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MSNBC Suspends Joe Scarborough For Political Contributions

'Oh, whoops.'When Keith Olbermann was suspended by MSNBC two weeks ago for making campaign contributions, everyone pointed out that Joe Scarborough had done the same thing. But apparently those were contributions MSNBC had approved, whereas they did not know about some new contributions that were dug up by America’s Media Diglett, Politico. So now Scarborough has been suspended for two days too! Hooray! Everything is balanced out now! Everyone on MSNBC has learned their lesson and will never hold a political opinion ever again, unless it’s for ratings. Or else they will face the wrath of getting two days off from work.

“These are bulls — local races that mean nothing to Joe,” the friend told POLITICO. “Anybody who knows Joe’s life wouldn’t be surprised by the fact that these small, local donations were not top-of-mind. Once again, no good deed goes unpunished.

That’s right, kids, you should only give contributions to candidates who mean absolutely nothing to you. If you’re a true pundit, you will never give money to the politicians you actually admire and use your show to try to elect. [Diglett]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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  • nounverb911

    MSNBC: Fair and Balanced! (Just like Fox).

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Please, like FOX News would let anyone that gave money to a Democrat on the air.

    • Beowoof

      Fox encourages giving to the evil empire and also makes donations in kind with lots of free air time.

    • PublicLuxury

      I gotten beaten severely for making the same snark a couple of weeks ago during the Keith Olbermann thing-y. Tread lightly is my advice …

      • sarjo

        You still type with a limp, eh?

    • Negropolis

      It'd be funny if MSNBC claimed it was fair and balanced, though, it's actual news portion is. Fox is shit all the fuckin' way through. And, CNN's false equivalency of EVERY issue makes it a complete and utter waste of time. Some issues don't have two equal sides. Sorry, Wolf.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    MSNBC gave him a pass on the first few, since, after all, having Joe Scarborough's named linked to your campaign usually has a detrimental affect.

    • sarjo

      Oh noooo, not Hutzy! It's EFFECT, dude!

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Thank you, and I would correct, but the tubes won't let me edit once someone has commented, apparently.

      • sarjo

        Oh sure, now I'M the bad guy!

        • LionelHutzEsq

          Yep, basically.

    • Sparky_McGruff

      I've heard that having Joe Scarborough donate to your campaign means that there is a high probability of finding a dead intern in your office.

  • chascates

    You can say anything you want as long as you don't spend your own money on a candidate. Unless you're a corporation.

    • anniegetyourfun

      The bizarreness of this situation IS sort of mind-boggling.

  • freakishlywrong

    Olbermann/Scarborough '12!

    • Not_So_Much

      I assumed he was donating only to himself. Does he do anything that isn't singularly focused on "what's in it for Big Joe?"

    • anniegetyourfun

      We're talking gay porn, right?

      • Negropolis

        The thought of those two whales during the horizontal nasty is just plain revolting. I demand compensation for the trama produced by that comment.

        • http://whatisawatthedevolution.blogspot.com imissopus

          Done! One pee point for the traumatized Wonketeer.

          • Negropolis

            You are both a gentleman and a scholar…and apparently a magistrate, too.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Pfft. Joe barely shows up to work as it is.

    Ratings will probably go up while he's gone. Besides, he leaves all the heavy lifting to Mika. If it were not for Willie Geist I wouldn't tune in at all.

    And his habit of prefacing and/or adding to a statement or question with the name of the person it is directed towards annoys the shit out of me. And God.

    Oh, and he's a douche.

  • DoktorZoom

    America’s Media Diglett uses Mud Bomb! It's not very effective!

    • MistaEko

      There there Politico. One day you'll be America's Media Dugtrio ….. one day.

      • DoktorZoom

        Not so sure about that–they're suspicious of evolution.

        • Starfish

          Thorough poke-fistings, the lot of you.

  • http://www.wonkette.com ManchuCandidate

    MSNBC's taking a page right out of the Untouchables…

    "You suspend a Demrat. You suspend a GOPer. You suspend the Demrat for two weeks. You suspend the GOPer for two days! That's the MSNBC way."

  • http://iwastoldtheredbeponies.wordpress.com kittylittr

    Wow, I gave more money than that to Obama while I was unemployed. Where's my three hour AM cable show?

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    It would have been 3 days but MSNBC figured by then the public would have forgotten who Scarborough was.

    • V572625694

      Who is this guy again?

  • PublicLuxury

    Where your treasure is there your heart be… or some such drivel. I wanna know when he is going to announce his affair with Mika????

  • SecretMuslin

    I wonder if any of the Fox talking heads make political donations?

    • Wadisay

      You mean, other than in-kind?

      • FNMA

        "In-kind"? Is that what the kids call fellatio these days?

      • DashboardBuddha

        Rusty Trombone?

    • sarjo

      Your question implies they believe what they froth forth on the TV. My guess is those shitters laugh all the way to the bank and would never waste their bux on the fools they praise on-air.

    • LionelHutzEsq

      Hannity's main contribution is getting jizz all over any Republican he interviews.

      • anniegetyourfun

        Hey, they'd pay good money for jizz that at a sperm bank.

        • Swampgas_Man

          Only because it doubles as a chemical solvent.

    • GOPCrusher

      They call them "payroll deductions".

      • Negropolis

        Hey-O!

  • Beowoof

    Journalistic standards, woo hoo, I thought those disappeared with the advent of the Fox News and Political Propaganda channel. Fair and balances as long as you meet our litmus test of being a lunatic right wing ass hat.

  • freakishlywrong

    I absolutely loathe Jethro but in all fairness, it's not like you don't know where he stands. I mean he "keeps calm and carries on" every a.m. by yelling over anyone who doesn't agree with him. It's just stoopid.

  • SayItWithWookies

    If it's any consolation, none of the candidates Joe contributed to take him seriously, either.

  • magic_titty

    Getting suspended was the tits when I was growing up. I bet you Joe is home right now rifling through his Dad's Playboys and watching Donahue. Just living the dream…

  • SteveMcCroskey

    Alternate headline: Shitweasel takes a long weekend.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    when will they suspend him for his shameless whoring on behalf of Starbucks?!
    that coffee tastes like burning

    • Rotundo_

      You didn't complete the sentence, I'll complete the thought: That coffee tastes like burning sofa cushions with a light hint of rat feces.

    • Negropolis

      Well played Simpsons quote, sir or madam.

  • WarAndGee

    He woulda done better if, on the TEE VEE he said he was afraid of Muslim garb on airplanes or gets nervous for small children who are in the presence of Catholic priests or other sweeping generalizations.

    $2 million from that crabby-ass old pig face Roger Ailes could fund a lot of candidates.

  • Crank_Tango

    what about that intern he killed?

  • elviouslyqueer

    So when does the Fox News network get put on permanent suspension for being populated by mouth-breathing ninnies with the collective intellect of a squashed earthworm?

  • horsedreamer_1

    Meanwhile, his intern is in a state of suspended animation.

  • PsycWench

    Like 75% of my students, he improvised a reason to skip two days of work so he could go home early for Thanksgiving. I'm impressed that he thought of the contributions rather than the traditional "My ride is leaving early"

    • slithytovesss

      Or, "My mother already bought the ticket."

    • nounverb911

      I usually said the hell with it and cut the whole week.

    • SorosBot

      Except that it's only two days, beginning Monday; so he does have to come back in Wednesday. It's a one-day work week, but it'll be a pain in the ass for him to return for that one day.

  • http://www.wonkette.com Clancy_Pants

    Say it ain't so, Joe!

    Or more accurately:

    When Scarborough left criminal court building in custody of a sheriff after telling his story to the grand jury, he found several hundred youngsters, aged from 6 to 16, awaiting for a glimpse of their idol. One urchin stepped up to the "newsman", and, grabbing his coat sleeve, said:
    "It ain't true, is it, Joe?"
    "Yes, kid, I'm afraid it is," Scarborough replied. The boys opened a path for the pundit and stood in silence until he passed out of sight.
    "Well, I'd never have thought it," sighed the lad

  • DashboardBuddha

    Isn't there some kind of conventional wisdom that says that news people being the news is a bad thing?

    • sarjo

      That was in the Eighties. What are you, a Supreme? Get with the times!!!

      • DashboardBuddha

        Ok ok…just give me a minute to get these quarters out of my ass.

  • SorosBot

    Meanwhile, Fox policy is to fire anyone who doesn't make the minimum contributions to GOP candidates; all the way down to the janitors.

  • fuflans

    this will leave him more time to robo vote for bristol.

  • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

    Scarborough would be nowhere without Mika's sexy, frowny disapproval. I say they rename the show "Mika Brzezinski's Morning Shoe Fetish Live From Hawaii", featuring bikini tops, sarongs, and Harold Ford Jr. slowly waving a giant palm frond. Guests must present Mika with a pair of exquisite fuck-me pumps if they desire the privilege of being interviewed.

    I can provide you with more extensive production notes.

    • V572625694

      Speaking of irrelevant people, who is this Harold Ford, Junior, of whom you speak?

      • horsedreamer_1

        He's one of Julia Allison's spurned lovers.

    • Negropolis

      Excellent.

  • jim89048

    I'm happy as hell his show comes on at 3:00 AM out here, otherwise I'd have to maybe give a shit or something.

  • Mindblank

    Well, if they can suspend two pundits, why can't they suspend them all?

    • zhubajie

      Yes, by their necks, till dead. Then turn them into sausages and sell them to the next political convention.

  • Toomush_Infer

    I don't know…I kinda wanted to be in the room when they were discussing:"You mean Joe did it, too!!!…" every sleazy argument for and against skewed against whether it would actually be a ratings boost….it really is why they call it the fourth estate….

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    ♪♫ Is their suspension of Scarborough fair?
    Partially cagey, but it's about time
    Remember the fate of Olbermann there
    He too was suspended for giving a dime ♫♪

  • mookwrthwilson

    Uh oh…someone's head is going to "hit a desk" while they are "alone in the office"

  • V572625694

    Irrelevant in the Pacific time zone, unless I wake up early and there isn't a Daily Show from the night before to watch on-line.

  • Radiotherapy

    Man, thank god he didn't get censured.

  • neiltheblaze

    The brass at MSNBC are so fucked up it makes you think they should all get jobs at FEMA.

  • rocktonsam

    I hope Mika gave a bundle somebody.

  • metamarcisf

    Scarborough should have been handcuffed, wrestled to the ground and stomped. That's the way we do things here at Fox.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    I have to watch SpongeBob in the mornings because of the whole having kids thing when Joe & Mika are trying to dazzle the world with their shiny white teeth…I meant brilliance and incise commentary. But I've seen enough of Joe to know that SpongeBob is smarter, funnier and has never had anyone die in his pineapple.

    • user-of-owls

      Oh dear, you've never seen "SpongeBob After Dark," have you? Just as well, I hear kids can sense these sorts of things.

  • CapeClod

    Post something about him being suspended by his testicles and I might give a rat's ass about Joe Fucking Scaborough.

  • MissTaken

    I'm sure the candidates he donated to are tickled pink that their autumns were spent on "bullshit local races".

  • EdFlintstone

    Jeez, I'm going to miss "back in 1994 when we got elected to congress"………………….

    • DemonicRage

      Exactly. How is this man GOING TO LIVE, deprived of the ability to say this, ON MIKE, 6 times a morning???

  • elpinche

    Mika, RUN baby RUN! Now's your chance! Don't let it end like the intern!

  • DoktorZoom

    Say what you will about the management of MSNBC, at least they aren't a bunch of Nazis like the NPR. I hear that Susan Stamberg is plotting to annex the Sudetenland. And Nina Totenberg? Her name means "Death Mountain" in German.

  • ttommyunger

    I am utterly amazed that Mika's ex KGB Colonel Daddy hasn't had Joe killed just as a preventative measure. Working for him is just too hazardous, especially for young women. I think I would, and it would look like an accident. Let's face it, it would just be one less asshole. I guarantee Col. Z has plenty of notches on his gun and for less honorable reasons.

    • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

      Well, Zbigniew Brzezinski was never in the KGB: Per the all-knowing Wiki, his father was a Polish diplomat who was posted to Canada in 1938, and they stayed in Canada once WWII commenced, so he has lived his whole life in this hemisphere. But he is an intellectual bad-ass, and the one time I saw him on Morning Joe, he looked to be barely concealing his contempt for Joe and the other mental giants, as well as making Mika all Daddy-flustered and intimidated too, which was kinda cute.

      • ttommyunger

        My sources stick to the KGB background. Personally, I don't know or care, but frankly, he seems the cold calculating type and is put together, brain matter wise.

        • http://loljazzcatz.blogspot.com/ Chet Kincaid

          Your sources are saying the KGB placed an agent as National Security Advisor to the President Of The United States?

          • ttommyunger

            My source says he retired/defected (depending on who you ask) from KGB and was later appointed an advisor to one or more US Presidential Administrations and is still a trusted source of counsel on European Affairs. He didn't come by that accent in Canada. I'm not arguing the point, I have no way of proving it now. I am happy to be totally wrong, it would certainly not be the first time. I learned this information and nothing I've seen or heard from Z has done anything to make it seem uncharacteristic, in my opinion. I don't know if he has ever held a position in our Government which would require Congressional approval. It all seemed to fit for me so I didn't question it. It helped that I didn't/don't give a shit.

      • zhubajie

        Why did he conceal it? If he let it rip, the show would be entertaining!

  • JackObin

    I really need to watch more television. Then I'd know who Joe Scarborough was. I'm guessing he's not too bright and hopelessly annoying.

  • NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Neocon Scarborough is still selling every word of the
    official government 9/11 scam for an AIPAC paycheck

  • DahBoner

    Joe "Dead Intern" Scarborough is still at large?

    Whoo whee! He must be more popular than Bonnie & Clyde…

  • zhubajie

    Well, maybe GRU, Russian military intelligence.

    • ttommyunger

      Whatever. My point is that he does not strike me as one who suffers fools, and Joe the Intern Slayer is both a danger to attractive young women; and a fool.