IT'S MORNING IN AMERICA  8:30 am November 12, 2010

Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit

by Riley Waggaman

The G-20 summit, before it was slaughtered to make your anus burger.

  • Barack Obama met with other Muslim world leaders in South Korea for the infamous G-20 economic summit, which is sort of like Bohemian Grove except Alex Jones is actually invited. (Who else is going to negotiate favorable Prison Planet DVD exchange rates?) Usually these economic summits are “trade this” and “currency that” and “blah blah blah,” but Obama spiced up the proceedings and humiliated the Free World when he abruptly got down on his hands and knees and begged the South Korean delegates to buy more delicious American beef. But why should we share our cow anuses with these foreigners? (Did American farmers harvest enough beef this meat season, or was there an early frost?) Oh, there’s plenty of meat, and now we will have to hoard it all in our National Meat Vault, because America and South Korea “failed to reach an agreement on a new trade pact.” Darn it! In a few years we will have to drain the Atlantic Ocean and then fill it with all the surplus cow innards we have. This must be the One World Nation Barack Obama dreams about every night. [CNN/BBC]
  • George Bush had a nice chitchat with his former White House staff, but he didn’t talk about jars full of fetuses or serious stuff like that. Nein! Bush was in a “freewheeling and reflective mood,” and was constantly cracking jokes at the podium: “Knock knock?” “Who’s there?” “9/11″ “9/11 who?” “C’mon, y’all said you’d never forget!” [Fox News]
  • Prosecutors in the awful Chandra Levy trial are having difficulty coming up with “evidence” and “witnesses.” Whoops! [McClatchy]
 

Hola wonkerados.

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{ 102 comments }

ifthethunderdontgetya November 12, 2010 at 8:36 am

I see Wonkette's oh so subtle encouragement of bovine-human relations.

You preverts!
~

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 12:43 pm

Put a pearl necklace on all animals? If I'm arrested at the Zoo I'm going to blame Wonkette.

Zvi_Bleindmeis November 12, 2010 at 8:38 am

Fine, Korea. You don't buy the beef, we don't sell you our dogmeat.

V572625694 November 12, 2010 at 8:49 am

And poor Missouri, where 48% of voters think puppy mills are just fine and cockfighting was outlawed last week or so, takes it in the ass again. Thanks, Obamar!

MildMidwesterner November 12, 2010 at 8:39 am

Udders…. my God those are amazing udders.

DashboardBuddha November 12, 2010 at 9:02 am

Yes…they are udderly amazing.

SnarkoMarx November 12, 2010 at 9:48 am

Ahh- I'm pretty sure they were airbrushed. Udders like that don't really exist in nature.

CapeClod November 12, 2010 at 9:50 am

Looks like someone had some work done on her.

elpinche November 12, 2010 at 8:47 am

Uhh, pictures cropped too much on the left and right sides.

Update: RIIILEEEEYY!

Badonkadonkette November 12, 2010 at 8:48 am

That's an anus burger John Edwards could get behind.

UPDATE: Riley changed the picture, I think on account of the nipples (teats?).

CapnFatback November 12, 2010 at 10:18 am

I find this picture much dirtier, on account of the exaggerated cleavage and the pearl necklace.

Badonkadonkette November 12, 2010 at 10:37 am

If I could, I would give you 1 million thumbs up for the Student Bodies reference.

V572625694 November 12, 2010 at 8:48 am

One is curious to know the Google Image search string that produced that picture. One is even more curious to know the mind that devised it.

Pop_Socket November 12, 2010 at 8:50 am

It's a vintage Wonkette running gag. I can only assume Rule 34 is involved.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 12, 2010 at 9:05 am

Had to look up Rule 34. I have learned so much at the Wonkette!

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 12:48 pm

We need to somehow Rule 34 Wonkette, any ideas?

Lascauxcaveman November 12, 2010 at 1:12 pm

I'm OK with that as long as it doesn't involve any snowbilly grifters.

kenlayisalive November 12, 2010 at 1:50 pm

We can start with the Xtine OD cleaning the oil off of half-pelican half-Bobby Jindal with a giant handful of her absorbent pubes, and the rest will just sort of write itself like a Penthouse forums letter.

Krugmanic Depressive November 12, 2010 at 12:03 pm

It was part of the stash of a sitting federal judge. It's legal!

elpinche November 12, 2010 at 8:50 am

I love the FoxNews funnies , especially the comments:
"…Could it all be part of a Soros plan????"

Serolf_Divad November 12, 2010 at 8:55 am

"…Could it all be part of a Soros plan????"

Isn't everything?

glindsey1979 November 12, 2010 at 10:26 am

SSSSH! You'll spoil it!

Crank_Tango November 12, 2010 at 8:51 am

I can haz anusburger?

trampndirtdown November 12, 2010 at 8:51 am

You can have our cow anuses when you pry them from our cold dead awwww who gives a fuck I don't even like cow anus

Serolf_Divad November 12, 2010 at 9:00 am

If you like all-beef hot dogs, my friend, then you do like cow anus (along with bull ball-sack, cow groin, neck, ankles, under-arm, etc.)

V572625694 November 12, 2010 at 9:27 am

When they say "all-beef," they mean all of the beef, is what you're saying?

horsedreamer_1 November 12, 2010 at 10:13 am

No. They mean "an extra inch from the bunghole".

LetUsBray November 12, 2010 at 11:23 am

Right. Just as the Indigenous Americans used all of the buffalo, the hot dog is our way of using all of the cow.

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 12:49 pm

Who knew there were so many hippies helping the environment in New York?

DashboardBuddha November 12, 2010 at 9:42 am

That's what slays me about (delicious) kosher hot dog. ALL BEEF the package proudly proclaims. Cow anus and bull's balls are spiritually better than pork?

Lascauxcaveman November 12, 2010 at 1:14 pm

Damn it you guys, cut it out! I just finished breakfast and all your chatter is making hungry again.

trampndirtdown November 12, 2010 at 9:58 am

Sorry vegetarian hippy here

Serolf_Divad November 12, 2010 at 10:05 am

Vegetarianism is no safe harbor. I know for a fact that vegetarian hot dogs are made with soy cow anus, soy bull ballsack, soy cow ankles and soy cow groin.

charlesdegoal November 12, 2010 at 10:17 am

You forgot soy una vaca lechera

trampndirtdown November 12, 2010 at 10:21 am

Hat's off and thumbs up sir.

DashboardBuddha November 12, 2010 at 2:13 pm

Don't forget cochineal.

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 12:50 pm

Are you offering to be made into mechanically separated human hot dogs?

GOPCrusher November 12, 2010 at 1:24 pm

You know who else was a vegetarian…..

Texan_Bulldog November 12, 2010 at 8:52 am

To paraphrase, I know porn when I see it but WTH is that picture of?!?

charlesdegoal November 12, 2010 at 8:54 am

Which one is Chandra Levy? Neither of them looks Jewish, so this may be the kind of evidence that gets thrown out.

Lucidamente1 November 12, 2010 at 8:55 am

South Korea is holding out for a better deal on fetus burgers.

TimeCubist November 12, 2010 at 8:55 am

That picture is giving me mad cow disease.

DashboardBuddha November 12, 2010 at 9:00 am

So that's what you young people are calling erections these days.

TimeCubist November 12, 2010 at 9:11 am

I'm picturing myself with a milk mustache.

DashboardBuddha November 12, 2010 at 9:16 am

I see your double-entendre and…and…

I got nothing.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 12, 2010 at 8:56 am

Mooo moo moooo!

Serolf_Divad November 12, 2010 at 8:57 am

Is it a disease to be mad about those cows?

SnarkoMarx November 12, 2010 at 9:52 am

I understand the reason they came up with the name "PMS" is because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

JoeMamased November 12, 2010 at 9:00 am

Bulgogi!

user-of-owls November 12, 2010 at 10:44 am

Bo Shin Tang!

MARCdMan November 12, 2010 at 9:01 am

So if there's an extra anusload of beef, does that mean it will be the one food who's price drops?

mrblifil November 12, 2010 at 9:17 am

needs more pork injection

Radiotherapy November 12, 2010 at 9:19 am

Free Gary Condit!!1!

SorosBot November 12, 2010 at 9:27 am

Don't encourage the furries, Riley!

charlesdegoal November 12, 2010 at 9:28 am

What happened to the picture? How dare you change it! Makes all of our comments pointless.

DashboardBuddha November 12, 2010 at 9:40 am

"Makes all of our comments pointless. "

That's a pretty low bar.

charlesdegoal November 12, 2010 at 9:52 am

I'm just thinking of future historians who, absent the painted nekkid ladies, will fail to understand the meaning of our admittedly-pointless-anyway comments.

Serolf_Divad November 12, 2010 at 10:51 am

When the early 21st century is regarded as reverently as the Classical era is to us, a future historian will propose a new theory about this thread suggesting that the commenst make sense if we assume that the picture, originally, was of a couple of naked ladies painted up to look like cows. And all the other high-brow, stuffy, tweed jacket wearing historians will scoff and hiss and call him a revisionist, post-post-modernist who is projecting his ideology into something that is completely unrelated to his anachronistic reading.

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 12:55 pm

I hope any paper written about Wonkette gives people tenure, in the future.

SorosBot November 12, 2010 at 10:23 am

What will future readers of the Library of Congress archives think, though?

elviouslyqueer November 12, 2010 at 9:54 am

What comments? I didn't think comments were allowed on Wonkette.

Zvi_Bleindmeis November 12, 2010 at 9:54 am

"Pointless" might not be the best term to use here. The new picture makes all our comments disturbing and bizarre. About what we've come to expect.

Texan_Bulldog November 12, 2010 at 10:32 am

Yes, it makes my previous comment about porn seem unseemly & disturbing. I figure they changed the pic because that's all you pervs were focusing on!

Maman November 12, 2010 at 9:30 am

Did someone notice that one of the girls was literally showing us her teat?

TimeCubist November 12, 2010 at 9:43 am

There must have been a TSA security checkpoint nearby.

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 12:57 pm

Or a bus that said it was going to BURNING MAN!

Neoyorquino November 12, 2010 at 9:30 am

Really? We have enough to spare? When I moved from NY to the desert southwest ten years ago, I soon realized that it was your patriotic duty to eat your own weight in beef each week.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 12, 2010 at 9:36 am

I'm trying to decide which picture is sexier.
Cartoon Cow or Painted People cows?

elviouslyqueer November 12, 2010 at 9:54 am

Yes.

CapeClod November 12, 2010 at 9:44 am

Obama is trying to give away all our beef so Michelle can complete her secret plot to turn us all into vegans.

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 12:58 pm

If we all stop eating meat, our blood will turn green. Good god man, she is trying to turn us all into Vulcans!

Ruhe November 12, 2010 at 9:46 am

Hey! Obama! Put That Coffee Down! Coffee is for closers. Koreans eat beef and yet you failed to sell them any beef. Need I remind you that third prize is…you're fired!

CapeClod November 12, 2010 at 9:56 am

The leads! The leads! What we need are the leads!

charlesdegoal November 12, 2010 at 9:56 am

Give him second prize – he'll need that set of steak knives.

binarian November 12, 2010 at 9:59 am

….and driving a Hyundai instead of a Jag…

Redhead November 12, 2010 at 9:46 am

It's all a secret plot by Barry. He's going to feed them all zombie mad cow beef so they lose their minds and can't take over the US.

Mindblank November 12, 2010 at 9:50 am

Oh, they'll buy our beef. Or we'll use drones to rain cow parts upon them. Enjoy your Yukhoe chez USA, dudes! America: making the world safe for Fat Democracy.

Lascauxcaveman November 12, 2010 at 1:21 pm

Or we could offer our beef to the North Koreans in a direct barter trade. Which would allow us to restock our strategic national reserves of straw, weeds, pebbles and starving children.

OneDollarJuana November 12, 2010 at 9:58 am

Look, it's all the fault of poor marketing. American Industrial Food Science and Technology can make anything look like anything else (dog food that looks like bacon, right?). Korea is suffering from a nappa cabbage / kim chee shortage. We have a surplus of icky beef parts. All we have to do is make our icky beef into kim chee-like substance and the Koreans will demand that we fill all of those freighters full of Hyundais destined for the U.S. with icky beef parts/kim chee-like substance.

After all, as mentioned above, it works for hot dogs!

kenlayisalive November 12, 2010 at 1:56 pm

That was dog food? Gah!

bureaucrap November 12, 2010 at 9:58 am

Isn't that supposed to be a caricature of Barbara Bush? The pouch underneath her contains the much-celebrated fetus.

horsedreamer_1 November 12, 2010 at 10:06 am

Now that's what I call Fourth Meal.

(Topical, since South Korea just got Asia's first Taco Bell.)

Monsieur_Grumpe November 12, 2010 at 10:41 am

I'd call it a Happy Ending Meal.

xsluggo November 12, 2010 at 10:17 am

To bring our pals in Seoul around, Obama should threaten to appoint Sharron Angle as ambassador to South Korea/Guatemala. They all look alike to her. And she can get to practice her Mexican.

Monsieur_Grumpe November 12, 2010 at 10:19 am

You obviously have never been to Wisconsin.

elviouslyqueer November 12, 2010 at 10:37 am

Or Dallas.

justkillmenow November 12, 2010 at 10:58 am

Or seen a Scottish Highland

weejee November 12, 2010 at 10:31 am

Our Wonkette has been cowed? Say it anus so.

user-of-owls November 12, 2010 at 11:06 am

Juices stop running, but I have no fear
'Cause London is broiling, and I.. I live by the river!

SystemError November 12, 2010 at 10:32 am

That's not the same pic that was on here an hour ago!

Troubledog November 12, 2010 at 10:42 am

the painted chick cows only go with stories about judges

riley is new and in time he will understand

arclight2012 November 12, 2010 at 10:47 am

Down with the system!

*smashes Starbucks window*

Oh, sorry, I thought this was 1999.

user-of-owls November 12, 2010 at 10:53 am

There's a very simple solution to this problem. All we need to do is change the labels on the export containers from "Beef (May Contain Anus)" to "Uncircumcised Tiger Penis" or "Pink River Dolphin Flipper (May Contain Flipper)" or "White Rhino Pancreatic Tissue."

You could sell them diseased cat livers if they thought it would give them a boner.

Bluestatelibel November 12, 2010 at 11:00 am

You guys are so weird, getting off on that cow cartoon picture–what is wrong with you?!?

ttommyunger November 12, 2010 at 11:05 am

That image! I just can't look away. I am repulsed; yet strangely, aroused.

user-of-owls November 12, 2010 at 11:15 am

I always wondered what Mrs. Chuck "Elected Ruminant" Grassley looked like. Thanks Riley!

Zvi_Bleindmeis November 12, 2010 at 10:42 pm

You're talking about Grandma Corn-teats, right?

MinAgain November 12, 2010 at 11:41 am

President Barack Obama…the Clara Peller of international trade.

donner_froh November 12, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Bush to former staffers: See, I told you that colored fellow at the Justice Department would never indict any of us.

Ducksworthy November 12, 2010 at 12:34 pm

Hmmm. Somehow I can't see William F. Buckley writing this. I mean he wrote lots of crap but back then the conservatives thought it was important to at least appear to makes sense. Even if they were working from totally baseless premises.

DashboardBuddha November 12, 2010 at 1:13 pm

I'm not complaining…I mean, I can find porn on the web with the best of them, but seriously, why was the picture changed?

transfatz November 13, 2010 at 12:23 am

She's cheery, has a great rack and that pearl necklace is so suggestive. She's almost perfect, but still the South Koreans were disappointed. Why no lipstick?

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