guys who say stuff on teevee

MSNBC Suspends Joe Scarborough For Political Contributions

'Oh, whoops.'When Keith Olbermann was suspended by MSNBC two weeks ago for making campaign contributions, everyone pointed out that Joe Scarborough had done the same thing. But apparently those were contributions MSNBC had approved, whereas they did not know about some new contributions that were dug up by America’s Media Diglett, Politico. So now Scarborough has been suspended for two days too! Hooray! Everything is balanced out now! Everyone on MSNBC has learned their lesson and will never hold a political opinion ever again, unless it’s for ratings. Or else they will face the wrath of getting two days off from work.

“These are bulls — local races that mean nothing to Joe,” the friend told POLITICO. “Anybody who knows Joe’s life wouldn’t be surprised by the fact that these small, local donations were not top-of-mind. Once again, no good deed goes unpunished.

That’s right, kids, you should only give contributions to candidates who mean absolutely nothing to you. If you’re a true pundit, you will never give money to the politicians you actually admire and use your show to try to elect. [Diglett]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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    1. PublicLuxury

      I gotten beaten severely for making the same snark a couple of weeks ago during the Keith Olbermann thing-y. Tread lightly is my advice …

    2. Negropolis

      It'd be funny if MSNBC claimed it was fair and balanced, though, it's actual news portion is. Fox is shit all the fuckin' way through. And, CNN's false equivalency of EVERY issue makes it a complete and utter waste of time. Some issues don't have two equal sides. Sorry, Wolf.

  1. LionelHutzEsq

    MSNBC gave him a pass on the first few, since, after all, having Joe Scarborough's named linked to your campaign usually has a detrimental affect.

    1. LionelHutzEsq

      Thank you, and I would correct, but the tubes won't let me edit once someone has commented, apparently.

    2. Sparky_McGruff

      I've heard that having Joe Scarborough donate to your campaign means that there is a high probability of finding a dead intern in your office.

  2. chascates

    You can say anything you want as long as you don't spend your own money on a candidate. Unless you're a corporation.

    1. Not_So_Much

      I assumed he was donating only to himself. Does he do anything that isn't singularly focused on "what's in it for Big Joe?"

      1. Negropolis

        The thought of those two whales during the horizontal nasty is just plain revolting. I demand compensation for the trama produced by that comment.

  3. MLHencken

    Pfft. Joe barely shows up to work as it is.

    Ratings will probably go up while he's gone. Besides, he leaves all the heavy lifting to Mika. If it were not for Willie Geist I wouldn't tune in at all.

    And his habit of prefacing and/or adding to a statement or question with the name of the person it is directed towards annoys the shit out of me. And God.

    Oh, and he's a douche.

  4. ManchuCandidate

    MSNBC's taking a page right out of the Untouchables…

    "You suspend a Demrat. You suspend a GOPer. You suspend the Demrat for two weeks. You suspend the GOPer for two days! That's the MSNBC way."

  5. Monsieur_Grumpe

    It would have been 3 days but MSNBC figured by then the public would have forgotten who Scarborough was.

  6. PublicLuxury

    Where your treasure is there your heart be… or some such drivel. I wanna know when he is going to announce his affair with Mika????

    1. sarjo

      Your question implies they believe what they froth forth on the TV. My guess is those shitters laugh all the way to the bank and would never waste their bux on the fools they praise on-air.

  7. Beowoof

    Journalistic standards, woo hoo, I thought those disappeared with the advent of the Fox News and Political Propaganda channel. Fair and balances as long as you meet our litmus test of being a lunatic right wing ass hat.

  8. freakishlywrong

    I absolutely loathe Jethro but in all fairness, it's not like you don't know where he stands. I mean he "keeps calm and carries on" every a.m. by yelling over anyone who doesn't agree with him. It's just stoopid.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    If it's any consolation, none of the candidates Joe contributed to take him seriously, either.

  10. magic_titty

    Getting suspended was the tits when I was growing up. I bet you Joe is home right now rifling through his Dad's Playboys and watching Donahue. Just living the dream…

    1. Rotundo_

      You didn't complete the sentence, I'll complete the thought: That coffee tastes like burning sofa cushions with a light hint of rat feces.

  11. WarAndGee

    He woulda done better if, on the TEE VEE he said he was afraid of Muslim garb on airplanes or gets nervous for small children who are in the presence of Catholic priests or other sweeping generalizations.

    $2 million from that crabby-ass old pig face Roger Ailes could fund a lot of candidates.

  12. elviouslyqueer

    So when does the Fox News network get put on permanent suspension for being populated by mouth-breathing ninnies with the collective intellect of a squashed earthworm?

  13. PsycWench

    Like 75% of my students, he improvised a reason to skip two days of work so he could go home early for Thanksgiving. I'm impressed that he thought of the contributions rather than the traditional "My ride is leaving early"

    1. SorosBot

      Except that it's only two days, beginning Monday; so he does have to come back in Wednesday. It's a one-day work week, but it'll be a pain in the ass for him to return for that one day.

  14. Clancy_Pants

    Say it ain't so, Joe!

    Or more accurately:

    When Scarborough left criminal court building in custody of a sheriff after telling his story to the grand jury, he found several hundred youngsters, aged from 6 to 16, awaiting for a glimpse of their idol. One urchin stepped up to the "newsman", and, grabbing his coat sleeve, said:
    "It ain't true, is it, Joe?"
    "Yes, kid, I'm afraid it is," Scarborough replied. The boys opened a path for the pundit and stood in silence until he passed out of sight.
    "Well, I'd never have thought it," sighed the lad

  15. DashboardBuddha

    Isn't there some kind of conventional wisdom that says that news people being the news is a bad thing?

  16. SorosBot

    Meanwhile, Fox policy is to fire anyone who doesn't make the minimum contributions to GOP candidates; all the way down to the janitors.

  17. Chet Kincaid

    Scarborough would be nowhere without Mika's sexy, frowny disapproval. I say they rename the show "Mika Brzezinski's Morning Shoe Fetish Live From Hawaii", featuring bikini tops, sarongs, and Harold Ford Jr. slowly waving a giant palm frond. Guests must present Mika with a pair of exquisite fuck-me pumps if they desire the privilege of being interviewed.

    I can provide you with more extensive production notes.

  18. jim89048

    I'm happy as hell his show comes on at 3:00 AM out here, otherwise I'd have to maybe give a shit or something.

    1. zhubajie

      Yes, by their necks, till dead. Then turn them into sausages and sell them to the next political convention.

  19. Toomush_Infer

    I don't know…I kinda wanted to be in the room when they were discussing:"You mean Joe did it, too!!!…" every sleazy argument for and against skewed against whether it would actually be a ratings boost….it really is why they call it the fourth estate….

  20. weejee

    ♪♫ Is their suspension of Scarborough fair?
    Partially cagey, but it's about time
    Remember the fate of Olbermann there
    He too was suspended for giving a dime ♫♪

  21. V572625694

    Irrelevant in the Pacific time zone, unless I wake up early and there isn't a Daily Show from the night before to watch on-line.

  22. metamarcisf

    Scarborough should have been handcuffed, wrestled to the ground and stomped. That's the way we do things here at Fox.

  23. Texan_Bulldog

    I have to watch SpongeBob in the mornings because of the whole having kids thing when Joe & Mika are trying to dazzle the world with their shiny white teeth…I meant brilliance and incise commentary. But I've seen enough of Joe to know that SpongeBob is smarter, funnier and has never had anyone die in his pineapple.

    1. user-of-owls

      Oh dear, you've never seen "SpongeBob After Dark," have you? Just as well, I hear kids can sense these sorts of things.

  24. CapeClod

    Post something about him being suspended by his testicles and I might give a rat's ass about Joe Fucking Scaborough.

  25. MissTaken

    I'm sure the candidates he donated to are tickled pink that their autumns were spent on "bullshit local races".

    1. DemonicRage

      Exactly. How is this man GOING TO LIVE, deprived of the ability to say this, ON MIKE, 6 times a morning???

  26. DoktorZoom

    Say what you will about the management of MSNBC, at least they aren't a bunch of Nazis like the NPR. I hear that Susan Stamberg is plotting to annex the Sudetenland. And Nina Totenberg? Her name means "Death Mountain" in German.

  27. ttommyunger

    I am utterly amazed that Mika's ex KGB Colonel Daddy hasn't had Joe killed just as a preventative measure. Working for him is just too hazardous, especially for young women. I think I would, and it would look like an accident. Let's face it, it would just be one less asshole. I guarantee Col. Z has plenty of notches on his gun and for less honorable reasons.

    1. Chet Kincaid

      Well, Zbigniew Brzezinski was never in the KGB: Per the all-knowing Wiki, his father was a Polish diplomat who was posted to Canada in 1938, and they stayed in Canada once WWII commenced, so he has lived his whole life in this hemisphere. But he is an intellectual bad-ass, and the one time I saw him on Morning Joe, he looked to be barely concealing his contempt for Joe and the other mental giants, as well as making Mika all Daddy-flustered and intimidated too, which was kinda cute.

      1. ttommyunger

        My sources stick to the KGB background. Personally, I don't know or care, but frankly, he seems the cold calculating type and is put together, brain matter wise.

          1. ttommyunger

            My source says he retired/defected (depending on who you ask) from KGB and was later appointed an advisor to one or more US Presidential Administrations and is still a trusted source of counsel on European Affairs. He didn't come by that accent in Canada. I'm not arguing the point, I have no way of proving it now. I am happy to be totally wrong, it would certainly not be the first time. I learned this information and nothing I've seen or heard from Z has done anything to make it seem uncharacteristic, in my opinion. I don't know if he has ever held a position in our Government which would require Congressional approval. It all seemed to fit for me so I didn't question it. It helped that I didn't/don't give a shit.

  28. JackObin

    I really need to watch more television. Then I'd know who Joe Scarborough was. I'm guessing he's not too bright and hopelessly annoying.

  29. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Neocon Scarborough is still selling every word of the
    official government 9/11 scam for an AIPAC paycheck

  30. DahBoner

    Joe "Dead Intern" Scarborough is still at large?

    Whoo whee! He must be more popular than Bonnie & Clyde…

    1. ttommyunger

      Whatever. My point is that he does not strike me as one who suffers fools, and Joe the Intern Slayer is both a danger to attractive young women; and a fool.

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