WEEKEND AT ARIEL'S  12:23 pm November 12, 2010

Comatose Ariel Sharon Still In Coma

by Jack Stuef

Ariel Sharon, who had a major stroke while prime minister of Israel nearly five years ago and has since been in a coma in a hospital room, was moved on Friday to his ranch in the Negev Desert, hospital officials told Israel Radio.

He will wake up in twenty years and be unsurprised how much regress has been made in the Israeli-Palestinian peace process. Or, if there will have been progress, the people will elect him to put things back where they were. But either way, it will be a madcap comedy.

By the way, has anyone gotten him a photo-op with Obama yet? [NYT]

 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 33 comments }

SorosBot November 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Maybe Israel wouldn't have gotten stuck with Bibi if they had given Ari the Weekend at Bernie's / John Paul II treatment.

metamarcisf November 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm

On another note, Generalisimo Francisco Franco valiantly holds on in his struggle to remain dead.

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2010 at 6:51 pm

Where's Chevy Chase when you need him? Sharon's a piker compared to Franco.

natoslug November 12, 2010 at 12:32 pm

Amateur! Terri Schiavo vegged out for 15 years before retiring. Talk to us in another 10 years, Ariel.

SayItWithWookies November 12, 2010 at 12:36 pm

I'll bet if he ever wakes up, first thing he does is start clearing brush.

Negropolis November 12, 2010 at 10:41 pm

And by "brush" I'm sure you mean "Palestinian homes and homesteads."

Yep, Bibi really makes one miss Zombie Sharon and Olmert.

mrblifil November 12, 2010 at 12:38 pm

Anything to avoid living in a world with a black President.

charlesdegoal November 12, 2010 at 12:48 pm

Sharron Angle is in the coma in the Nevada desert? I didn't know that.

V572625694 November 12, 2010 at 12:54 pm

It does explain a lot of the things she says.

Not_So_Much November 12, 2010 at 12:53 pm

At this point, they should just tell the populace that he's living on a lovely farm. Running and frolicking in the rolling green fields with other sociopathic, war-mongering ex-prime ministers just like him.

iburl November 12, 2010 at 1:03 pm

I wonder how they get all the snack cakes down the feeding tube?

metamarcisf November 12, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Not to mention the Cheesy Poofs

Negropolis November 12, 2010 at 10:42 pm

You are so going to Jewish hell for that. lol

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2010 at 6:54 pm

We can only hope that he has a Palestinian doctor cramming ham sandwiches down that tube.

Bonzos_Bed_Time November 12, 2010 at 1:10 pm

After saving Prince Eric, all Ariel wanted was to be human.

elviouslyqueer November 12, 2010 at 1:16 pm

The cost of keeping Mr. Sharon in the hospital, which is borne by the taxpayer, has been high and some commentators urged that he be moved to a long-term care facility or home.

So no Israeli death panels, amirite? Oh, wait…

Negropolis November 12, 2010 at 10:43 pm

Yeah, their death panel is the IDF, but it's only for the brown people.

mavenmaven November 15, 2010 at 2:37 am

60% of Israel's population is "brown" for the record.

Negropolis November 15, 2010 at 2:42 am

I'm sure you're intellgent enough to know that I meant Arabs by brown.

mavenmaven November 15, 2010 at 12:23 pm

I'm intelligent and Arabic-speaking enough to know that Arabs don't like being called "brown". Try to refrain from making racist comments. The middle east situation is horrible on many grounds, but race isn't one of them.

DustBowlBlues November 12, 2010 at 1:58 pm

The surest way to snap him back to life would be to bring the Israel/Palestinian peace talks to the brink of success. Then he'll wake up, put on his uniform and go marching through the Palestinian district and get them all riled up, sinking any hope for peace.

Like he did when Clinton was president.

GOPCrusher November 12, 2010 at 4:27 pm

Sarah Palin has scheduled a meeting with Sharon. Probably be as intellectually stimulating as her meeting with Maggie Thatcher.

FlownOver November 12, 2010 at 5:24 pm

Either a comatose Sharon or a demented Thatcher could outthink the QuittyLady with one frontal lobe tied behind his/her back.

bumfug November 12, 2010 at 9:09 pm

"Look! When I said his name he smiled! Swear to Jahweh!"

transfatz November 13, 2010 at 1:18 am

In a perfect world he would be lucid dreaming of Sabra and Shatila from the Palestinian perspective.

Pragmatist2 November 13, 2010 at 8:30 am

What's he got to say for himself these days?

Mort_Sinclair November 13, 2010 at 5:02 pm

I'm not dead yet?

Rarian Rakista November 13, 2010 at 5:02 pm

He also has not lost any weight, I wish you could rent him out for parties, it would be awesome to use his belly button for a queso dip bowl and to give him a bacon mustache. I wonder if that would wake him up, because bacon works for me.

Its also one of the main ingredients I use for my get the fuck out of my apartment omelettes.

Oblios_Cap November 13, 2010 at 6:55 pm

Have Cheney visit him and have a 2-staking party.

SecretMuslin November 15, 2010 at 1:13 pm

A Two Stake Solution?

7pilesofwisdom November 14, 2010 at 4:49 am

They moved him to a farm because he's Israel's favorite vegetable.

Oblios_Cap November 15, 2010 at 12:02 pm

Why is everybody so hard on the Jewish Hermann Goering?

Negropolis November 15, 2010 at 10:56 pm

Oh, STFU. You're on Wonkette. I'm brown; black, specifically. Brown is an issue as big as any other in this Mideast conflict, and you'd be disingenuous to deny that fact.

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