Newly Thin Dick Cheney Going To Cheat Death Forever

George W. Bush broke ground on his presidential library of children's book boxed-sets packed with plush characters Monday, and look who was on hand. Why, if it's not the Angel of Death himself! Yes, Dick Cheney, who does not have a pulse, we remind you, was on hand to show everyone his hott new well-toned body, acquired when he ripped an Afghan's head off in a secret prison last week. This man will always find a new way to keep his dark mind living eternally.

"Of course the George W. Bush Presidential Center isn't much to look at just yet, but the workers are ready, construction will move fast after today's groundbreaking. This may be the only shovel ready project in America," said Mr. Cheney.

Hahahahahahahahaha. Hilarious. The ailing country you made fun of hopes you die soon too, dick. [ CNN ]