STOP TOUCHING LITTLE GIRLS  10:34 am November 15, 2010

Three-Year-Old Girl Groped By TSA Monster

by Riley Waggaman

Here is a video of a three-year-old girl being sexually assaulted at the airport. This disturbing grope-a-thon was caught on camera more than a year ago, but it has since resurfaced on the “Internet blogosphere” (ew) because apparently Americans are tired of being sexually humiliated by the brain-dead vulgarians who are supposed to keep us safe, and not molest us. Something like that! Anyway:

Yup. Gotta stop flying. Walk, it’s better for you.

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Hola wonkerados.

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BombyMcGee November 15, 2010 at 10:42 am

"If you try to make it a game for the child, it can be a lot easier."

What's that game called, "Let a gross stranger touch your bum"? When I was a kid, my mom told me not to play that game.

DashboardBuddha November 15, 2010 at 11:08 am

"If you try to make it a game for the child, it can be a lot easier."

Isn't that in the "Welcome to the Priesthood" pamphlet?

axmxz November 15, 2010 at 4:15 pm

The game is called "Show on the dolly where the accused touched you."

MsQuasimodo November 15, 2010 at 9:30 pm

The government is beginning its campaign to "prime" all of the poors and the middle classes from an early age to accept the assfucking and anal implants that will become mandatory for US citizenship. The Catholic clergy were the advance guard, ahead of the curve, as usual.

SorosBot November 15, 2010 at 10:50 am

It's a small price to pay for protection from the great scourge of toddlers blowing up planes we've suffered lately.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 15, 2010 at 10:55 am

Kids do make excellent bombs. Just give one some prune juice and coffee for a demonstration.

MARCdMan November 15, 2010 at 11:08 am

Didn't they have one of those a week ago on Alaskan Airlines in Las Vegas?

XOhioan November 15, 2010 at 1:33 pm

Yeah, what happens if the TSA groper feels "mass" in the kid's diaper?

MsQuasimodo November 15, 2010 at 9:31 pm

"Just step away, and give me the money, before I give the kid the espresso!"

Thurman Munster IV November 15, 2010 at 10:58 am

Anchor babies start younger than ever these days

GravyBoyJohnson November 15, 2010 at 11:02 am

wonkette: it's unfair of you to keep picking on these brave, hardworking NAMBLA – i mean TSA – employees.

DashboardBuddha November 15, 2010 at 11:07 am

Officer Friendly…we need you now more than ever.

GravyBoyJohnson November 15, 2010 at 11:21 am

say no. and go. and tell someone you trust.

natoslug November 15, 2010 at 11:10 am

Have YOU ever flown with a small child? My own, someone else's, I don't care — they're all terrorists. Like terror toothpaste and screwdrivers, children under 27 should be banned from all flights.

V572625694 November 15, 2010 at 11:27 am

And my little keychain-sized "Swiss Army" knife. If only TSA knew how close I've come to commandeering an American Airlines MD-80 with it because they don't have Martinis on the cocktail cart!

BaldarTFlagass November 15, 2010 at 2:49 pm

I think all children should be anesthetized in a dosage appropriate to their body mass and the flight time, placed in clear acrylic tubes with comfy pillows and a binky, and transported to the final flight destination in the cargo hold. Hey, it works for dogs.

natoslug November 15, 2010 at 2:53 pm

I'd love that for my son. He's 10 and spends the entire flight farting and talking about how unsafe flying is, that the plane is probably going to crash or explode and that we're all going to die. I'd rather travel by flea-infested donkey than fly with him. Which is why I usually sit somewhere in the back of the plane by myself and let my wife try to convince him that the plane will stay airborne for most of the flight.

Not_So_Much November 15, 2010 at 11:13 am

That screener better up their game or they'll never make it as a priest.

CrankyLttlCamperette November 15, 2010 at 11:56 am

Plainly. That's not a young boy. GET IT RIGHT MORANS!

SorosBot November 15, 2010 at 11:14 am

To be fair, many small children are loaded with biological weapons (the cold and flu viruses) and infect everyone around them.

MLHencken November 15, 2010 at 11:16 am

Nice job whoring out your own children for a story, asshole.

SayItWithWookies November 15, 2010 at 11:18 am

Pfff — I am sooo not gonna watch that. If I wanted to start my mornings with pedophilia I'd've stayed in the church.

edgydrifter November 15, 2010 at 11:27 am

I need an adult!

V572625694 November 15, 2010 at 11:32 am

Pretty soon the TSA pervs are going to demand "privacy," the way some cops have, and sue passengers for capturing their pervi-ness on cell phone video. It's all right though: it's for security. Security is everyone's job, as an idiotic endless tape loop at SAN keeps reminding me. It doesn't say that only some of us are getting paid for it.

Weenus299 November 15, 2010 at 11:56 am

Everybody knows that the best way to sneak PETN onto a plane is by using ventriloquist dolls.

mrblifil November 15, 2010 at 11:56 am

Um….if the Dad is not setting off multiple alarms (gaydar, pedophile, steroid abuse, what-have-you) then our TSA system is irreparably broken.

V572625694 November 15, 2010 at 12:00 pm

"Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says in a USA Today opinion piece that body scanners used at many airports are safe and the images viewed in private."

I'll bet they are, again and again and again, particularly those of women in 4-hook bras.

Is it just me, or does Napolitano seem as dumb as dirt every time she's allowed to open her mouth?

DahBoner November 15, 2010 at 4:24 pm

Well, Janet was the ex-gov of Arid Zone Uh.

Beetagger November 15, 2010 at 8:57 pm

Exactly… she comes from a long line of half-wits and moral dwarves.

SmutBoffin November 15, 2010 at 12:10 pm

Today, we have all made a boom-boom.

Oblios_Cap November 15, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Another TSA rant? Wags is shamelessly pandering to his boss.

Give the boy a raise, Ken. He's been through a lot for us. Why, just being groped by BrainFart was enough tramua for any one person to have to endure in his/her lifetime.

Plus, he looks like Harry Potter.

frailamerica November 15, 2010 at 12:23 pm

I want to know what the statistics are for defrocked priests who are now TSA employees.

MsQuasimodo November 15, 2010 at 9:34 pm

Hell, those defrocked priests are TSA trainers, teaching them the finer points of child molestation.

real_dc_native November 15, 2010 at 12:24 pm

Nice tip for the real bad guys. Ask at the counter to be deselected if you are selected for enhanced screening. The system is flawless.

lolcas November 15, 2010 at 12:41 pm

TSA needs Pedobear.

HistoriCat November 15, 2010 at 12:58 pm

"Ask to be deselected"? yeah that sounds like a good strategy. I'd rather loudly tell my child, "it's OK honey – the pedophile is just doing her job." God I hate flying in this decaying empire.

RedneckMuslin November 15, 2010 at 6:06 pm

She was so asking for it.

transfatz November 16, 2010 at 1:42 am

On 9/11 nineteen American three year olds hijacked four passenger planes. The rest is history.

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