'Wait a second, Mr. Gorbachev. Jon Kyl here. I'll do the talking about this Wall.'The New START Treaty, signed in April by President Obama and President Dmitry Medvedev of Russia, is an agreement by the two nations to significantly limit further their nuclear warheads, an update on expiring arms treaties signed by both Presidents Bush. But because Barack Obama is the most powerful man in the world, and his political party commands overwhelming majorities in the national parliament, he has to ask permission of the minority party to let this treaty be approved. The minority party appointed Jon Kyl to be their “point man” on this particular treaty, because otherwise they can’t keep track of all the various legislation they need to obstruct. And even though Democrats let Kyl have all the hundreds of billions of dollars of extra defense spending he said he wanted in exchange for allowing them to pass this, he’s now saying he won’t let them pass this. Time to update that old Schoolhouse Rock video.

“When Majority Leader Harry Reid asked me if I thought the treaty could be considered in the lame-duck session, I replied I did not think so given the combination of other work Congress must do and the complex and unresolved issues related to Start and modernization,” Mr. Kyl said in a statement. The senator added that he would continue to negotiate with administration officials for a possible vote next year.

Oh, that’s nice. Sure, let’s let this random guy be in charge of the nation’s diplomacy, because he’s a single member of the minority party in the legislature.

Of course, this is making all of the Russians laugh at President Obama, because not only does he not have the power of a strongman authoritarian president, he doesn’t even have the simple power of majority rule that is supposed to make democracies work.

If Mr. Obama cannot fulfill the promise of pushing the treaty through Congress, White House officials worry that it will diminish his credibility with world leaders and embolden hard-liners in Moscow who have long expressed skepticism about the rapprochement with Washington – among them, Prime Minister Vladimir V. Putin, who allowed Mr. Medvedev to pursue the warmer ties despite his own doubts.

Translation: Putin wanted to try this out, but he didn’t want the blame if it backfired, so he made his puppet do all the effort. But it won’t matter anyway, because everyone in Russia will be able to clink together their steins of vodka and laugh about how weak America is that they can’t even ratify a treaty they signed. [NYT]

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  • slappypaddy

    the republicans have become the people who burned down the house because they didn't like the way the furniture was arranged.

    • Serolf_Divad

      After they got tired of ordering Obama to move the couch here… no here… no… no wait… I think I liked it better where it was at first*.

      *And he obliged them in the name of bi-partisanship.

      • slappypaddy

        they also had some problem with its color.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    Of course Kyl should be in charge of this; He can see Russia from his back yard!

    • Doglessliberal

      Every time I hear his name, I think of the fact that Hill employees (anonymously) voted him "Dumbest Senator" for a Washingtonian poll a few years ago. I believe Wonketteers have noted this before, but it is so much fun to repeat, I cannot help myself.

      • Bonzos_Bed_Time

        Smooth move putting him in charge of the nuKUlar weapons thingie…

    • OhNoGuy

      He will not be able to see Russia until he pulls his head out of his ass. Which means, of course, never.

      When did they start calling Arizona "the Pin Head State"?

      Huh, can we start now?

  • SorosBot

    Well Kyl's right, the Senate can't hold a vote on this treaty when they have so much work to do, it's not like it's as easy as just asking asking each Senator to say yes or no.

  • Darthhippy

    Long life to the Russo-republican alliance.

  • "When Majority Leader Harry Reid asked me if I thought the treaty could be considered in the lame-duck session, I replied I did not think so"

    That sums up Reid's ability to act as majority leader better than anything I could imagine.

    Reid: "Gee, Mr. Kyl, do you think we might consider this treaty soon?"

    Kyl: "No."

    • Negropolis

      We don't know how Reid replied. In my fantasy, Reid replies: **bitchslap** "Said what muthafucka?" And Kyl, shrinking behind the slap nervously says: "Ok, Majority Leader Reid."

      **Reid towers above him with a sly grin, nodding in approval**


  • uncuntstitutional

    Would the space invaders from Independence Day just hurry up and get here – and target capitol hill instead of the white house?

    I'll be fleeing to the dessert with my single-mom stripper girlfriend vivica a. fox and a truckload of Jamesons

    • Boredw/Gravity

      Either that or the Rapture. Just get them the hell out of here so I can think clearly without my brain esplodin' every single day.

  • GuyClinch

    Ahh, sweet, sweet democracy. Kyl negotiated in bad faith and, once again, the White House fell for the GOP shit.

    • forgracie

      Yeah, they're like Charlie Brown kicking the ball Lucy's holding aren't they? Next up, expect the good time Bush tax cuts to continue while the new Congress crafts a solution to the deficit…

      • OneDollarJuana

        I don't think Lucy's holding a ball anymore. It's just a big, smelly dog turd, and the Dems just keep kicking it.

  • PocketsTheClown

    John Cleese-Zsa Zsa Gabor love child is obstructionist, wants cookie.

  • Does Senator Kyl also dig in his heels about the other bleeding obvious votes that come up in his celebrated Deliberative Body, like congratulating the softball team from St. Onan's School for Girls in Bumfuck, Iowa, or declaring National Oral Hygiene Week?

    • SorosBot

      This is the modern Republican party, which reflexively obstructs anything the Democrats want, no matter what; they would even oppose a measure to support puppies and kittens, and in fact literally did so in Mississippi.

    • Not_So_Much

      I live in a state predominantly governed by retards. But at least we're not Arizona. Yes, our previous senator was trolling for a rub & tug in a fucking airport — but at least he wasn't Kyl or McCain.

      • What was his stance on DADT?

        • Not_So_Much


          (rim-shot!) be sure to tip your waitresses! I'll be here all week!

  • Sepatown!

    Could we just dissolve the Senate and take our chances with the Sith?

    • DashboardBuddha


      • Mindblank

        Yeah, where's Jar-Jar Binks when you need him? We'll have to get W. since he's a natural Binksman.

  • DCNole

    I want to say something to be witty and make people laugh, but I am just sad instead.

    • sarjo

      Your sadness–I laugh at it!


      • DCNole

        Indeed! :)

  • Obama needs to amp up the image. Riding a horse while shirtless might do the trick.

    • OhNoGuy

      While he's on that horse, he might consider getting a nice long stick and smiting some of his opponents as he rides amongst them.

      Don't forget to drive a few nails in that stick.

      (I can dream, can't I?)

  • jim89048

    Speaking as a resident of an equally dessicated state adjacent to the one Kyl is from, how the fuck did we get to wield so much powah, being so fucking dumb?

  • revmod

    Not ratifying peace and disarmament treaties does seem a more honest way of doing things than Dubya's method of ignoring the ratified ones.

    • PublicLuxury

      The problem the republiscum have with the treaty is it is making things SMALLER. Then the Obamar might want to PULL-OUT nukes from someplace. All these issues have to do with secret manhood psyche. After all, what REAL man pulls-out? You MUST stay in and get the job done!

  • freakishlywrong

    Oh. Ok, so that's it then. No treaty, no unemployment benefit extension, no DADT repeal, no confirmations, no tax hikes for the wealthy. This session isn't lame, it's castrated.

  • bitchincamaro2

    I missed the Cold War.

    • jimmyjohn2

      Just rent Rocky IV. It's pretty much the same thing.

  • Ducksworthy

    Can we ask the Russians to nuke Arizona, now?

    • genxr

      That should have been written into the treaty.

      • OhNoGuy

        Article 9, clause 4: "we're beggin' you, here."

  • jimmyjohn2

    Young Eric Cartman said it best when he suggested "How 'bout we sing, Kyl's mom's a bitch in D minor?"

  • el_chupacabra

    hmm… at least i no longer have to worry about misdirected anger and hate. no matter where it lands, it is well deserved. fuuuuuuuuuck you fucking fuckers. all of you. irony might not be dead, but my ability to laugh at assholes is faltering. this is worse. hatehatehatehate

    • Ducksworthy

      I fear our beloved Wonkette is in danger of degenerating into a sort of a Red State for sane people if the reign of stupidity lasts as long as I fear it will. Fear. Anger. Hate.

      • PsycWench

        The Wonketterian spelling, use of punctuation, grammar and vocabulary is standing in the way of Red-State-hood for the time being.

    • HELisforHEL

      WTF indeed.

  • OkieDokieDog

    Who is this guy?

  • SayItWithWookies

    That jackass Kyl has come a long way since he first became famous for being a tool of Jack Abramoff. Now he's obstructing shit all on his own.

  • WarAndGee

    Corporate nuclear warhead manufacturing is a jobs program we can't afford to lose. ( As evidenced by the military industrial complex's political contributions to the party of hypocrisy.)

  • Lucidamente1

    "We can not act until my fellow Arizonan Ben Quayle is sworn in."

    • kenlayisalive

      Oh no, I forgot about that race. Did pencil neck freak win?

      • Lucidamente1

        He did, he did. I can't wait till he sends a thank-you note to Senator "Kyle."

  • Dickhead is a three letter word starting with k.

    • user-of-owls

      That rhymes with "bile."

  • Well I can see why Kyl doesn't like the treaty. Arms control is like gun control but for nookular missiles. GOPer's don't like anything that limits anyone's right to kill furriners AND puts limits on the 2nd amendment. The "Right to bear arms" is so sacred such that he feels the original (white male) founders of the most sacred document meant any arms including nookular.

  • x111e7thst

    Obama needs to stop "acting like an adult". Shelve the fucking treaty and shitcan all the nuke modernization programs that Kyl wants so desperately. When Kyl whines about national security (and he will) tell him he is an unpleasant little bitch.

  • mereoblivion

    "If Mr. Obama cannot fulfill the promise of pushing the treaty through Congress, White House officials worry that it will diminish his credibility with world leaders and embolden hard-liners in Moscow"

    Dear Bam and nameless "officials,"
    Howzabout you try propping up your credibility with us poor suckers who voted you in, instead of fretting about a bunch of vodka-infused Siberian yakfuckers? Just a thought.

  • Fare la Volpe

    What's that, Kyl? I can't hear you when you gargle Blackwater's testicles like that.

  • Obama should order Gates to put the unneeded nukes on Ebay to generate some needed Kristmas Kash for America,

    • PublicLuxury

      I would bid. Nothing gives a lady the extra confidence she needs to feel warm and protected than great big nuke that explodes when you touch it. Happy Holidays.

  • fuflans

    in my wildest waking nightmares i never thought things could be more discouraging than the bush years.

    i am so very sad for this country.

    • freakishlywrong

      Actually, we should just let them have it back. Then at least we can hold them responsible for all the fuck ups they cause. Oh, wait, we didn't do that , we voted them back in? Never mind.

      • iburl

        You've just stumbled across the Democrat's master plan. Show contemptable weakness at every opportunity, then let the republicans control the government for 16 years or so, get 4 years or so by default because the 'pubes screwed it up so bad. Waste that precious little time in power caving to the GOP's every stupid whim, rinse and repeat.

    • SilverFox

      The difference is that in the Bush years we knew were f'ed from the get-go. Now we just get things nearly done and they just sweep in at the end and poop on everything.

      • Mindblank

        They are like Triumph the Insult Comic Dog about that. "These legislative achievements are great … for me to poop on."

  • Radiotherapy

    You won't find it there Columbus.

  • Pragmatist2

    He actually does look like a pumpkin.

  • GunTotingProgressive

    I'm not expecting to grow flowers in the desert,
    But I can live and breath and obstruct arms treaties in wintertime!

  • CapeClod

    The only 'arms reduction' these cretins will go along with is via dropping about 20 of these things on Tehran.

    • jim89048

      Or, if you're speaking about their constituents, surgical removal of their bingo wings.

    • GOPCrusher

      They won't be happy until we have an anti-missile defense system in downtown Bryansk, because, you know, that Putin fellow is just waiting for us to drop our defenses.

  • SilverFox

    John Kyl's thought process.

    On the one hand, you have a delicately negotiated treaty to reduce possession of nuclear weapons – a goal of US presidents and of US foreign policy for decades – inches from the goal line.

    On the other hand, NO Barack Obama/Demrat/surrender monkey treaty. Moar Nukes!

    • OhNoGuy

      Party of No says No again.

      Whoa, who could have seen THAT comin'!

  • PublicLuxury

    I long for the day that Harry's testicles finally drop. I will pray to a goddess that this happens by 3:00pm.

    • HELisforHEL

      Please let him understand that trying to deal rationally with bawling children is not working, never has, never will. It's way past the time to bring out the belt and asswhup these pieces of unpatriotic groupthink shit until their ears bleed.

      Gawdamn I hate these republicans.

  • OneYieldRegular

    What joy to see someone who shares Vladimir Putin's sentiments exerting such power in the U.S. Senate.

  • slithytovesss

    This post has none of the gravitas of your A+ news story on the Palin Facebook scandal.

  • V572625694

    The Republican platform for 2012, in it's entirety: "If that colored man in the White House wants it, we're agin it."

  • Fare la Volpe

    You all misunderstand Kyl's point. The government should not be the one reducing the US government's nuclear missile stockpile, but rather the Invisible Hand of the Free Market. Give the missiles to some wholesome, mom-and-pop-run small business — like, say, Haliburton — and let them sell off the missiles on Amazon for a nice profit. This will bring more jobs to America. Somehow!

    Now if the missiles happen to end up in the hands of countries like Iran, Pakistan, or North Korea even, well that's just the Will of the Market speaking. Praise be to her Holy Dollar Signs.

  • iburl

    I'll assume Reid is the pussycat in this.

  • Sgt_Biyatch

    This reminds me of a scene in Heathers, where Harry Reid is Winona Ryder's Veronica character, and Asshole Kyl is Shannon Doherty as Heather Number 2:

    Veronica Sawyer: "Heather, why can't you just be a friend? Why do you have to be such a mega-bitch?"
    Heather Duke: "Because I can be. "

  • lulzmonger

    " Patriotism, schmatriotism! Our guy burned down his own legacy by being such an ass-clown, so it's only fair that we use every dirty trick in the book to ruin yours."

    Thus the GOP takes its rightful place in American history – as The Children Of Caligula. I hear Kyl will let them pass the arms treaty, but only if his pekinese is appointed ambassador to China.

  • This shit get depressing–it seemed really obvious from the beginning of the health care reform debate that the Repubs were obstructionists first, last and always, that there was no negotiating point to with them and getting anything done meant exercising the power handed to Obama and the Democratic congress.

    Nothing has changed–these assholes are still focused on destroying Obama while helping wealthy individuals and corporations.

    It is in their fucking DNA–they are not going to change and unless the Democrats understand that and act like adults faced with an unpleasant but necessary task. Just get on with it and fuck the GOP as much as possible.

    • notreelyhelping

      Yup. I'm finding it difficult to find anything funny about this one. More and more, I'm convinced they're going to drive this sucker over the cliff. And we'll be in the back seat.

    • HELisforHEL

      I couldn't agree more. I will be very very sad if the repugs manage to so stymie Obama that he ends up a one term president. I had so much hope that finally, people had awakened from their stupor and understood the BS being fed them, but apparently I was mistaken.
      Please Hopey–no more Mr. Nice Guy. These shits don't deserve it.

  • James Michael Curley

    Why don't we lock Putin and Kyl in an empty room for a few weeks and see who comes out fat.

    • user-of-owls

      Trick question, neither would!

      Putin would come out in his normal FSB-Centerfold buffness, having nibbled on Kyl-Kabobs between one-armed push-ups.

      And Kyl would come out as a scoop of Putin pellets.

  • Canmon

    He doesn't have time to vote on this because he is too busy repeatedly voting for Bristol Palin.

  • Winnie_Cooper

    I went on a fun little junket with some Kyl staffers many years ago, and back then I got the impression that even they thought that their boss was a bit of a prick. I remember trying hard not to crack up when one of them took a deep breath and kind of rolled her eyes before informing me in a tense high-pitched staccato about what an honor it is to work for the Senator. Of course, those staffers have probably been weeded out by now, or have embraced the Stockholm syndrome.

  • HistoriCat

    Dear Mr. President – maybe you should try listening to the Republicans. "Compromise and bipartisanship"? Ha ha – that's cute. No – I'm talking the full "heavy" approach: FEMA camps, waterboarding, rendtion. I'm sure Senator Kyl would be in a much more receptive mood if he had a chance to unwind at Guantanamo for a few weeks. After all, you're trying to make the world a safer place and therefore keep Americans safer, so torture is completely justified.

  • Jukesgrrl

    "Dumb hack" is a compliment in this case.

    Maybe "Sharron Angle's stupid cousin."

  • hagajim

    What do you expect from the State that put Walnuts and any fucking idiot with the name of Quayle in office….Arizona is now officially my favorite State of Insanity…and considering Alaska is running a close second that takes some hard fucking work!

    • sati_demise

      Florida, baby. I predict will tie with Arizona in the near future.

    • HELisforHEL

      They're both making South Carolina look like a bastion of sophistication.

  • torera

    I have a lovely Bulgarian umbrella I'd like to shove at the Senator. As for Obama, he needs to shoot some more pirates. Start with the domestic ones.

  • MLite

    Senator Kyl or: How I learned to stop worrying and play politics with nuclear weapons (while undermining national security)

  • sati_demise


    Kyl is WORSE than Medvedev

  • Tito54

    Did it ever occur to Wonkette or the some of the commenters that under the Constitution, there is a requirement for an affirmative vote of 2/3 of the Senators to ratify a treaty? What inherently in the treaty negotiated between Russia and the U.S. is so attractive? Perhaps that there was no accounting for modernization of the nuclear arsenal? Perhaps that there was no taking account of the limitations that it would place on launch platforms, even for conventional arms? There is nothing inherently wrong with opposition to a treaty, especially if it does not take into account the strategic interests of the U.S.

  • ttommyunger

    "Dumb Hack?" Are you shitting me? Dumb, Ugly Hack, please.

  • fuflans

    that man's jaw is shaped like – and the size of – texas.

    not to be shallow or anything.

  • voodooeconomics

    I am too frustrated to even finish reading the article. Why isn't Obama hanging a rope around this dumb azz senator's neck, and all republicans in the senate this very minute, instead of the same whammy whammy BS about cooperation.
    The bitch about this whole thing is that republicans do not have a legislation agenda; their only objective is to win the presidency and to give tax cuts to the rich. get this thru your head Obama.

  • transfatz

    Jesus, I thought we busted up all the Jack-O-Lanterns after trick or treat on Halloween. How did that really creepy one survive?
    Pardon, I've got to go. Either my tea pot is boiling or my gaydar is going off.

  • Slim_Pickins

    So the KGB sleeper agent reveals himself. It's Kyl not Maobama!

  • aious

    I love this….Republicans have not read the treaty and are OUTRAGED at things that don't exist in the treaty

    But dammit, Fox News told them it was evil!

    Remember, those not supporting the President are treasonous people! They should be arrested! Except of course when a Democrat is in the WH

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