should've been you in that fetus jar

George W. Bush Thinks He’s ‘Buddies’ With Bill Clinton

“Your father, 41, has said that he looks at Bill Clinton like another son,” said Crowley. “So who’s been the better brother, Jeb or Bill?”

“I knew that was coming,” said Jeb.

“You did? Why didn’t you warn me, Jeb?” said George W. Bush.

Probably he’s sick of doing that after six decades?

“Listen, Clinton and I are buddies,” the former president said. “First of all, we’re born one month apart. We’re now members of the former presidents club. We have done speaking engagements together. And I generally like him.”

Mutual speaking engagements and having been born one month apart: the bedrock of every great friendship. [Patrick Gavin]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here to remind you to remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • DaSandman

    And Billy takes over the banging Laura chores when Georgie's too busy being an international war criminal or reflecting on the meaning of words like "up" and "with".

    • Beowoof

      Knowing Bill I thought he would be banging Jenna and Barbara Jr.

    • http://www.wonkette.com Dr_pangloss

      Yeah Bill likes young, chunky and kinda ugly. Laura would remind him to much of Hillary.

  • SorosBot

    Somehow, I suspect Clinton looks at Bush like a brother; a petulant annoying younger brother Mom said he had to bring along with his friends who he'd really like to get rid of but is stuck with.

    • transfatz

      When saddled with your little brother just get him in trouble.
      "Wah m'brother Bill lak me so much he want me to go with'm to some place call heyg in yurp".

      • LionelHutzEsq

        Well, both Rodger and W. like to do cocaine.

  • bumfug

    Buddies?! So this means Clinton pals around with war criminals?

    • charlesdegoal

      Dubya would hardly be the only one.

    • zhubajie

      Sure; Madeline Albright!

  • Steverino247

    Of course, he's his buddy. Would you wipe Haitian stuff on the back of an enemy's shirt?

  • Badonkadonkette

    Rosario Dawson and I are both Tauruses and were born in New York so why won't she call me, hmmmmm?

  • PublicLuxury

    I always thought Bill had better taste than that. It is a disappointment to find out that he hearts the bush clan. Well, I suppose if Jebby is going to be our new POTUS in 2012 we should get used to it.

  • http://gratuity.wordpress.com/ Gratuitous World

    “So who’s been the better brother, Jeb or Bill?”

    W: um,actually Candy, i'm gonna have to go with fetus-in-a-jar. just love that little guy.

    too soon?

    • zhubajie

      Neal, the whore-hopper of Shanghai!

      • trampndirtdown

        I almost forgot Neal and his cute little S&L scandal. Always a Bush around when banks get looted and crash.

  • BaldarTFlagass

    "Buddies?" In the Navy, when you were stuck on board the ship as part of the duty section, a "buddy" was a shipmate who went into town on liberty, got two blowjobs, and came back aboard and gave you one of them. Thanks but no.

    • Failure_Artist

      I never knew blowjobs were transferable. Course, I never took a class in economics.

      • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

        I believe the term is "fungible."

        • Chet Kincaid

          Sorry, accidental thumb-down…meant up.

        • Negropolis

          Mmmm…fungibles….**drools**

        • ttommyunger

          Not if you shower first.

  • EatsBabyDingos

    Clinton is the "Third Brother;" Weasel Neil is still considered to be the offspring of a ferret and a an armadildo.

  • edgydrifter

    So where does this leave Putin? After all that manly soul-staring, Pootey is going to be pissed to find out George is sleazing around with his down-low BFF Bill.

  • deanbooth

    “Your father, 41, .."

    Way to disambiguate, Crowley. These people are from another world.

  • elviouslyqueer

    Okay, from whose staff notes or memoirs was the Plagiarizer in Chief lifting this time?

  • charlesdegoal

    You forgot the one in the jar.

  • savethispatient

    That really sums up the entire presidency:
    GWB: "Why didn't you warn me?"
    The world: "We thought it was obvious!"

  • charlesdegoal

    They're all buddies, which is why we're all fucked.

  • Bonzos_Bed_Time

    And Bill and I have our little brother in a jar back at Mom's place.

  • Oblios_Cap

    I "generally like" almost everyone that I meet until they open their mouths and start talking.

  • johnnymeatworth

    W is friends with Aleister Crowley???

    • zhubajie

      Sure; 666 is his grandfather! Didn't you know about how Barb I came into being?

  • chascates

    I can't wait until George joins the 'Dead Presidents Club'. He'll probably live to 100 though. Maybe his dad will take him skydiving?

    • LibrulEleet

      I'd rather see him spend a long life in prison before he begins his eternity in hell.

  • Redhead

    George Dubya is like the obnoxious old guy at the bar, who thinks that because he's sitting next to the college frat boy who brought a girl and because they're drinking the same crappy light domestic beer, they're now buddies, because he wants to be like the frat boy who actually has a girl talking to him.

    Gee Dubya probably has the same blood alcohol level as that annoying drunk guy, too.

    • aguacatero

      I know someone who knew W at Yale and said about him, "He was the kind of guy who would go to a party and end up throwing up on your date."

      • Redhead

        And now I just have Jon Stewart going "henh henh henh," Shrub-style, stuck in my head. Thanks.

    • http://www.acepilots.com/wwi/can_bishop.html WABishop

      But I bet little Jar-Jar Bush has a higher blood-alcohol level.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    He's also surprisingly close to Gore, in fact in 2000 he even considered voting for him…

    • trampndirtdown

      Well duh, Shrub Knows that he is incompetent.

  • Beowoof

    W is like the guy who you tell your meeting at one bar and then go to another and then time him how long it takes him to figure it out and to find you. If he never does, the night is a win.

  • DustBowlBlues

    Junior figured that Dad's friendship with Bill had bought buddy status for the idiot. After all, daddy's bought him everything else he's ever gotten.

  • SwanSwanH

    The First Black Bushie.

  • Guppy06

    Dubya has looked deep into Bill's eyes and seen into his soul!

  • gullywompr

    Laura no longer thinks their bromance is funny, but she's still grateful that it takes George out of the house.

  • problemwithcaring

    Buddies with Bill? Oh, then you are drinking and fucking again.

  • Limeylizzie

    I think that Hopey sneaks into my bed at night, rogers me soundly, leaves a few thousand dollars on the dresser and then repeals DADT.

    • ShaveTheWhales

      Sadly, that last bit probably identifies this as a fantasy rather than a recovered memory.

    • obfuscator2

      i'm detecting a recurring theme here…

    • ttommyunger

      Sounds reasonable, except for the repeal part… ain't gonna happen.

  • Negropolis

    Bush also thinks that the tooth fairy exists and that there are unfound WMD in Iraq.

    BTW, totally off topic, but doesn't anyone remember the original "all of them" comment made back when Bush was running for president, and the "I'll get back to ya on that, Katie" comment? It was when Bush was asked to name some world leaders.

    • zhubajie

      I've no doubt Bush believed everything he told Chirac about Gog and Magog!

    • sarjo

      Wow, you're making me feel young and dumb–I thought "all of 'em" and "I'll get back to ya on that" were original to Palin. I guess there's only so many ways to be a completely unqualified retard seeking higher office?

  • ttommyunger

    Sorry George. Being a pussy is not the same thing as having a pussy. You, or any other man, no matter how unmanly, will never be Bubba's friend. Take it from a fellow sex addict.

  • LionelHutzEsq

    In other breaking news, George W. Bush believes he is buddies with Yogi Bear, as they both have been to national parks, and like picnic baskets.