- Lisa Murkowski leads bearded fraud Joe Miller by more than 1,700 votes, and there are still thousands of write-in ballots that haven’t even been counted yet, ergo: Lisa Murkowski totally won, suck a fat one and choke on it, Joe Miller! But facts are stupid things invented by people who didn’t go to Yale Law School, so Joe Miller is not worried, and he certainly isn’t conceding anytime soon. Instead, he will keep suing Alaska, in his last sad attempt to disenfranchise Alaskan voters. Sarah Palin has already endorsed Joe Miller’s lawsuit, on Twitter, so it is sure to succeed. (Note: Even if Jesus made a cameo appearance on Sarah Palin’s reality teevee show and ordered Alaska not to use “discretion” when counting write-in ballots, Joe Miller still wouldn’t have enough votes to win.) Ha ha, Joe Miller is such a jerk. [ADN]
- Do you have scurvy or some other sailors disease, because you cannot afford vegetables or foodstuffs with nutritional value? It’s not unlikely, according to “U.S. agriculture officials.” 16.6 percent of Americans are malnourished and constantly hungry, and “enrollment in the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, formerly known as the Food Stamp Program, has grown 58 percent over the last three years and reaches more than 42 million participants.” In other Food News: Glenn Beck says that George Soros is going to raise bread prices. We don’t even know what that means, but we love bread! Fuck! [McClatchy]
- Pilots are really unhappy about being finger-banged by TSA Gropesmiths, even though these TSA people wear gloves and are certified high school graduates! Are airplane pilots prudes, or terrorists? Probably both: “‘If a pilot like me is going to be up to no good, why would he need a butter knife?’ [some terrorist-pilot] said. ‘I’m in control of the entire airplane!'” Yes, but what if a three-year-old girl got a hold of that butter knife? Put that butter knife through the Porno-Scanner, we wanna see its titties. [Fox News]
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