After making a brief stop in Germany to serve steak to the troops, Michelle Obama has returned from last week’s Asian adventure. Our fabulous FLOTUS spent most of the trip starring in a Bollywood movie about an American first lady who takes a vacation to India to dance with children, and is then caught up in a Twitter firestorm when she accidentally seduces an Indonesian information minister with her first lady hands. Of course, many Americans probably did not know about any of this, because they were too busy sneaking Cinnabons and Kool-Aid while the FLOTUS was away to bother seeing this important movie/real-life incident.
So-called conservative Muslim Tifatul Sembiring became enchanted with Michelle Obama at a reception in Jakarta last Tuesday, and was so mesmerized by our FLOTUS that he abandoned all of his values in a moment of fiery passion and touched our Michelle’s soft-yet-powerful hands.
Immediately after a ceremony on Tuesday welcoming President Obama to Indonesia, the country’s conservative Muslim information minister took to Twitter to argue that America’s first lady, Michelle Obama, was entirely to blame for a televised handshake between the two that has left him open to charges of hypocrisy.
After footage broadcast on Indonesian television clearly showed Mr. Sembiring reaching out to clasp the first lady’s hand after they were introduced by Mr. Obama, a female journalist whose hand the minister has refused to shake poked fun at him on Twitter.
Stung, Mr. Sembiring claimed on his Twitter feed that Mrs. Obama had made it impossible for him to avoid touching her hand, writing: “I tried to prevent [being touched] with my hands but Mrs. Michelle held her hands too far toward me [so] we touched.”
Could it be that our Michelle got all gropey with an innocent Indonesian official and allowed his suffering to be exploited on the YouTube? Video evidence does seem to suggest that the minister made the first move on Michelle, although the fine Americans of Law & Order: SVU would probably argue that Michelle put the victim in a lust-induced trance, making consent impossible. It is difficult to find the truth in this situation, since on the one hand, we have our FLOTUS, who is glamorous but often threatens to take away our cheese fries and throws parties in Spanish mosques, for fun, and on the other hand, there is the word of an Indonesian official who likes to quote Hitler and make AIDS jokes. True Michelle fans know that our FLOTUS is innocent, and it is a good thing she is back in America, where she can return to her vegetable garden and be safe from such chaos. [NYT]
Blair Burke (blairelinor@gmail.com) obsessively follows Michelle Obama’s every move for “The FLOTUS Files,” which appears every Monday here at your Wonkette.
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Immediately after a ceremony on Tuesday welcoming President Obama to Indonesia, the country’s conservative Muslim information minister took to Twitter to argue that America’s first lady, Michelle Obama, was entirely to blame for a televised handshake between the two that has left him open to charges of hypocrisy.
I believe him! Just like I believe that Adam didn't bite the apple first and lied to Gawd that Eve did it.
It's clearly the womyn's fault!
our flotus may be many things, but innocent she is not. neither babe in the woods nor lamb to the slaughter, she, but rather, the steel rod at the center of the first family's spine.
Apparently not quite enough steel rod to extend to hubby, at least where politics is concerned.
Michelle's hand was wearing a miniskirt, so clearly it was asking for it.
See what happens when you allow women to wear finger-less gloves?!
Come and see the misogyny inherent in the Islam! Thank God that the true religion, xtianity, doesn't countenance that sort of thing.
Name a religion that isn't about suppressing women.
ummmmmmmm……..
Pastafarianism. We like it when women dress up in pirate costumes.
Oh, Divine Pasta without Whom We are as Naught, yes!
Ramen, brothers and sisters!
And touching women with a noodley appendage is a big part of this faith, perfect for old republicans.
I hope the TSA isn't really a cover for a sect of this faith.
There's modern paganism, but that's mostly a bunch of lesbians and bisexual women making a religion up as they go along.
Not that that's a bad thing.
Hey now, some of my best friends are bisexual women making it up as they go along. Strangely, their bisexuality seems to increase based on the number of men in the room and the amount of alcohol in their systems. Hmm…
Sounds hot. No wonder all the other religions freak out about it.
Can I watch, I would be a regular attendee at services, and if I could join in I may even tithe.
Big deal. Orthodox Jews do this (or don't do this) and I'm sure that there are Xtn groups that also avoid touching women/men outside the family.
Women in Indonesia who drink beer and smoke 'di depan' umum (in front of everybody) are WTS (wanita tanpa susila).
So I hear.
The movie poster for Spike Lee's "Jungle Fever" flashes through my brain.
Of course, the usual crowd of wingnuts, who scream about Obama "showing disrespect" at every invent slight to a foreign leader they can see and "showing weakness" at every polite gesture, are already all over this. The same folks who before claimed the Obamas should be intentionally rude to Muslims.
Right? And could you imagine waking up every morning to write a blog and aim such vitriol at Laura Bush, for instance? The anti-Michelle bloggers must really fucking hate the existence of Black people. I mean, that is just commitment right there.
Honestly, I don't know how you can stand to even look at the wingnut shit. It's all a game; they will say or write anything, and good sense or logic doesn't even enter into it. It's not even completely about craziness or belief anymore. It's all about filling a quota of negativity and moving on to the next cheap shot. I continue to be less upset about their garbage than about the inability of the left to persuade or defend, starting at the top.
Although I get tired of Olbermann, his show was good Monday night. Richard Wolfe (actually in the studio with Keith, thus disproving my "Funhouse Keith" theory) has a new book out about the struggles in the White House in the first two years. Valerie Jarrett leads a faction that realizes that the Republicans never stopped campaigning; Rahm lead a faction in favor of policy and compromise. That is the great failing of the Obama Administration: they did not realize that the campaign never ended, even though it was obvious to anyone walking around living in America. Are any of the absurd lies and distortions we see and hear now any different than in 2008 (coming then from within the Democratic Party, as well)? With an infinite campaign season, you can eventually defeat anybody.
Yes, the Republicans campaigned until they were blue in the face and it worked. Thus real life either imitates Kindergarten or doesn't. I have no clue and am too tired of it all to buy one.
In other news, whilst the FLOTUS was out of the country, America's children took advantage and gorged on neat High Fructose Corn Syrup.
Honey, you got to touch Michelle "Show Me Your O-Face" 'Bama. Most men in America would chew off their right arms to do that.
NO SHARIA LAW IN US AMERICA!
Are you suggesting this dude is a lying hypocrite who lies, that's to say, he's a politician using religion to justify the commission of his selected acts of douchebaggery? Or that he would lie about shit were he to be caught in a lie? Noooo. I'm just so shocked.
It's too bad he wasn't born here. He could be head of the RNC right now.
I always feel more comfortable shaking hands with a woman because I know they're cleaner and wash their hands after using the rest room. Not like that other opposite sex I could mention.
Teh gays?
That's our first lady, just out there and stone cold hand-rapin' foreign officials.
Definitely get the bike. It'll be a lot cheaper than divorce, unless you get killed on it, in which case it won't matter.
It's a done deal! The guy delivered it on my birthday, and since he was taking (as part trade) my old project bike that has been sitting in the carport for years, the wifey was sorta actually OK with it.
Also, I reminded her: "Midlife crisis, y'know? That means either a motorcycle or a girlfriend, right?"
Anyway the bike is a beast! It's too wet outside to really ring it out, but I took a little taste of it yesterday. Me likee.
Oh I bought that bike back in April, the proceeded to tear my bicep tendon off the bone, so I looked at it in the garage a lot. Didn't get to ride it until late September. Now that I have it, I figure it will be easier to find that girlfriend. Too bad I live near Lake Ontario where I won't be able to ride again until next April.
The good news is that she cares enough to not want you finding a girlfriend. The bad news is that this means she doesn't care if you live or die.
OK, maybe not – maybe she just wants you to be safe and happy. Enjoy!
This is Sembiring's tsunami.
I lost all respect for Sembiring when he touched Mrs. Obama. I heard Allah gasp when he did that.
Today we are all Tifatul.
Maybe they could marry their hands. Then they could shake, rattle and roll. However, the Flotus and Potus would have to move to Utah…
cinnabon AND cheez fries yum.
when does michelle get home?
Yeah she will have us eating broccoli and tofu again.
You'll know she's home when you hear the classic "needle dragged across the record player sound." Which I suspect may be a large reason why vinyl is making a comeback.
First hugging the Queen of England and now this! When *will* the FLOTUS stop spreading democratic principles at the point of a
bayonetfingernail?Oh, yes. Now I can see the terror and revulsion on his face. It's carefully hidden behind that big, shit-eating grin.
I was thinking of typing the lyrics to a very lame 80's song "Sometimes when we touch" but my fingers refused to cooperate. For which we can all be thankful.
A government official that refuses to touch women? Thats a promising development.
Ask him how he feels about young
girlsboys.Well he is conservative and religious, hmmmm.
Oh Sweet Jesus! Now I have Dan Hill in my head. It buuuurrnnnsss!!!11!!!!!
About 10 years ago, I was doing some research on Indonesia and discovered that one island is famous for girls that know how to_________without you even moving.
Now that's entertainment!
Shake hands? Bring you a sammich?
This is the Wonkette, we don't do blanks.
Underline me? Bah. Show me a girl that can italicize me without even moving, then we're talking.
Let's say that Indo girls are famous for their control of their V-muscles.
It's times like this that make me regret having morals and scruples.
Sembiring had to say something because the boy who pushes his luggage was in a snit.
The White House should pounce on this terrific opportunity for publicity, and declare Michelle a one-woman Sharia-bustin' squad.
Oh, those witty, witty Freepers:
"Doesn’t the WH have ANYONE handling diplomatic protocol? These meetings are all scripted down to the last detail and the First Wookie would have been told what the proper etiquette is in this situation"
Apparently, Michelle Obama as wookiee is something of a right-wing meme. Haw-haw-haw, it isn't racist or anything, because wookiees aren't real things, unlike apes. (Also, it's usually misspelled as above, because not only are teabaggers racist fuckheads, they also don't have the good taste or intelligence necessary to be big geeks.)
So Bush playing Buster Keaton with that door in China or wherever the fuck it was, and the dances and whatnot, were all scripted? Was the Chimp in Chief told what the proper etiquette was? Or was this tard outraged then? (Rhetorical questions – I know he was on heavier meds then.)
We'll she is practically 7 feet tall and brown. I mean, one can't deny that she's an Obawcca, amirite?
In the late 1970s, my parents made "WOOKIEES ARE WINNERS" bumper stickers and sold them in our local pharmacy. True fact.
If only they had a droid well-versed in protocol.
Well, you know the rule dontcha? Let the FLOTUS win.
Michelle you dusky minx, stop fallin' in love with me…you'll embarrass yourself
At least Michelle didn't ask the information minister to "pull her finger".
Did you hear when our lovely FLOTUS said, “When we took our visit to Africa, and visited his [Barack Obama] home country in Kenya.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kk3OMRqO7aY
So, Wonkette, have we doubled back on ourselves such that we have now returned to "finger banging?"
I thought we abandoned that after Late Night Shots finally became too insufferable or burned down or what not.
That Indonesia has a "Muslim information minister" is all that needs to be known or said. That position is like the ultimate Walmart greeter position.
Yeah, blame the guests. That one always works. Now, why don't you go and get your hand cut off, m'kay?
This is just like that time W sucked Bachmann's tongue into his mouth. She couldn't help it, poor thing.
*shudder*
She's the anti-campbell! Not halal but oh so good.
Tifatul Sembiring anagram: 'Liberating Fist Um'
In reality, it's just a liberating fistum. Nothing to worry about.
His fighting technique is unstoppable.
Has she worshipped at a mosque while there? Or at a Hindu temple?
Xtn Prot fanatics are unbearably jealous of Indonesia. They want the kind of official power there Muslim clerics have.
Those evil wimmen always leading good Christians and Muslims men into error.
Ewww! Girl Cooties!!
The way the Muslim males treat women, it's a wonder they ever get laid. Maybe this explains the predilection for underage boys in that part of the world.
He touched her hand?! Oh, God, he's going to get first lady kooties!
C'mon, the guys name is tittyfull and everybody's getting all bent out of shape over a handshake?
That does it. After we wrap this Iraq shit, we invading Indonesia! Taking it back for our prez! We'll call it Indobama.
We liked the dancing Indian children best. Really, we did.
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