IN WITH THE OLD  1:40 pm November 16, 2010

Earth-Shattering Midterm Elections Result In Same Congress Leadership

by Jack Stuef

Any excuse.The new Senate leadership has been voted on, and because November 2 was such a huge election in which the nation unequivocally told the government EVERYTHING IS WRONG AND MUST CHANGE, ALL THANKS TO THAT MR. HOPE GUY, the exact same leadership has been re-elected on both sides. Yes, that evil socialist Harry Reid has lost his job to Senate newcomer Harry Reid, and the Teabaggers overthrew Mitch McConnell in favor of rising conservative hero Mitch McConnell. Coupling this with the expectation that Nancy Pelosi’s team and John Boehner’s people will all get to keep their respective party roles, more or less, it’s an astonishing reminder of just how much things changed in these fateful reindeer-dildo midterm elections.

Harry Reid of Nevada will continue as majority leader, with Dick Durbin of Illinois continung on as the number two, in the whip position. Daniel Inouye, who is from Hawaii, continues president pro tempore, and Charles E. Schumer of New York, vice chair of the conference, a postion he prevoiusly held, will now take the additional title of chair of the Democratic Policy Committee.

Yeah, that’s right! America showed them! The Teabaggers went to the polls a couple of weeks back, broke a lot of voting booths because they were VOTING SO HARD, and the entire Kenyan leadership of the Democratic Party immediately died from natural causes related to socialism.

A few moments later, Minority Leader Mitch McConnell, Republican of Kentucky, announced that he had been re-elected, as had Jon Kyl, the Republican whip from Arizona. The Republican conference chair will remain Sen. Lamar Alexander of Tennessee and John Thune of South Dakota was re-elected chairman of the Senate Republican Policy Committee. The National Republican Senatorial Committee will continue to be led by John Cornyn of Texas. Sen. John Barrasso of Wyoming stays on as conference vice chairman.

YOUUUUUUUNG GUNS! PEW PEW PEW PEW! RAND PAUL WIN. This is what Mitch McConnell and his extremely moderate cronies get for not being members of the Tea Party and thus failing to win control of the Senate. God, what LOSERS those guys are. Have fun in the political wilderness while Sharron Angle controls the Senate with her Senate Speaker gavel! Haha, YES. WHAT AN IMPORTANT ELECTION. [NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 117 comments }

Troubledog November 16, 2010 at 1:43 pm

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose.

- book of Geddy Lee 5:11,12

ManchuCandidate November 16, 2010 at 1:45 pm

Not really Geddy. Maybe if one is thinking about "Tom Sawyer", um, "Roll the bones." No wait… "The Great White North."

Troubledog November 16, 2010 at 2:23 pm
G. Friday November 16, 2010 at 3:20 pm

You know he didn't come up with that saying (and that Peart writes the lyrics anyhow).

Troubledog November 16, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Yes, I was being intentionally occlusive. That's what we do in the Illuminati. But business has been slow since the election.

BarryOPotter November 16, 2010 at 3:28 pm

Wait just a minute! So Geddy Lee is the one creating these French proverbs all this time?!? I knew it! He's Quebecois! I bet he's also the one who came up with "Tais-toi et sois belle" and "L'union fait la force, l'onion fait la soupe."

Troubledog November 16, 2010 at 3:39 pm

I'll see your outraged English major, and raise you a disenfranchised journalist.

weejee November 16, 2010 at 1:46 pm

If I can go from burglar for the government to talk show host, you can go from entertainer to congressman.

- G. Gordon Liddy

Radiotherapy November 16, 2010 at 3:40 pm

Or douchebag anesthesiologist to whiny frosh congressman.
I can just see Boner telling that dick, "get me another martini, boy." And he responds, "it's Doctor Boy to you."

SystemError November 16, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Congrats on this Historic Event. Let it be known, the first time I ever thumbed down a comment on Wonkette was because someone posted Rush lyrics.

Troubledog November 16, 2010 at 2:39 pm

DEATH PANELS

ShaveTheWhales November 17, 2010 at 1:02 am

Does it still count if Rush was just quoting some unknown Frenchman?

maxwhirl November 16, 2010 at 2:57 pm

While I'm as much of a Rush fan as anyone (or was 20 years ago) give credit where credit is due. That quote predates rush by about 200 years.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jean-Baptiste_Alphon

(And besides, I though Peart wrote the lyrics.)

Crank_Tango November 16, 2010 at 1:44 pm

This is good news for McCain.

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2010 at 1:44 pm

So, did Liebermann remain to caucus/destroy from within the Democrats?

OkieDokieDog November 16, 2010 at 1:45 pm

America has spoken! Meet the new boss, same as the old boss.

slappypaddy November 16, 2010 at 1:47 pm

and we will get fooled again.

ph7 November 16, 2010 at 1:48 pm

fool me once, shame on — shame on you. Fool me — you can't get fooled again.

DustBowlBlues November 16, 2010 at 5:37 pm

Shout out to Junior Bush.

trampndirtdown November 16, 2010 at 11:05 pm

Sorry no shout out I hate him with a burning heat that will not go away. I can still be snarky about his fat brother Jeb though.

SorosBot November 16, 2010 at 2:59 pm

It sounds like America has – <puts on sunglasses> – spoken.

Yeeeaaah!

notreelyhelping November 16, 2010 at 3:07 pm

This Senate brought to you by Power Chords: one finger and a load of distortion.

ShaveTheWhales November 17, 2010 at 1:03 am

I've always thought that was the proper idiomatic translation of "plus ca change, …"

Lucidamente1 November 16, 2010 at 1:46 pm

At least this means that Christine O'Donnell can keep on masturbating.

Beowoof November 16, 2010 at 1:55 pm

I bet she is keeping duracell in business right about now.

petehammer November 16, 2010 at 2:19 pm

They developed those fancy lithium batteries due to her usage alone.

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2010 at 2:34 pm

She's got hairy palms… But that's just from flicking it while coated in Gorilla Glue.

Kinky.

jim89048 November 16, 2010 at 2:38 pm

For the troops!

smokefilledroommate November 16, 2010 at 1:47 pm

Everything the same is the same again.

freakishlywrong November 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Everything old is turtle again.

CapnFatback November 16, 2010 at 2:44 pm

Wax on; wax off.

harry_palmer November 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm

It makes it a lot easier for their corporate masters to keep all the same bag men, routing numbers etc.

Radiotherapy November 16, 2010 at 3:43 pm

Yeah, cuts back on lobbying expenses just dealing with the "leaders".

SorosBot November 16, 2010 at 1:49 pm

I, for one, welcome our new old turtle-man overlords.

Radiotherapy November 16, 2010 at 3:45 pm

It's Young Gun old turtle-man overlords to you.

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2010 at 1:50 pm

No. Agents of the Yakuza.

All this time, we thought Obama was a Manchurian Candidate, when, really, he's just been following the lead of the real-life man who played in that movie.

(But I still love Frank. & he wasn't mobbed up, not really.)

OneDollarJuana November 16, 2010 at 1:56 pm

Yakuza, huh? Must be tattooed all over. Except that right arm, of course.

SayItWithWookies November 16, 2010 at 1:52 pm

I am proud to announce that I also have been re-elected to my previous post as Poor Disgruntled Motherfucker. Thank you all, it's an honor.

Radiotherapy November 16, 2010 at 3:46 pm

With all rights, privileges, and honorifics contained therein and heretofore.

Not_So_Much November 16, 2010 at 1:53 pm

You would think the very least they could do is take Harry out behind the barn and end that ineffectual mess. Make Al Franken Minority Leader so at least we can haz laffs, while taking it up the dirt pipe from Cecil the Turtle.

ShaveTheWhales November 17, 2010 at 1:06 am

Mmm. Detail. The Democrats still control the Senate.

Not_So_Much November 17, 2010 at 10:03 am

I know, but it's no thanks to Mumblin' Harry and I assumed they were going to continue to behave as if they had a vast minority.

OneYieldRegular November 16, 2010 at 1:54 pm

You think these so-called "leadership" positions have any significance in the Teabagger world? Haven't you learned that the only thing that matters is shouting more loudly than anyone else?

trampndirtdown November 16, 2010 at 11:12 pm

Yeah every congressperson gets one vote and they are all equal. Oh it doesn't really work that way… I'll shut up… I mean scream louder now.

weejee November 16, 2010 at 1:57 pm

OMFG, OT, blue lights, Charlie the Rangeler has been found guilty of violating House ethics and bringing dishonor to the House (how does you do wah ditty do that?). Will he be hanged, drawn, and quartered? Will he be allowed to hang around and draw for quarters. What, oh what, will be his horrific fate?

bitchincamaro2 November 16, 2010 at 2:15 pm

Forced to remain in congress.

PsycWench November 16, 2010 at 2:28 pm

Forced to man the nekkid scanners at LaGuardia.

Radiotherapy November 16, 2010 at 3:55 pm

He gets his wrist slapped by some turtle-men.

zhubajie November 17, 2010 at 6:22 am

Share an apartment with James Traficant? (Who I'm sure will run again!)

Lucidamente1 November 16, 2010 at 1:57 pm

Laugh all you want, but Joe Miller is gonna show up with his, uh, security people, and SUE THE PANTS OFF ALL OF YOU.

CapeClod November 16, 2010 at 1:57 pm

What? Heath Schuler didn't get the nod for minority leader in the House? I'm paralysed with shock.

elviouslyqueer November 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

Poor Heath. And after such a stellar career in the NFL too.

V572625694 November 16, 2010 at 2:21 pm

But did he ever lose 59-28 on MNF? HENHGH?

Beowoof November 16, 2010 at 1:57 pm

I think all of them should go hunting with DICK Cheney.

obiwanacracker November 17, 2010 at 12:34 am

Saw a clip of Skeletor at the ground breaking of Shrub's Presidential Library. Not looking good-what's the over/under on him seeing the new year?

Beowoof November 16, 2010 at 1:59 pm

And what happened to the nose dildo blower, I was hoping she would win. That skill would have really helped her sway republican votes at this crucial point in American history.

Mindblank November 16, 2010 at 2:17 pm

Xstine stole her dildo and now she can't play any reindeer games.

Advn2rgirl November 16, 2010 at 2:27 pm

She lost in a blowout.

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2010 at 2:39 pm

They're determining Congressional representation with blow-bangs!?

V572625694 November 16, 2010 at 2:46 pm

Thumbs up for your "Gravatar."

nachoproblem November 16, 2010 at 4:37 pm

I voted for her. In the district of my pants, anyway.

Thank you, I'll be here all night.

OneDollarJuana November 16, 2010 at 2:00 pm

Of course there's change happening! We know where it is! It's in the area around Washington and east, west, south and north somewhat.

Gratuitous World November 16, 2010 at 2:00 pm

phew, i'm just glad some old white men retained a little power.

PeaceWithHonor November 16, 2010 at 2:01 pm

You better stay home and do as your told
Get out of the road, if you want to grow old

SorosBot November 16, 2010 at 2:03 pm

President pro tempore is a largely ceremonial role, very luckily, because it traditionally goes to the member of the majority party with the most seniority, therefore it's normally a comically senile and near-dead old man.

I've been reading Rick Pearlstein's Nixonland, and he mentions Sen. Inouye a few times in context of the 1968 election. Dude is seriously ancient.

V572625694 November 16, 2010 at 2:19 pm

Dubya-Dubya-Two vet, a real hero in his time in the 442d, the unit of Japanese-Americans that fought in Europe, many of whose families were in "internment" camps. Now an ancient and reliable procurer of military pork for Hawaii, which is about to sink under the weight thereof. Flew back with him once, a real gentleman, no handlers to clear his path, even though he has a partially-unusable arm.

Doglessliberal November 16, 2010 at 3:03 pm

Cannot criticize Inouye. He is an amazing man.

DustBowlBlues November 16, 2010 at 5:35 pm

I remember him from the teevee appearances he made during the Watergate hearings. But I can't remember the name of the southerner who made the term Subpoena Duces Tecum famous.

ShaveTheWhales November 17, 2010 at 1:04 am

Sam?

ttommyunger November 16, 2010 at 2:05 pm

There will be Change. In your pocket. No bills, just Change. Small change, Nickels and Dimes. No Quarters for the average citizen. Quarters for House Members only, to feed the new Tanning Beds soon to be installed in the Cloakroom, compliments of "Boehner Beds, Inc." an Ohio start-up with deep, orange pockets.

Radiotherapy November 16, 2010 at 4:02 pm

Now it's time to get down to brass tacks and strip out the "tanning tax" provision out of Health Care Reform.

ttommyunger November 16, 2010 at 4:24 pm

No doubt job ONE!

mavenmaven November 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

The only thing that matters now in terms of "elections" is to keep voting for Bristol.

Jukesgrrl November 16, 2010 at 2:10 pm

More white is the new black.

freakishlywrong November 16, 2010 at 2:11 pm

That's actually president poi tempura Cuz , you know Hawaiian.
SPAM!!11

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2010 at 2:36 pm

It's funny that Barack has to sneak SPAM behind Michelle's back.

Why does FLOTUS hate the Tropics?

bitchincamaro2 November 16, 2010 at 2:13 pm

“The American people elected us to get along,” Mr. Reid said in brief, nearly inaudible remarks off the Senate floor, adding: “It’s not the Democratic way or the highway. "

The man is a caricature of himself. A fucking cartoon. We are doomed.

xsluggo November 16, 2010 at 2:24 pm

I guess this means that the Dems are roadkill.

chickensmack November 16, 2010 at 2:59 pm

You can't hate on him. He barely beat a crazy for his seat. We should be thanking the Good Lord he has his position of power.

bitchincamaro2 November 16, 2010 at 3:02 pm

I believe in his "power" about as much as I believe in the "Good Lord".

HistoriCat November 16, 2010 at 3:25 pm

Please tell me that you're joking – he did not actually say “The American people elected us to get along". Not even Harry Reid could be so obtuse.

Edit – OK fine, I went to RTFA. He really did say that. No wonder Democrats can't get everything done – they keep trying to get the cool kids to like them.

Jukesgrrl November 16, 2010 at 9:03 pm

It's worked so well for Harry and John Ensign. It just hasn't work for America.

elviouslyqueer November 16, 2010 at 2:13 pm

So did Lindsey Graham get elected Miss Congeniality again, or did Mama Grizzly get the sympathy vote nod?

Mindblank November 16, 2010 at 2:21 pm

Lindsey Graham has the ability to be congenial to many people, if you know what I mean.

Ducksworthy November 16, 2010 at 4:32 pm

Oh I thought you said Miss Congealiality. I see what you did. Because his mom named him after her sister. Right?

DustBowlBlues November 16, 2010 at 5:24 pm

More importantly, who won the talent portion of the Repub's vote?

MistaEko November 16, 2010 at 2:17 pm

And I bet their health care kicked in immediately, too!

Sgt_Biyatch November 16, 2010 at 2:22 pm

It's a shame Krystal Ball won't be bringing her considerable oratorical talent to DC.

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2010 at 2:39 pm

She can wind my stem.

Sgt_Biyatch November 16, 2010 at 2:53 pm

You mean she's good at fellatio AND does watch repair? What a talented girl!!

Acrewood November 16, 2010 at 2:24 pm

For more news and commentary, check out The Bond Project at http://www.thebondproject.blogspot.com

Troubledog November 16, 2010 at 2:28 pm

When I call your name, please say 'here', and we'll assume the word 'here' to be short for 'here I am, rock you like a hurricane'.

– Senator Ignignokt (R-Moon)

PsycWench November 16, 2010 at 2:29 pm

Sharon Angle does have a little toy senate made up of American Girl dolls and does she ever give them hell. Luckily they rarely need health care, just glue.

SnarkoMarx November 16, 2010 at 2:35 pm

In her version of the senate is Sarah Palin "in charge"?

CapnFatback November 16, 2010 at 2:39 pm

Yet Angle is getting grumpy with her play senate, citing a lack of Latino-looking dolls and a twofold of those of Asian ethnicity.

xsluggo November 16, 2010 at 2:34 pm

Come senators, congressmen,
Please heed the call,
Don’t stand in the doorway,
Don’t block up the hall,
something, something, something

horsedreamer_1 November 16, 2010 at 2:37 pm

& this is why the GOP does not abide the supremacy of anthropogenic climate change science.

charlesdegoal November 16, 2010 at 3:18 pm

And conversely we fall into the anthropomorphic fallacy trap of thinking that they have the ability to reason.

neiltheblaze November 16, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Did the reindeer dildo candidate win or lose? I never did hear about that. I'm wondering if the voting public in whatever district she was running in used this race as, not so much a litmus, but as a Rorschach test.

x111e7thst November 16, 2010 at 2:40 pm

Once you've had reindeer nose-dildo you never go back.

SmutBoffin November 16, 2010 at 2:43 pm

I miss the Old Days, when politicians would come together, extend their hands across the aisle, and treat each other with respect right before they voted to invade some Muslin country and kill the people there.

natoslug November 16, 2010 at 2:49 pm

Hooray for two more years of quagmire! If I weren't so fucking lazy, I'd see what it takes to emigrate to Sweden. I was promised socialism, not more Rich Whitey, goddammit!

G. Friday November 16, 2010 at 3:24 pm

Also, third in the presidential line of succession. Watch it, Biden and Boehner!

MinAgain November 16, 2010 at 3:28 pm

I don't know who's going to end up more disappointed in that picture…the guy wearing the dildo, or the girl sucking on it.

hagajim November 16, 2010 at 3:49 pm

So apparently Eric Cantor and his young guns came to the OK Corral without any ammo? Oh well at least we have two more years of the Dems pussying out every chance they get. Problem is with the newly installed GOP those chances will be few and far between…so they better puss out as much as possible for the next 7 weeks so the Merikan public can really see what whimps they are. Also

lotusflwr November 16, 2010 at 4:02 pm

But God promised Rep. Shimkus that after the flood he'd never destroy the Earth again, and I'm pretty sure that includes shattering as well as global warming!

Ducksworthy November 16, 2010 at 4:38 pm

I am sorry to hear about Krystal Ball. She would have been fun to watch. Especially when she kicked the Orange Boner in the balls for coming on to her.

DustBowlBlues November 16, 2010 at 5:21 pm

I can think of few things more disgusting than have Boner come on to me. He looks like the worst lounge lizard on the planet–I always wonder where the open collar and fake, oversized gold chain is.

Whatever the douchebag trade group paid that lobbyist to have an affair with this creep, it wasn't nearly enough.

cmputrwizard November 16, 2010 at 5:58 pm

Meet the new boss?

Same as it ever was.

Same as it ever was.

Comes the revolution . . . .

And Tea Bagger fools like Paul might bring it with them?

S

HedonismBot November 16, 2010 at 7:39 pm

Reid? Again? Seriously?!?!?!?! No F'ing way.
Really, how bad does that guy have to be at his job before they promote somebody with actual balls (or, if you prefer, ovaries)?

Jukesgrrl November 16, 2010 at 9:04 pm

I think they vote for whomever they like the least.

fuflans November 16, 2010 at 8:59 pm

and we still don't have jetpacks.

yourong1 November 16, 2010 at 10:15 pm

Google in the input: = clshoe.us = you can find many brand names, even more surprising is that he will sell you the unexpected

obiwanacracker November 17, 2010 at 12:31 am

It seems like it was just Halloween. I hate to see the reindeer nose dildos out before Thanksgiving. It just rushes the season.

mrblifil November 17, 2010 at 1:00 am

There is no problem so big that it can't be solved by some timely reindeer-dildo sucking.

ShaveTheWhales November 17, 2010 at 1:13 am

I am truly sorry that Krystal Ball did not win her race.

You know, I was gonna try "foresee the outcome" and shit like that, but she actually sounded like a pretty regular sort of person. So I really am sorry she lost.

And she must really love her parents, whatever my opinion of them is.

mstorse9 November 30, 2010 at 12:08 pm

Visit Hypocritical.org to learn how Senator Mitch McConnell’s consistent acts of hypocrisy and cowardice benefit him at public expense.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post: