This rich person used to be able to afford the most expensive Rentboy. But now he is poor, because of taxes.

  • If this doesn’t make your blood boil with anger, nothing will: Barack Obama might not give super rich people permanent tax exempt status! If Obama taxes rich people, how are they supposed to create new jobs, in India/China/anywhere but here? At this point it doesn’t really even matter. Obama couldn’t redistribute the white man’s Wealth even if he tried his hardest, since we already live in a terrible Banana Republic in which “the richest 1 percent of Americans now take home almost 24 percent of income.” The rest of us squat in bedbug-infested foreclosed condos and eat re-refried beans and McDonald’s McSadness sandwiches. And John Boehner might as well take our Social Security too, because most of us won’t even live long enough to enjoy our first adult diaper poop — because who can afford adult diapers? We will just have to poop our pants, and then die. Yay. [WSJ]
  • Charlie Rangel’s corruption hearing begins today! The House Ethics Committee has charged Charlie with thirteen counts of Unethical and/or Rude Behavior, including “failing to pay taxes on a home in the Dominican Republic, misuse of a rent-controlled apartment for political purposes, improper use of government mail service and letterhead” and “being such a snappy dresser” (guilty as charged!). Rangel has stated publicly that he is extremely “stupid” but “not corrupt.” So basically he’s going with the Blagojevich Defense. [CNN]
  • Joe Miller’s goon squad has challenged about 7,000 write-in ballots, probably because thousands of voters put a little heart above the “i” in Lisa’s name, instead of dotting it properly with a skull and crossbones — or maybe Alaska Latinos voted for “┬íLisa Murkowski!” which is very confusing because isn’t the iLisa some sort of wireless Steve Jobs iTrinket? Yes, it is. And that is why determining voter intent is such a tricky business. Murkowski is trailing Miller by 8,820 votes, but ballot tabulation will continue through Wednesday, and Lisa has already received 89 percent of undisputed write-in votes. Uh, if Joe Miller wins, we are moving to the Moon. [AP]
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  • James Michael Curley

    I'm investing in Prozac.

  • JoeMamased

    “the richest 1 percent of Americans now take home almost 24 percent of income.”

    Who says there's no upward mobility?

    • trampndirtdown

      It should start trickling down anytime now, ghost Raygun told me so.

    • Negropolis

      Yeah, money has got some strong legs. Must be the squats.

  • Texan_Bulldog

    "because most of us won’t even live long enough to enjoy our first adult diaper poop"

    Well, well, well–poor, misunderstood David Vitter was just ahead of his time on this then.

    • PsycWench

      He's a trailblazer, that one. Maybe he was all about quality control – the Ralph Nader of Depends.

      • horsedreamer_1

        See, & all this time, I heard Vitter's BM is unsafe, at any speed.

  • 4TheTurnstiles

    I'm ready for a Popular Unity government: nationalize what natural resources we have left (porn, ammunition, obesity), export the excess, and wait for Nixon to kill us all and install a closet-case military dictator.

    Sorry, I can never get this shit to end right.

    • fuflans

      we also have cheese.

      • trampndirtdown

        in caves

  • natoslug

    If I didn't have cousins in Alaska whom I actually cared about, I'd say the state deserved its Joe Millertime. Can't they just admit it's too confusing having a battle between the repubs and give it to that adorable mustachio'd butterball, McAdams? It's time a weeble represented Alaska!

    • Terry

      Isn't McAdams' Tribal name something like "truck sized orca"?

  • x111e7thst

    Looks like it's time for Joe the Miller to move back to Kansas. He can improve his days cultivating federal farm subsidies and trying to grow a real beard.

  • Serolf_Divad

    The quickest, surefire way to eliminate the deficit is fourfold:

    (1) Eliminate Foreign Aid (Especially the money we send to Al Quaeda): $960 Billion annual savings.
    (2) Deport all illegal aliens: $1.2 Trillion in annual savings.
    (3) Eliminate PBS: $900 Billion in annual savings.
    (4) Eliminate all taxes (including Federal and State income taxes, sales taxes) and replace them with a 1% flat tax (this alone would generate $30 Trillion in additional revenue).

    At least that's what a perfectly sensible dude I met at a Tea Party rally told me, just before explaining how Barack Obama's real birth certificate is held, under 24 hour guard, in a safe in the vaultsof the Council on Foreign Relations.

    • V572625694

      You forgot the constitutional amendments banning flag burning and gay marriage. That'll save billions.

    • James Michael Curley

      I spent the whole late summer and fall trying to recall who Tea Party Candidate Anna Little resembled and sounded like. Finally saw her in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. It's Delores Umbridge. "Imelda Staunton plays Dolores Umbridge, a cross between Margaret Thatcher and Hyacinth Bucket."

    • comrad_darkness

      You forgot
      (5) Cancel Black Helicopter Harassment program: $330 Billion in savings
      (6) Close Area 51, $800 Billion in savings, but that's only until the aliens come and rescue all our bovines in retaliation.

      • Serolf_Divad

        You know, if the government would just market the knowledge they've gained from examining captured UFO's we wouldn't have to pay taxes… EVER. We could live off the royalties the Japanese and Chinese pay us in perpetuity for the right to use all the new technologies we produce.

        • Not_So_Much

          Anime anal-probing our way to fiscal security.

    • HedonismBot

      If they just burned the original certificate (they don't want it to ever see the light of day anyway, so why not do away with it?) they could save money on the 24-hour guard. Even NObama's coverups are wasting resources.

    • Vinnie Saltine

      if you can save $30 Trillion in additional revenue by restructuring taxes, then you can keep spending on items #1and 3 as the current deficit is ~$14 Trillion.

  • Um… rich people?

    Taxes are required because it's pretty much the only revenue stream the gubbiment really has. Since you stopped paying out real wages to US Americuh nobobies and inferiors and wiped out the middle class… well, you're the tax base. I know it's not easy because you're a bunch of selfish undiagnosed sociopaths who think that it is your god given right to have everything, but where you going to go? Who else has a phalanx of nukular missiles and fleets of aircraft carriers to protect your flabby interests? China? Oh please. Can't go hiding behind the Maginot Line of white fat wall of bitters (even if they're on Rascals) forever.

    • BerkeleyBear

      We could go back to the old way of collecting revenue, with heavy import and excise taxes, tarriffs and tax collectors who get a piece of everything they collect – but somehow I don't think our Wal-Martian overlords would be happy with 400% markups on Chinese plastic crap (given how much they bitch about anti-dumping duties as it is).

  • slithytovesss

    Interestingly, our mortality rate is being tagged to our "deteriorating health care system." Yeah, but I hear we're really good at liposuctions and boob jobs. Too bad those can't help cancer and whooping cough, though there is some remediation there for obesity.

    • prommie

      Thats a brilig comment. Made me all mimsy.

    • horsedreamer_1

      Best Health Care in the World.

      USA! USA! USA!

    • We lead the world in treatment of Botox Deficiency Syndrome.

  • Office_39

    Voting for Democrats seems to give Republicans more power to do things their way. Maybe Democratic Party fan boys are doing this thing wrong.

    • Terry

      Here's the problem.

      When Democrats are in power, they try to make the Republican majority happy. When the Republicans are in power, they tell the Demcrats to go suck it.

      • fuflans

        to be fair, the 1% don't think this is a problem.

      • Office_39

        /me innocently asks: "What can we do, Terry?"

  • freakishlywrong

    All snark aside, if Obarmar and the squishy Dems cave on the so called "tax hikes for the job creators", that will be it for me. Waterloo as it were.

    • Serolf_Divad

      Rest easy: Obama absolutely, definitely, in no way will cave. Never.

      What he will do is "compromise." And by that I mean that Democrats will only temporarily extend the tax cuts until the GOP has enough votes to permanently extend them. And GAO deficit projections will not include the cost of the tax cuts because they are set to expire (ha, ha, ha, ha!) in two years.

    • prommie

      Please, don't ever put all snark aside, it hurts.

    • Sgt_Biyatch

      He will cave. As much as this is a no-brainer, it does require a spine, something which the Dems severely lack.

  • SorosBot

    But if we increase the top marginal rate on the wealthy a little bit, it'll ruin the economy and increase the deficit because of Reaganomics-bullshit-that's-been-empirically-proven-not-to-work-but-wingers-support-anyway.

    • GOPCrusher

      Well, you know that's the reason that millions of jobs haven't been created since the tax cuts were put in to effect. The uncertainty that a black man running as a Democrat may be elected President, and wants that money back to help balance the budget.

  • Katydid

    I don't see how Murkowski is better (for us) than Miller, and she's a lot worse for comedy. She's already said she'll caucus with the Republicans, and she'll probably work overtime to move to the right to prove to them she's one of them.

    Why is it again we're so concerned that she win? She's going to vote like a fuck anyway. How much worse can his votes be than hers? And she'll be worse, because she has seniority. All the bills he might propose will be too wacky for anyone except other baggers to vote on. And he'll embarrass the GOP endlessly. That's worth a lot, isn't it?

    Unless you live in Alaska, you should be rooting for Miller, again, for the comedy. Think of the page views for Our Beloved Wonkette! What am I missing here?

    • V572625694

      Wow, this takes all the fun out of Joe-Miller-defeated schadenfreude. Of course you're right, but please have a little restraint on the truth-telling: it's Monday morning, and some of us haven't started drinking yet.

      • JoeMamased

        it's Monday morning, and some of us haven't started drinking yet.


        It's always Miller Time, especially since Nov. 2.

      • Katydid

        Oh, god, you're right, I apologize. My only excuse is it's Monday morning. I'll stop, right after I respond to Terry below.

    • Terry

      Yes, Miller would be more entertaining but some of us are becoming concerned at the number of certifiably insane people in Congress. Murkowski may have gotten her job via nepotism, but she is from all observations sane.

      • chickensmack

        That, and she may have successfully pulled off the ding-dangedest mother lovin' phantom-creepy hand-cuffin' October Surprise of 'em all.

        • Terry

          As an added bonus, she's foiling Palin's plans.

          • V572625694

            Didn't I unintentionally see a porno DVD called "Foilin' Palin's Pants" or something like that?

        • horsedreamer_1

          & a definite body-blow to Palin. Even if Sarah has gone mum over Joe Miller in the days since the election, there's no doubt to whom his star was tethered. & if he loses — whoa! Maybe she's not invincible.

          Or maybe that will go right over POLITICO's head.

          (Jim van de Hei blows goats.)

      • Katydid

        Yes, but insane baggers are more embarrassing to the GOP, no? And they'll vote the same way. Oh, maybe I'm being too cynical, even for Wonkette. I just don't know, but no more serious today!

    • SorosBot

      On the one hand, Murkowski's pulling a Lieberman ruined the chance of the Democrats actually picking up a Senate seat in Alaska. On the other, a loss for Miller is a loss for Sarah Palin, and what's bad for Palin is good for America.

    • comrad_darkness

      I'm rooting for her just to screw over Rove's pale butt-face cheeked mocking prediction. Otherwise, meh.

  • Terry

    "Uh, if Joe Miller wins, we are moving to the Moon."

    Look at it this way. If he wins and follows DeMint's example and blocks all earmarks to his state, the rest of us will have a lot more money. Additionally, the resulting anger and chaos in Alaska will be entertaining to watch.

    • Chet Kincaid

      "Ice Road Warriors", coming soon on The History Channel.

  • bitchincamaro2

    I think it was Joe McGinniss in his book about the Nixon campaign of '68 who exposed the Republican strategy of "the big lie"; the larger the whopper, the more likely it will be accepted by the voting public. When the CBO offers proof that lowering taxes is last on a list of 11 effective methods of stimulating the economy and these putzes insist it's number 1…well the "big lie" is now shooting steroids directly into its eyeballs.

    • prommie

      Can't wait for his book on the snowbilly grifter clan!

    • James Michael Curley

      Read "Selling of the President" way back in 'Nam when I had endless tours of punishment guard duty to read. With the numberous references in McGuiness, the next book I read was Mein Kempf. That pleased the XO to no end.

  • chickensmack

    Can we has interweb and wonkette on the moon?

  • PsycWench

    Blagojevich defense = My Hair Made Me Do It?

    • Charlie has some fine-ass hair, you've got to admit.

      He's the John Ensign for the rest of us.

  • WarAndGee

    Meh, tax break extensions, I don't mind, I thank the rich for my freedoms like "real Americans" should. And I know they would die for this country if they couldn't pay their way out of doing so.

  • fuflans

    i read the story as:

    Poor Rich People Might Have To Pay TEXAS, eventually

    and it all made a lot of sense.

    • HedonismBot

      In Texas, taxes pay YOU!
      No, wait. Not Texas. I mean Wyoming, Utah, Alaska, and other states with zilch for population that suck more off the federal teat than they give back.

  • BeWoot

    Oklahoma=America tomorrow?
    “With fear and hate, you really rally up a lot of supporters.”

    I don't feel so good.

    • 4TheTurnstiles

      Solution: Democrats need to figure out how to put shit on the ballot that brings out the base. Give them more than one reason to vote. The GOP uses bullshit items like the legal right to hunt bear with laser-guided dick missles just to bring 'em out of the holler and vote the rest of the ballot idiotically.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Libertad para Rangel! Libertad para Rangel! No se puede hacer eso a mi gente!

  • DCHatesMe

    Cut a hole in the ice. Put up a sign that says "George Bush Tax Cuts Here", and when the rich people jump up to get their tax cuts, club them to death like baby seals.

    • widestanceroman

      All well and good, but who wants a coat made out of liver-spotted tanning-bed leather? On the other hand, there's no reason why they can't just rot where they drop, so, yeah, let's go clubbing.

      • comrad_darkness

        No no no, feed them to sharks, then eat the sharks.

        Or just feed them to pigs. I hear pigs eat people just fine. (File that under: Shit I learned on Wonkette)

        • Pigs and chickens are alike in that they will eat almost anything.
          Turkeys, however, can be relatively finicky.

          (Fun Farm Facts from Caveman's hippie sister)

  • EdFlintstone

    Thank god America, with it's informed electorate, rejected the demoncrats and their "wealth redistribution." Note: There will be a company meeting later this week. We plan to discuss the following topics: elimination of our traditional pension plan, the across the board 5% pay cut for all hourly employees, reduction of hours to reduce full time employees requiring health insurance, the move of our production facility to China and the relocation of our headquarters to a post office box in the Cayman Islands. We hope with these necessary, shared sacrifices, our shareholders and executives can eke out a few hundred million more in stock options.

    • HistoriCat

      Won't someone think of the executives? You might need to pick up the slack … wash the exec's car or do his laundry. It's the least you can do.

      • genxr

        I lost my job because stoopid dimorats wouldn't let my employer cut may pay to $1/day. Boss said it was uncertainty about tax cuts or sumpin.

  • PsycWench

    Snark aside, these meme for figuring out how to fix the budget has been going around on Facebook:… . If the basic math is correct, there is no way the budget shortfall can be resolved without tax increases of one form or another.

    • EdFlintstone

      Ive been sending that to everyone I know, I suprised how easy it was to get to surplus. I didnt even go after the federal workers or raise medicare and social secuirty ages.

    • Sgt_Biyatch

      By increase, you mean "return to pre-W levels"…and we all know how crappy the economy and how high the deficit was from '92 to '00.
      But then, logic has no place in the new gubmint.

    • glindsey1979

      You can, but only if you include military spending cuts, which we all know would NEVER happen.

  • MinAgain

    Speling is overated.

  • spinozasgod

    Don't they(the socialists with a capital D)realize that the only reason there have been ANY jobs over the last 10 years is because of the rich folk well deserved tax relaxation program?

  • spinozasgod

    I believe you mean Republican bananas.

  • spinozasgod

    maybe bananas Republicans?

  • I know that Alaska is "different" from the rest of the country (in the way that Trig is "different" from other kids) but the fact that Joe Miller got enough votes to make a tabulation of the write-ins necessary shows that statehood should be revoked–make Alaska a colony of Hawaii.

  • SorosBot

    Or else I need more coffees. Fuck, it's Monday morning and I spent most of Sunday packing.

  • CrankyLttlCamperette

    Dammit, there's got to be a "Republican Bananas" joke in here someplace! What is wrong with me today?

  • HurricaneAli

    Oh my gosh, you are so smart, Riley! The Lisa is an ACTUAL for realz Apple computer model which I guess is the equivalent of getting "Lisa" tattooed on as a tramp stamp for computer geeks.

  • HurricaneAli

    Also RE: McSadness sandwich: Is this a limited-time food offering, like the McRib? Because I'd really like to jump on that bandwagon being a trend-setter and a poor.

    • zhubajie

      Sell it to Japan! Bristol and Willow can have careers in J-porn! Levi too!

  • NorthStarSpanx

    In paranoid Joe Miller's world, Alaska's voter intent is like Nixon's Silent Majority.

    I'm sure we all wished with our pro-life little hearts that a serially flawed grifter like Sarah-in-Tie would represent half of our make-up in the U.S. Senate.

  • mavenmaven

    Reaganomics? That's nuclear physics compared to the conspiracy theories and Bircher nonsense the tea baggers are believing these days. We're facing Skousenomics now!

  • aious

    What makes the tax-rich arguments so funny is that 99.9% of those that are "outraged" can't even do their own taxes but DAMMIT, Fox News told them that taxing the rich was going to cause the collapse of America!

  • genxr

    Yeah they work together. First the Old Navy invades to establish a Banana Republic, which can then exploit the GAP between rich and poor.

    I can't blame anyone for joining the Old Navy. They're not doing it for politics, they just want a good deal on cargo shorts. Now those rich fuckers at Banana Republic, they're the ones in charge. And if you're shopping at the GAP, then you should just admit you are a conquered people.

  • transfatz

    The only thing as lame as a tax cut for the rich is the poor person who supports it.

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