Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit

• Barack Obama met with other Muslim world leaders in South Korea for the infamous G-20 economic summit, which is sort of like Bohemian Grove except Alex Jones is actually invited. (Who else is going to negotiate favorable Prison Planet DVD exchange rates?) Usually these economic summits are "trade this" and "currency that" and "blah blah blah," but Obama spiced up the proceedings and humiliated the Free World when he abruptly got down on his hands and knees and begged the South Korean delegates to buy more delicious American beef. But why should we share our cow anuses with these foreigners? (Did American farmers harvest enough beef this meat season, or was there an early frost?) Oh, there's plenty of meat, and now we will have to hoard it all in our National Meat Vault, because America and South Korea "failed to reach an agreement on a new trade pact." Darn it! In a few years we will have to drain the Atlantic Ocean and then fill it with all the surplus cow innards we have. This must be the One World Nation Barack Obama dreams about every night. [ CNN / BBC ]

• George Bush had a nice chitchat with his former White House staff, but he didn't talk about jars full of fetuses or serious stuff like that. Nein! Bush was in a "freewheeling and reflective mood," and was constantly cracking jokes at the podium: "Knock knock?" "Who's there?" "9/11" "9/11 who?" "C'mon, y'all said you'd never forget!" [ Fox News ]

• Prosecutors in the awful Chandra Levy trial are having difficulty coming up with "evidence" and "witnesses." Whoops! [ McClatchy ]