clio bait

Social Security Ad Was Actually Too Terrible For Sharron Angle To Air


Remember early on in Sharron Angle’s campaign when her staff was only composed of people who had no idea how to run a campaign? This is an ad they made with some elderly volunteers in the desert. Unfortunately, this ad didn’t air, because even Sharron Angle could see how bad and unprofessional (Did or did not Harry Reid vote against declaring English our national lap?) it was.

Yes, the people responsible for this ad were dead serious about it airing on television.

Hmm! Unfortunately, because it didn’t air, these old people will not receive the Emmys they deserve for their performances. And also those Angle staffers left them in the vans for a few hours with the windows up and they all died in the hot car, probably. And also Harry Reid was elected despite the fact he is literally a teenage illegal-immigrant gangbanger WEARING MULTIPLE BANDANAS. [Casey & Heather thanks to Wonkette operative "Edward O."]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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137 comments

      1. revmod

        I want all the KitH points. Wait until some Senator freaks out about losing his pen – I'm going to be all up in that!

      1. SorosBot

        Mid-30s, much too young for these folks. Surely there's got to some geriatrics with acting talent in Nevada who are either wingers or desperate enough to take money from Angle, though.

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      Oh, the shtupping that would have followed, given that were true. Thanks, Fare, for the imagery.

  1. DahBoner

    Ironic, isn't it?

    This was an ad featuring people WEARING MULTIPLE BANDANAS..

    For a target audience that WEARS MULTIPLE CONFEDERATE FLAGS.

  2. slappypaddy

    what a subtle bandit that mild-mannered harry reid turned out to be. he looted all the money these poor folks were going to use for acting classes.

    1. YasserArraFeck

      You haven't heard the interesting and poignant back story – these are the last surviving extras from Cecil B. DeMille's 1923 silent epic "The Ten Commandments". Gigs like these don't come around every day (in fact, not since 1923)…."must be able to emote while wandering in the desert"…a pretty specialized skill set, you'd agree.

    1. StillGoinGreen

      You could go to tlc.com and watch trailers for "Sarah Palin's Alaska". I heard it works better than Temazepam and Vodka.

  3. freakishlywrong

    I guess long-untouched junk turns you in to a shouty old white person wandering the desert cursing Harry Reid.

  4. el_donaldo

    It's like a post-apocalyptic sci-fi! "What do we do now?!?!" they ask.

    Hmm. I recommend cannibalism. It's the only way. That middle-aged flesh is going to be stringy, but there's lots of juicy fat. Then the last survivor should suicide by shotgun due to the overwhelming guilt etc.

  5. ManchuCandidate

    I actually spent a couple of days in the Inland Empire area just before the mid term elections. I met olds like that.

    It was then I understood why Meth was so popular out there.

  6. MoeDeLawn

    I wonder if this was instead of sitting through the 90 minute spiel about condos to get the gift certificate to Waffle House?

  7. neiltheblaze

    Though, you have to admit it was a stroke of brilliance to have the black guy shout "Sharon Angle was RIGHT!!1!" The only thing better would be to have a Latino shout "The Messicans are dangerous!!!!"

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      "And he turned in a notable performance, having to carry the weight of the rest of the ensemble on his shoulders."

      Damn. I've always wanted to say that, while pretending to write reviews in the NYT.

  8. SayItWithWookies

    So why did she kill this ad? I'm assuming it's because there wasn't enough screaming and confusion to reach her target demographic.

    1. anniegetyourfun

      Well, I was thinking that maybe a bunch of people walking through a manmade ravine looked too much like illegal immigrants, but then I realized that none of them were Asian.

  9. metamarcisf

    I swear, if this had been shot in black and white, it could've passed for the zombie scene from "Night of the Living Dead".

    1. Radiotherapy

      *Spoiler Alert* *Spoiler Alert* *Spoiler Alert*
      The black guy becomes the sensible hero, and then the redneck racists shoot him in the end.

      1. OneYieldRegular

        Figuratively speaking, I think this was the plot of the most recent U.S. Senate race in South Carolina.

  10. YasserArraFeck

    Bad location scouting – if they'd filmed it in the local Walmart parking lot, they could've have a few of the Olds on scooters, then they would have had true representation of Sharron's constituency. How can you have a gathering of teabaggers without a few old fucks on scooters?

    1. SorosBot

      Based on the acting quality, I think they filmed it in front of an assistant living facility from which they just grabbed residents at random (except for the Mexican ones obviously).

  11. anniegetyourfun

    This is pretty much like the plays that our local retirement facility puts on to raise money for new wheelchair ramps. Only our seniors have the good sense to end their skits by lip syncing to a Miley Cyrus song.

    1. horsedreamer_1

      Another place where Chuck Todd's quip on "The Daily Grind", that he & his "wife" are using "Potty in the U.S.A." as an impetus to teaching their daughter to use the toilet, would be appropriate.

  12. genxr

    Dang, if I'd seen this, I would've voted for Angle! Why didn't the lamestream media report on this box in the desert? Or at least off Desert Inn Road, easily 5 minutes from the nearest breakfast buffet.

    1. jim89048

      The majority of rural Nevadans DID vote for her. If not for the relatively enlightened parts of Clark and Washoe Counties and Carson City, she would be John Ensign's new pal. As it turned out, look for her to mount a challenge to him in the primary.

        1. jim89048

          Couldn't agree more! She'll win, obvs, and a dick vote is a dick vote regardless of the gender of the voter.

  13. Beowoof

    you know these are the same people that get a check every month and have most of their health care paid for. Too bad its in Nevada where the slot machine investments tank right after they get the check.

  14. anniegetyourfun

    You know what? I'm sure that there IS a video of it somewhere. But it's not on YouTube, as of yet.

  15. smokefilledroommate

    That's what you get when you pull grandma from her favorite Double Diamond Deluxe machine and tell her you'll pay her twenty bucks..

  16. MinAgain

    If it was too bad for Angle to air it, then I'm afraid my psyche is entirely too delicate for me to watch it.

  17. Serolf_Divad

    Kinda surprised not to see any box-outs or checkerboard fade-ins, since this was obviously made with a cell-phone camera and Windows Moviemaker.

    (p.s. I wonder how long it took them to find that one black guy)

    1. jim89048

      According to the reich-wingers here in Nevaduh, teh blacks were flown here by FEMA following Katrina. Not even kidding.

      1. Lascauxcaveman

        But not THAT black guy. He's probably a retired Army sgt settled down on a Nevada ranchette somewhere, after having been based at desert military installations all his life.

        Probably a decent guy in person. Lifelong government employee with a generous government pension. Enjoys golf. Hates paying taxes and hates socialism.

        Horrible actor.

  18. binarian

    I just made the mistake of viewing this. My God. These people wouldn't make the 7th grade drama club.

  19. Radiotherapy

    Some douchebag actually gets credit at the end for the "music".
    It's a Casio, Warm Steel Pad Fade.

    1. seppdecker

      That's going on his resume when he applies to the Nevada GOP for an endorsement to run for State School Board.

      Once he's there, he'll vote to cut all funds for music education and have his revenge on those elitists, with their notes and their timing and their theories. Let the Eagle Sore!!1!

    2. SenileAgitation

      And the tune is called "Right Behind You". Some sort of Death stalker allusion? Or perhaps some warning about the GOP gay agenda?

  20. ifthethunderdontgetya

    The olds voted for people who will eliminate their Social Security and Medicare.

    They think they're acting, but it's really practice for the rest of their days.

    Have fun dying in the desert sun, you stupid, miserable, old bigots!
    ~

    1. SheriffRoscoe

      The anti-Socialism candidate made a teevee ad centering on the most Socialist aspect of American society, and how she blames her opponent for trashing it.

      Oh the stupid, it hurts.

  21. Radiotherapy

    I can't wait for the sequel. You know, the one where she fixes Social Security by giving it to Wall Street.

    Also coming soon, The 2nd Amendment Remedies…..

  22. MistaEko

    I'm confused. Wasn't Angle's whole campaign advocating for dismantling social security and letting the olds fend for themselves in the wilderness?

    1. JustPixelz

      This seems like a perfectly good solution to Social Security funding: Tell the olds the money is in one of the many treasure chests you can find out in in the Nevada desert. Just keep looking. Even if only a few dozen fall for it voluntarily go, it will help.

  23. HipHop0Potamus

    Would have been infinitely better had they yelled out "Where's the Beef?" upon opening the box.

  24. mavenmaven

    This video definitely supports funding for a critical area of biomedical research:
    -What turns on the white shoe/white pants gene in older people?
    -Is there a way to reverse this inevitable tragedy facing all of us?

    1. sarjo

      It's like buff youngs wearing revealing clothes to show off their hot bods; in this case, it's continent olds showing off their astonishing failure to shit in their pants/down into their shoes.

  25. SecretMuslin

    So THIS is the threshold something has to meet to be too fucked up, even for Sharon Angle. Duly noted.

  26. donner_froh

    The fat guy who opened the trust fund box and found the message was barely able to bend far enough to pick it up. He probably keeled over from a stroke on the way back to the van.

  27. lumpenprole

    It's kinda like a Beckett play.

    A lifeless desert, concrete. A box.
    Dry heat

    A crowd of Arizona Olds centerstage wobble forward

    OLDS 1
    Guys, it's gotta be here somewhere.

    OLDS 2
    I'm looking for it!

    OLDS 3
    We've worked our whole lives for this!

  28. PublicLuxury

    An evil gang of Abbie Hoffman wannabes. No wonder NASA wants to shoot grandma into space to live on Mars.

  29. Wadisay

    In fairness, the Angle campaingn didn't use this on account of, they used the "Hitler discovers his lockbox has been opened" ripoff.

  30. carlgt1

    wow, old people really suck! it sounds like "Harry Reid — slowly I turn — step by step" from the Three Stooges. oh damn, if I know the Three Stooges – I must be old too! where's my social security!

    actually — the reason Angle probably declined this is she doesn't want Social Security at all, right, as it's all communist welfare…

  31. kittylittr

    Actually, I thought this was a commercial against Arizona's immigration law, showing old people wandering in the desert, wondering wheir their gardeners, housekeepers and caregivers all went, and who would prepare and serve their next meal.

  32. Negropolis

    I don't know about you guys, but I think they were REALLY looking for Ted Binions silver, out there, and happened to stumble across the lockbox. Surely, Ted had more silver than the government has SS.

    BTW, anyone who's ever spent any time out in Vegas knows that this was shot on some dirty empty lot behind an Albertson's. I'm sure after they got done they were treated to comps in the Albertsons since they have gambling in their fuckin' grocery stores. Let me tell how bizarre that is.

    1. Office_39

      Thanks for the 411. The building in the background kind of looked like a prison to me. What a messed up place, no wonder the Corleone family had so many problems there.

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