polls always make sense

Silly American Public Kind of Wants New Republican Majority To Compromise

Turns out the American public is not all that excited about the new GOP Congress, and it wants them to “compromise”:

While Republicans steamrolled to a big victory in the House and made significant gains in the Senate in last week’s election, there is less enthusiasm this year for the GOP win and its plans for the future than there was for the Democrats’ takeover of Congress in 2006 and the Republican capture of the House in 1994, according to a Pew Research Center poll conducted Nov. 4-7. […]

In a CBS News poll released Thursday, 72 percent said Republicans should be willing to make trade-offs to get things done. Seventy-eight percent said Obama should do the same.


The Pew survey found that 45 percent admired politicians who stick to their positions compared to 42 percent who preferred leaders willing to make compromises, with 13 percent undecided. Republicans favored those who stick to their positions over making compromises by a 55 percent to 33 percent margin, with 12 percent undecided, while Democrats are almost evenly divided on the question.

They want you to compromise. But if you compromise, they’ll think you’re a pussy. Hmm, which one of those sounds more pleasing to Republican politicians? [Politics Daily]

About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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    1. chickensmack

      More choice. Freedom of Choice is Freedom.
      More competition. Freedom of monopoly is Freedom.
      More God. Freedom from free-thought is Freedom.

        1. Rarian Rakista

          Unless I can get an abortion at the same time I am sucking down a liter of cheesecake-flavored soda while getting myself a new pair of prescription sunglasses, the future is not here.

          Also I want that aborted fetus made into a face cream in the shape of a Cherub going aw shucks, and the max I want to pay for that is 20 bucks. Thats a future worth fighting for. Which country do we have to invade for this to happen?

  1. SorosBot

    Nice of CBS to do a demonstration of how meaningless these kind of polls are because of how responses depend on how the question is worded.

    1. JustPixelz

      yeah, kinda pointless. What do actual primary voters think? And contributors, and general voters?

      I want questions like "What's more important to you, lower taxes or balancing the budget?"

      1. Negropolis

        Where have you been? Every red-blooded American craves a Double Down during most of his or her waking hours, and many even during REM sleep, and sometimes even more than one, simultaneously. Also.

        You'll take their Double Downs…from their warm, fat, greasy hands. You don't want to provoke a Second Amendment remedy, do you? 'Cause in one hand they got the chicken, and a Cheney-certified rifle in the other.

  2. widestanceroman

    Did anyone besides C-span callers vote this year (cuz it seems like I'm living in a call-in made real)? And I do not like it one bit.

  3. JustPixelz

    Pretty sure if you're a Demoncrat they think you're a pussy. Repubicans are man enough to torture even if it means the entire rest of the world will say "fuck you" when we ask for help tracking down some bank transfer to Al Queda. And they're man enough to say "discharged" to gay translators even if it means Al Queda can switch to low-tech "speaking in Arabic" encryption.

  4. GOPCrusher

    I give it until spring before the average American voter comes to the realization that these are the same douchenozzles that they voted out of office in 2006/2008 and why they did it.

    1. WriteyWriterton

      Dream on. The last Democrat who figured out how to play Republicans was The Great Triangulator. And that's about all he was good at. Billy-Jeff let Orrin Hatch – soon to be an ex-Senator, like Bob "The Commie" Bennett – walk all over his nominations. For which we got a crillion vacancies that W was only too happy to fill. And BHO's letting it happen again.

      The only thing we learn from history is that we learn nothing from history.

  5. SmutBoffin

    They say you get the government you deserve, but I don't recall setting fire to a crowded school then eating a living puppy.

  6. GeorgiaBurning

    Republicans will make trade-offs to get things done, but they only thing they want done is nothing. It's an easy job, even for them

  7. Gleem_McShineys

    to get things done.

    Like what, my fellow Ameritards? What do you mean by "things"? Let me guess, next we'll have to conduct a poll determining whether "Stuff" or "Junk" is more popular.

    Why does this make me think The Onion is playing a huge complicated joke on us, somehow secretly having replaced most of the population of our nation with Area Men.

    1. GOPCrusher

      Read an article this morning about how Rand Paul is fired up and ready to go to Washington and start changing things. Rand is about to find out that reality is a cruel kick to the nuts. The only thing, he's likely to be changing is the toilet paper roll in Mitch McConnell's private bathroom.

  8. nounverb911

    If all the so called teabaggers in the House left the republican party to form the "Teabaggers-R-Us" party, would the republicans still be the majority?

  9. WriteyWriterton

    Compromise? The party of "Hell, no!" Boehner? Ha. Haha. Hahahahahahahahaha.

    Yes, Virginia, there IS common political ground on which Republicans and Democrats can meet – where both bend the knee to our Tea Party Overlords.

    1. GOPCrusher

      After the last two years of Republiklan compromises on the critical issues confronting this country, I can understand why the electorate would believe that there would be more, if they just voted for Republiklans.

  10. HistoriCat

    The American public just wants their big mansion for a dollar, yummy food which doesn't make you fat, and gas at 35 cents a gallon. And a pony.

  11. OzoneTom

    Sorry. A pop-up came up that said that there was a "Connection error".

    Anyway, the Silly American Public is too busy searching for Pr0n, the pederast's how-to e-book and McRib discount coupons to research how the people who they entrusted to represent them might approach the concept of compromise. Think of Dracula and a crucifix.

    If they wanted compromise/capitulation they should have just stuck with Obama.

  12. Negropolis

    Wait, what the flying fuck do I care about what the amorphous American Q. Public thinks? Most Americans believe that the Bible is literal, that global warming is a hoax, that Jay Leno is better than David Letterman, and that Coke is beter than Pepsi.

    America can kiss the blackest part of my black ass.

    1. emmelemm

      But Coke is better than Pepsi.

      Unless you're making a larger statement about the fact that they're both fizzy water and high fructose corn syrup, which is true. But still… the miniscule variances in the ratio clearly favor Coke.

      1. Negropolis

        Coke is better than Pepsi in the same way that McDonald's is better than Burger King: one's bigger and more established than the other.

        Pepsi is clearly tastier than Coke, and whoever says differently is a blasphemer damning themselves to the pit of hell.

  13. transfatz

    Fat chance. Republicans consider politics to be war.. They expect to operate the public rather than listening to them, and they are doing a good job at this. What might have been done in South Carolina if there had been a real black candidate instead of Zen Def? They don't leave fronts unopposed.
    Their goal is to set this place up for "Short Your Country 2.0", with the help of their new patriots "Tea Bag of Hammers".

  14. SecretMuslin

    The "Average American" has the attention span, foresight, patience and reasoning abilities of a 3 year old with a shitty diaper and a craving for gummy bears. The only thing they're really good at is laying in the grocery aisle and throwing a tantrum.

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