- Michelle Antoinette’s fashion atrocities continue to destroy lives overseas, but worry not, the fashion police are hot on her Allah-chic heels. [Michelle Obama's Mirror]
- Give the gift of jar-fetus to all the loved ones this Christmas with a Planned Parenthood buy-one get-one-free abortion coupon. [Now Public]
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Obviously you can’t water the Tree of Liberty with just corn syrup and pig anus. [InfoWars]
- Pack up some trail mix, we may not be rid of Mark Sanford quite yet. [Daily Intel]
- Noah’s rainbow coalition with the baby Jesus proves that global warming is a heretical, gnostic lie. [DailyKos]
Political Wire
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Authors
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Kirsten Boyd Johnson (927)
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Kris E. Benson (11)
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John Schoenkopf (7)
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{ 71 comments }
Is there any way I can comment without reading any of the articles? I can? OK, good.
Something tells me fetus-jar cocktails are going to be all the rage at this year's holiday parties.
Only if you can find gummi fetuses (feti?) to drop into your martini glass
Walmart has those leftover gross gummi jars from Halloween that should work in a pinch.
And
"Is there any way I can comment without reading any of the articles?" Crank_Tango, darling, if Sarah Palin can make a platform on a WSJ article she hasn't even read, Wonkette will forgive your transgressions. . .as long as you close with buttseks.
Oooh, maybe with little fetus-Santa hats?
Meh. I'll stick with my old standby, "Trickie Dickie Screwdriver."
It's got one part Jack Daniels /
two parts purple Kool-Aid /
and a jigger of formaldehyde /
from the jar with Hitler's brain in it we got in the back storeroom.
happy traaaaaaailllsss to you….
I DO NOT drink ANYTHING named after NIXON!!
So far this is the only drink on that list.
A fetus-jar would have made a great Halloween costume.
Another reason to be disappointed Georgie's book didn't come out about a month earlier.
He released late because he hates Halloween and therefore America. Or he was extra-drunk. Or both.
Damn George for keeping quiet before the general (as he did with before the Presidential race in 2008) at the behest of his Party! This would have been all over the place!
I really could have used one of those abortion gift certificates when I was a sophmore in college. Those things are expensive!
Give Shelly a break – she's in the most Muslim nation on earth. They might have a collective heart attack and declare a universal jihad if she showed off her killer bod.
I feel so much better about that crazy global warming theory now that John Shimkus has irrefutable proof from Noah. Build your ark's now people!
Planned Parenthood gets a million thumbs up for pissing off the wingers (who as always pretend all PP does is abortions).
I think we should introduce that Alex Jones guy to Colleen Thomas; they'd make a wonderfully insane conspiracy couple.
Why shouldn't Sanford have a comeback? We've seen a Republican can get reelected after hiring hookers to change his diapers, Mark's hiking up the Appalachian trail was tame by comparison.
And Spitzer. Never forget hot hot Spitzer.
And Marion Barry. And Hickel. He came back to Alaska to be Governor again.
Let's be all more impressed if Ted Stevens makes a comeback.
Well, we don't exactly whose name is on those write-in ballots, now do we?
Miller campaign observers successfully challenged only 1.44 percent of the 19,203 ballots that were counted throughout the day.
There ended up being 164 write-in votes for people other than Murkowski.
Two people wrote in Joe Miller.
Read more: http://community.adn.com/adn/node/154249#ixzz14wM...
And they probably just couldn't spell Mere-Cow-Ski.
My daddy, who was one of the most decent people I've ever known, used to counsel me on my explosive temper (yep, still got it. Good thing for the animal abusers around here that I believe in gun control) by advising, "consider the source." His theory was that something stupid out of the mouth of someone stupid didn't count. Or something. (I never really found it very persuasive back then, either).
Whatev. On the question of the yuletide abortion "outrage," however, I'll take his advice and consider the source–Fox. Categorically, I ignore anything from Faux news.
Hmm, I always thought that was short for "Consider the source while you're aiming the RPG".
Mark Sanford is like a bad case of herpes. Almost literally.
Just made the mistake of going over to the InfoWars site. Even speed reading the article is dangerous to your mental health. However, the commenters are true tinfoil hat crazy….with a kapital K!!!!!! AND WOW, LOTS OF 'PUNCTUATION'…..AND CAPS…..OMG!!!!
Newt Gingrich has proved America has such a short attention-span that Sanford probably has a future in politics.
If Sanford goes on "House Hunters International" to find a vacation villa with his hot Argentinean Mistress, the comeback is assured.
If he gets such a glam fame-whore gig, Bible Spice will have to appear on DWTS herself.
She could star in the pilot of a new "Brain Crashers" show where they attempt to turn her into a thinking, feeling human being in a weekend. Kind of a cross between Queer Eye and Jeopardy, with a team including Michael Vick as the expert in Basic Empathy.
Shimukus also invoked the little known passage from SExodus where Planned Parenthood sacrifices the first unborn of every American.
I though Gawd said it would be the fire next time we screwed up. Which would fit with global warming, amirite?
I always imagined Sanford marrying his tractor and going Thorough.
Christ – the comments sections of, well, all of these. Earlier today I was lamenting the general stupidity and hatefulness of the American people, and I appreciate these great patriots stepping up to the plate to prove my point. I'm not a violent person but I wish that I had the ability to kick each and every one of them sqaure in the nuts. Hard. While wearing steel-toed boots.
That's how I first felt on my virgin visit to Wonkette.
With my cherry popped, I couldn't go back to civil discourse. I'm still holding back. If Joe Miller wins or when Sarah announces her run for the White Trash house, I'll go all bassackwards bagger!
And at the bassackwards bagger rallies we get to carry axe handles, OK?
As the granddaughter and daughter of labor goons, not to mention my own labor organizing days, I prefer the time-tested tire tool. (Alliteration pees?)
I P 4 your T's.
That's all I got.
Also, God directing Noah to collect two of every creature shows he supports the KFC Double Down.
After listening the Shimkus, I realize that we don't have to worry about climate change because Thor and Storm can use their powers to fix any weather-related disasters.
Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.), who will seek the Energy and Commerce Committee chairmanship maintains that we do not have to worry about climate change because God promised in the Bible not to destroy the world again after Noah’s flood.
That God character's a two-timing, backbiting, double-talking stinking liar. Just so you know, Rep. Shitkus.
God obviously knows humans too well – "I don't need to do anything. You people will fuck yourselves up so bad that I can just sit back and enjoy the show."
Relaxing with a bowl of popcorn the size of Antarctica would be the only sane response to this shit from a Supreme Being.
"Hey Abraham, kill your son! …. LOL TROLLED!"
Au contraire. I have it on the best authority (Connie, out of Spooky Doktor Tom Coburn's office) that, "before the Lord lets us destroy the world, he'll do it himself."
So nothing we do matters. Which makes me really wonder why Spooky Doktor Tom takes politics so seriously.
These guys got the Skype to G_d, so you better not be makin' fun. If you no whatz gud four ya.
"before the Lord lets us destroy the world, he'll do it himself."
Yes he can! Amen. Also.
Well, being destroyed by the Lord is an honor and a privilege, whereas being destroyed by your fellow man is just a damned nuisance.
wow.. that "Mirror" site is impressive. It's a good example what happens when the right tries to do snark. Rule: If you are going to be an asshole, you'd better figure out how to be funny at it.
what the hell is that terrible terrible thing?
i broke my rule of never linking to the 'internets' sites. and now i remember why i have that rule.
also, i find myself suspecting the author has an excess of cellulite, very short legs and always fresh mani / pedis.
If the abortions they're selling can be made retroactive (say to foetuses that have hit middle age), I'd get one for Barbara Bush, since she obviously put the wrong child in the jar.
"Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.), who will seek the Energy and Commerce Committee chairmanship maintains that we do not have to worry about climate change because God promised in the Bible not to destroy the world again after Noah’s flood."
That may be true Johnny, and I have no doubt the world will be spared. It's the human population of the world that needs a good culling. And Johnny, I strongly suspect you and all the other teabaggers are on the hit list.
There was sudden global warming from a rapid increase in carbon dioxide about 250 million years ago, most likely caused by a great surge in volcanoes during the breakup of Pangaea, and the Earth kept going just find. Now paleontologists call that event the "Great Dying" and it was actually much more devastating than the more famous extinction event at the end of the Cretaceous, but I'm sure we have nothing to worry about.
I have to wonder about Alex Jones. I mean, Rush and Beck must know that they're second rate sideshow hucksters and completely lack any kind of moral compass. But, Alex seems to be really sincere. What must it be like to have a head full of bees like that? He seems like the kind of guy who would need to wash a Xanex down with a bottle of scotch just to be able to think about putting on his jammies and going to bed.
My Daddy tole' me
Son…
there's nothing more important
than knowing
how to fake
sincerity.
Alex Jones is a ranting case of nutjob, isn't he? I couldn't read much of it, but what little I did get through confused me with mixed Teabagger messages. On one hand, Bible Spice is passing out cookies and the 'Baggers are against healthy food and exercise because Michelle Obama is for them. But this guy seems to be on the First Lady's side, if in a crazier, rantier, batshittier way.
What is it, wingers? Yes on the sugar and fat or no? Because I couldn't bring myself to read this thing, I didn't get to the punchline of his remedy? Not the nanny state, surely? Self-control? How unteabaggerish is that?
Heaven forbid I would have gotten far enough through this thing to read the comments, though I'm in such a sad, depressed mood, and since misery loves company, that they have a kind of awful fascination on my attention.
Given the batshit-crazy character of all state politics in SC, there is no doubt the pickled fetus that is Mark Sanford's career is likely to become a re-animated pickled fetus.
This is, after all, the state where Alvin Greene got 328,000 odd votes or some such. And yet, he didn't even come close to winning. (In the conventional sense, not the Daoist sense.)
As someone who's, well, very far away from it, South Carolina is fuckin' weird.
A number of religious and pro-life groups are outraged, saying that at a time when millions are preparing to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ, Planned Parenthood is offering a gift that could fund an abortion.
No 12/25 Mosk! Too soon! Too close! Maybe in a thousand years, on Mars — but not here, not now!
The part that was left out of Genesis was:
"What, no unicorns??? Fuck those assholes."
The New York Times has a very earnest and "well-balanced" article about Bab's unorthodox manner of dealing with her miscarriage. It's normal, so don't worry:
"most [women who miscarry] consider the fetus to be very much a part of themselves, a ghostly presence. "
Yeah?
Yes, it really doesn't fit into the NYT's worldview that Babs Bush is a jarfetus foisting creep. So, that means that it must be perfectly normal to whip out a miscarried jarfetus from time to time.
Today we are all festering jarfetus foisters.
I'm sure that was based on extensive survey of a couple of NYTers. Probably men.
What really happened:
Our whole universe was in a hot dense state,
Then nearly fourteen billion years ago expansion started. Wait…
The Earth began to cool,
The autotrophs began to drool,
Neanderthals developed tools,
We built a wall (we built the pyramids),
Math, science, history, unraveling the mysteries,
That all started with the big bang!
I'm starting a Scary Barbara Bush Horrorcore Meme.
Barbara Bush's Nesting Russian Dolls are real Russian babies.
Barbara Bush giggled like a schoolgirl at the end of "127 Hours."
Barbara Bush has been banned for life from Martha Stewart's TV show. The tape of that episode is now in a vault at the Vatican.
Lincoln's Ghost fled the White House after peeking in Barbara Bush's medicine cabinet.
If you want to see George W. Bush shit his pants, sneak up behind him and yell, "Junior! Bring me my things from the pantry!" in a high-pitched voice.
Jarbara lived in a drawer at the Oval Office 2001-9. Dubya forgot to take his sister with him when they left. Michelle Obama's screams could be heard from Philadelphia when she cleaned up on January 21.
Any phone call from Barbara Bush always comes from inside the house.
It was the sprigs of thyme that creeped Martha out.
Hehehe, all you guys. I'm picturing a little cartoon book with Gahan Wilson or Charles Addams style illustrations. Ken Layne, send me the Cartoon Boy Intern!
And of course, I just throw this out there in a blog comment, because I suck at making my own money.
In the words of TLo, Michelle needs to fire her gays.
Michelle is cramping? She may be miscarrying! GET THE JAR!!!!1!
Fuck, Ben. I clicked on that Now Pubic link in a moment of distraction, and my IQ dropped at least ten points before I could get out.
And on top of all the alcohol-based neuron destruction, this is a real problem. Thanks a whole fuck of a lot.
Oh sure, they may give gift certificates, but do they have a drive-through window? How about access to the finest fetus canning and/or jarring facilities? (Btw, in the case of George, Babs mismiscarried, obvsly)
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