it's morning in america

Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit

The G-20 summit, before it was slaughtered to make your anus burger.

  • Barack Obama met with other Muslim world leaders in South Korea for the infamous G-20 economic summit, which is sort of like Bohemian Grove except Alex Jones is actually invited. (Who else is going to negotiate favorable Prison Planet DVD exchange rates?) Usually these economic summits are “trade this” and “currency that” and “blah blah blah,” but Obama spiced up the proceedings and humiliated the Free World when he abruptly got down on his hands and knees and begged the South Korean delegates to buy more delicious American beef. But why should we share our cow anuses with these foreigners? (Did American farmers harvest enough beef this meat season, or was there an early frost?) Oh, there’s plenty of meat, and now we will have to hoard it all in our National Meat Vault, because America and South Korea “failed to reach an agreement on a new trade pact.” Darn it! In a few years we will have to drain the Atlantic Ocean and then fill it with all the surplus cow innards we have. This must be the One World Nation Barack Obama dreams about every night. [CNN/BBC]
  • George Bush had a nice chitchat with his former White House staff, but he didn’t talk about jars full of fetuses or serious stuff like that. Nein! Bush was in a “freewheeling and reflective mood,” and was constantly cracking jokes at the podium: “Knock knock?” “Who’s there?” “9/11″ “9/11 who?” “C’mon, y’all said you’d never forget!” [Fox News]
  • Prosecutors in the awful Chandra Levy trial are having difficulty coming up with “evidence” and “witnesses.” Whoops! [McClatchy]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

View all articles by Riley Waggaman

Comments

Hey there, Wonkeputians! Shypixel here with a few helpful links to ease your transition to Disqus - Claiming Old Accounts - Claiming Your ID Comments [Looking into whether this is still possible - Shy] - Turning off Disqus Notifications. And, as always, remember our Commenting Rules For Radicals, Enjoy!

  • http://ifthethunderdontgetya.blogspot.com/ ifthethunderdontgetya

    I see Wonkette's oh so subtle encouragement of bovine-human relations.

    You preverts!
    ~

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      Put a pearl necklace on all animals? If I'm arrested at the Zoo I'm going to blame Wonkette.

  • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

    Fine, Korea. You don't buy the beef, we don't sell you our dogmeat.

    • V572625694

      And poor Missouri, where 48% of voters think puppy mills are just fine and cockfighting was outlawed last week or so, takes it in the ass again. Thanks, Obamar!

  • MildMidwesterner

    Udders…. my God those are amazing udders.

    • DashboardBuddha

      Yes…they are udderly amazing.

    • SnarkoMarx

      Ahh- I'm pretty sure they were airbrushed. Udders like that don't really exist in nature.

    • CapeClod

      Looks like someone had some work done on her.

  • elpinche

    Uhh, pictures cropped too much on the left and right sides.

    Update: RIIILEEEEYY!

  • Badonkadonkette

    That's an anus burger John Edwards could get behind.

    UPDATE: Riley changed the picture, I think on account of the nipples (teats?).

    • CapnFatback

      I find this picture much dirtier, on account of the exaggerated cleavage and the pearl necklace.

      • Badonkadonkette

        If I could, I would give you 1 million thumbs up for the Student Bodies reference.

  • V572625694

    One is curious to know the Google Image search string that produced that picture. One is even more curious to know the mind that devised it.

    • http://livebythefoma.blogspot.com Pop_Socket

      It's a vintage Wonkette running gag. I can only assume Rule 34 is involved.

      • Monsieur_Grumpe

        Had to look up Rule 34. I have learned so much at the Wonkette!

        • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

          We need to somehow Rule 34 Wonkette, any ideas?

          • http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd271/lascauxcaveman/?action=view&current=KZ1100shafty.jpg Lascauxcaveman

            I'm OK with that as long as it doesn't involve any snowbilly grifters.

          • kenlayisalive

            We can start with the Xtine OD cleaning the oil off of half-pelican half-Bobby Jindal with a giant handful of her absorbent pubes, and the rest will just sort of write itself like a Penthouse forums letter.

      • Krugmanic Depressive

        It was part of the stash of a sitting federal judge. It's legal!

  • elpinche

    I love the FoxNews funnies , especially the comments:
    "…Could it all be part of a Soros plan????"

    • Serolf_Divad

      "…Could it all be part of a Soros plan????"

      Isn't everything?

      • glindsey1979

        SSSSH! You'll spoil it!

  • Crank_Tango

    I can haz anusburger?

  • trampndirtdown

    You can have our cow anuses when you pry them from our cold dead awwww who gives a fuck I don't even like cow anus

    • Serolf_Divad

      If you like all-beef hot dogs, my friend, then you do like cow anus (along with bull ball-sack, cow groin, neck, ankles, under-arm, etc.)

      • V572625694

        When they say "all-beef," they mean all of the beef, is what you're saying?

        • horsedreamer_1

          No. They mean "an extra inch from the bunghole".

        • LetUsBray

          Right. Just as the Indigenous Americans used all of the buffalo, the hot dog is our way of using all of the cow.

          • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

            Who knew there were so many hippies helping the environment in New York?

      • DashboardBuddha

        That's what slays me about (delicious) kosher hot dog. ALL BEEF the package proudly proclaims. Cow anus and bull's balls are spiritually better than pork?

        • http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd271/lascauxcaveman/?action=view&current=KZ1100shafty.jpg Lascauxcaveman

          Damn it you guys, cut it out! I just finished breakfast and all your chatter is making hungry again.

      • trampndirtdown

        Sorry vegetarian hippy here

        • Serolf_Divad

          Vegetarianism is no safe harbor. I know for a fact that vegetarian hot dogs are made with soy cow anus, soy bull ballsack, soy cow ankles and soy cow groin.

          • charlesdegoal

            You forgot soy una vaca lechera

          • trampndirtdown

            Hat's off and thumbs up sir.

          • DashboardBuddha

            Don't forget cochineal.

        • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

          Are you offering to be made into mechanically separated human hot dogs?

        • GOPCrusher

          You know who else was a vegetarian…..

  • Texan_Bulldog

    To paraphrase, I know porn when I see it but WTH is that picture of?!?

  • charlesdegoal

    Which one is Chandra Levy? Neither of them looks Jewish, so this may be the kind of evidence that gets thrown out.

  • Lucidamente1

    South Korea is holding out for a better deal on fetus burgers.

  • TimeCubist

    That picture is giving me mad cow disease.

    • DashboardBuddha

      So that's what you young people are calling erections these days.

      • TimeCubist

        I'm picturing myself with a milk mustache.

        • DashboardBuddha

          I see your double-entendre and…and…

          I got nothing.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    Mooo moo moooo!

  • Serolf_Divad

    Is it a disease to be mad about those cows?

    • SnarkoMarx

      I understand the reason they came up with the name "PMS" is because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

  • JoeMamased

    Bulgogi!

    • user-of-owls

      Bo Shin Tang!

  • MARCdMan

    So if there's an extra anusload of beef, does that mean it will be the one food who's price drops?

  • http://intensedebate.com/people/mrblifil mrblifil

    needs more pork injection

  • Radiotherapy

    Free Gary Condit!!1!

  • SorosBot

    Don't encourage the furries, Riley!

  • charlesdegoal

    What happened to the picture? How dare you change it! Makes all of our comments pointless.

    • DashboardBuddha

      "Makes all of our comments pointless. "

      That's a pretty low bar.

      • charlesdegoal

        I'm just thinking of future historians who, absent the painted nekkid ladies, will fail to understand the meaning of our admittedly-pointless-anyway comments.

        • Serolf_Divad

          When the early 21st century is regarded as reverently as the Classical era is to us, a future historian will propose a new theory about this thread suggesting that the commenst make sense if we assume that the picture, originally, was of a couple of naked ladies painted up to look like cows. And all the other high-brow, stuffy, tweed jacket wearing historians will scoff and hiss and call him a revisionist, post-post-modernist who is projecting his ideology into something that is completely unrelated to his anachronistic reading.

          • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

            I hope any paper written about Wonkette gives people tenure, in the future.

      • SorosBot

        What will future readers of the Library of Congress archives think, though?

    • elviouslyqueer

      What comments? I didn't think comments were allowed on Wonkette.

    • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

      "Pointless" might not be the best term to use here. The new picture makes all our comments disturbing and bizarre. About what we've come to expect.

    • Texan_Bulldog

      Yes, it makes my previous comment about porn seem unseemly & disturbing. I figure they changed the pic because that's all you pervs were focusing on!

  • http://www.vinoverve.com Maman

    Did someone notice that one of the girls was literally showing us her teat?

    • TimeCubist

      There must have been a TSA security checkpoint nearby.

      • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

        Or a bus that said it was going to BURNING MAN!

  • Neoyorquino

    Really? We have enough to spare? When I moved from NY to the desert southwest ten years ago, I soon realized that it was your patriotic duty to eat your own weight in beef each week.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    I'm trying to decide which picture is sexier.
    Cartoon Cow or Painted People cows?

    • elviouslyqueer

      Yes.

  • CapeClod

    Obama is trying to give away all our beef so Michelle can complete her secret plot to turn us all into vegans.

    • http://fontofliberty.blogspot.com/ Rarian Rakista

      If we all stop eating meat, our blood will turn green. Good god man, she is trying to turn us all into Vulcans!

  • Ruhe

    Hey! Obama! Put That Coffee Down! Coffee is for closers. Koreans eat beef and yet you failed to sell them any beef. Need I remind you that third prize is…you're fired!

    • CapeClod

      The leads! The leads! What we need are the leads!

    • charlesdegoal

      Give him second prize – he'll need that set of steak knives.

    • binarian

      ….and driving a Hyundai instead of a Jag…

  • Redhead

    It's all a secret plot by Barry. He's going to feed them all zombie mad cow beef so they lose their minds and can't take over the US.

  • Mindblank

    Oh, they'll buy our beef. Or we'll use drones to rain cow parts upon them. Enjoy your Yukhoe chez USA, dudes! America: making the world safe for Fat Democracy.

    • http://s227.photobucket.com/albums/dd271/lascauxcaveman/?action=view&current=KZ1100shafty.jpg Lascauxcaveman

      Or we could offer our beef to the North Koreans in a direct barter trade. Which would allow us to restock our strategic national reserves of straw, weeds, pebbles and starving children.

  • OneDollarJuana

    Look, it's all the fault of poor marketing. American Industrial Food Science and Technology can make anything look like anything else (dog food that looks like bacon, right?). Korea is suffering from a nappa cabbage / kim chee shortage. We have a surplus of icky beef parts. All we have to do is make our icky beef into kim chee-like substance and the Koreans will demand that we fill all of those freighters full of Hyundais destined for the U.S. with icky beef parts/kim chee-like substance.

    After all, as mentioned above, it works for hot dogs!

    • kenlayisalive

      That was dog food? Gah!

  • bureaucrap

    Isn't that supposed to be a caricature of Barbara Bush? The pouch underneath her contains the much-celebrated fetus.

  • horsedreamer_1

    Now that's what I call Fourth Meal.

    (Topical, since South Korea just got Asia's first Taco Bell.)

    • Monsieur_Grumpe

      I'd call it a Happy Ending Meal.

  • xsluggo

    To bring our pals in Seoul around, Obama should threaten to appoint Sharron Angle as ambassador to South Korea/Guatemala. They all look alike to her. And she can get to practice her Mexican.

  • Monsieur_Grumpe

    You obviously have never been to Wisconsin.

    • elviouslyqueer

      Or Dallas.

    • justkillmenow

      Or seen a Scottish Highland

  • http://wonkette.com/ weejee

    Our Wonkette has been cowed? Say it anus so.

    • user-of-owls

      Juices stop running, but I have no fear
      'Cause London is broiling, and I.. I live by the river!

  • SystemError

    That's not the same pic that was on here an hour ago!

  • Troubledog

    the painted chick cows only go with stories about judges

    riley is new and in time he will understand

  • arclight2012

    Down with the system!

    *smashes Starbucks window*

    Oh, sorry, I thought this was 1999.

  • user-of-owls

    There's a very simple solution to this problem. All we need to do is change the labels on the export containers from "Beef (May Contain Anus)" to "Uncircumcised Tiger Penis" or "Pink River Dolphin Flipper (May Contain Flipper)" or "White Rhino Pancreatic Tissue."

    You could sell them diseased cat livers if they thought it would give them a boner.

  • Bluestatelibel

    You guys are so weird, getting off on that cow cartoon picture–what is wrong with you?!?

  • ttommyunger

    That image! I just can't look away. I am repulsed; yet strangely, aroused.

  • user-of-owls

    I always wondered what Mrs. Chuck "Elected Ruminant" Grassley looked like. Thanks Riley!

    • http://wonkette.com Zvi_Bleindmeis

      You're talking about Grandma Corn-teats, right?

  • MinAgain

    President Barack Obama…the Clara Peller of international trade.

  • http://hong-kong-actresses.blogspot.com/ donner_froh

    Bush to former staffers: See, I told you that colored fellow at the Justice Department would never indict any of us.

  • Ducksworthy

    Hmmm. Somehow I can't see William F. Buckley writing this. I mean he wrote lots of crap but back then the conservatives thought it was important to at least appear to makes sense. Even if they were working from totally baseless premises.

  • DashboardBuddha

    I'm not complaining…I mean, I can find porn on the web with the best of them, but seriously, why was the picture changed?

  • transfatz

    She's cheery, has a great rack and that pearl necklace is so suggestive. She's almost perfect, but still the South Koreans were disappointed. Why no lipstick?