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Hey, here’s the early winner of America’s “Who Can Be the Most Obnoxious To TSA” contest, a guy calling himself “Johnny Edge.” Cool name! Very libertarian! Very comic book! This guy went into San Diego’s airport with the sole purpose of antagonizing the TSA security guys and catching them on his iPhone’s video thing, and it worked, because when he freaked out and told them he was going to sue them for trying to sexually assault his “junk,” they weren’t quite sure how to handle it.

He said that once I start the screening in the secure area, I could not leave until it was completed. Having left the area, he stated, I would be subject to a civil suit and a $10,000 fine… He again asserted the necessity that I return to the screening area. When I asked why, he explained that I may have an incendiary device and whether or not that was true needed to be determined… He told me that their procedures are on their website, and therefore, I was fully informed before I entered the airport; I had implicitly agreed to whatever screening they deemed appropriate.

Whoa! They won’t even let you get near the security line to make petulant YouTube videos without being subject to their crazy law zone. Seems like that sort of rule just breeds petulant YouTube videos, though.

Those TSA agents are very correct that you give up all rights to comfort and human decency when you enter an airport, whether it’s right or wrong. That happened a long time ago, and the security part of it made reg’lar ‘mericans feel safe to fly again after THE 9/11 TERROR BOO. Even though they weren’t really safer, them getting back on the planes helped save this (actually very important!) industry. But because security is an annoying, self-perpetuating industry itself, these regulations get slightly worse from time to time, because doing so comes at an exorbitant cost to the government, whether or not the handful of people who actually inform themselves about this stuff raises a stink. Welcome to America.

And now some poor TSA flunky will have to look at thousands of gross alien-looking American genitals for three seconds each from another room every single day. Wait, sorry, a PERSON KEN LAYNE WOULD NOT HAVE SEX WITH will look LUSTILY at KEN LAYNE AND HIS FAMILY’S GONADS SPECIFICALLY, because everyone wants to have sex with Ken Layne. And this will shoot some radiation at Ken Layne, like approximately every other electronic device in the world today.

Meanwhile, airplanes will still be worth the multiple and varied and ever-compounding inconveniences and annoyances for the vast majority of people, because they are EXTREMELY FAST and GET TO DESTINATIONS ACROSS A WHOLE PLANET VERY QUICKLY and allow human beings to FLY THROUGH THE GODDAMN AIR LIKE AN INSANE BIRD. The end. [Johnny Edge]

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