ONE OF LIFE'S MANY CERTAINTIES  3:24 pm November 17, 2010

You Will Definitely Get Cholera

by Riley Waggaman

goddamned Gawker. YOU RELAX!

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Hola wonkerados.

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Monsieur_Grumpe November 17, 2010 at 3:32 pm

I'm not dead yet.

DashboardBuddha November 17, 2010 at 3:34 pm

Do you feel happy?

Monsieur_Grumpe November 17, 2010 at 3:38 pm

I think I'll go for a walk now.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 17, 2010 at 3:53 pm

Glad to hear that Mr. Cheney.

SorosBot November 17, 2010 at 3:38 pm

Since cholera is caused by eating shit, regular Fox News viewers are most susceptible.

SexySmurf November 17, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Cholera is the new West Nile Virus.

user-of-owls November 17, 2010 at 4:39 pm

Hookworms are the new Cholera.

sarjo November 17, 2010 at 10:01 pm

Dagnabbit! I thought the genital warts thing was the cool new disease! Can I exchange my warts please? I need a cholera, double hookworms, and a skinny West Nile (with an extra shot of blindness, no lumps).

SayItWithWookies November 17, 2010 at 3:41 pm

Ha — I've built up my immunity by listening to Glenn Beck in the morning.

chickensmack November 17, 2010 at 3:43 pm

Gawker is the Fox News of Funny.

TanzbodenKoenig November 17, 2010 at 3:46 pm

Just make sure you flush first

TanzbodenKoenig November 17, 2010 at 3:47 pm

Cholera is the new Atkins Diet, you'll be astonished at just how quickly you shed the pounds…. and lining of your colon!

SwattieSwat November 17, 2010 at 3:53 pm

I've been trying to lose some colon weight for years.

Barrelhse November 17, 2010 at 11:04 pm

More Powell to you.

LionelHutzEsq November 17, 2010 at 4:04 pm

But will I find love during this time?

SayItWithWookies November 17, 2010 at 4:34 pm

Under the new GOP healthcare reform bill, you are entitled to one hundred years of solitude.

user-of-owls November 17, 2010 at 4:37 pm

Hola Wookie y Lionel! Buendia!

sarjo November 17, 2010 at 10:03 pm

All requests must go through the General. He's in his labyrinth M-F, 8-5.

bumfug November 17, 2010 at 4:15 pm

I've got cholera RIGHT NOW and I still look better than Dick Cheney!

PublicLuxury November 17, 2010 at 7:28 pm

Not difficult to accomplish. My cats asshole looks better than Dicky. I know you could try harder. DO OVER. See, just like when you were in 2nd grade. Be an overachiever.

sarjo November 17, 2010 at 10:05 pm

Oh please! I think you mean either: "My cat's asshole" or, "My cats' assholes."

No wonder people call us dumb libtards!!!

SayItWithWookies November 17, 2010 at 4:41 pm

No, but you have to unfriend Willow.

chascates November 17, 2010 at 4:47 pm

Worry about hog cholera. Once it mutates with pig AIDS we're all doomed. Doomed to a separate cable channel that has the Palins 24/7.

sarjo November 17, 2010 at 10:07 pm

(imagine me making snorty "hwaaank hwaaank" pig sounds, 'cause I am!!!)

BornInATrailer November 17, 2010 at 5:49 pm

Vitter is going to have to boil his poo before he engages in his diaper/scat play? What a PITA (heh).

GOPCrusher November 17, 2010 at 5:51 pm


sarjo November 17, 2010 at 10:08 pm

Even so, dear chap, all caps is uncalled for.

ttommyunger November 17, 2010 at 6:44 pm

Considering all the bad karma hitting those poor people lately, I can't believe several Rightard Teevee Preachers haven't proclaimed it God's revenge on them for some real or imagined sins. Pat Roberson must be in a fucking coma to keep him away from this opportunity to prove his assholery once again. At least I hope he is, and I mean that in the shittiest possible way.

Negropolis November 18, 2010 at 2:41 am

Some talking head said it was a curse for making a pact with the devil right after this happened, so someone already has that covered.

ttommyunger November 18, 2010 at 8:53 am

I will file your report under: “I should have known”.

PublicLuxury November 17, 2010 at 7:22 pm

Oh wow. This is way cool. I always wanted to get a highly communicable deadly disease other than they syphilis and herpes and gonorrhea I already have.

Oh, BTW, I am looking for a date to the Soldiers' Ball. Give me a buzz if you're not busy and enjoy taking huge doses of penicillin.

PublicLuxury November 17, 2010 at 7:25 pm

Non Snark

The people of Haiti are in desperate circumstances. We need to do all we can to help them to recover from one disaster after another upon the plight they were already suffering. Congress (republipukes) are still blocking the federal funding promised to Haitians after the earthquake. Call your congressscritter, please.

sarjo November 17, 2010 at 10:10 pm

What, we need to steal more of their kids? I want a cute one!

transfatz November 17, 2010 at 9:33 pm

Cholera is so popular now that there will simply not be enough to go around this holiday season. The major producer, Haiti, is having shipping problems as labor disturbances in the cholera manufacturing sector have closed some airports and ports there. Look for tramplings at Choleramart and excessive cholera scalping on e-bay.

sarjo November 17, 2010 at 10:12 pm

But the wise shopper knows that the best deals are factory-direct. While supplies at your local Choleramart cannot be guaranteed, a visit to Haiti will almost certainly yield success.

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