boycott! boycott the internets!

The Google Desecrates Beloved U.S. Flag With Muslin Crescent Moon

SURE YOU COULDN'T FIT A CAN OF TOMATO SOUP IN THERE, TRAITORS?That’s odd. I clicked on the Google button on the AOL and it came up with a new picture. Why would they stick an American flag… OH NO. THEY DID IT SO THEY COULD STICK A CRESCENT MOON IN THERE. The Google has been taken over by Sharia law! AND ON VETERANS DAY! This is a conversation every American is having with himself on the Internet today. Isn’t it just terrible how these Muslims are taking over every aspect of our lives? Go back to the terrorism, please. We liked it when you just did the terrorism. And Google: SHAME ON YOU. WE TRUSTED YOU WITH OUR WEIRD PORN FETISHES.

We stole this Twitter screengrab from Newell:

The future of idiocy is now.

But while the new social media seems to get it, important wingnut institution WND didn’t. They put up a story about the Google logo, but it was all about how Google usually doesn’t honor America in its logo on certain days when every search engine is legally required to, according to laws and stuff about patriotism, and legalness. Hello, WND! Google did not honor America today! It Shariaed it! Pay attention while you’re getting raped, idiots! [Gawker]

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About the author

Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

View all articles by Jack Stuef

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117 comments

  1. MinAgain

    It doesn't look like a crescent. It looks like the flag has a pointy curved penis. Which fits in with the weird porno fetishes.

      1. StillGoinGreen

        I am a MUCH bigger fan of Goog- "strawberry up the ass" -e than I am of Goog "muslin flag burning commie moon".

  2. ManchuCandidate

    Hey diddle diddle, Allah and the Islamic rabble,
    US America jumped over the Muslin moon.
    The crazy wingnuts freaked out and look dumb
    As the Chinese ran away with the cash!

  3. glindsey1979

    Usually I try to be slightly more nuanced in my comments, perhaps a bit more tinged with sarcasm, but upon seeing those twatters there's only one thing I can say:

    HOLY MOTHER OF GOD PEOPLE ARE SO GODDAMNED FUCKING STUPID.

    That's it. It's time to us computer nerds to take the Internet back and return it to its proper use: getting into Star Trek flame wars and posting grainy 320x200x256-color porn pictures for to look at on our 486's.

    1. DashboardBuddha

      You know…I miss those days…those days when getting on the web took a little effort and it wasn't "pretty" or "content focused". There were folks who got computers and those who thought computers were "too hard".

      (Yes, I know…bold words from a dude posing on one of the 'net's premier discussion/sarcasm sites)

      1. glindsey1979

        Yep. Get Trumpet Winsock running on a Win 3.1 system, install Mosaic, dial up with the 33.6k modem, and use Altavista to do some searching. It sucked and was a pain in the ass and slow and ugly and WE LOVED IT. All the magic flew out the window as soon as the computer became just another tool.

        It was inevitable, of course, that this happened, and the benefits certainly outweigh the losses, but that sense of being in some sort of mystical, elite club was so POTENT.

          1. StillGoinGreen

            No doubt! Many a man sat dejected, with a handful of monkeybutter – while gazing at the photo of some young starlet's hairline to her eyebrows. Of course, we veterans of such early wars knew not to even start until you got at least to the areola.

    2. SorosBot

      I still remember the day, second year of college, when I went to yahoo on Mosaic and saw an ad on it. Everybody was outraged, "it's an ad on the internet? How could anyone do that?" Ah, how little we knew.

      1. glindsey1979

        When I was in college, our dorm was hooked *directly* to the net — no firewalls whatsoever, every PC had every single port open and was assigned an IP from the university's Class B block. God, the viruses and malware we network techs had to clean up… kept me in money, though.

        1. SorosBot

          Yep, so were ours. It was a nice, fast connection for the times; and it was fun to play games like Warcraft 2 or Doom against the roomates while they were in the same room.

        2. Rarian Rakista

          I was running a BeOS system my first year of college, one of techs could not get the NMAP script to log my OS — college policy forbade even macs — they were even allowed to gain physical access to my room. No Antivirus, no Internet.

          My roommate at the time was a rugby player cheating on his best friend's girl so when they cracked open the door, he was so terrified he drunkshat himself, lol, good times. The room never smelled the same after that. Next semester I moved off campus.

  4. MistaEko

    There's only one course of action, my teabagging brethren. We must boycott the world's foremost search engine and do so now! It's keyboard banging and random guessing from now on!

    /ohplzplzplzplzplzplzplzlpz

  5. Dumbedup

    O.K these idiots have officially stopped being entertaining to me. Enough with the teabaggers, can Wonkette just go back to assfucking jokes? Please.

  6. metamarcisf

    In Oklahoma, some lady judge stayed the enactment of the anti-Sharia amendment that 70% of dem Okies voted for. Now, hundreds of Okies are having an eye put out for glancing at another woman; they're havin' there hands chopped off on account of jerkin' their weenus at a rest stop and the Sooner cheerleader squad will be forced to wear burkas during this Saturday's Texas Tech game

    1. imissopus

      Joke's on her, since now that Oklahoma is under Sharia she will not be allowed to be a judge, or anything else other than a burka-wearing sperm receptacle. And even then only if there are no dancing Afghan boys nearby.

    2. OkieDokieDog

      For the record – this lil OKIE voted against that state question. And I'm sad to add, not a single person that I voted for won their election. I of course did not vote for any of the popular bible-humping NObamas.

    3. zhubajie

      I'm waiting for them to circumcize their hearts! How many will survive amateur heart surgery, do you think? Even with the aid of all Tulsa's faith healers?

  7. GravyBoyJohnson

    it kinda looks like the real christian god is trying to splode muslin old glory.

    save us baby jesis!

  8. Gratuitous World

    Holy Shit. I noticed the "crescent' this morning (when googling "slutty furries") and thought to myself, 'someone is going to make an issue out of this non-issue.' Then I thought, 'Naww. Who would do that?' Then I thought, 'hmmm, which link looks tastiest?'
    and i forgot about the whole thing .

    but sure enough, i underestimate our fellow countrymen yet again. (and mikebodge – your outrage takes the crescent)

  9. elviouslyqueer

    Oh for fucking fuck's sake, it's not an Islamic crescent. Google founder Sergey Brin wanted to put up a stylized Soviet hammer and sickle, in honor of Barry's commitment to Marxism and Communism. Duh, wingnut FAIL.

  10. CrunchyKnee

    I DONE LOOKED UP AT THE SKY THE OTHER NIGHT AND SAW A MUSLIN CRESCENT MOON. PISSED ME OFF!!!!!!!1111!!

    1. StillGoinGreen

      There was Sharia over Texas too. Also. I blamed Obama and went over to my neighbor's house and pissed in his bushes. For freedom.

    2. jodyleek

      Thank Jeebus the Teabag Young Goons in the house are already writing up a law to blow up that damned Muslin moon. Waning crescent my ass!

  11. anniegetyourfun

    Twould be awesome if Teabagger boycotted the interwebz as a result of this. But they'll probably just use Bing, as usual.

    1. glindsey1979

      Which is named after CHANDLER Bing, who (as every proper Friends-watching American knows) boarded a flight to YEMEN to avoid his ex, which is where all the BOMBS came from.

      Also I think Soros is somehow tied up in there, too, also.

  12. LionelHutzEsq

    How dare Google put this image so near Ground Zero. I just don't know what to think…., at least until Sarah Palin tweets about it.

  13. AntonovBureau

    How could this be interpreted as pro-Muzzie? Isn't it obvious those are the smoke of our bombs destoying all muzzie lands and the American flag flyin' high over all the corpses?

  14. OkieDokieDog

    So what. I'm pretty sure I saw Jebus' face in a pile of dog crap the other day, but I didn't take a pic, or save it to sell on ebay, or just go all religious zealoty and call the local FOX station out to take a peek of the poop. I scooped it up with the pooper scooper (luckily having avoided stepping on the Jebus crap) and then tossed it off into the woods, where the wild critters could pray over it or something.

    Moral of story: crap is crap.

  15. StillGoinGreen

    Where is Sister Snowcunt's twatty twats on this travistshamocracy??!! I expected at least one of those twats to be about "Google wants to steal your kid's fat and replace it with Muslin tax powder, dontchaknow??"!

  16. chickensmack

    I just found Jesus in a cheese sandwich. But I'll just wait, since everyone's found a third of something in Google.

  17. PublicLuxury

    Joe Barton is upset about this. As the ChairMAN of the House Energy and Commerce Committee he is going to shut teh google down and gang ass fuck it until it admits how Barry Soros III, Jr made teh google do commine stuff.

  18. slappypaddy

    foxtrot uniform at google commemorative logo design headquarters. put these soldiers in for tango delta yankee on latrine duty.

  19. slithytovesss

    "Pay attention while you're getting raped, idiots!" would be my new profile name if it would fit.

      1. slithytovesss

        Perhaps; however, I am more interested in your rabbit dildo avatar. Thank you for the reminder that I must do some X-mas shopping for self. Totally snark off.

      2. slithytovesss

        Except not interested in ass raped. Please forward better veejay interested name. Sincerely,
        Slithytovesss
        formerly
        Slithytoves but then they added this nonsense posting business.

    1. natoslug

      Hey, whatever it takes to get them the fuck off the 'net, I'm happy. First step, the 'net, next step, the nation, final step, the planet.

  20. Gleem_McShineys

    If teabaggers only listened to reason, I'd like to try to attempt to convince them that the truly sensible response here would be to poke out their eyeballs in order to prevent the muslin from ever getting in via all of these subliminal crescents attacking our freedoms everywhere.

    But they don't listen to reason. Very unfortunate, now they will be eternally at risk of muslin infection.
    It is just a matter of time before someone anally rapes America with one of these pointy devices, spawning a feco-mohammedan tax loving socialist nazi buttbaby. WAKE UP TEABAGGERS, TO THE REAL THREAT TO OUR VERY RECTUMS!

  21. Monsieur_Grumpe

    There must be word for people who this psychotic need to be perpetually outraged to the point of hallucinations.

    I mean there must be a word other then asshole.

    1. predilectrix

      DSM-V editors are now vetting "Teabagger Syndrome" as a cross-cutting diagnostic category. To be diagnosed with the syndrome, a patient has three or more of the following :

      *Eating Disorder ( Binge Eating Disorder; Compulsive eating disorder; Obesity),
      *Somatoform Disorders (Hypochondriasis; Body Dysmorphic Disorder)
      *Disruptive Behavior Disorders (Conduct Disorder; Disruptive Behavior Disorder; Oppositional Defiant Disorder)
      *Psychotic Disorders (Delusional Disorder; Shared Psychotic Disorder; Dementia)
      *Dissociative Disorders (Dissociative Amnesia; Dissociative Fugue; Depersonalization Disorder)
      *Factitious Disorders (Malingering; Munchausen's Syndrome by Proxy)
      *Cognitive Disorders (Mental Retardation)

      Exhibiting 9 or more of these means you are Sarah Palin.

    2. GOPCrusher

      Read an article this morning on Yahoo about President Obama giving a speech thanking the veterans of the Korean War for their sacrifice. In South Korea.
      Of course, the teabaggers on the comment board took every opportunity to ask why the man was only thanking Korean War veterans and not ALL veterans.
      * facepalm *

  22. HistoriCat

    Am I the only one disturbed by the incestuous connection here? Current Wonketter Stuef is basing a story off of a Jim Newell story. What's next? Wonkette puts up a story about Gawker putting up a story by Dave Weigel?

  23. JustPixelz

    The real villain here is that traitorous letter "e". Sometimes it's silent, sometimes it's a moslem crescent. I hate that letter. In fact, it is now banishd from my kyboard. Goddamn unAmrican lttr.

    But wors is lttr "c". It IS the moslm crscnt — no disguis. It's out too. Fuking disloyal, non-hristian, unAmrian lttr.

    1. glindsey1979

      Did you realize "S" is just TWO crescents? So is "O". "U" tries to hide by turning sideways, but we see through that disguise. And the less said about Arabic numerals, the better.

      Rw all f the npatriti mulin lttr! Rw thm all!

  24. Ducksworthy

    Did any of you see the moon last night? These evil muslins has got to the moon and turned it into one of their evil symbols.

    I wonder if katnandu, mikebodge and their friends fired at it?

  25. Tundra Grifter

    I've written it before and I'll write it again: Some people has waaaaaaaaaaaay too much time on their hands!

  26. DoktorZoom

    Holy crap–how completely crazy do you have to be in order to have your Islamophobia rejected by (most of) the commenters at Free Republic?

    Also, too: Why aren't any patriots complaining about the dog's crescent-shaped tail in today's Dogpile front page?

  27. SecretMuslin

    What? No outrage over South Carolina's flag? They've been under Sharia crescent moon law for ages. Nikki Haley better watch out.

  28. mavenmaven

    Ban the letter "e"!!!!!
    It was clearly created by a Moslem to infiltrate our White English Language that Jesus spoke! That's why they chose the date nine-eleven, as it has so many sharia e's in it!!!!!
    Conspiraceeeee!!!!!

  29. mookwrthwilson

    I thought it was the crescent moon the girl sits on in the Miller High Life logo…I figured they had taken the picture while she was off taking a shit.

  30. BarackMyWorld

    My question for the people upset with the Islamic crescent moon is: "Why are you even using this 'Goog' site in the first place?"

  31. SorosBot

    You know what I just realized? There's dozens of crescent moons in every box of Lucky Charms; oh my god General Mills is run by sekrit Muslins!!1!

      1. SorosBot

        Oh no! And ever since they added the red balloons they've also been part of the 80s German pop star conspiracy!

      2. SorosBot

        And I had forgotten they also added rainbows in the 1990s! The Leprechaun's gay agenda is even worse than we thought!

    1. OneYieldRegular

      First they came for my Campbell's Halal Chicken Noodle Soup. Then they came for my box of Lucky Charms. Then they came for my Pillsbury Bake 'n' Serve Crescent Rolls.

      1. metamarcisf

        Mmm-mmm good! This is Bryan Fischer for Campbell's Terrorist-Certified Halal Chicken Noodle Soup…

        Nope, not funny. Is nothing sacred? Not even my lunch?

  32. Eve8Apples

    When I look up at the night sky and see a bright crescent shaped moon circling the earth, I'll take that as a clear sign that God and Jesus are both Muslim. Thanks very much teabaggers. You helped me clear up alot of my complex religious doubts.

  33. WarAndGee

    Last night, looking skyward, I too realized the conspiracy of the moon's favoritism to the Islams but thought, "We should bomb that fucking thing into the shape of a cross before Jesus gets mad."

  34. Fuck Toad

    The dumbest thing about the crescent spotters is that the crescent doesn't mean anything by itself. It's not a symbol of Islam. The crescent was a symbol of the Ottoman empire, and at one point they added a star, and that became the flag of Turkey. It's become a default symbol of Islam on the international scale because most Western contact with the Islamic world was through the Ottomans, and Muslims (being traditionally iconoclasts) didn't have a common symbol in the first place.

    It's not a religious symbol. There is no unifying symbol of Islam analogous to the Christian cross. At most, it's a symbol which represents national identity in the Muslim world, similar to how some American states borrowed stars and/or stripes from the national flag, and how the American flag borrowed primary colors, stripes, and stars from British flags.

    Hiding it in a Google doodle or secretly sneaking it into memorial plans or whatever would have absolutely no point. In conclusion, fuck these stupid people for talking about things they don't know anything about. Read a book, for fuck's sake.

    (I am really sorry about not being funny, ever. It is the cancer that is killing Wonkette.)

    1. Gleem_McShineys

      These people learn all they know from tee vee or movies. There, magic is real and can be triggered by drawing magical symbols!

      I don't blame wide-eyed dumbs for being ignorant or gullible, I blame the cynical shithumans that decided their best shot at power was to harness the "political power" of straight up dumbfucks. Too bad it works so goddamn well.

      At one time, polite society pulled you aside and said quite clearly "You're a fucking idiot and your opinion is shit" and it used to mean something. Those days are gone, the stupid is now mutated and fully resistant to just about every kind of mockery known to man.

      If there only was a way to turn the snark generated here at Wonkette into an actual real life substance, and spray it over the land, so it would burn the dumbs and make them fear harboring dumbness. If someone ever figures this out, I'd gladly start doing Snarkapalm runs.

  35. WriteyWriterton

    Props to Google. The design is still on the first page. Unlike Democrats, Google hasn't surrendered to the luna-baggers. Yet.

  36. finette_

    WND claims that Google doodles do not celebrate Christmas. What are these then, hmmmm? Do they have to include actual Jesus to count?

  37. MiniMencken

    Does anybody care that they HID THE "L" ENTIRELY? Wake up, sheeple! "L" stands for the masculine Spanish singular pronoun "él." AND THAT MEANS "HE," IN SPANISH!!!! Who is "He?" Who do you think, sheeple? Do I have to spell everything out? Do I?

  38. Naked_Bunny

    Between the moon endorsing Islam and rainbows endorsing homosexuality, while Christians get a horrific torture/execution device and fish (smelly vaginas), you'd think the religious right would get the hint from God about their standing.

  39. Naked_Bunny

    That's not a crescent moon. It's obviously a turgid rabbit penis. Hold on, I'll find y'all a photo link….

  40. TopoGigioGirl

    OMG…
    Anyone with half an ounce of brains can tell that it was a poor decision, by Google's graphic arts department, not to make the flag more opaque so you could see their entire logo through it…
    <img src="http://www.htrnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=PluckForum&plckForumPage=ForumDiscussion&plckDiscussionId=Cat%3a50e6229e-31fd-4ecc-ac43-4066eb56f5b3Forum%3a5001a779-b2f6-4eb6-8c8d-aea4a0d0dfe9Discussion%3a8beba4a7-57e9-416f-a797-2fc960acdd9f&plckCurrentPage=0#"&gt;

    It should have been designed more like this…

    <img src="http://www.htrnews.com/apps/pbcs.dll/section?category=PluckForum&plckForumPage=ForumDiscussion&plckDiscussionId=Cat%3a50e6229e-31fd-4ecc-ac43-4066eb56f5b3Forum%3a5001a779-b2f6-4eb6-8c8d-aea4a0d0dfe9Discussion%3a8beba4a7-57e9-416f-a797-2fc960acdd9f&plckCurrentPage=0#"&gt;

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