stop touching little girls

Three-Year-Old Girl Groped By TSA Monster

Here is a video of a three-year-old girl being sexually assaulted at the airport. This disturbing grope-a-thon was caught on camera more than a year ago, but it has since resurfaced on the “Internet blogosphere” (ew) because apparently Americans are tired of being sexually humiliated by the brain-dead vulgarians who are supposed to keep us safe, and not molest us. Something like that! Anyway:

Yup. Gotta stop flying. Walk, it’s better for you.

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • BombyMcGee

    "If you try to make it a game for the child, it can be a lot easier."

    What's that game called, "Let a gross stranger touch your bum"? When I was a kid, my mom told me not to play that game.

    • DashboardBuddha

      "If you try to make it a game for the child, it can be a lot easier."

      Isn't that in the "Welcome to the Priesthood" pamphlet?

    • axmxz

      The game is called "Show on the dolly where the accused touched you."

    • MsQuasimodo

      The government is beginning its campaign to "prime" all of the poors and the middle classes from an early age to accept the assfucking and anal implants that will become mandatory for US citizenship. The Catholic clergy were the advance guard, ahead of the curve, as usual.

  • SorosBot

    It's a small price to pay for protection from the great scourge of toddlers blowing up planes we've suffered lately.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Kids do make excellent bombs. Just give one some prune juice and coffee for a demonstration.

    • MARCdMan

      Didn't they have one of those a week ago on Alaskan Airlines in Las Vegas?

    • XOhioan

      Yeah, what happens if the TSA groper feels "mass" in the kid's diaper?

    • MsQuasimodo

      "Just step away, and give me the money, before I give the kid the espresso!"

  • Thurman Munster IV

    Anchor babies start younger than ever these days

  • GravyBoyJohnson

    wonkette: it's unfair of you to keep picking on these brave, hardworking NAMBLA – i mean TSA – employees.

  • DashboardBuddha

    Officer Friendly…we need you now more than ever.

    • GravyBoyJohnson

      say no. and go. and tell someone you trust.

  • natoslug

    Have YOU ever flown with a small child? My own, someone else's, I don't care — they're all terrorists. Like terror toothpaste and screwdrivers, children under 27 should be banned from all flights.

    • V572625694

      And my little keychain-sized "Swiss Army" knife. If only TSA knew how close I've come to commandeering an American Airlines MD-80 with it because they don't have Martinis on the cocktail cart!

    • BaldarTFlagass

      I think all children should be anesthetized in a dosage appropriate to their body mass and the flight time, placed in clear acrylic tubes with comfy pillows and a binky, and transported to the final flight destination in the cargo hold. Hey, it works for dogs.

      • natoslug

        I'd love that for my son. He's 10 and spends the entire flight farting and talking about how unsafe flying is, that the plane is probably going to crash or explode and that we're all going to die. I'd rather travel by flea-infested donkey than fly with him. Which is why I usually sit somewhere in the back of the plane by myself and let my wife try to convince him that the plane will stay airborne for most of the flight.

  • Not_So_Much

    That screener better up their game or they'll never make it as a priest.

    • CrankyLttlCamperette

      Plainly. That's not a young boy. GET IT RIGHT MORANS!

  • SorosBot

    To be fair, many small children are loaded with biological weapons (the cold and flu viruses) and infect everyone around them.

  • http://Wonkette.com MLHencken

    Nice job whoring out your own children for a story, asshole.

  • SayItWithWookies

    Pfff — I am sooo not gonna watch that. If I wanted to start my mornings with pedophilia I'd've stayed in the church.

  • edgydrifter

    I need an adult!

  • V572625694

    Pretty soon the TSA pervs are going to demand "privacy," the way some cops have, and sue passengers for capturing their pervi-ness on cell phone video. It's all right though: it's for security. Security is everyone's job, as an idiotic endless tape loop at SAN keeps reminding me. It doesn't say that only some of us are getting paid for it.

  • Weenus299

    Everybody knows that the best way to sneak PETN onto a plane is by using ventriloquist dolls.

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    Um….if the Dad is not setting off multiple alarms (gaydar, pedophile, steroid abuse, what-have-you) then our TSA system is irreparably broken.

  • V572625694

    "Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano says in a USA Today opinion piece that body scanners used at many airports are safe and the images viewed in private."

    I'll bet they are, again and again and again, particularly those of women in 4-hook bras.

    Is it just me, or does Napolitano seem as dumb as dirt every time she's allowed to open her mouth?

    • DahBoner

      Well, Janet was the ex-gov of Arid Zone Uh.

      • Beetagger

        Exactly… she comes from a long line of half-wits and moral dwarves.

  • SmutBoffin

    Today, we have all made a boom-boom.

  • Oblios_Cap

    Another TSA rant? Wags is shamelessly pandering to his boss.

    Give the boy a raise, Ken. He's been through a lot for us. Why, just being groped by BrainFart was enough tramua for any one person to have to endure in his/her lifetime.

    Plus, he looks like Harry Potter.

  • frailamerica

    I want to know what the statistics are for defrocked priests who are now TSA employees.

    • MsQuasimodo

      Hell, those defrocked priests are TSA trainers, teaching them the finer points of child molestation.

  • real_dc_native

    Nice tip for the real bad guys. Ask at the counter to be deselected if you are selected for enhanced screening. The system is flawless.

  • lolcas

    TSA needs Pedobear.

  • HistoriCat

    "Ask to be deselected"? yeah that sounds like a good strategy. I'd rather loudly tell my child, "it's OK honey – the pedophile is just doing her job." God I hate flying in this decaying empire.

  • RedneckMuslin

    She was so asking for it.

  • transfatz

    On 9/11 nineteen American three year olds hijacked four passenger planes. The rest is history.