it's morning in america

Obama Begs South Korea To Buy Gross Beef At Sinister G-20 Summit

The G-20 summit, before it was slaughtered to make your anus burger.

  • Barack Obama met with other Muslim world leaders in South Korea for the infamous G-20 economic summit, which is sort of like Bohemian Grove except Alex Jones is actually invited. (Who else is going to negotiate favorable Prison Planet DVD exchange rates?) Usually these economic summits are “trade this” and “currency that” and “blah blah blah,” but Obama spiced up the proceedings and humiliated the Free World when he abruptly got down on his hands and knees and begged the South Korean delegates to buy more delicious American beef. But why should we share our cow anuses with these foreigners? (Did American farmers harvest enough beef this meat season, or was there an early frost?) Oh, there’s plenty of meat, and now we will have to hoard it all in our National Meat Vault, because America and South Korea “failed to reach an agreement on a new trade pact.” Darn it! In a few years we will have to drain the Atlantic Ocean and then fill it with all the surplus cow innards we have. This must be the One World Nation Barack Obama dreams about every night. [CNN/BBC]
  • George Bush had a nice chitchat with his former White House staff, but he didn’t talk about jars full of fetuses or serious stuff like that. Nein! Bush was in a “freewheeling and reflective mood,” and was constantly cracking jokes at the podium: “Knock knock?” “Who’s there?” “9/11″ “9/11 who?” “C’mon, y’all said you’d never forget!” [Fox News]
  • Prosecutors in the awful Chandra Levy trial are having difficulty coming up with “evidence” and “witnesses.” Whoops! [McClatchy]

About the author

Riley is an "internet blogger." He has written for such internet websites as True/Slant and the terrible Brangelina gossip emporium "The Huffington Post." Riley lives in northeast DC, near H Street. Maybe you do too and want to hang out?

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    1. V572625694

      And poor Missouri, where 48% of voters think puppy mills are just fine and cockfighting was outlawed last week or so, takes it in the ass again. Thanks, Obamar!

  1. Badonkadonkette

    That's an anus burger John Edwards could get behind.

    UPDATE: Riley changed the picture, I think on account of the nipples (teats?).

  2. V572625694

    One is curious to know the Google Image search string that produced that picture. One is even more curious to know the mind that devised it.

          1. kenlayisalive

            We can start with the Xtine OD cleaning the oil off of half-pelican half-Bobby Jindal with a giant handful of her absorbent pubes, and the rest will just sort of write itself like a Penthouse forums letter.

  3. trampndirtdown

    You can have our cow anuses when you pry them from our cold dead awwww who gives a fuck I don't even like cow anus

    1. Serolf_Divad

      If you like all-beef hot dogs, my friend, then you do like cow anus (along with bull ball-sack, cow groin, neck, ankles, under-arm, etc.)

        1. LetUsBray

          Right. Just as the Indigenous Americans used all of the buffalo, the hot dog is our way of using all of the cow.

      1. DashboardBuddha

        That's what slays me about (delicious) kosher hot dog. ALL BEEF the package proudly proclaims. Cow anus and bull's balls are spiritually better than pork?

        1. Serolf_Divad

          Vegetarianism is no safe harbor. I know for a fact that vegetarian hot dogs are made with soy cow anus, soy bull ballsack, soy cow ankles and soy cow groin.

  4. charlesdegoal

    Which one is Chandra Levy? Neither of them looks Jewish, so this may be the kind of evidence that gets thrown out.

    1. SnarkoMarx

      I understand the reason they came up with the name "PMS" is because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken.

      1. charlesdegoal

        I'm just thinking of future historians who, absent the painted nekkid ladies, will fail to understand the meaning of our admittedly-pointless-anyway comments.

        1. Serolf_Divad

          When the early 21st century is regarded as reverently as the Classical era is to us, a future historian will propose a new theory about this thread suggesting that the commenst make sense if we assume that the picture, originally, was of a couple of naked ladies painted up to look like cows. And all the other high-brow, stuffy, tweed jacket wearing historians will scoff and hiss and call him a revisionist, post-post-modernist who is projecting his ideology into something that is completely unrelated to his anachronistic reading.

    1. Texan_Bulldog

      Yes, it makes my previous comment about porn seem unseemly & disturbing. I figure they changed the pic because that's all you pervs were focusing on!

  5. Neoyorquino

    Really? We have enough to spare? When I moved from NY to the desert southwest ten years ago, I soon realized that it was your patriotic duty to eat your own weight in beef each week.

  6. CapeClod

    Obama is trying to give away all our beef so Michelle can complete her secret plot to turn us all into vegans.

  7. Ruhe

    Hey! Obama! Put That Coffee Down! Coffee is for closers. Koreans eat beef and yet you failed to sell them any beef. Need I remind you that third prize is…you're fired!

  8. Redhead

    It's all a secret plot by Barry. He's going to feed them all zombie mad cow beef so they lose their minds and can't take over the US.

  9. Mindblank

    Oh, they'll buy our beef. Or we'll use drones to rain cow parts upon them. Enjoy your Yukhoe chez USA, dudes! America: making the world safe for Fat Democracy.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      Or we could offer our beef to the North Koreans in a direct barter trade. Which would allow us to restock our strategic national reserves of straw, weeds, pebbles and starving children.

  10. OneDollarJuana

    Look, it's all the fault of poor marketing. American Industrial Food Science and Technology can make anything look like anything else (dog food that looks like bacon, right?). Korea is suffering from a nappa cabbage / kim chee shortage. We have a surplus of icky beef parts. All we have to do is make our icky beef into kim chee-like substance and the Koreans will demand that we fill all of those freighters full of Hyundais destined for the U.S. with icky beef parts/kim chee-like substance.

    After all, as mentioned above, it works for hot dogs!

  11. bureaucrap

    Isn't that supposed to be a caricature of Barbara Bush? The pouch underneath her contains the much-celebrated fetus.

  12. xsluggo

    To bring our pals in Seoul around, Obama should threaten to appoint Sharron Angle as ambassador to South Korea/Guatemala. They all look alike to her. And she can get to practice her Mexican.

  13. user-of-owls

    There's a very simple solution to this problem. All we need to do is change the labels on the export containers from "Beef (May Contain Anus)" to "Uncircumcised Tiger Penis" or "Pink River Dolphin Flipper (May Contain Flipper)" or "White Rhino Pancreatic Tissue."

    You could sell them diseased cat livers if they thought it would give them a boner.

  14. Ducksworthy

    Hmmm. Somehow I can't see William F. Buckley writing this. I mean he wrote lots of crap but back then the conservatives thought it was important to at least appear to makes sense. Even if they were working from totally baseless premises.

  15. DashboardBuddha

    I'm not complaining…I mean, I can find porn on the web with the best of them, but seriously, why was the picture changed?

  16. transfatz

    She's cheery, has a great rack and that pearl necklace is so suggestive. She's almost perfect, but still the South Koreans were disappointed. Why no lipstick?

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