Is Willow Palin about to have a baby? The National Enquirer says she recently “missed her period” (gah, your editor quits, again) and took a pregnancy test. Can we trust the Enquirer? How exactly do they keep track of this sixteen-year-old’s ovulation cycle? Sure, we could trust them if they said John Edwards got her pregnant, although they don’t appear to be saying that. (Yet.) But if you stop to think about it, this story makes sense. Bristol became a well-paid public speaker and teevee reality show contestant because she had a teenage pregnancy, so perhaps Willow, like every teen in this situation, is making a smart entrepreneurial move, one that began with her attention-grabbing Facebook comments a few days back. But perhaps this is a risky attempt to overshadow Bristol: The Enquirer seems to suggest she had an abortion.
Because that’s the only part of this that could “derail Sarah’s presidential run,” as the Enquirer puts it, right?
The former Alaska governor recently flipped out after learning that her 16-year-old daughter Willow was not only having sex, but feared she might be pregnant by her 18-year-old boyfriend, sources told The ENQUIRER. [...]
According to the source, Willow began to panic when her period was a week late.
“She went out and bought a home pregnancy test and was on pins and needles,” divulged the source.
Pins and needles? That sounds painful. Apparently they don’t have modern pregnancy tests up there in Alaska.
Certainly, as it comes from the august Enquirer, the journalism here is sound. It’s really admirable that, despite filing for bankruptcy today, they’re still doing the important reporting America needs, even if it is a bit boring. [National Enquirer via Wonkette operative "Eric S."]
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This is good news for John McCain. Well, not really. Do you see what you wrought on us, John McCain? If not for your selfish cynical Hail Mary play, we would all have been spared this, and maybe the National Enquirier would have stuck to responsible journalism.
Good news for John McCain? Are you saying that John McCain is the father? I choose to believe that that is precisely what you are saying. Now all I need is a second source.
Anyone?
It's true, I heard it form an anonymous source (Ben Quayle).
I heard it on the internets, and if it's on the internets, it's gotta' be true!
A most excellent point/post, sir/madame. It is sad to see the depths to which the National Enquirer has now been forced to plumb.
They apparently do not have condoms in Alaska, either.
Well maybe they could borrow some…James O'Keeffe has a whole 'jar' of them that I'm sure he's not using.
She's a Palin; none of that brood are smart enough to figure out how to use one, and probably just think they're balloons.
BWAHAHA!
Actually, they do have condom's, up there, they are just made out of bubble gum and shame.
She had one and put it over the banana just like in that Youtube video – but it didn't work!
I heard she didn't have an organ, so she put it on the piano.
They probably don't have any bananas…don't they use them to teach chilren's on how to wear 'em?
To all responders to Doglessliberal: Badda boom AND badda bing!
Well they do, but everyone up there just uses them on the end of their rifles whilst *insert endangered species name here* hunting, as this keeps snow/ice from fouling the barrel.
As long as she goes to Texas and flies home after her water breaks, she'll be fine.
Why would Sarah Palin flip out about her daughter having a babby? Every baby (every baby, you liberal abortionists) is a blessing from the Almighty Creator of Babies and Alaska. Palin must have feared this pregnancy would negatively affect her bottom line, somehow.
But then, the story probably isn't true, is it?
And since every baby is a gift from God, that means he chose to give a baby to each person who gets pregnant, and he chose when to give a baby, right? Which would mean God wanted all of snowbilly barbie's twatwaffle offspring to get pregnant underage. Right?
Yes, who do you think Snowbilly's fan base are? Redneck fundamentalist christians whose sons get girls pregnant on a regular basis, so they are baby daddies so several of god's little angels, and their daughters start getting knocked up while in high school, because they don't know shit about how to get pregnant or how contraceptives work. Palin's fans probably are serially divorced and have kids by several different fathers. If black inner city boys and girls are doing this same stupid shit, they are called welfare queens and worse. But these are white trash, so it's all good because they are not using contraceptives and thus interfering with god's plan!!!! And they are not lazy welfare queens, they are just getting back the tax money their parents have paid into the system. Gah, I need to poke my eyes out now.
Sounds about right. I knew more than a few of such when I lived in SW Ohio, for too many years. The boys join the military to escape their pg girlfriends.
She could have saved herself $17.83 if a responsible, mature adult in her life had told her you can't get pregnant from The Shocker.
They sell pregnancy tests at the dollar store, but she could have bought 17 of them just to be sure.
I've never bought or had to pay for a pregnancy test, but $17+ sounds about right for something you pee on and then throw away. Are they really sold at dollar stores?
yes, they are sold at the dollar tree near me. Don't know if they work; the cashiers say the high school kids buy them so there you go. I have always coughed up a little extra for the WalMart brand.
I give this comment a thumbs up.
You betcha Sarah's gonna need to build a taller fence. Or get used to having LOTS of baby gates around.
I think they need a moat and a drawbridge at this point.
Actually, just a moat. But make sure the whole lot of them are INSIDE before it's filled with water and 'gators.
But don't forget the Dental Dam!
They need the Dentata Dam.
And that's just around the Palin Vaginas.
Baby gates at the Mexican border would SO solve our problem, down there. And by down there I'm actually not doing a double entendre.
The real shocker is the Chapter 11 filing by the Enquirer:
"The Boca Raton, Florida-based publisher listed assets of less than $50,000 and debt of as much as $1 billion"
As a CPA, I would recommend cutting corners immediately. No more long lunches; strict control over petty cash; maybe hire a cheaper cleaning crew. These may seem like small steps, but you'd be surprised how quickly these expenses add up.
The Enquirer's finances sound uncomfortably like mine. Or the US Gubmint's.
The National Enquirer (or their parent company) was able to run up a billion dollars in unpaid bills to suppliers, debt to banks and probably shafted free-lancers. Amazing–they must have had some scandalous story on everyone they did business with and just refused to pay.
This recalls, all in all, "The Onion" piece: "Consumer Reports Rates Itself Out of Business."
TMZ?
So fucking a Palin daughter is a fuck one, get one kid free deal.
"How exactly do they keep track of this sixteen-year-old’s ovulation cycle?"
There's an app for that.
There will be, in Palin's America, where little "joys" are a mandation for all of 'em.
I wonder why the hell is the ovulation cycle of a Palin daughter even in the media? This is appropriate only for your infertility specialist. Also, I just cannot imagine these kinds of media discussions ever involving the Obama girls. The Obamas truly have too much class for this kind of shit.
Coming next fall to TLC: Willow Palin's Abortion.
Considering the status of the Bristol Palin/Levi Johnston love affair, & even, to a point, the tortured marriage of Todd Palin & Sarah Heath, I have to think the middlest daughter's boyfriend is going to be only a semi-permanent member of the household. In which case, his (continued) intercourse with her recalls this ONION sidebar from fifteen or so years ago:
WILLOW RENTED.
http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/...
This is obviously some new usage of the term "Shocker" with which I was not previously familiar.
How could Willow not get pregnant? There must be entire years that go by up in Palin Land in which nothing happens so there isn't anything to do but have sex. And since she is probably too dumb to insist on condom use–and her boyfriend is too dumb to know how it goes on–she gets knock up.
The only surprising thing about it is that Sarah Palin would be surprised.
But she told Willow, "no boys upstairs!"
He went in by the back stairs
If only.
Probably Levi knows how to put on a condom but is too selfish!
Nooooooo. It can't be true.
Are Alaskan family values the same as American Family values?
Yes, but in the other 49 states, doing the 16 year old gets you 5-10 at Powhattan.
Take after Bristol, work your ass off getting pregnant Willow!!!
Another hard-ass worker following the advice of her facebook friends: "Fuck it and forget it!"
Conor Clapton is the corollary to this.
/tears
//in heaven
When the world gives you a bastard child…DANCE (or abort and dance, fartot)
Speaking of hard work, and I quote, "Sorry that all you guys are jealous of my families success and you guys aren't goin to go anywhere with your lives." In addition, might I point out that you are obvs "so gay" and a "faggot." Also.
If Palin "flipped out" about finding that her 16-year-old daughter was sexually active, she has even less ability to learn from previous experience that we'd realized. She probably should give up on Willow and get Piper on the pill now. Trig, too.
Wait, wait. You're telling me that Sarah is not a one trial learner? In that case her Presidential Campaign ought to be a lot of laughs.
Trusting that practical joker, Allah, fails once again!
Also, no one can seem to 'splain how Bristol has been dancing 8 hours a day and yet STILL managed to gain what appears to be about 15 pounds.
If there's karmic justice, she'll be pregnant again, and The Situation will be the baby daddy.
Put that in your computer and vote for it, wingnuts.
As Sarah would say: so, the Guinea got the Inupiak pregnant?
I noticed she looked chunkier… but I didn't mention it because I didn't want to mean to an unwed, horny, abstinence only, non-condom using, slut, mother. Just saying. I think she is EXTREMELY sexually active. Unless she is frigid, she cannot just turn off the "oooo that feels sooo goood switch" and go cold turkey. A good fuck is like meth, just once and you're probably hooked.
I hate to say it (actually that's not entirely true because if it did I wouln't say it) but the same may be said of a good fap. Just once and you are probably hooked. (Repititive motion injury ensues.)
In N Out for every meal?
And I mean the restaurant, you pervs.
don't know how the littlest one (pippette?) will turn out, but sarah definitely didn't pass on the looks to her two oldest daughters.
probably did it on purpose.
It's all muscle, baby.
Alaskans need to find other hobbies besides screwing and quittin' their elected positions. Also.
Perhaps if they quit screwin' their elected positions..
You forgot meth, and huffing gas fumes. Those are serious hobbies.
Or for the eldest Palin, cutting brake lines on school buses.
alcohol; meth. They ought to legalize reefer, but maybe after Mississippi does.
Reefer's actually been legal in Alaska since 1975.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ravin_v._State
Well, well! And the sky hasn't fallen, either! Do they import it from ΒC?
David Letterman was right!
Just what America needs another Palin anchor baby. Or would that be an Anchorage baby? Help me out here.
In the lower 48, we call them anchor babies – in the Palin houshold, they call them the "ticket to the BIGTIME!!".
So, they like Peter Gabriel's solo work better than his Genesis material, too?
So will Willow whelp the thing in Canada? Argentina? Paraguay? The Palins will need some place to flee to, when Sarah quits the Presidency and the US is in total collapse.
What, OK! is too refined for ya?
Then again, I haven't read a newspaper since Weekly World News folded.
Yeah, I miss it. Where can I turn to find out what the fuck Bat Boy is up to?
Uh, knocking up Wasilla's most fecund teens?
Not to mention who Bat Boy is endorsing in important elections. The people are clamoring to know!
They have a web site: weeklyworldnews.com . Last I looked, there was a "What if you looked like Batboy" deal.
-FACEBOOK! – Really.I am an old and so are my facebook "friends"- but my favorite "friend"(I guess it is a "like") is World Weekly News with Bat Boy updates. There is Batboy merchandise and I heard there was a play in NYC about Batboy(really, no joke)
http://weeklyworldnews.com/
You can register your e-mail address and get daily updates.
All hail Al Gore and the invention of the Internets!
I loved that publication. Best story ever was a piece on do-it-yourself pet cremation using your barbeque. Good times.
I actually subscribed for a couple of years! It was much cheaper and just as much fun!
so that's what she means by nanny state
I don't understand how this could happen. They have that baby gate and everything to keep the boys downstairs.
Oh, I'm not supposed to wish ill on anyone, even though I'm not Christian (well, neither was Jeebs, who was culturally Jewish like me), but can this please, please, PLEASE be true?
The right-wing terror machine will not support her this time. They will 'forgive' a Bristol indescretion… After all, who hasn't been lead astray by an evil male named Levi? But Willow… They will not be so forgiving. In the fundie world, they will condemn the parent for not being home.
Oh, they'll forgive pretty much anything from the Palins. Hell, look how quickly Levi went from a good loving father to a horrible monster for them.
Nah. If it's true they'll ignore the parenting and instead focus on how wonderful it is that Willow made the choice to have her baby and honored Life. If she aborted/aborts it (again, if this is even true), then they'll just blame liberals/feminists for corrupting her somehow and hold an anti Planned Parenthood rally or something.
In either case, Sarah remains a saint.
Lots of REAL fundies have condemned her all along for being a woman-leader! She should be pushing Todd to mis-rule the state, the country, whatever.
Yeah, if Willow is pregnant, it's obvious that God is smiling down upon the Palin Family and wishes them to procreate.
Oh, don't underestimate momma Palin's ability to turn this (if true, which is doubtful) into her own personal martyrdom, for which her followers will weep and rend their garments and hate on the educated who are obviously to blame.
It's like Imelda Marcos' followers using the last of their bread money to buy their sainted queen another pair of shoes.
I don't doubt Snowbilly's ability to turn dross into gold. She's got an incomparable talent for it. And I'm sure she'll blame the LSM for invading her family's privacy, which she treasures only when she can't make money from it.
How is wishing a little miracle from God wishing someone ill?
Of course, we can wish ill on others- like the old Yiddish proverb- may you grow like an onion- with your head in the ground. ok, it isn't that funny or meaningful- but it is our culture. So we can wish that these unparented children of 2 useless people continue to reproduce w/o the "blessing of Christian marriage"
"There be three things which are too wonderful for me, yea, four which I know not:
The way of an eagle in the air; the way of a serpent upon a rock; the way of a ship in the midst of the sea; and the way of a man with a maid."
Proverbs, 30:18-19, KJV
It can't be true – we saw Sarah has installed a Baby Gate at the bottom of her stairs. That's 100% effective, much better than 'risky' condoms.
Keep fucking those Palins.
It's a dirty job, but somebody's gotta do it.
Just wear a HAZMAT suit while you're doing it.
Or the classic full-body condom.
Keep those fucking Palins.
Fixed it for you.
I hope she can fucking dance.
can she dance fucking? when do we get to that part of the show? think what it would do to ratings.
I can't wait to see Bristol & Willow do the twincest thing on BackroomCastingCouch.com.
SO VERY NOT SAFE FOR WORK
i'm ready for my close-up.
Whoa, that's a whole lot of pucker steak, right there!
Alaskan DWTS – featuring the "Two Sheet Tango", The "Pusso Doble", the "Slick-slot Samba" and my favorite – The "Mouth to Ass Merengue"!!
I think you got that last one backwards.
Nope – that other one is just fucking gross!!
With real merengue. & man-merengue.
Basically, lots of C.R.E.A.M.*
*Cunt Rules Everything Around Me — Get the Money, Dollar Dollar Bill Y'all.
I made a joke here on Wonkette a few months ago that the new Fox reality show would be "Who Wants to Fuck My Sister?"
God, I was just kidding.
Why does it matter? Hasn't hurt Bristol …
It doesn't take Woodward and Bernstein to figure out that trailer-dwellers who hit the lottery are going to have foulmouthed kids who fuck like minks.
Naturally elitists who live in houses-without-wheels look down on the free spirits who don't want to be tied down. Though technically the
trailermanufactured home has to be literally tied down to keep the tornadoes from stealing them.Well of course she's pregnant, after all the conception was practically broadcast on Palin's TLC show and we already know Sarah gave Alaska's children "abstinence only" sex ed, which does not cut on the sex but does the use of birth control.
But I'm sure Sarah will grow to love and welcome the family's new prop.
"…the family's new prop." The spin on this addition (as it was on the 14-foot fence) will be like the jugglers on the Ed Sullivan show with the plates.
Can the father be Joe McGinniss. I'd like that.
Yay! More finger name tattoos!
"Willow…missed her period"
I was eating my daily dozen baluts, and when I read that, I ralphed in my mouth. I swallowed, re-read the first line, and decided the mouth ralph of 20 day old fertilized duck egg ("Don't eat the Beak, but enjoy the Feet!" tasted better.
I am now "going to Gramma's to drive the porcelean Buick."
That's nothing.
Her mother misses a lot of periods, commas and semi-colons!
Be sure and call her on the Big White Phone ahead of time.
They used to cost One US Penny apiece in the market in Manilla in the 50's. I can still hear them being hawked: "Penny Balut, Penny Balut!" Little claws were good toothpicks. Probably a fucking Dollar now.
Just wait till Track comes home with his pregnant Iraqi girlfriend.
Oh please, instead let it be an anal STD contracted from Ahmed, the Bagdad disco whore.
Shit. I meant to click the thumbs up. I did the opposite. Well done, sir (or ma'am).
Both, probably. He'll have joined some exceptionally weird Shi'ite sect too.
If Citizenship and Immigration Canada is smart, it is already calculating how best to secure its border against the flood of refugees who will attempt to flee this star-spangled trailer park once the Fertility Queen and Team Risky Sexual Behavior ascend to power in January 2013.
The Fertility Queen and Team Risky Sexual Behavior – I just want to cut that out and savor it.
Re-Bury The Venus Of Wasilla!
"…the family's new prop." The spin on this addition (as it was on the 14-foot fence) will be like the jugglers on the Ed Sullivan show with the plates.
Can the father be Joe McGinniss? I'd like that.
Ha ha! Joe is known for getting close to his stories!
Is there no end to Democrat John Edwards' poor judgement?
Look, in John Edwards' defense…
Oh, okay. I got nothing.
“She went out and bought a home pregnancy test and was on pins and needles”
Knitting needles?
oh my.
I know. I felt bad giving it a thumbs up. Then I started giggling about "thumbs up".
Wooow! You pulled out some old-school shit on us there. I also laughed, then felt bad.
Let's go viral: "Joe McGinniss confesses to fathering child of Willow Palin. "We did it through the fence."
Let's go viral: "Joe McGinniss confesses to fathering child of Willow Palin. ""We did it through the fence. It. Was. Awesome'"
Read more at Wonkette: National Enquirer: Willow Palin Had a ‘PREGNANCY SHOCKER’
Let's go viral: "Joe McGinniss confesses to fathering child of Willow Palin. ""We did it through the fence. It. Was. Awesome'"
"She told me it was her asshole!"
When you fuck Willow, you're fucking an asshole no matter what.
Dang it, if she got an abortion then we can't have fun guessing what the baby's name would've been… Truck? Tramp? Trailer? Troll?
Trick?
Trash.
My money is on "Facebook"
Mealticket
Something like those if it's a boy; a girl will be named Walnut or Pinecone.
Tramp?
Wasilla!
Cooter?
I am laughing laughing laughing…first at the current episode of At Home with the Palins, and then at all of these wonderful comments. Plus, I just made a sale. Scotch 2night!
I think it's time for a shot of tequila, personally.
Wonkette and her busybody smartass cheerleader kitschy liberal commenters: SALUT!
Maybe when when Sarah said abstinence they thought she said absinthe and they have been getting drunk on commie euro liquor and fucking like snobunnies.
So hows that abstinence only thing-y workin' fer ya Sarah?
Horny teenagers? Or girls longing for the affection and attention from SOMEONE..
Probably just horny teenagers with nothing to do but fuck like pigs. Makin' bacon is a Palin tradition.
"Shocker"? I don't think Adam/Albert/Aaron/Moron/Whatever can knock her up with 'two in the pink, one in the stink'. They clearly don't understand where babies come from in that fambly…
He shoulda done it n her butt.
If only more people had seen The Ladies Man Movie.
…like two fine hams.
…per day for 12 years.
I heard the dude that Bistol dances with had a 4way w/ the girls.
"What's this act called?"
"The Aristocrats!"
That's genuinely funny.
Hats off.
That might be the winner for the whole month of November. So, so perfect.
Agreeeance.
Which would you rather have: a First Lady who cautions the Nation's teens not to eat Cinnabon lard bricks, or a female President who has to blush every now and then because it is evident that teenagers in her household are–as some other Wonkette responder so elegantly put it–fucking like minks? It sounds to me like what is behind DOOR NUMBER TWO better represents the reality of what is like to live in this land, where Internet porn is as easy to dial up as Domino's pizza,and Internet porn about randy pizza delivery boys is a whole sub-genre of the species.
If she was a hard "ass worker" like her sister, getting pregnant would have been impossible, no?
Assuming each of the Palin spawn have 5 kids and those 5 kids each have 5 kids…
Eventually Wasilla will be the world center of inbreeding, reality TV shows, and GOP think (fuck) tanks.
Gah, the way you put it, it sounds like the world's worst pyramid scheme, where everybody loses.
I'm sticking to my "master race" thesis. It's a "Boys From Brazil" kinda thing.
I still regret not using It's Raining Mengele! Hallelujah, It's Raining Mengele! as my pub trivia handle this week. It was a flash of genius, an article of the week about Erwin Romell & the Weather Girls's hit stuck in my head, but I blew it.
Nobody got my An Extra Inch for My Bunghole: The Lyndon Johnson Story name. (Which I subbed in as one of the quiz answers was 'Lyndon Johnson'.)
This is what some born-agains call the "full quiver" movement. Have lots of born-again babies and take over the world! Fortunately, the litter-mates often leave the born-again ghetto.
THIS is good news for John Mc…oh, *&^% him for inflicting this tundra-pox on us.
Levi and this guy should be getting together for a new reality show by…next summer? Cold going across American and teaching motherfuckers to Toot it and Boot It.
I see a cinema verite/docudrama sequel to Due Date in this.
Levi is of course the Robert Downey, Jr., role.
Wait, I thought they needed more masturbation, not less. I'm so confused.
I'll bet she thought rendered grizzly bear fat was a natural spermicide. Oops.
Boy, let me tell you, that TV show got to her head. Or got her to give head, not sure which.
Mama Grizzly is the kinda woman that would make us proud to have Silvio Berlusconi. as President.
It'd be nice if Barbra Bush the elder shared some of her dead offspring picklin' recipies. Jarfetus Palin fits right in with the rest of their moronic names. Plus it could be used to stick the sanctity of life in those Palin brats (if they could stop sticking everything else in there for five minutes)
Today, we are all the father of Willow Palin's illegitimate baby. Sort of a quantum thing, I guess.
You speak for yourself. I wouldn't touch that moldy piece of tundra trash with Loy Mauch's sleekly-mustachioed dick.
If Sarah can't keep her daughter safe from an 18 YO hillbilly, how is she going to keep America safe from the (insert threat here)?
Well, after these last elections, we've learned that apparently America likes it in the ass, so there's always that option.
The other church-going hillbillies?
TSA grope monsters?
I'm not sure the daughter is the one who needs to be kept safe here.
He's gonna be stuck being related to that horrible family forever.
I don't think that would be a good idea. Their weird fundie church hunts down and burns witches you know.
Sarah told Willow that now that she was 16, it was time for her start making some money in the family business and get famewhorin', only because of her poor pronunciation Willow didn't hear the "fame" part.
Wonk, your business acumen is spot on. Clearly Willow sees her womb as the gold mine that it is.
This uterus is a valuable fucking thing.
These are Republicans, so money comes (so to speak) before sex.
You don't give it away for free.
I'm going to parachute myself into that!
She could call it her "money maker". Or "Beatrice", which is also nice.
Hello Willow….this is Ginni Thomas….
W. Palin, to her so-called mother: "The Situation told me I couldn't get pregnant if I kept all my clothes on."
S. Palin: "Honey, you can get pregnant wearing a suit of armor if the Situation has his can-opener handy."
But we all know that's just silly: Willow "quit drivin' stick" her freshman year at UC-Sunnydale, so this is just another bankruptcy-fueled fantasy from those funlovers at the Enquirer.
Willow wants to be rewarded for risky sexual behavior too. Why shouldn't she be on DWTS and live in an expensive condo in Anchorage, and have a nanny to take care of the child? She wants her slice of the pie. After all, look how well being stupid worked out for her Mom and Bristol. Bristol gets to make commercials and fight with her boyfriend on national teevee.
Bad luck, her sister was off giving her abstinence seminar in another state.
Nailin Palins: The Series-Season 3
If she had been content with "The Shocker", she wouldn't have to worry about pregnancy.
So I'm guessing she's no faggot.
Well, at least she wasn't practising birth control.
Thank God she has some values.
Wait, this assumes Saint Sarah's worshipers actually care if her and her family are a horde of hypocritical douchebags. If they cared, they'd have demonstrated it long before now.
Of course not! Aren't most Republicans hypocritical douchebags? Look at the recent Bush dynasty!
Gawd, this will really kill Levi's run for mayor of Wasilla.
Oh, I dunno. If every man in Wasilla who's f*****d a Palin votes for him….
Someone needs to tell the Palins that you can't actually prevent pregnancy by quitting sex halfway through.
"halfway through"?
Isn't that when the guy rolls over and dozes off?
Depends on which half.
I have a terrible mind. Or you do. I'm not sure which.
Actually, I didn't write that Comment the way you read it – but it could be either of us.
All we hear about are the daughters having sex and The Gov'Nor all upset about it telling boys they can't go upstairs (but apparently they can hit a home run).
Meanwhile, where is the father figure – in this case, the actual parental unit? Does Todd supervise these kids at all? Is it all The Gov'Nor?
"Does Todd supervise these kids at all?"
Of course not; he's a sailor/oilman! He comes home once every 6 months and makes the mama grisly pregnant!
Not sure if your spelling of "mama grisly" was intentional, but it is gold!
Intentional.
I say, good on Willow, and Sarah and Todd. Someone has to provide the fodder for the Republican Forever Wars.
SP: Honey, did you use a condom?
WP: Well no mommy, but we could see it from my bed!
TRUE STORY: My cousin got pregnant at 15 (many years ago now). Apparently there were condoms in a bowl on display in the house. When her mother pointed this out to her, she shrugged.
can we please get an emergency shipment of vibrators and Fleshlights sent to these people before they accidentally spawn again. Don't forget the instructions
They are multiplying. Who's been letting them eat after midnight?
So far the most mature of all the Palin clan seems to be Piper.
JESUS CHRIST JUST USE A CONDOM! Don't shun them like they are totally evil. Yes, they suck, but you probably can't get the pill without your mom's permission so suck it. Also just suck it, I hear you can't get pregnant from your mouth. Your mom is all rich and shit now, you really don't have to be such a fuckin hilbilly, Willow.
She missed her period? Did she look under the couch? How about way back in the freezer, under Levi's body?
Little sister don't do what your big sister done
If Bristol won't, her sister will.
Little sister don't do who your big sister done.
Like I said, it's not the boys going UPstairs that is the problem. There's gotta be so much airborne jizz in that house, just using the terlet is risky.
Free range semen? There's a new concept(ion).
Well, hopefully Willow's Baby Father is BLACK.
A black vegan muslin from Iran who works for the NYT.
Another Eskimo or Indian?
Holy shit! The sound of Tea Bagger heads exploding would be deafening.
- for reals
Willow has a tough gig –
Her sister was well rewarded for not being able to control her own reproduction (one of the things that separates us from animals) -so why would the outcome be any different for her? And why limit your possibilities? What would happen if you overdosed on Xanax ? a TV show? a book tour? a clothing line? What if you cut someone's hand off? your own breakfast cereal? cameo on a disney show?
- I know, hyperbole, but still, for a 16 year old brain? not good.
Plus she has GOPproud telling her it's a-ok to call other kids "FA**OT" on the Internet. she could become the youngest US senator of all time at this rate.
That's it. No longer will Palin endorsements come with a free ride on your choice of a Palin daughter (I'm looking at you, Miller).
.
I want my country bareback!!
.
How could this happen? Sarah Mama Grizzly Bear Lipstick on a Pitbull Palin told the boyfriend he could not go into her bedroom when he was over…OH But she did not say anything about HIS bedroom, the car, friend's homes, the Saturday night parties…
Your pix looks like the shot of the Lake Champlain monster – Champ.
That's the famous photo of “Nessie” the Loch Ness Monster.
I could have sworn that was a pic of Jimmy, the Loch Ontario monster.
Hahaha
Doesn't anyone do it in the butt anymore?? Sheesh!!
Exactly! Where is that epidemic of oral sex the Repubicans said Bill Clinton started? I'm waiting… waiting … waiting…..
It's gonna be great!!! America's trashiest, sluttiest, gun shootinest, rin tin toonisest First Family!!!
This is about the time Sarah announces that she's pregnant and Willow goes into hiding for 9 months.
Worst case of mononucleosis I ever saw.
What happened to that Norplant thing I heard about a few years ago, where they implant a dispenser of birth control chemicals in the arm or butt or wherever, and then ms XYZ is impregnable for years at a time?
That would be "planning to have sex". Nice girls don't make plans, it just happens.
Cause Love Happens the same way Life Happens.
Babby Jebsus hates contraception.
Implanon. Norplant is no longer being used. I move that contraceptives be secretly put into Wasilla's Coca Cola and meth supply – lowering that town's birthrate would benefit Alaska and humanity. Unless someone wants to stalk Palin's daughters, give them the date rape drug, then insert Implanon into their arms while they were comatose. You would need a secret agent who is also a women's health care provider to do the deed.
In "Real America" a 16-year old could not obtain an abortion without her parent's consent.
Why does Alaska hate "Real America"?
I'm not reading this whole thread. Has anyone started suggesting names yet?
If boy, I vote for Frigidaire Nike Palin, if girl, Kotex NASCAR Palin. Might as well make some advertising bucks off of the bastard.
Muhhamad or Aiyesha.
Trojan Durex Coathanger Palin.
You can suggest all the names you want but the Momma Grisly ( thanks for the spelling zhubajie ) will pull some indecipherable gibberish like a custom license plate out and name the brat H8trz or such. Also
If the Enquirer goes under, we can have faith that other American journalists will somehow be able to pick up the dropped torch of voyeuristic celebrity gossip.
Coming tonight in a very special Willow…
You misspelled that.
Why, from Wonkette like the rest of us.
According to the source, Willow began to panic when her period was a week late.
Based on her facebook posts, we already knew she had trouble with punctuation…but this is ridiculous!
You know what, it worked for Bristol. If she hadn't got knocked up she would not be rich and famous now or ever. She'd be married to Levi Whitetrash and living in Valdez. And Willow isn't going to make it on her brains either.
This week Willow Palin has made a real run for Wonkette Worthly Scum of the Year Award. She may squeak right past Xtine O'Donnell at this rate.
I rely on: Wonkette; http://www.exiledonline.com ; <a href="http://www.overcomerminstry.org;” target=”_blank”>www.overcomerminstry.org; the Guardian; Asia Times online; BBC World Service; gossip at my favorite bars; my astrologer friends. Of course, I have a highly refined critical thinking ability and a even more refined sense of the absurd, thanks to my PhD in ancient history/Middle East archaeology. That's why I live in a remote corner in China, where "the mountains are high and the emperor is far away."
Really, I did undergrad work in ancient near east archaeology- you know- Sargon of Akkad and the Sea Peoples and the Assyrian King list- good times!We should get togther and talk about polychrome brick glazing in Babylon(if I actually remembered anything). Then I did grad work in museum studies but spent my work life at a desk job being a US fed bureaucrat.
Sorry fellas, but with my PhD in an obscure branch of genetics, my Msci in philosophy, and my basic, inborn quality of being smarter than every other motherfucker, I'm afraid I'll be unable to join your conversation. I get a weird twitch in my eye when I have to talk to uneducated slobs like yourselves.
Contact me at zhubajie12@gmail.com, if you want to chat. I was interested in later Meso — Greek, Parthian, Sasanian. Sometimes I still wonder what the last cuneiform scribe was thinking when he lay down his stylus for the last time.
Probably something like "oh shit, there's an archer … he sees me!"
Elitist!
Just followed my bliss, and it didn't pay off. My biggest mistake: returning to the US, 1976. I thought about studying SE Asian archaeology at U. of the Philippines but didn't know how to sign up, etc. Anyway, the USN insisted on sending everyone back Stateside.
Him and Levi can have their own reality show!
So how old is the next younger after Pussy Willow? Maybe they'll get pg in the White House, by one of the cooks or janitors or Secret Service agents or something.
There's only one reason a Palin would go in for blastocyst removal, and his name is Todd.
OTOH he's a shoe-in for Dancing With the 'Tards.
At least now they have an excuse for her crazy facebook posts: pregnancy hormones! That misogynistic media, constantly trying ot hold Palins accountable for things that they say and do.
Even now, the GOProud faithful must be flogging their collective dolphins ever-so-furiously in anticipation of the Playgirl debut of Willow's baby-daddy.
I know that I am.
The Juneau Juno
And, also, too….ex-Gov. Palin refudiates any attempt by the lamestream media to exploit her poor daughter's dilemma. At least not before Mama Grizzly gets first crack at it on her teevee show.
How about a fucking break from the Palin's every move. What next? Live webcams in the Palin crappers documenting every small and large offering from the various Palin-Anises?Live commentary on each BM as to color, size, consistency and fragrance? Probably get Ron Christy to do that job, he could watch two monitors at once, even if they were on separate sides of the room. God help me, I'm getting into this…I need professional help!
Agreed green balloons Stuef GREEN BALLOONS dammit.
Do not get the reference; am not surprised. I don't get a lot of stuff, being a geezer and all.
What, clothes hanger abortions?
A-Rod, you are the father.
That's what she gets for being named after a Ron Howard movie!
Fucked Alaskans taste awful.
Nah, hopefully Willow's Baby Father is a Black Kenyan Socialist.
Kenyans are good runners.
This will come in handy in Alaska, for running errands for Mama Willow between meth labs….
Given her recent homophobic Facebook rant, it would be beyond awesome if the father of her fetus was a "faggot."
One word: FABULOUS!!!
Maybe trying to "convert" him?
White trash, thou art king.
Then he can make somebody else pg. That'd be a change!
Is that what you are supposed to do with them? I thought you were supposed to put them on a bananna.
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