AFA: Medal of Honor Only Awarded For Being Gay In the Line of Duty Now

  support the war not the troops

It Gets Better, poor guy.
Yesterday, President Obama awarded the Medal of Honor to Army Staff Sgt. Sal Giunta for putting himself in the line of fire to save two comrades during an ambush in Afghanistan in October 2007. But however much courage it took to do that, the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer just cannot get over how gay that was. “I have noticed a disturbing trend in the awarding of these medals, which few others seem to have recognized. We have feminized the Medal of Honor.” Noooooo! That piece of jewelry used to be so butch! According to Fischer, the Medal is now only awarded to soldiers for saving lives above the call of duty. “Not one has been awarded for inflicting casualties on the enemy. Not one.” Never mind, of course, that Giunta actually did shoot some guys, killing one, who were dragging away his wounded comrade.

From the AP:

Two wounded Americans still lay up ahead. Giunta and his comrades regrouped and threw grenades, using the explosions as cover to charge ahead.

One of the wounded soldiers had been shot twice in the leg. As someone tended his wounds, Giunta sprinted forward under enemy fire to the crest of a hill.

“There he saw a chilling sight: the silhouettes of two insurgents carrying the other wounded American away,” Obama said. “Sal never broke stride. He leapt forward. He took aim. He killed one of the insurgents and wounded the other, who ran off.”

Just to be clear, Giunta, and not the other soldiers who were with him, received the Medal of Honor because he ran up out of cover and shot the fuck out of two enemies who were trying to drag away his friend. Okay, back to Fischer:

I would suggest our culture has become so feminized that we have become squeamish at the thought of the valor that is expressed in killing enemy soldiers through acts of bravery. We know instinctively that we should honor courage, but shy away from honoring courage if it results in the taking of life rather than in just the saving of life. So we find it safe to honor those who throw themselves on a grenade to save their buddies.

Man, our soldiers are so gay, aren’t they? We don’t even need DADT; they are all homos! They are so much less masculine than this hack evangelical writer who oddly does not mention anything about serving in the military himself. HMM.

Jesus, in words often cited in ceremonies such as the one which will take place this afternoon, said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lays down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). So it is entirely right that we honor this kind of bravery and self-sacrifice, which is surely an imitation of the Lord of Lord and King of Kings.

However, Jesus’ act of self-sacrifice would ultimately have been meaningless – yes, meaningless – if he had not inflicted a mortal wound on the enemy while giving up his own life.

Ah, so the message he takes from the Word of Jesus Christ is that Jesus was very nearly a worthless gay Himself, but thankfully was able to escape it by BEING A MURDERER in whatever metaphorical sense Fischer is trying to put on him. Fischer is trying to call Jesus Christ a murderer, and that’s supposed to be a good thing.

And once again, Giunta DID KILL A GUY to win this Medal of Honor. And because he did it literally, we guess that means Jesus was gayer than Giunta. [AFA/AP]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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195 comments

  1. bumfug

    The best part of the bible is where the Roman soldier is sticking his spear into crucified Jesus and Jesus snatches it away from him and jams it through the guy's eye. Now, THAT'S worth a fucking medal of honor!

    1. Wadisay

      Next time a Predator drone takes out an Afghan wedding party, Fischer is going to nominate that guy for Medal of Honor.

    2. Negropolis

      No, no. The best part of the Bible is when Jesus sees commerce going on in the holy temple, and he totally flips the fuck out, and just goes all up in there snappin' necks Steven Segal-style, and then impales a random Roman on a table leg just for getting the fuck in the way of things.

      Jesus, fuck yeah!

      1. Sparky_McGruff

        That just doesn't make sense. Jesus was not "anti-business". He must have been mad that the Jews were cutting into his business, so he took them out "scarface" style.

  2. glindsey1979

    Nope. Can't summon snark. That man is, quite simply, one of the most evil men I have ever heard of.

      1. glindsey1979

        I don't know, Evil sounds pretty spot-on to me. He's essentially saying that we, as a nation, just aren't killing enough people, gosh durned it. War may be necessary for the good of a people, at times, but that doesn't mean we have to revel in the loss of human life, the way he seems to do.

  3. Missyb9479

    Clearly you missed the part where Jesus returned from the grace to kill everyone.

    Zombie Jesus died for your sins and came back for your brains.

    1. zhubajie

      That's the Second Coming which the fundies all want so much. Why do you think we're at war in the Middle East? It's not for oil or anything, just the Second Coming. After which the fundies will rule us with a rod of iron.

  4. SmutBoffin

    If you want a religion that praises valor, why not become a Teutonic pagan?

    THIS GIUNTA COWARD HAS NOT YET EARNED A PLACE IN VALHALLA NEXT TO THOR.

    1. SorosBot

      And Thor actually did inflict a mortal wound on the enemy; specifically Jörmungandr the Midgar Serpent; while giving up his own life

      1. SmutBoffin

        You get a Wonkette 'A' for the day, for knowing what happens during Ragnarok.

        (This technically happens in the future, mind, but it is already predetermined so who cares.)

    2. HOFAH

      'Lo, there do I see my father.
      'Lo, there do I see my mother, and my sisters, and brothers.
      'Lo, there do I see the line of my people back to the beginning.
      'Lo, they do call to me.
      They bid me take my place among them in the halls of Valhalla.
      Where the brave may live forever.

      Fuck Brian Fischer who if he ever saw some insurgent dragging her (typo intended) fellow soldier away would stand there pissing his pants and then praise Jeebus that it wasn't her (typo intended again).

  5. GuyClinch

    "We know instinctively that we should honor courage, but shy away from honoring courage if it results in the taking of life rather than in just the saving of life."

    So, I guess this "Bryan Fischer" must really respect Mohammed Atta and the other 18 9-11 assholes, because, as Bill Maher pointed out years ago, it took courage to pull that shit off. Anyhow, Fischer deserves the Medal of Vileness.

    1. zhubajie

      The plexiglass belly-button award. It lets you see where you are going even though you have you're head up your ass!

  6. emmelemm

    So basically, this fucker's whole argument is based on ignoring the actual facts of the case, specifically that the army dude DID, in fact, kill someone?

    I haz a confused. (Don't worry, it happens to me all the time. It doesn't hurt a bit.)

    1. Missyb9479

      He killed one guy. Come on. Killing one guy won't even get you into one of the good gangs anymore. You'd get into one of the third tier gangs, maybe, but there won't be any real banging jobs for you when you graduate.

      To really deserve a medal of honor you need to kill fitty men.

  7. V572625694

    It's all right — Salvatore Giunta is Italian-gay, not buttßechs gay. They look similar to the untrained eye, but are very, very different.

    Did Fischer see Giunta on "60 Minutes" Sunday? Could a hero be more Christ-like?

    Bryan Fischer, you scurrilous poseur: a lot of people who have never heard of you before are going to show you now what it means to be hated.

    And "Bryan"? — sounds kinda gay. "Prior to joining the leadership team at American Family Association, Bryan served as Executive Director of the Idaho Values Alliance."

    The Larry Craig Chapter, one presumes…

    1. hagajim

      Why the hell do all the fucktard wingnuts come from Idaho…this douche and Saint Sarah…and taptoe Larry….Good God I missed the boat. I could become one of these just by being from Idaho! Time to strap on my hypocritical homophobia and fake righteousness…then I too can be a fame whore.

  8. SorosBot

    Considering that this is around the fourth time I've seen Fisher very loudly arguing we're not killing enough people or animals, it really might be a good idea for the FBI to go out to his house and look for what's hidden in the basement or under the floorboards.

  9. SexySmurf

    However, Jesus’ act of self-sacrifice would ultimately have been meaningless – yes, meaningless – if he had not inflicted a mortal wound on the enemy while giving up his own life.

    I think Fischer got the Bible confused with the ending of The Wild Bunch. Happens to me all the time.

    1. PsycWench

      I thought at first you meant "Where The Wild Things Are" which is probably more Fischer's level anyway.

    2. arcane_allusion

      I found the easiest way for me to tell them apart was that the Bible has way more violence and incest; while The Wild Bunch ending is more plausible.

  10. LionelHutzEsq

    Yeah Jesus!!!! He so mortally wounded the Roman Empire, it only lasted for another 400-1500 years, depending on who you ask.

    Yeah, Jesus kicks ass!

        1. sarjo

          I thumbed the footstools comment once. Now I wish to do so again. Why is Wonkette thumbing system so masculinized that it only can go ONCE when I want more????

  11. chascates

    I would suggest our culture has become so feminized that we have become squeamish at the thought of the valor that is expressed in killing enemy soldiers through acts of bravery.

    A Mama Grizzly would have killed everyone, our soldiers included, to show how much she loves Jesus and America.

  12. OneYieldRegular

    Proof that the Medal of Honor is rapidly becoming "feminized" is that the only woman ever to receive one got hers in 1865. And in the thousands of years prior to that, not ONE woman received the Medal of Honor. I rest my case.

  13. real_dc_native

    I think he should go to some bars in the area around Ft. Hood in Texas and explain his theory of the feminized military to the young women and men that he finds there. I'm sure this would stimulate some rather animated discussion that would hopefully lead to him getting the shit kicked out of hi.

    1. HistoriCat

      I'll chip in five bucks for the ticket to get him there but someone has to record the event for posterity.

  14. metamarcisf

    Come on, we know in our hearts that Bryan Fischer is right. The next step is to righteously nominate Vietnam Veteran Lt. William ("What, My Lai?") Calley for the medal of honor. I'd like to see somebody question HIS manhood.

    1. Sparky_McGruff

      I'm glad to see your comment made it onto the AFA site for all the wingnuts to see. Your P score is a badge of honor, my friend.

  15. finallyhappy

    I am not Christian(not that this AFA is Christian either- just bigots and haters) so you guys explain- I thought Jesus died on the cross and said Father, Father, why have you forsaken me or Forgive them Father they know not what they do. Where does it say he killed some of the enemy?

    1. kenlayisalive

      In the Book of Bryan Fischer, Jesus descends from the cross, pulls the cross out of the ground with one hand, then swings the cross around over his head, decapitating 100 Roman soldiers and all infinite bears. Then he makes sweet sweet love to Pamela Anderson and Mary Magdalen whilst at the same time as he is making this manly, condom-less love to two women, he is actually also at the same time drop kicking commie Mexi-fags over the border. And as soon as the love making is done, his seed is so virile that he actually ejaculates three three-month old babies.

      It's all in there.

    2. zhubajie

      It doesn't. He made the apostles hand over the weapons they had when he was arrested, too.

      The modern born-again movement has given up on the Jewish carpenter, and started worshipping Pontius Pilate, though.

  16. elviouslyqueer

    Well, given the fact that Bryan Fischer hasn't been anywhere near the military in, oh, ever but has, instead, been head of the "Idaho Values Alliance," I'd say he's not only a sack of shit, but a pole-smoking, power-bottoming, 10-inch-stiletto-heel-wearing sack of shit.

  17. Ducksworthy

    WTF? What enemy did fantasy white macho Jeebus inflict a mortal wound on? Rome? Well OK but that was one long acting spell and even then if Julian the Apostate had had his way it never would have happened.

    1. zhubajie

      Jesus was a white guy? I thought he was a middle east guy, one of those dark-skinned peasant/Bedouin types you meet. Early Xtns thought "I am Black but beautiful" was about Jesus.

  18. SayItWithWookies

    Hell, if Bryan Fischer thinks the Medal of Honor's been feminized, he should look at the church he speaks for — it's being fronted by a blow-dried Ted Baxter wannabe who probably spends his time fondling twelve-year-old boys, and it sucks at the teat of Rupert Murdoch and runs crying to mommy every time someone observes that it's shot through with coddled, made-up, faux-pious failed theater majors and xenophobic Steven Seagal fans with moobs.

  19. Lascauxcaveman

    No, no. Fischer's got a point. Because if Soldier Sal wasn't such a fag, he would have run forward under heavy fire, killed the two insurgents, and then used his fallen comrade for target practice. Because we heteros love to shoot and kill things above all else.

    Otherwise we'd all be sissy, feminized fags.

    1. GOPCrusher

      A real man wouldn't have used a gun. He would hand snapped the neck of one of the insurgents and then used that corpse to beat the other one to death.
      Like Chuck Norris.

  20. MarionNYNY

    Just took a quick look at Fischer's bio. They must have left off the part about his own heroism when he was in the military. Humility I guess. Either that or maybe he's another chicken-hawk who just can't stop squawking.

    1. PublicLuxury

      Just like Rush. Couldn't serve due to the boil on his ass, which has migrated to his brain… Matbe not, this Bryan fellow seems to have his head in his ass…

      If your head is in your ass can you wear underpants?

  21. WhatTheHeck

    AFA Hymn:

    Onward christian soldiers
    going off to war
    with the blood of Jesus
    we’re gonna spill some more.

  22. slappypaddy

    bryan fischer is an unspeakable ass. the toenail clippings of a garret trooper are worth more.

    from the code of federal regulations, title 32, chapter 5, section 578.4, the following:

    "The Medal of Honor, established by Joint Resolution of
    Congress, 12 July 1862 (amended by Act of 9 July 1918 and Act of 25 July
    1963) is awarded in the name of Congress to a person who, while a member
    of the Army, distinguished himself conspicuously by gallantry and
    intrepidity at the risk of his life above and beyond the call of duty
    while engaged in an action against an enemy of the United States; while
    engaged in military operations involving conflict with an opposing
    foreign force; or while serving with friendly foreign forces engaged in
    an armed conflict against an opposing armed force in which the United
    States is not a belligerent party. The deed performed must
    have been one of personal bravery or self-sacrifice so conspicuous as to
    clearly distinguish the individual above his comrades and must have
    involved risk of life. Incontestable proof of the performance of the
    service will be exacted and each recommendation for the award of this
    decoration will be considered on the standard of extraordinary merit.
    Eligibility is limited to members of the Army of the United States in
    active Federal military service."

    suck on that, bryan, and tell me how it tastes. if you can get that sorry sack-of-shit flavor out of your mouth.

  23. kenlayisalive

    Okay Wonketeers, it is pinky swear time. if at any point any of us see some Taliban dragging Bryan Fischer away to his certain death, can we all agree to just let them have him?

    1. glindsey1979

      No, man, I would save him, just so he could live the rest of his life knowing he owes it to some goddamned LIBRUL who was braver than he. (And a better Christian, too, despite being an apostate Catholic.)

    2. mumbly_joe

      They really deserve each other, is really the thing- AFAICT, that right there is a match made in Hell, by Satan, whom Bryan Fischer probably routine thanks via truck decals.

    3. DoktorZoom

      Screw that–I'll save his sorry ass, then capture the Taliban fighters, teach them English, give them Fischer's columns about Islam, and THEN turn him over to them.

  24. BarackMyWorld

    I don't think that this guy realizes that we basically give Medals of Honor for doing stuff like RISKING YOUR LIFE to save others, not getting the highest body count.

  25. yellowerdog

    Don't know why Mr. Fischer's views would upser anyone. He's right to put this in masculine/feminine terms. It's his frame of reference, seeing as he's a DICK!

  26. Rotundo_

    I don't suppose that the fact that "enemy" kills aren't posted on the evening news like football scores like they were in the Vietnam war has anything to do with this? The DoD doesn't like discussing the unpleasant side of all this ("enemy" as well as our own casualties) because then it would just be a bummer for the country. Then you have these armchair Rambo wannabes howling that we aren't handing out CMH's like fucking teddy bears at a carnival booth. From what I have seen of CMH awardees and what they have done, it is about sacrifice and risk for the greater good without regard for personal safety and comfort. It isn't about the amount of bodies that pile up. But then, chickenhawks like these think like sideshow geeks and not like human beings. That this gentleman was able to walk up and collect his medal was miraculous. Reducing it to a bounty for ears cut or bodies piled shows Fischer's ignorance, a total absence of character or humanity, and a pathological anti-christian mindset that shows the AFA for what it is.

  27. Gleem_McShineys

    Does "mortal wound," perhaps in ancient Aramaic or something, actually mean "lying cunt"?

    Because that would make sense: Jesus inflicted this lying cunt, Bryan Fischer, upon us all. Manly Jesus, please, heal us of this wound.

  28. Beanball

    In Chicago some years back, I rounded a corner on the Navy Pier and what to my eyes did appear but a group of approximately 50 Medal of Honor recipients (Vietnam vets, mostly). I was so thunderstruck that I actually stopped and saluted, and I haven't worn a uniform in years.

    Somebody needs to stop by this asshole's office and explain (preferably in a hard way) what one has to go through to receive one of these "trinkets."

    Oh, did I mention that I would personally like to curbstomp this motherfucker?

        1. ttommyunger

          Interesting, especially since my son with Ky N.G. He holds CIB and Bronze Star. Been over once, going again, I fear.

          1. Neilist

            Ttommy:

            I'm an ASSHOLE, I know.

            But tell your son I TOLD him to keep his God DAMN head DOWN, okay?

            (Phrase it any way you like.)

            Neilist

          2. glindsey1979

            I wish him the best of luck. My cousin is a newly-minted lieutenant in the Army Reserves, so I'd imagine he'll be heading over there too at some point soon. Scares the hell out of me.

  29. metamarcisf

    "Hey, bub, I'd like to see you square up to practically any serving member of the armed forces and find out how many seconds it takes them to soundly "feminize" you. Can your body cash the check your mouth is more than willing to write? I think we all know the answer."

    Wasn't me. Way too erudite.

  30. DahBoner

    Why son, back in my day, way back in 93, the only people who wore their hair this short were boys in the Castro.

    Now, all the young kids are GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAI skinheads….

  31. GuanoFaucet

    "I would suggest our culture has become so feminized…"

    Well, I don't know about that, Bryan, but this country has become an unbearable black hole of stupid. And idiot assholes, like you, are the major cause of our journey toward 'tard-ville.

    And for that, you can go eat a bag of extra-salted rat dicks, you fuck.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Bryan never got over his homosexual "experiment" that one night he got drunk at whatever loser fraternity was willing to pledge him.

  32. mercianomad

    My prayer for today: Would somebody please suit up Bryan Fischer in combat fatigues and modern weaponry and send him to the thorniest section of Afghanistan/Pakistan there is, so he can prove what a masculine man he is in combat? What a douche. Why do I have to share a country with these assholes? Why why why? Joining the Vermont secessionists is looking pretty good right now.

    1. mrblifil

      Too expensive. Jet Blue him over to LaGuardia airport and drop him off at any housing project in Brooklyn, anytime after 10PM, and he can show us all how rough and tough he is. I'm guessing he'd be introduced to a whole new concept of "feminization."

  33. EdFlintstone

    Yeah, how come the guys who have the most kills aren't gettting their due? I'm smelling hit TV show and newest fantasy sport on Christian Broadcasting Network, Fantasy War. Battle for the Jesus Cup, by assembling your team of 10 members of the army, air force and marines! Scoring as follows: kill=6 pts, wound the enemy=3 points and saving a troop=1pt. Fun for the whole family!

    1. DustBowlBlues

      I can't wait to share this news about killer Jesus with my hippie, peace activist preacher. Whoa. It's be news to her.

      Oh, right. Women can't be the preacher in Bryan's world. No doubt, that's part of what's making our society feminine. Women taking men's jobs.

  34. TheMightyHaltor

    If you're watching a Medal of Honor ceremony and all you can see is gayness, you've got a closet bigger than Imelda Marcos'

    1. DustBowlBlues

      Seriously. None of the war cheeleaders ever put on a uniform, except that time Junior Bush went to have his teeth cleaned in Alabama, to prove he was with the Guard so he could get it done for free.

  35. lochnessmonster

    Ya know, that's what happens when people don't bother to READ and learn the FACTS before they spout off ASS U ME things.

    1. DustBowlBlues

      You are so sweet. That's such an old-fashioned, mild way of talking about this assfucking dickwad. Just for that, I'm going to follow you and up your pees.

      You're welcome.

  36. kenlayisalive

    Look, for a man of the caliber of Bryan Fischer, this kind of bravery is routine.

    Why, if you knew the number of times he threw himself onto live grenades (throbbing, exploding cocks), using his body (mouth) to make sure that the shrapnel (buckets of jiz), didn't wound any bystanders (stain the airport carpet), then you'd know that this kind of "bravery" is just commonplace.

  37. el_chupacabra

    Oh… jesus is gonna get his killin' in real soon y'all. Gonna make up for all that being a pussy. Gonna burn this fucker to the ground yo. And President-for-Life-from-Heaven Trig will give him a fucking HELLYEAH Medal. And it won't have no purple ribbon neither. It'll have a ribbon made out of other medals. medals for KILLIN' (jews?) (hope not!)

  38. mumbly_joe

    I love how the AFA isn't even trying to pretend they're any different from Westboro Baptist at this point.

    The only question now is when Bryan Fischer is going to finally grow a pair of his own and join them out at our soldier's funerals, protesting this "feminized" American culture that doesn't celebrate wholesale, indiscriminate slaughter.

  39. elfgoldsackring

    Isn't this the guy whose Jesus points and laughs when a family's house is left to burn down 'cos they haven't paid their fire levy? You know, to teach them a lesson?

    1. SorosBot

      http://wonkette.com/425195/afa-jesus-wanted-firef
      Yep.
      "In this case, critics of the fire department are confused both about right and wrong and about Christianity. And it is because they have fallen prey to a weakened, feminized version of Christianity that is only about softer virtues such as compassion and not in any part about the muscular Christian virtues of individual responsibility and accountability."

  40. bordo2

    God, I just read the whole column and now I feel an intense desire to pluck out my eyeballs.

    I know the douchebaggery this year has been at high tide, but fuck, give Bryan Fister the award for being the biggest asshole in the galaxy right now. No one is going to top this kettle of crap.

    1. DoktorZoom

      Greater love testosterone hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life waste as many brown people as possible for his friends the manly Jebus lulz.

  41. chickensmack

    I Corinthians 14:34-35:

    Let the women keep silent in the churches. For they are not permitted to speak, but should be in submission, as the Law also says. If there is anything they desire to learn, let them ask their husbands at home. For it is a disgrace for a woman to speak in church.

    That includes you Kansas City dancin' sissies and your life-saving bullshit.

  42. LionelHutzEsq

    And the Lord looked upon them and said,

    "Lo, blessed are the guys who shoot up women and children, especially the brown ones, 'cause they have it coming. Heaven is reserved for those with blood and gore hanging from their teeth. Fuck the Mother Fuckers!!!!"

    The Gospel of Cheney, Chapter 12, verse 4-6

  43. June_Cleaver2.0

    Now they are attacking soldiers in the presence of the president, so sure are they, that they can say anything and the American people will believe the lie or the made-up story. They have all decided to put a negative spin on absolutely everything the president does. Where is the outrage to call these bums traitors?

  44. ttommyunger

    Judging from the Sergeant's salad on his blouse (yes, that's what it's called in the Army, so go nuts, Fischer) he has attended several rodeos and county fairs, not just the one in question. I wouldn't be so stupid or insensitive to ask him, but I'm guessing he's made more than one human assume room temperature in his short career. I am frankly aghast at the assholery required to lodge any criticism of this event, in any direction. I guess AFA stands for Americans for Assholery and we all know who's wearing the most medals in that outfit.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      That's an excellent point. I cannot read the salad, but five rows on a SSgt suggests that he's been a busy fella.

      1. ttommyunger

        The highest are displayed on upper rows, I just glanced and noticed Purple Heart and Bronze Star. No telling how many tours he's pulled by now. The gall of these rightards is mindboggling. Fischer would have to stand on his grandmother's shoulders just to look this kid in the eye. I say kid only because he is younger than my own. He is definitely a man, unlike Fischer. Hopefully, his combat is all behind him now. Unlikely his ass will be risked any further since he has (rightly) assumed National Treasure Status.

        1. ShaveTheWhales

          Thanks for that. I'm not sure there is any human pyramid that would bring Fischer up to this guy's eye-level.

          Hopefully, SSgt Giunta will not move to Arizona. Or just be so fucking soldier that he insists on going back.

          1. ttommyunger

            He seems like a well-centered young man. I have high hopes for him. He sure has a leg up on life now whatever he chooses for his future.

  45. NorthStarSpanx

    Have we established that Fischer is a combat veteran? He serve along side Joe Miller and won't disclose his serious disability?

    When is Fischer going to volunteer the metal fillings in his teeth to mold the new masculine medals fit for murdering heroes?

  46. mumbly_joe

    You know, I've mentioned this before, but the fact that Bryan Fischer uses the word "feminized" as a catch-all term meaning "inferior, wrong-headed, and inconsistent with everything I think the world should be" kinda speaks greater volumes than his godawful blog posts advocating slaughter of everything, themselves.

    *But!* Just to be clear! There's no inconsistency with agreeing with everything Bryan Fischer says and all the language he uses about those things, and being a feminist, or even merely kinda liking women as co-equal human beings! Mama Grizzlies! Rawr! Totally the same thing as feminism! And Teabaggers are standing up to those Wall Street fat-cats! Also!

    1. sarjo

      That's just a stupid thing to say!!!

      REAL heroes take cell cam pix with their corpse while doing the squint-eye+pistol-hand thing.

  47. PublicLuxury

    As a Merican I expect my military men to slaughter people first and git answers next millinum. Y'all dint know shit 'bout being a reeel Merican. Mah boys'll kick the shit outta y'all pussy librul guvmint luvin' welfer luvin' lazzzy gays. A man's a man. A mans gotta have pussy regaler like or he mite be tempted to go 'gainst Chriesss an all an git a handjob frum a friend.

  48. donner_froh

    "“I have noticed a disturbing trend in the awarding of these medals, which few others seem to have recognized"

    I have noticed a disturbing trend which few others are insane enough to have recognized or if they did were self-aware enough to keep it to themselves.

    Not me, though, because Bryan Fisher is above all that sanity and rationality which is really gay besides.

  49. mercianomad

    This is something like 10,000 x infinity worse than the fattest 350-pound KFC-munching jerk bitching about his favorite athlete being out of shape or playing poorly on game day. That hypocrisy is bad, but mostly it's worse because it sounds like he views both contests with the same attitude, as if the horrors of real warfare and killing are some sort of stat-happy entertainment for a sports MVP award.

  50. PublicLuxury

    What's with the little red dots on Sal's face? Is that supposed to be blood spatter? Maybe he should have showered before coming to the ceremony. I guess I can live with it, it makes him look less feminine and much more homicidal.

    1. ShaveTheWhales

      Oh, you Cal guys. Just upset them, take your fucking Axe, and go home.

      [Disclaimer: I have a small personal interest in this as an alumnus of a modest Midwestern university].

  51. SheriffRoscoe

    I often think back to the story of Jesus acting all butch, when, while being arrested to be taken in and tortured to death, that "nancy boy" Simon Peter intervened by stepping in and cutting the ear off one of the centurions with his sword. Jesus, being the stud muffin that he was picked the ear up, did some abracadabra shit and rebuffed Peter for being such a fucking wuss.

    Wait, that seems backwards, somehow. Mr. Fischer, HELP!

  52. transfatz

    I'm proud that Salvatore Giunta is a Sicilian-American like myself. I have never seen action other than dodging hails of bullets in several Brooklyn clam houses.
    Giunta, however, had the presence of mind to prepare ambush antipasto, an excellent Taliban scallopini and help finish the meal off with apache spumoni. From what I have read, he and his fellow prep cooks and sous chefs all deserve the medal for field cooking a bunch of sorry Taliban asses off.

  53. Office_39

    The Medal of Honor is the Happy Meal Prize of McDonaldsized patriotism, and Bryan Fischer is totally insane. Blog post-in-a-can story if ever there was.

  54. aisai

    "Blessed are the peacemakers, especially those that kill as many goddamn ragheads as possible"

    That was always my favourite Jesus quote

  55. Ducksworthy

    I think xtians like Bryan Feacher have made up a religion that attempted to resurrect Jeebus but got Moloch instead. Moloch is the real muscular Jeebus.

    1. StillGoinGreen

      I think all xtians have become like the Jon Lovitz character, Tommy Flanagan. They just make shit up on the fly, regardless if it is written anywhere or not. The only way it would be any better is if they finished each one of their dribbling, nonsense pieces with, "YEAH, THAT'S THE TICKET!" My grandfather, uncle and 2 cousins were grifting, whoring, thieving ministers, so I was forcefed the bible throughout my youth – and I must say, I see very little if anything being sold as religion these days that is backed by scripture. Then again, I see nothing in the scripture that is backed by science – so I guess we're all even.

  56. marinmaven

    Here is what I posted:
    When will you and the religious right even open the bible to the Beatitudes. If you read Christ's teachings you would find them feminine in nature. Blessed are the meek, merciful, peaceful, and pure of heart. You are exhibit A when it comes to show that many of these "Christian" groups have little to do with Christ himself or his teachings.

  57. Dr_pangloss

    Many MOH are awarded post humous due to some brave mutherfucker doing something to save his buddies and not making it himself. Sometimes the guy makes it though and that is some how "Feminizied"? This Fisher guy sounds like some fuck who thinks the ARMY is camping out weekends and talking tough.

    What happened to the good ole days when you could get the MOH for killing native american women and children.

  58. comrad_darkness

    Are there any real Christians left? Are you all in hiding? Notching your doors with . . . um, I guess it wouldn't be fish . . . maybe with Aramaic? If any scooter riding knuckle draggers do bother you, remind them Jesus spoke English, just like it says in the Bible and they will leave you alone.

  59. mrbubb

    I am prepared to present my newly minted "Homo of Honor" medal to the first guy who demonstrates Fischer's logic on…Fischer. Get some!

  60. sanantonerose

    What is with all this "feminization" bullshit? Loathe as I am to say it, this mid-term election was about one thing: white male cock. RESTORE ME TO MY FORMER GLORY

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