But now you insist on a full-body scan, a fairly accurate representation of my naked image to be viewed by a total stranger?
But how exactly would they get him… Oh, never mind.
Don’t touch my junk is the anthem of the modern man, the Tea Party patriot, the late-life libertarian, the midterm election voter. Don’t touch my junk, Obamacare – get out of my doctor’s examining room, I’m wearing a paper-thin gown slit down the back. Don’t touch my junk, Google – Street View is cool, but get off my street. Don’t touch my junk, you airport security goon – my package belongs to no one but me, and do you really think I’m a Nigerian nut job preparing for my 72-virgin orgy by blowing my johnson to kingdom come?
Why exactly did Krauthammer need to tell us he’s “wearing a paper-thin gown slit down the back”? Did he really write “my package belongs to no one but me”? Oh, never mind. [WP]
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I hate you for making me think of Locomotive-American Charles Krauthammer's "junk," Jack.
"Timmmaaahhhh!!"
Feeling up Charles Krauthammer's junk is like the TSA equivalent of the story of the Princess and the Pea.
Or the man in the boat.
My guess is Penile subincision that is tattooed to look like a Georgia O'Keefe painting.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penile_subincision
Uh, don't worry, Krauthammer, nobody wants to touch your tired, atrophied junk. Jesus.
And nobody wants to ride around in his stupid wheelchair either.
No one wants to handle your poop and pee sacks, Kraphammer.
For once that miserable hack is actually right. Huge portions of the American electorate can be summed up not on their respective positions on hugely important policy matters but the extent of their homophobic paranoiac fears that darkskinned, Islamic queers are lurking in unexpected corners and grabbing for their johnson and/or hooha.
لا تلمس غير المرغوب فيه بلدي!
that needs to be a T-shirt.
لا تلمس ثمرة الإسلام!
Fixed.
http://www.theonion.com/articles/fruit-of-islam-c...
Excalamtion points go at the other end (being muslin queer and all)..
Neither myself nor Mr. Krauthammer will stand for governmental intrusion such as this. Only when we have military tribunals that capture killer whales and hang them without a trial, will myself and Mr. Krauthammer be justified in jumping for joy.
Um, meta, you know i respect you immensely, you've got the coolest "p" in the business….but Cap'n Krunchneck ain't got no jumps, or junk for that matter.
Today we are all trying to touch Krauthammer's junk.
*shudder* DO NOT WANT.
I was afraid this day would come. Shoot me!
I think we all can come together around the idea of never ever touching Charles Krauthammer's junk.
Needs more roasting-beercan-chicken body pic. For Thanksgiving.
It's the anthem of the tea party anti-patriots, because they've been very concerned about preventing privacy violations justified by alleged security concerns all along.
They're strict about nobody outside of blood relatives having access to their oh-so-accurately named 'junk'.
I imagine once the TSA is privatized, and Kraphammer's friends are doing the groping, (and raking in those sweet, sweet Gubmint' dollars), all the bellowing wingnuts will move on to yet another anthem.
Is it wrong to be:
a) A business, that
b) makes products or services available
c) only to government institutions
d) for profit
e) and also owned by boot-strap conservatives
f) that hate big government
g) and therefore joined the tea party movement?
That may be the best thing Krautie's ever written.
I'm sure at the end he somehow comes to a hateful conclusion that damns all liberalism for all time (because that's his job), but as a piece of writing, that paragraph was pretty good.
Blind pigs and truffles.
I demand that all Krauthammer posts contain the pic of him on the beer can chicken. The nation is going to hell in a tea bag and our Wonkette holds back with the fapping material–on a Friday yet.
Mmmm, chicken with tiny, flaccid drumsticks.
Chuck likes to call it his wishboner [cymbal cue].
To touch K-ham's junk, one would need to find it first. Given how ball-less he comes across in his columns, I'm guessing the rest of his tackle is likewise absent. That freak's as smooth as a Ken doll down there.
So — Joe Lieberman's pushing for equal rights in Congress, Charles Krauthammer is writing beat poetry rants in favor of racial profiling, and we're sending the world's heaviest tanks to a country with only one road — I wish this was the peyote kicking in, but unfortunately we're probably just gonna have to get used to this level of absurdity.
I have seen the best junk of my generation fondled by security, shrivelled, hysterical, naked, etc. etc.
Krauthamer's totally fly, yo! I like how he discusses his burning desire to blow Levi Johnston in that last sentence. What, was I reading too much into that?
If dreaming of 72 virgins blowing your johnson makes you a Nigerian nut job, then I have an email to send you, Charles, regarding my current house arrest.
72 virgins a-blowing is either the best Christmas carol ever, or a nightmare about waaaay too many teeth.
Depends on the virgins. I'm willing to take my chances that they are only technically virgins.
I wonder how much the hookers in amsterdam charge for a nigerian nutjob, anyway?
Krauthammer's jumping on the anti-TSA bandwagon? I may need to rethink my position. Maybe my junk would be happier being fondled by TSA Porno-goon molesters. Everything Krauthammer touches turns to shit. The racism in one of his evil sentences is the equivalent of a 4.5 ounce bottle of lube for my next airport TSA fistbanging.
Don't they just take all the crippled hack journalist rage clowns straight to the gate on those horrible beepy carts that go 50 mph through the terminals? What is Crotchammer bitching about?
Don't touch my kraut hammer.
But since they enjoy calling people in authority Nazis maybe it should be: Don't touch my hammer Kraut?
On the one hand, you kinda have to feel bad for the TSA officers; I doubt many of them really want to be touching *anybody's* junk, but they've been told it's part of their job. Then again, retired Sen. Larry Craig has probably got a new spring in his step every morning as he dons his TSA uniform and heads out for the Boise airport. Now he can do it in the open!
Krauthhammer's unique physical attributes makes him a awkward problem for TSA inspectors. Fortunately I have a solution. Simply toss Kauthhammer and all of his accessories into a industrial wood chipper and test the output pulp for explosive residue.
Shit, if they grind up Chuckie, I'll fondle the TSA's junk.
johnson?
Yes, it became popularized term in the 1990's when Charles Krauthammer's line of "Evil Withered Pus Squirting Small Johnson" T-shirts were seen on frat-tards everywhere.
Jesus, only an impotent thimble-dick would be that scared of someone seeing his trash, er, junk.
"Do you really think I’m a Nigerian nut job preparing for my 72-virgin orgy by blowing my johnson to kingdom come?
Translation: Fuck only with darkies and with those swarthy types wearing the towels. That thing vibrating under my lap rug is only my butt plug.
Well it's not like there's ever been any white terrorists in this or anything; certainly no white people ever carried out the second worst terrorist bombing in America ever, nor have the vast majority of terrorist attacks been from an organization of inbred white idiots killing "uppity" black people.
It's really unpatriotic of you to point out that Timothy McVeigh was a Christian terrorist. Or that Scott Roeder and the other Operation Rescue terrorists claim they're murdering doctors and harassing pregnant teenagers for Jeebus.
But see it's okay if you kill for the right (white) god. duh.
How the FUCK did the party of fear, the party of "a woman's body is NOT her own", the party of "we are all a little less safe with that Muslin in office" become the goddamned mouthpiece for civil rights and invasion of privacy rights on this issue? The hypocrisy here makes me want to puke! It's OK to wiretap our citizens – it's OK to incarcerate them indefinitely without charge – but BY GOD, DO NOT CHECK THEM FOR BOMBS AT THE AIRPORT!! Unless Obama says that we need back off the airport security, then, we all will become a little less safe again!
IF UR NOT DOIN ANYTING RONG U HAVE NOTING TO HIDE!!!
dont let teh security men laff at my too inch peepee.
I wonder what color Speedo hides my junk the best.
They never considered that this may be the next logical step once the Enablement, err, Patriot Act was passed.
The movement that adopted "Teabag!" as its rallying cry is now moving on to "Don't Touch My Junk"? What's next, are they going to toss salads into Boston Harbor?
That actually makes sense in a teabag sort of way.
I stuck my fingers in my eyes and went "la-la-la can't read that" but it's not helping.
Dr. Krautlove, after being groped by TSA minions: "Mein Bushler, I can valk!"
~
Chuckie K is just upset that any Mooslim is still allowed to fly anywhere. This is a thinly veiled screed to send everybody with Arab anywhere in their ancestry to Gitmo. The irony is that his perpetual warmongering has brought this on.
So, according to Mr. Krauthammer, Today's Ideal American Male is ill-informed, emotional, reactionary boob in his fifties that can only communicate through bad slang.
Sounds so much like the Founders that it's scary.
"Don't touch my junk !" was also what Sid Vicious yelled at Nancy that one time, just before he upchucked, as noted in Krauthammer's first draft of this piece.
A Pulitzer Prize-winning graduate of Oxford and Harvard medical school is writing "Don't touch my junk?" And refering to his membrum virile as a "johnson?" As a certain Nisei actor might put it, "Oh, My!"
Charles is so ronery.
Krauthammer, the TSA would need a microscope to see your junk.
Junk?! I thought The Hammer was his penis.
Dr. Horrible will show him.
He wouldn't even need to change his name to join the Evil League of Evil.
Dr. Krauthammer works pretty well, although that seems to suggest a villain with more, shall we say, mobility.
Dr. Wheels Krauthammer?
how about Sir Kumrotary Krauthammer?
The Panzer Krauthammer?
Krauthammerworks?
He certainly is a dick.
You're close, in that his penis does smell like sauerkraut.
If the goddamn porno machine had been ready while the shrub was still in office, you would not have heard a peep out assholes like Krautknocker and the rest of the teabags. In fact, if anyone had protested, they would most assuredly have been labeled, "UnAmerican" or worse.
I assumed it would be something like that, so I didn't bother reading it.
So, essentially "the modern man, the Tea Party patriot, the late-life libertarian, the midterm election voter" is a nitwit who swallows fear whole from the right wing noise machine and regurgitates it to everyone around him?
Worrying about being seen naked while almost a quarter of the population is jobless, unwinnable wars continue in the Middle East, and the new Congress prepares to dismantle the government is as useless as Charles Krauthammer's lower body.
The wingnuts' problems here definitely come from them being subjected to the security pat-downs personally, not from general infringement of civil liberties; I was just listening to Lawrence O'Donnell interview one of the House Republicans, who objected to the TSA policy, but with the caveat that he has no problems with using against targeted passengers who "pose a threat", in other words brown people.
They don't care about other people's civil liberties, just their own.
They don't care about other people's civil liberties, just their own. Or Health insurance, or taxes, or voting rights . . . .
Just wanted to expand it some.
I am actually thinking that recumbent-American Krauthammer is just jealous of everyone getting free scrotal-bumps from the TSA when he's got to pay the going street whore rate for someone to bop his little carry-on bag (also always done with gloves on, oddly enough) so he's just raining on everyone else's non-transactional testicle-tickling parade, here.
Forsooth, an accurate portrayal of the alliterated Average American.
Health Care needs to be fixed, except when Obama fixes health care.
Google Street View is awesome, except when it views streets.
Invasive and wasteful subversions of privacy protect us from terrorists except when they are too invasive, wasteful, and subvertive of privacy.
Don't touch my junk, says America. Because indeed, it is junk.
We are the NIMBY nation.
This is why I don't go for virgins. You could ask 72 of them to blow your johnson to kingdom come, and all they would do is give you a nigerian nut job.
During my tender moments tonight, once and future girlfriend Fare_la_Volpe will be an Obamacare T&A Agent and I will be a Modern Man Late Coming Teabagger Patriot.
Tonight in a very special KrautHammer, "Don't touch my junk" becomes a war cry of the stupid, the confused and the insular.
WP opinion section: editing optional
Given this is Thanksday season, have you ever seen week old turkey giblets in the refrigerator? Well, there's my visual — to say nothing of the malodor.
I had no idea Howdy Doody had "junk" but now that I think about it, he may always have a woody.
Krauthammer, if you don't like the result of hysterical fearmongering, then stop contributing to the hysterical fearmongering.
When did "junk" become a slang term for colostomy bag?
Guy in a wheelchair talking about his penis? Wait, didn't I see this before?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GdniTQFQ650
He's just pissed off because he knows he has no feeling in his teeny, tiny, atrophied, Ted Nugent sized goober, no matter how much it is groped.
Question is – how would he know?
Sorry…
Don't believe this slimy neocon fuck for a second. As soon as popular sentiment loosens TSA screening and some dipshit slips through to almost destroy Amurkkka aka burn his cock or put his eye out with a stubby no. 2 pencil, then Cabbage Mallet will be screaming how the sheriff didn't keep us safe. Just in time for 2012.
I refuse to consider any part of the human body "junk." I also refuse to read the Washington Post, which should be re-named the Washington Posthumous, as it died about five years ago.
I do generally agree, but am willing to make an exception for Krauthammer there.
Oh, wait, you said human body- carry on, then.
Charles Krauthammer = Junk Male
Ow – If any piece deserves a Krauthammer/BBQ chicken/Bud can graphic, it's this one. Replace can with fist, though.
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