff’s view was that “Aids cannot be solved only by the distribution of condoms”.

But, he added: “At the same time, the pope considered an exceptional situation in which the exercise of sexuality represents a real risk to the lives of others. In this case, the pope does not morally justify the exercise of disordered sexuality, but believes that the use of condoms to reduce the risk of infection is a ‘first step on the road to a more human sexuality’, rather than not to use it and risking the lives of others.”

So SOME gay people should be using condoms, if they have AIDS, because they can’t make babies inside butts. But gay people shouldn’t be gay because they have a “disordered sexuality” that is not “human.” Therefore, this old man who used to be in the Hitler Youth and probably has never had sex with a person says being gay is not “human,” but rather a sign you are a SEXY SPACE MONSTER.

Pretty much what you would expect an ancient ex-Nazi to say, we guess. Except this man does not live in a nursing home; he lives in a giant shimmering palace and a whole lot of people think God wanted him to have the job he has. Interesting. [Guardian]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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