So purdy.Sarah Palin fans on the Internet are pretty much spending all their free time these days doing one thing: making sure Bristol Palin stays on her dancing teevee show and is not fired or executed or given a poison tulip or whatever. These people are actual, middle-aged adults in the primes of their lives, and they have decided to take advantage of their power, in the waning years of their time on Earth, to spend hours every day voting for Bristol on ABC’s website — even if some of them don’t think she is good at doing the dances people have her do in the magic picture box. Why do they do this? To get back at ACORN and the Democrats, of course, for violating the principle of “one person, one vote.” Oh, and she is now considered a new Jesus Christ, apparently.

Here’s a hint: They don’t have to be VALID email addresses to register them with, there is apparently no validation process. The just have to be formatted like a valid email address, and you must use a valid zip code and a birthdate that makes you old enough to vote. I’m voting like a democrat, all night long…

You see, conservatives don’t know how to jigger the AOL to get the Gateway to enter in e-mail addresses over and over, many times a minute, but they can force those arthritis hands to hunt-and-peck about 40 votes for Bristol per hour. This is referred to in the business world as “productivity.”

[T]he fact we’ve been all doing this for Bristol has been driving the Left NUTS…For conservatives, enjoy the fun of finally, at last, getting a taste of what it’s like to be a Democrat. You can vote as much as you want. You can vote using all sorts of names. You can vote all day. You can’t get paid to vote, because you aren’t really a Democrat, silly, but you can get as close as you can possibly get without being in a union or taking part in ACORN.

NUTS! This dancing teevee show stuff is really bothering Obama and Pelosi and Reid and the whole crew, because the entire country watches this dumb, boring show — just like each and every member of the scooter set. Bristol is literally dancing away the socialism.

Bristol is also now Jesus, or someone who grinds on Jesus, as here is a dance she did that apparently had something to do with the movie Passion of the Christ:

And this is not blasphemy? Okay.

But according to someone at Free Republic, this is no place for young Bristol:

I will not vote for that tacky bit of TV trash. She should be home taking care of the baby and trying to find a good husband.

It’s what we’re all thinking. [Jezebel]

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  • neiltheblaze

    Her performance cries out for crucifixion.

    • horsedreamer_1

      No, FreeDUMB.

  • SexySmurf

    I'm going to get a bunch of Black Panthers to stand next to teabaggers' computers. For Margaret Cho.

    • zhubajie

      I‘d wondered what had become of Margaret Cho.

  • Tundra Grifter

    No comments and just 1 view and I got nothin'. I might as well be back in high school on my first date with that beautiful Junior. I couldn't believe she agreed to it – and she probably was wondering the same thing – what's going on here?

    • Choke!

    • user-of-owls

      oh my god, i need to cop a feel, but, oh god…why the hell did she say yes??!!

  • Yeah because DWTS is soooooh important to US America.

    • Redhead

      That's what I was thinking. Uhhhh… congrats, you voted for something where the results don't matter one bit and no one but you and your friends cares.

    • Beowoof

      It is further evidence of the dumbing down of America. Daniel Patrick Moynihan, looked up from his corner table whiskey in hand and said America was defining deviancy down. While this is not a violent criminal act in the original meaning, it is a violent assault on the intellect of America, and no one notices. How stupid does something have to be for Americans to take note with revulsion anymore? Judging by the Rush Limbaughs, Glen Becks, Bill O'Reillys it has to be pretty stupid. No one even notices horse shit such as Jack Ass the movie, (I think it is the third version), where some guy stands out and lets a Buffalo run over him. (Okay I saw the clip on the Daily Show). The stupid have taken over.

      • HELisforHEL

        It's as if you've been sitting with my husband and me at the dinner table discussing these very things. We're doomed. We're beyond doomed.

    • GOPCrusher

      The simple fact that Wingnuts consider this a way to get back at Democrats, makes me reconsider my stance on more stringent requirements to allow some one the right to vote.

  • bumfug

    Yeah, yeah, yeah. I spend my anguished days and sleepless nights tormented by Bristol Palin's tenure on "Dancing" with the "Stars" because there's just nothing else in the whole world to worry about.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Duh, that's because you're not a true 'Murkkkan. Now charge your Hoverround up and git on down to the Wal-Mart, son. Obammer's economy won't fix itself, goddammit.

    • SorosBot

      We liberals are going nuts over Bristol on Dancing with the Stars, just like we are all both afraid and jealous of Sarah instead of mocking her, in the fevered projection-based minds of wingnuts.

      • Jukesgrrl

        No doubt the people who believe Stephen Colbert is a conservative.

    • bloodandirony

      Yeah, I'm way more upset about Bristol still being on that show I never watch than I am about the impending Boehner Speakership.

    • user-of-owls

      Hey, are you being sarcastic?

  • Badonkadonkette

    Funny, I always thought repeatedly voting for someone who is clearly unqualified and in way over their head when it comes to even the most mundane tasks (even when being led around by someone who actually knows what they're doing), just because you think they're "like" you and/or they know or care that you're alive, would make you feel like a Republican.

    • Redhead

      "voting for someone who is clearly unqualified and in way over their head when it comes to even the most mundane tasks (even when being led around by someone who actually knows what they're doing)"

      Wait, which Palin and which election are you referring to?

      • HistoriCat

        All of them!

    • Beowoof

      Having big tits helps with republican men who think they have a chance.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      WIN! (of course I didn't read any further, got bored…and drunk)

  • SmutBoffin

    Glad to see the Olds are taking advantage of the internet's limitless capacity for fucktardery. Not just for young adults and perverts* anymore!

    * This is me.

  • slithytovesss

    Good Lord, the look on her face through that whole thing was like she was getting a Pap smear!

    • bumfug

      That look was due to her smelling dick on his breath during the opening "kiss."

      • Beowoof

        I am sure she has had that taste in her mouth before.

    • PublicLuxury

      She loves her PAP smear. For a Palin, any attention is good. So, having a metal device shoved into her nether region is heaven in the stirrups.

  • natoslug

    Finally! Evidence of widespread voter fraud! Sure, the widespread nature is in the asses of the voters, but still . . .

    Too bad these dumb fuckers don't have basic scripting skills — they could be autogenerating and submitting those fake email addresses by the millions. For a small fee, and if they promised to go fuck themselves afterwards, I'd spend the 3 minutes involved in writing the script for them.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      It'd be hilarious if we were able to get examples of their 'fake' email addresses. Would they be able to stray from Teabag key words and derivatives or are they as creative, bold and perverted as a Wonketteer would be?

    • Wadisay

      I would suggest that you use these scripting skills of which you speak to vote for someone/anyone else, but, frankly, a real leftie would figure out how to get the dead to vote.

      • natoslug

        As a real leftie, I'm suffering from too much apathy to cast my vote.

  • Crank_Tango

    I could go for a poison tulip right about now.

  • in fairness, it's a lot more successful than my campaign to vote sarah palin off of 'sarah palin's alaska'

  • fredbell

    Bristol Palin does not want to be on this stupid effing show…You can see it in her face every week…"Why do I have to be here? — I HATE IT…It's so stupid" — "and I've got to rub up against this flaming gay man, and get compliments from two gay judges" — "this is effing gross"…."Why?…Why me?….I want off this show"…."WTF…I got voted back on again…What do I have to do to get out of here? — take a shit on the dance floor"..

    .It's hysterical — She keeps getting sent back, week after week, when she'd rather be someplace/anyplace else…It's doubly delicious because everybody else competing wants to win and is pissed when the lose to her…Jennifer Gray is going to run across the stage and rip her throat out next week — mark my words…

    • slappypaddy

      the wages of sin.

      i kind of feel for the poor thing, she is so not there. but i don't feel for her much.

      hey, brissy, it's called getting what you asked for. surprised?

    • zhubajie

      It keeps her away from Levi or Reuben or Issachar or whatever straight man she's trying to pick up at the Dew Drop Inn of Wassilla.

    • Beowoof

      Single mom has to go out and pay for baby Trapp or Tripp or Tramp or whatever its called. Mommy Grizzly ain't sharing any of her cash believe me.

  • slappypaddy

    good to see they know how to prioritize.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      What? You expect them to bone up on the Constitution, Congressional Budget Office reports on earmarks and other federal spending or something?

  • It's a well known fact that George Soros has an network of Russian, Bosnian and Bulgarian slave email bots dedicated to voting against Bristol, so it's only fair that right thinking Americans try to help the poor darling!

  • If we cannot believe in the purity of anonymous internet voting for a mindless reality show, what can we believe in?

    • The certainty that America is in decline.

    • doxastic

      Dong pics.

    • PublicLuxury

      watered down Margaritas

    • tcaalaw

      The purity of anonymous blog comments?

  • x111e7thst

    Each time I see her I think: "that head could nor possibly get any larger or any rounder". But I am wrong.

    • natoslug

      "Well, that's a huge noggin. That's a virtual planetoid."

    • trampndirtdown

      Them thighs aint shrinking either.

  • natoslug

    If Bristol's ever read that "dance like noone's watching" quote, I have to assume from this video that she usually dances in a morphine-induced stupor. Was the point of her routine to show there is no joy in Juggville? If so, then bravo! I've seen greater expressions of happiness on corpses.

    • Dashboard_Jesus

      hell who cares, morphine or not I'd hit it..of course I'm a lonely middle-aged white guy in Indiana, so I got nothin' else to do (actually the morphine might make it more enjoyable, and if we 'produce' another little Trig, well then BONUS…I'm on the gravy train, LITERALLY!)

      • natoslug

        As a married middle-aged white guy in California, I wouldn't hit it. Those dead eyes and thunderous thighs just don't do it for me. I could overlook the winter weight, as it is something you probably need to make it through until spring in Alaska, but the soulless zombie eyes are too frightening. I could definitely see her head spinning in circles after orgasm, followed by her devouring her hapless penile-provider, mantis-style.

        • Dashboard_Jesus

          well sure, yer a middle-aged married white guy, in Californication (where ALL the women folk are hawt, right?)…and I'm STILL in Indiana, where if they say 'average weight' on their internet profile it means at least 50lbs more than you'd be comfortable with…basically life sucks in the midwest, but the cost of living (or dying) is cheaper?!

    • trampndirtdown

      Mommy, the lady with the dead eyes scares me.

  • MC_BOB

    I bet Bristol eats Redi-Whip right out of the can.

  • Lucidamente1

    Look at the bright side: voting for this dumbass show keeps them from tooling around on their scooters.

    • AngryGeometer

      I'm predicting at least one Rascal gets overturned and set on fire in downtown LA if she wins this thing.

  • SorosBot

    Yes, this is driving the left nuts, because we all care sooo much about the results of a silly reality show. Really, keep spending all your energy on this crap.

    Then the idiot goes claiming "this must be what it's like to be a Democrat because of ACORN" and ugh, do these morons really believe there was voter fraud conducted by ACORN? They keep making jokes like there was, even though there were never even any allegations of fraud, much less evidence; they just love pulling fucking bullshit allegations out of their asses.

    • GunTotingProgressive

      The delicious irony of this all is that they would not be able to cast these "ACORN-like" votes had Al Gore not invented the internet.

      God, how I loathe these people…

    • indecencycmdr

      they're not big fans of that one thing, you know… the truth? yeah, that thing. also, "facts". the fact that some jackass registered as 'mickey mouse' does not mean he voted as mickey mouse. but it's a good thing all those nice Jewish people voted for pat buchanan in 2000!

      • SorosBot

        It could be a field day for psychologists, if any of these people were willing to talk to one. Many of them seem very willing to buy into these ludicrous conspiracy theories; I think they just cannot believe that a majority of voters were unracist enough to elect a black man President, an America that tolerant, non-ugly and non-hateful is a reality they refuse to accept.

    • DoktorZoom

      Well, of course, there WERE improperly-completed voter registrations turned in by temps hired by ACORN–never mind that it was ACORN who found and reported the errors, and never mind that no fraudulent votes were cast as a result. These are mere facts, which should never get in the way of the larger truth that liberals are evil corrupt nazi communist atheist Muslins.

    • doxastic

      Never have people so desired personal liberty, and so clearly demonstrated why they shouldn't be trusted with it.

    • AngryGeometer

      The following are 100% irrefutable arguments that can be brought up at any time:

      –Clinton lied
      –Some Clinton non-scandal normal people forgot about 15 years ago (eg Travelgate)
      –Kerry saying "I was before it before I was against it"
      –Robert Byrd was in the KKK

      Any time a liberal has you cornered you can just pull out one of those for a flawless victory. No evidence required and no need for logical coherence.

      • DoktorZoom

        And the Nazis were the National SOCIALIST Workers' Party

    • GOPCrusher

      You mean registering brown people to vote, isn't voter fraud?

  • OkieDokieDog

    Word to the crazy teabagging Conservatives: I don't give a fuck if Bristol Palin wins this. It means absolutely nothing. Nothing. It is just a reality show dance off contest put out by ABC, because they are too cheap to pay real writers, directors, and actors, to create an hour long drama, or 2 sit-coms. The end.

    This ; too also; Obama is still the President, and Sarah Palin is still a loser and a quitter, and Bristol is still a talentless unwed baby mama. So vote away. Vote all day.
    I don't care.

    • Sparky_McGruff

      I care. I have my whole 401K invested in a "Jennifer Grey" hedge fund. If Bristol wins it, I'm eating cat food.

    • Taviteh

      Um, we don't care either. We're too busy running our businesses, taking care of our families, and doing our homework, which is what you should probably be doing judging from your lack of coherence and misplaced rage.

  • lotusflwr

    It's amazing how resilient the Tea Partiers are in the face of all the massive, fraudulent duplicate voting the Dems did on Nov 2nd and the subsequent takeover of Congress by the left. Bristol pretty much is their last shred of hope; I could see why they'd do ANYTHING to make sure she wins on the Dances With American Idol Wolves Shot From Helicopters By Sarah Palin's Rocky IV Alaska Showtime Hour Jamboree.

    Oh. Wait.

  • Crank_Tango

    my mom does…I had to watch it twice when I was back home.

    Not that she does any voting, and christ, despite how much I hate the snowbilly grifter, I am not gonna waste my time voting against bristol…

    • Katydid

      Yeah, my mom does too. She doesn't vote either, and when when I go there, she makes me watch it too.

      I sent her the Jezebel article and she got annoyed, because she thought Rick Fox was so much better, and now she knows why he got booted.

  • sedan

    Did she have to rehearse keeping a totally expressionless face?

    Probably not.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      What's even more cringe-worthy is that she still can't process what the judges are saying, she has to wait for applause, boo's or Mark's cues to let her know how to respond.

      Nothing going on behind those eyes.

    • Ever fucked a Republican, they got expressionless and motionless down pat.

    • Beowoof

      Vacant and Vapid gee based upon her mother I can't imagine how that happens.

    • Gleem_McShineys

      That is what is known as ACTING!

      She is totally doing "Passion" there. I am pretty sure she's so very naturally good at ACTING that this expression can be used for Surprise, Fear, Sadness, Confusion, Rage, and Constipation. Pretty much anything a script requires, this expression fits. She's THAT good.

    • One_who_wanders

      It's like Oakland. There's no there, there.

  • Banelm

    It really seems that the only consistent motivator for the teabagging set, is to annoy liberals. All other principles are merely means to this end. Surely a creative community such as this can find a way to use this to our advantage. Though I don't think they can be fooled into directly self destructive behavior, there must be some sort of "annoy the liberals" charity that would work?…?

    • Ducksworthy

      Directly self destructive behavior is what Freedumb Works is all about. "Screw yourself. Vote the Chamber of Commerce into power."

    • SorosBot

      "Though I don't think they can be fooled into directly self destructive behavior"

      A National Review columnist here says "I’ve been an on-and-off smoker since college, but recently quit cold turkey and haven’t had a drag in a month. Now I’m thinking about starting up again." I've also seen some talk about how they'll eat nothing but fatty fast foods to protest Michelle Obama's healthy foods initiative.

      • Jukesgrrl

        And don't forget that Palin personally delivered cookies to a school that threatened to remove sugar treats from the school's cafeteria offerings. So they're obviously not afraid to sacrifice their young, also, too. Lack of white sugar = Socialism.

      • Beowoof

        Light em up dude and enjoy that bacon triple cheese burger. With no health care for you, maybe they will spring for an indigent burial.

    • LakeLucilleLoon

      But we can't even annoy them because they don't "get" what we are saying. At the first big word or intelligent thought "they" just tune out and call us "elite" and then sit back in their stinky, threadbare Costco recliners and feel all smug. "Smug as a bug in their threadbare Costco recliners with cigarette burns in the arms, all while wearing a snuggie."

      • Jukesgrrl

        Teabaggers don't go to Costco. Too elite. They shop at Sam's Club (aka The Mothership of Walmart).

        • Beowoof

          Ain't that the truth, wow there is a herd of trailer park residents in their on their mart carts stoking up on chicken nuggets and 10 lb bags of french oops Freedumb fries.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Her dancing gave me an idea for a new female super villain.

    Thunder Thighs!

    She’s able to take down buildings, bridges, orphanages and Dairy Queens by slapping her mammoth thighs together while babbling meaningless phrases like “Don’t tax the job makers” and “Howz that hopey changy thing worken for cha?” She is truly EVIL!

    • trampndirtdown

      I'm going to thumbs up every comment I see of yours the rest of the week because I can only go +1now.

  • V572625694

    Mmmm…low-carb In'n'Out burger with lettuce in lieu of the bun….

  • SexySmurf

    Next stop, The Biggest Loser

  • Bluestatelibel

    The teatards are so like little children thinking they're pulling a fast one on Mom. For fun, I wish Obama would just predator drone the whole boring little show.

  • chickensmack

    The Palin of The Christ

    • OneYieldRegular

      Hmm. Gives "Nailin' Palin" a whole new meaning.

  • mumbly_joe

    Wait, Democrats get paid for their votes? How come I never got that memo? And here, I'd been spending all this time voting for free, like a sucker.

    • GunTotingProgressive

      A vote is a fucking valuable things.

      • bagofmice

        How pluralistic of you.

  • Mindblank

    George Washington would not have approved.

  • Ducksworthy

    I believe the correct spelling is Bristle Palin, as in hog bristles (not an original idea).

  • MistaEko

    The Tea Party: Always Sanjaya-ing America in one contest or another.

    • Jukesgrrl

      Don't insult Sanjaya. The Tea Party is the William Hung of political movements.

  • mavenmaven

    I suspect that if Bristol is voted off, the Republicans will have the Supreme Court make her the winner anyway.

    • Is anyone else glad we don't elect our Supreme Court?

  • prommie

    She's no longer just Alaska's knocked up slut, she belongs to all of America now, for those troops fightin' and dyin' to protect our precious freedoms that Obama is not so constitutional-minded in protectin' the currency, and so that, too, over there.

  • WarAndGee

    I didn't know I was capable of this much hate for such a proud people.

    • glindsey1979

      Don't hate them. PITY them. That drives 'em NUTS.

  • sezme

    Ok, but are the Beatles still bigger than Bristol Palin? (Jesus wan't to know.)

    • SorosBot

      Well, there's still two of them left, albeit the two less talented ones, but then she is looking pretty chunky these days.

    • Katydid

      You gonna make me make a fat joke about another woman here?

      • sezme

        Well played.

  • CapnFatback

    I remember the first time I "took part in ACORN." Oh, sure, it hurt like the dickens and there was a lot of bleeding (and the stink would go away for weeks, no matter how much bleaching I subjected myself to). Still, I never was prouder than that day cuz I could look my Sugar Daddy Soros in the eye and say, "Now I am a Democrat."


    • Morrismajor

      Wow, you are a crude ugly little man, typical right wing fathead

  • slappypaddy

    the grimm brothers themselves could not have dug up a more frightening fairy tale than this dark story of the slatternly wench who is enticed away from her milk stool and her gaggle of snow geese by the evil witch she believes to be her mother, and goes to the zirconia city only to discover she has sold herself into slavery. owned now by satan, she shall never be free–brissy the milkmaid will always be remembered for this, as the horror-stricken children for ages to come will watch her being danced to death at the bidding of a coterie of obese demons who vaguely resemble bags of tea, her last coherent words being the gargled scream, MOMMY, THE RED SHOES WON'T COME OFF!

    • JoeMamased

      Wow, I'm nominating you for a Newberry Medal right now!

      (How do we stuff the ballot box for childrens literature awards?)

    • Jukesgrrl

      A grim — as opposed to Grimm's — fairy tale.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Hmm. Are you Neil Gaiman?

  • SorosBot

    One person I know who is annoyed by the teabaggers keeping Bristol on is my mom. But then, she's not a liberal, in fact she's a little conservative but not that much, but she is a fan of the dumb show and doesn't like having someone so untalented pass much better dancers.

    • DemmeFatale

      I fear the Teabaggers will ruin this show for people like your Mom. Once high ratings will drop like a stone as the show loses any of the "credibility" it once had and just becomes a popularity contest.

      • The_Lucky_Wife

        Not even a popularity contest if a relatively few vote more times than a larger number of people vote. It's more a matter of who is willing to stay up all night voting.At least the other contestants know that people actually voted FOR them and not against ACORN.

  • Radiotherapy
    • jim89048

      Damn you and your elitist private photo page!

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Yo, radio. I went thru the flickr account creation thing, and then tried to click thru your link, and the photo is private, hence no ackles.

  • MC_BOB

    I bet Bristol eats Redi-Whip directly from the can.

  • DahBoner

    I used to watch the Penis Van Lesbian show, but that was in the days of dial telephones, so you couldn't press #1 in order to vote for Sally Rogers.

  • bitchincamaro2

    I'm more and more convinced that the Taliban are on to something.

  • Rosie_Scenario

    Amazing that Bristol practices and dances (if you call that dancing) and apparently is gaining weight. Perhaps she is eating for two. Again. Also.

    • NorthStarSpanx

      Life keeps happening to good old Bristol who would have remained an athletic honor-role Tomboy had Levi not happened on her.

    • Barrelhse

      It could be from that high-calorie cum she's been guzzling. She should suck a jogger or something once in a while.

    • trampndirtdown

      In her defense they did bring back the McRib.

      • Negropolis

        Bwahahah! Well played, good sir; well played.

  • Sheesko

    I'm only watching the show to laugh at how stupid she is, and to see the different ways the costume designers come up with to camouflage her flab, like on What Not To Wear, on which today, funnily enough, Clinton and Stacy danced really well while their dance-teacher makeover subject slipped into colorful new wardrobe bits in a nearby dressing room. But Clinton and Stacy are very very smart, especially Clinton (what do you think: gay or not gay?) so it isn't exactly like What Not To Wear, exactly. I now have 5 fewer meaningful minutes to live because of this. Is it time to drink yet?

    • elviouslyqueer

      OH PLEASE GAY. And when isn't it time to drink?

    • doxastic

      Are you sure you haven't already started?

      • Sheesko

        It's part of my charm to keep that secret to myself.

    • petehammer

      Gay or not gay? Seriously? Would he have to just do a guy on the show for your to be sure?

      • Sheesko

        No, dear, not seriously.

  • chascates

    She's more suited for a roller derby team but since there's no "I" in team she's on DWTS. Until her mother appoints her as head of the nation's Regained Purity Office.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    These people are actual, middle-aged adults in the prime of their lives, and they have decided to take advantage of their power in the waning years of their time on Earth to spend hours every day voting for Bristol Teabagging Candidates on ABC’s website election day, even if some of them don’t think she the Teabagger is good at doing the dances anything they have her the Teabagger do in the magic picture box. Why do they do this? To get back at ACORN and the Democrats, of course, for violating the principle of “one person, one vote.” Oh, and she the Teabagger is now considered a new Jesus Christ Ronald Reagan, apparently.


  • Boredw/Gravity

    Is she pregnant yet? Then I'm not watching/voting. For the troops.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Is she pregnant yet?

      Not with Mark Ballas's dick she's not. Not even if she loses 50 pounds and finds herself a decent strap-on.

    • comrad_darkness

      Could happen anytime though. I'm sure her family doesn't want to lose the license to the Willfully Stupid and it's Not Irresponsible If I Spew Republican Rhetoric While I'm Doing It badge they wear so proudly.

  • Qatarded

    At least she was Shariah-compliant for the first 12 seconds. Where is the outrage that they made her wear a hijab on Eid? In any event, I'm sure she does a mean "Humpty Dance".

  • Why is she not working two crappy part time jobs and trying to get through college like a respectable unwed mother?

  • 4TheTurnstiles

    This is what Bristlecone Palin needs:

    someone to do her dancin' homework for her, like the rest of Real America

  • nounverb911

    So who is taking care of Bristol's little life style choice?

    • Jukesgrrl

      Probably an undocumented worker she can easily afford to hire now that she is a "Reality Star."

  • fuflans

    i think one of the gossip rags has a regular feature wherein dwts contestants laud their weight loss and general shape-up-ed-ness.

    what happened here?

    • OhHellToTheNo

      Baby fat?

  • prommie

    Isn't "glans" greek for "acorn?"

    • 4TheTurnstiles

      my elderly uncle Louie once told my girlfriend that "greek" is greek for "buttsecks."

  • vulpes82

    Obama and Pelosi couldn't give two shits about Bristol Palin's Paso Doble or whatever the hell it is. The only people they're pissing off are women like my mother who love the show and are seething that she's taking the place of other, better contestants. Of course, my mother's a Democrat, so I guess they would call that a "victory," but, really, it's just sad.

    Also, that girl SO doesn't want to do this. I think even she knows she doesn't deserve to be there, and it makes her uncomfortable to have to stand there under the lights week after week. But Gypsy Rose Palin over here is forcing her to do it. "Get your trampy ass on the dancefloor, Bristol, and make mama some money!!! Oh, no, I mean, 'God wants this for you,' honey!"

    • slappypaddy

      meltdown in 5… 4… 3…

  • NorthStarSpanx

    Passion of the Christ, The Last Temptation of Christ, Seabiscuit, Booty Call, really, any movie theme can work here. . .

  • SayItWithWookies

    This is the perfect show for teabaggers — it features second-rate celebrities, the dancing is horrible, there's no relationship to the judges' critiques and any sort of level of quality, and they keep bringing the worst people back. It's like John Boehner is just a metaphor for DWTS.

  • DahBoner

    Remember that no stranger can touch or see your private area, unless it's a government employee.

    Or Bristol Palin.

  • Lefty_Lucy

    Check out Bris' O-face at :40. Also, dude's got my mark for not dropping her like the sack of potatoes she resembles.

    • Barrelhse

      At :40? You have a high threshold for pain.

  • edgydrifter

    I did exactly the same, partly because I think he always brings his "A" game and last night was no different, but mostly because the "Bristol Backers" (their term, not mine–it's like a social club for terribly obese women who wear garish christian jewelry and think they crap virtue twice a day) around my office hate–HATE–that Kyle kid. They say it has nothing to do with him putting his dark hands on the pale flesh of his partner, but the ragebow of colors they turn when I suggest this tells a different story.

    • mookwrthwilson

      Ha…btw, his partner is pretty smokin…and I do not think it was a coincidence that they gave him the partner with the biggest booty…

  • doxastic

    I can't even tell you how fucking awesome it is to know that, in the fevered conservative imaginary, people are Democrats because they love voting.

  • Katydid

    What does bother me about all this is that it's typical of pure Republican hypocrisy. They love to run around shrieking about "self-reliance" and "pull-yourself-up-by-your-bootstraps" unless and until it comes to themselves; then, it's all nepotism and exceptions. Just like that asshole anesthesiologist who wants government-run healthcare only for himself. BP doesn't belong on the show; when I heard them refer to her as "teen activist Bristol Palin" I almost threw up. She reminds me of the guy who was born on 3rd who thinks he hit a triple (is that the saying?).

    Ah, what does it matter. It's not the first time Repubs are fucking hypocritical assholes, it certainly won't be the last. You just have to learn to disregard every single fucking thing that comes out of their pieholes.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      More precisely, the guy who was born on third base and thinks he hit a triple is George W. Bush.

      • Katydid

        That's true, but what I was referring to was when Bristol said the reason people were voting for her was because she's real and not fake like those in Hollywood, not to offend anyone. She's either delusional or a liar just like her mama.

        • Negropolis

          Her mother is both delusional and a serial liar, so she doesn't have to choose between the two. lol

          Anyway, when you said "BP" I thought you were talking about the multi-national corporation.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Hey ass face…I'll tell you what drives this liberal nuts.

    1. I have on very good authority that she sucks. Now, I don't give two shits about dancing, however, as you on the right keep harping on about "merit", you'd think you'd spend as much time thinking about quality as you do trying to decide on a scooter.

    2. You are voting for Bristol not because she's good (see above), but because she's the spawn of the leader of your little cult of personality…and you give people shit about thinking Obama being "the one'?

    3. There was a time, and not that long ago, where the spouses and spawn of presidents and would-be presidents acted with decorum. You never saw Amy Carter or Chelsea Clinton pulling this kind of Idiotcracy stunt. I guess the Bush girls broke our cherry in this respect, but why continue it?

    • SorosBot

      Hell, even the Bush girls just engaged in normal college and post-collegiate drunken shenanigans, with the public recognition and lack of discretion to get photographed doing so; but at least they didn't famewhore.

      • ShaveTheWhales

        Yeah, the Bushettes only made the news when they got arrested. It's not like they were trying to.

  • Gopherit

    So, is voter fraud to help Palin win DWTS considered some kind of high-brow irony amongst the Teabaggers? I am guessing no, and this is just consistent in their world view.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Bristol had a chance for a perfectly good husband, & she dropped him — twice.

    As to the notable weight-gain, I still say The Situation got Bristol in a family way.

  • Come here a minute

    Where is the web site to vote Sarah off of her stupid game show? We can all agree that would be a useful way to spend the night hunting, pecking and drinking.

    • nachoproblem

      Actually I hope that she is so happy with her awful reality attention orgy in her own kitchen that she forgets all about politics, at least insofar as running for anything with official power.

  • Ducksworthy

    If this is not blasphemy what is? Oh. Telling people gawd told you to kill brown people when it was really Cheney, hoping to be able to pick up the little brown girls heart he's had his eye on. OK.

  • glamourdammerung

    Being obnoxious for the sake of being obnoxious is not a political stance.

    It is a personality disorder.

    • SorosBot

      It's both; it's the core of the political stance known as conservatism.

  • paizogony

    The Teabaggers are always disenfranchised. It pains me.

  • Wilcoxyz

    Didn't these morons invent the Diebold vote-counter for this purpose.

  • PublicLuxury

    He's porkin' her for Christ. So its gotta be the best thing to happen before the rapture.

  • PublicLuxury

    Is this constitushunal? I don't remember this from 8th grade Government class. Where's her gun? Where's the states rights? Where's the Pledge? Where's the prayer before the dance?

    She is obviously a mooooslin

  • Personally I'm hoping she wins. It'll be that much harder for her to hide the new baby if the spotlight is still on her.

    • 102415

      I would love to see that fat clod hopper win from cheating. But I think the producers know that would kill the show. They will pull her plug when she trips and falls on Mark *breaking his ribs*. The end, except for all the terrible footage.

  • AngryGeometer

    These people make 4chan look smart and reasonable.

    • nachoproblem

      Oh dear. I knew there was something about the online Baggery movement that troubled me, and that is precisely it. Kulture Warz is the new LOLcats.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Sorry. There is nothing that makes 4chan look smart and reasonable.

  • Winnie_Cooper

    My sister does, and I'm pretty sure that she votes, too.

    I can't stand reality television, because to make it at all watchable without scripting it, they have to choose the most batshit-crazy people in the world to create controversy and drama. Those are the people that we should be shunning, not celebrating. I haven't been able to watch that type of shit since Puck was kicked off of the Real World. I was in junior high or high school then, when my tolerance for insanity and drama was far higher than it is now, and I still thought that he deserved a kick in the nuts rather than a TV deal. These people are horrible, worthless individuals because they get attention for it, so maybe if we ignore them, they will go away. I can only hope.

    • Beowoof

      I watched a portion of the last episode of the first season of survivor (Yes I know proper name should be capitalized, but this crap doesn't even deserve that respect). I was appalled that this is what I heard people talking about every day on TV and radio. I thought this show was the worst thing to ever come to TV and it and others of its ilk would soon be gone. And yet here we are many years later and this silly crap is still on TV with several new variations of the same theme. America's have held true to the Menken or Barnum quote you will never grow broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people.

  • Jukesgrrl

    Today we are all poisoned tulips.

  • petehammer

    Wait, we're supposed to be recruiting TEENS?


    (Leaves nursing home)

  • Trinket

    That was gruesome.

  • Terry

    What would Sharon Angle think about those black outfits?

  • SecretMuslin

    I was reading some comments section in some godforsaken place after an article that was bashing "The Fat Palin" for her lack of dancing skills. All of the Defenders rushed to say how inappropriate it was for the lamestream media to "attack" her, but leave Obama's kids alone. The stupid, it's killing me.

  • DaSandman

    She's a "teenage" activist? Is that Teabag for "doughy little flatfooted tramp"?

    I think their ought to be a nationwide lottery to see who sire Bristol's next bastard. Three is a lucky number.

  • Jukesgrrl


  • Jukesgrrl

    Don't think this national nightmare will be over soon. Whether she wins DWTS or not, I guarantee you she's America's next Bachelorette (also brought to you by ABC).

    • 102415

      Oh, yes.

    • HistoriCat

      Damn you – there's no way to avoid this terrifying future now.

  • comrad_darkness

    I’m voting like a democrat, all night long…

    The turn of the millennium will be remembered as the Era of the Wankjob Bullshit Narrative.

    Good luck. And good night.

    • natoslug

      I'm fucking like a democrat, all night long… if I can convince either my girlfriend or my wife they want me tonight.

  • qwerty42

    From one of the commenters at Jezebel:

    I think it's fascinating that these people think that cheating to give Bristol the win is somehow a victory over the liberals. It doesn't even seem to occur to them (or else they just don't care) that only people they're actually screwing over are the other dancers on the show who are more talented, working harder, and are far more deserving of winning than that no-talent unwed teenage mother just because her mother is Sarah Palin. What truly messed up priorities these people have.

  • nachoproblem

    This is only tangential to the topic, but: Who the hell cares if the ACORNs do some extra voting? It's not like the conservatards actually believe in counting votes or anything. Well, they sort of do… Real 'Muricans need to have every single one of their very important votes counted, and a minimum of three Electors for every barren patch of dirt they claim. But the rest of us who live in "stacked" communities are only three-fifths human and are cheating the economy with our welfares… and the magic of Federal dirt subsidies that actually come from Jeebus and not our income or the Gubmint… and… friggin'… stoopid Libruls with their global-warming evolution conspiracy UN bicycles and queers holding hands in public, you can't… a marriage is a… um, sharia law! In America you have to have Jeebus! Kenyanazimuslin!

    Where the hell was I? Conservatives? Assclowns, voting for kitschy whitebread dancing? Yeah whatever, fuck 'em all in their eyes.

  • 102415

    I saw a purported list of Democrat and Republican TV shows and DWTS is in the Republican list. I used to watch but got tired of the Republican *Celebs* who got on every year and who clomp around the stage. I just up and quit this year when they went Palin. They've been caught already with Comcast rigging the phone vote so the Palinbot Teabaggers are simply wasting their time. Some of these people need to have their Medicare and SSI seriously reduced and should be 86ed from the library too. I now feel Palin Thing should win. That would actually be hilarious.

    • Redhead

      Wait, people actually vote and the numbers actually count (albeit disproportionately)? I assumed that all those shows just picked a random person and made up the numbers of "votes" to go with it.

  • J Rbt. Oppenheiner

    I'm so very very sorry.

    • ttommyunger

      It's OK, you get used to it.

  • Pragmatist2

    Hey, remember this one. It's easy to dance to:
    "The kids in Bristol are
    Sharp as a pistol
    When they do the Bristol Stomp…"

    Of course you don't remember it! You're all Yuppie scum and barely old enough to shave (and that's just the women).

    • Barrelhse

      The Dovells.

  • [T]he fact we’ve been all doing this for Bristol has been driving the Left NUTS…

    True…Norman Thomas is spinning in his grave.

  • jim89048

    Take her to Lasik, stat! Blind as a bat, obvs!

    • ttommyunger

      The eyes ain't the problem, it's the grey matter behind them. All soft and mushy after years and years of People's Court and Soaps.

  • ttommyunger

    If I could still afford drugs I would be a much happier person.

  • jim89048

    If I could stomach a trip through team sarah, I know I could get to the bottom of this.

  • deanbooth

    "If you could see her though my eyes …[whisper] She's wouldn't look pregnant at all."

  • Negropolis

    You all know that Bristol won't see a dime of her pay from the show, right? Momma needs a few hundred pair of shoes, baby! Shake that ass, Bristol; shake that ass for mamma; shake what your mamma gave ya'.

    What a totally fucked up family, and boy do I know something about a dysfunctional family.

  • Negropolis

    Engrifted is the new embiggen.

  • lotusflwr

    I'm proud to say I've never seen DWTS, ever. If there is a just and merciful God, I will never have to. Which means that I'll probably get hit by a car and find myself stuck watching it in a hospital room in full traction, unable to reach the remote.

  • Thedongsofwar

    How do you stay home, take care of your baby, and look for a good husband at the same time?

  • Taviteh

    Hmm. Not old, dont watch the show. I am, however, glad to see that vapid vitriol is alive and well on the left.

  • Morrismajor

    Pretty sad the way these so called heroes of the right are so quick to cash in their celebrity for money, cause the saps who admire them are so classless and clueless

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