HUNTINGTON — A man and woman are charged with stealing a motorized shopping cart from Wal-Mart and driving it to and from a neighboring strip club early Monday morning.
This is not about West Virginia. This is about the OBAMA ECONOMY. And this is Obama making cuts to the scooter parts of our Medicare so he can fund this brand-new SOCIALIZED MEDICINE crap. [Huntington Herald-Dispatch via Wonkette operative "Liz"]
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Clearly she's a liberated woman, because a) she
staggeredwalked behind the scooter while he drove, and b) they were headed to a shimmy joint.Boones Farm Room!
Strawberry Fields Forever
And now on the Main Stage, give it up for Annie Green Springs!
At long last, an explanation for those wire baskets on the front. First, you fill em with $1s, then you "Make it rain!"
Oh sure, the shopping cart wheels lock as soon as you pass the Maginault Line, but the scooters can go on forever…?
In my mind, I am seeing The Tubes video for "She's a Beauty" with a rascal replacing the ride's car.
I love The Tubes. A hundred Pee points on you.
Old much?
(Okay, I'm old too)
Is being old how you guys get that many pee points?
Define old.
I actually went to an outdoor Tubes concert last year in Wisconsin. They still sound great, I got the original members to autograph some CDs and talked with Fee about his playing Dr Frankenfurter in a dinner theater where I used to live in Michigan. Good times.
She'll give you every penny's worth, but it will cost you a dollar first
Walmart Punks on (argh, I can't think of a scooter brand that starts with "D").
Nevamind.
This guy would have to be the most uncomfortable lap dance EVER!
You can't get a lapdance when you have no lap. Best he'd get is a $20 jiggle.
They're very slowly getting away!
Bogie too slow for intercept. I recommend we get out and walk.
Driving it to AND FROM a strip club??! I guess they wanted to pick up their OxyContin prescription and a big bag of Great Value Chicken Strips to put a nice finish on such an enchanted evening/early morning.
Oh, no, sir- this is very much about West Virginia.
stealing a motorized shopping cart from wal-mart: awesome.
driving it to the strip club: awesomer.
"early Monday morning"?!? i applaud you gentleman and lady. good on you.
So much awesome in one sentence. Is this how it feels to read great journalism?
And people say that nothing good happens after midnight. I disagree!
Since we now have 'plus-sized' caskets and hospital beds the newest scooters will probably have a half-ton capacity and double wide seats. Kind of like a pickup but for indoors.
Put 'em on the chrome!
I hope there was a ramp to the Champagne Room.
More like "Champale" Room. The pink kind puts a capital K in "Klassy"!
Oh, my God, I would hate to see the strip clubs where you live. The WalMarts in my area look like the try-outs for "Biggest Loser".
It is normally not a big problem until someone in the meat department gets a dollar stuffed in an inappropriate location.
We had a super fatty get trapped in the bathroom stall at a local Walmart. I went there for a gallon of OJ and some Chips and ended up sitting in line with other people –all with mouths agape –listening to a grown man cry, scream and bang things really hard trying to get out of his shit-stained hell.
You know, I blame myself for reading Wonkette during my lunch hour. Will I ever learn?
The weird thing is, these two are in their mid-30s and normal sized (shocking for West Virginia), so they shouldn't really need a scooter; but based on the booking photos they were probably too drunk and/or stung out on meth to walk straight.
I'd like this story to end with the them being a couple that both work weekend 3rd shift and out on a serious bender. No sad tale, no meth, just a couple of 'normal' people that got beyond tanked and thought driving a scooter to the titty bar was funny. Because it is.
Then these two become my heroes. Sadly, I suspect there is a tale of woe to be found.
Let's face it: these two were probably wonketteers on a road trip, just having fun, knowing that we would praise their adventures.
I would totally steal a scooter for you folks.
"Why am I driving drunk, Ossifer? Because I'm too fucking drunk to walk, thass why." Scooters, Walmart, theft and titty bars. Yup, that's my America.
Gone in 60 Minutes–worst action movie ever.
No way, dude! It's "The Wide Ones," a scooter-borne remake of the Brando classic.
I have to say this…I, I love you all.
Too drunk to walk to the strip joint? I highly doubt these were west virginians. Must be from ohio.
At least they were car-pooling/scooter-sharing. That lets them use the HOV lanes.
I see how Ms. Stevenson has the TB.
Wonder how that happened?
If this is wrong, then I don't want to be right.
"Both suspects appeared to be intoxicated from drinking alcohol, according to the complaints and incident report."
appeared to be intoxicated from drinking alcohol–The Huntington, WV police department really doesn't like it when officers make too many assumptions when reporting.
These are the stories we will miss when newspapers finally die.
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Classic American Humor
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=95qZtwJNjxk
At "Scooters" the stripper's scooters have the new, Medicare approved, pole dancing attachment.
http://media.peopleofwalmart.com/wp-content/uploa...
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