TALIBAN VANITY SEARCH  10:23 pm November 11, 2010

Will the Taliban Save the Newspaper Business?

by Ken Layne

According to the newish books/writing website wwword, our former/future allies the Taliban just love to curl up with a good British newspaper or, uhh, Time Magazine.

Who would have guessed that the Taliban reads the British Sunday Telegraph? But they do, and they quoted it in their monthly online magazine, Al-Samoud, in July, though sadly without signing off as “Disgusted of Kandahar”—a title that would also have suited the tone of their protests in the wake of the Time magazine August cover story about a Taliban commander ordering a woman’s nose cut off.

But just like their American counterparts, Taliban dudes are mostly interested in reading about themselves in the newspapers. And, because print editions of Western papers aren’t readily available in the Taliban hideouts of Afghanistan, they read the papers online. Probably for free, stealing their neighbor’s wifi. So, actually, the Taliban can’t save the newspaper business. Sorry, newspaper business! [wwword]

Hola wonkerados.

To improve site performance, we did a thing. It could be up to three minutes before your comment appears. DON'T KEEP RETRYING, OKAY?

Also, if you are a new commenter, your comment may never appear. This is probably because we hate you.

{ 21 comments }

MissTaken November 11, 2010 at 10:40 pm

They're just hoping they'll be named Time's Person of the Year. I know that's the only reason why I read Time.

the_onceler November 11, 2010 at 10:47 pm

can't you see the person of the year online as well?

MissTaken November 11, 2010 at 10:55 pm

I limit my online viewing of people to fetish porn exclusively. Including Wonkette.

Troubledog November 11, 2010 at 11:16 pm

Are You A Lebowski Achiever?

bumfug November 11, 2010 at 11:03 pm

Top three downloads in the Taliban hideout:
(3) British Sunday Telegraph
(2) Time Magazine
(1) That pedophile book for Kindle that got everybody pissed off at Amazon.

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 2:35 am

They don't need the pedophile book, they already got the Koran.

deanbooth November 12, 2010 at 8:48 am

The online version includes "Just for Men" ads.

Negropolis November 11, 2010 at 11:08 pm

I for one prefer the Tora Bora Picayune and the comedic stylings of its chief columnist Admiral Akbar; the Swat Valley Times is a total liberal rag.

LetUsBray November 12, 2010 at 10:32 am

Oh yeah; isn't his sign-off line at the end of every column, "It's a trap!"?

mrblifil November 11, 2010 at 11:32 pm

Apparently they are also big fans of reruns of The Odd Couple. Although admittedly it's because they are sure that each new episode will contain the scene wherein Oscar throws a gasoline soaked tire over Felix's head and lights it with the end of his cigar, to punish Felix for his decadence and self-love. Whereupon Murray the Cop begins stoning the Pigeon Sisters.

Negropolis November 11, 2010 at 11:50 pm

I hear they are also huge fans of The Honeymooners, on account of Ralph Kramden threatening his wife with physical violence, and all. Oh, and because he wants to send her to the crescent moon. Also.

Lucidamente1 November 11, 2010 at 11:41 pm

Isn't stealing your neighbor's wifi punished with death by stoning?

MissTaken November 12, 2010 at 12:35 am

Only for the wifi

Negropolis November 12, 2010 at 2:15 am

That's worthy of one whore diamond.

Redhead November 12, 2010 at 9:43 am

They have wifi in caves?

natoslug November 12, 2010 at 11:19 am

It's amazing what you can do with a few old Pringles containers and some pigtail leads. The world's most advanced cave-based cantenna network.

nounverb911 November 11, 2010 at 11:54 pm

Have they hacked their way through the Times of London's pay wall yet?

Rarian Rakista November 12, 2010 at 2:36 am

No one has, no one wants to.

transfatz November 12, 2010 at 4:36 am

They have a hard time reading any font except "Taliban Comic Explode"

charlesdegoal November 12, 2010 at 8:29 am

According to Barrett, they're "wired up to the internet" so the likelihood of wi-fi is small. More like what the guy in Abu Ghraib was wired to.

7pilesofwisdom November 14, 2010 at 5:01 am

But for serious journalism, they still prefer The Onion. It's the only publication that seems to share their logic.

Comments on this entry are closed.

Previous post:

Next post:


blog advertising is good for you