Tucker Carlson Likes To Send Out Fake E-mails As Keith Olbermann

  soiling prankdom

What's that in the background? 'Tucker'? Oh right, he used to have his own show. Haha.As we all know, Tucker Carlson owns keitholbermann.com, because Tucker Carlson likes to pretend he’s still a teevee pundit when he’s not pretending he’s a poor-man’s Dan Abrams, who’s a poor-man’s Nick Denton. What you may not know is that Tucker has set up an e-mail account, keith@keitholbermann.com, at this URL, so that Tucker can send out long messages to small-time local news reporters to try to trick them into thinking Keith Olbermann is chatting with them. Cool! Wait until the kids at the playground hear about this funny goof their friend Tucker is playing on the media!

So it was interesting to see that Olbermann allegedly sent some angry emails to the Philadelphia Daily News’ Stu Bykofsky using the email address keith@keitholbermann.com.

Phawker.com, which published the exchange, claimed it was “guaranteed 100% for real.”And Bykofsky later confirmed to media industry watcher Jim Romenesko that he was writing to keith@keitholbermann.com, which he believed to be Olbermann.

“This is Howie Do It!” Tucker Carlson is going to spend the last of his trust fund to buy a plane ticket to Philadelphia to throw water balloons at this random Bykofsky fellow.

Carlson, reached by phone Tuesday night, confirmed he impersonated Olbermann in the email responses to Bykofsky.

“Could you resist?” Carlson said. “It was just too funny. The flesh is weak.”

Is that what Tucker said when he bashed in that old homo’s head in a bathroom stall that one time?

“The DC” just gets more impressive by the day. They’re almost up to Politico‘s standards! [Yahoo]

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Jack Stuef is your loyal editor and a freelance satirist or something like that. He is a contributing writer for The Onion. E-mail him or whatever.

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113 comments

    1. SorosBot

      I heard he called and ordered a dozen pizzas to be delivered to MSNBC headquarters. What a hilarious guy!

    1. GuyClinch

      Years ago, I was selling a t-shirt suggesting that Tom DeLay off himself. Drudge put it on his front page and in 1 day I received about a thousand hate emails. Sold quite a few t-shirts, though, until I pulled the shirt. Most emails were of the vile, right-wing sort, but a few were earnest folks who'd lost people to suicide, so I gave in and stopped selling it.

      1. kenlayisalive

        Meh. Better that there are infinite earnest weepers weeping than one douchetard Republican goes un-insulted.

  1. Beowoof

    Do you have Prince Albert in the can, in Tuckers case not only has Prince Albert been in his can but so has Tom, Larry, Moe, Dick, Harry, Curly, Stu, John, Steven, Mike, Mel, Jason, Josuha, Stanley, Tony, Mario, David, Jim,

  2. hagajim

    Maybe Tucker ought to chew some more Nicorette…he seems to always find the douchiest thing to do….Drudge wannabee.

    1. Ducksworthy

      Also the flesh is weak referred to the fact that he was masturbating while exchanging emails. As I often do too but only with friends, also.

  3. revmod

    I thought it was odd when I got a message from Olbermann asking for help repatriating $14.4 million dollars from Nigeria. This explains a lot.

    1. Monsieur_Grumpe

      I got a email from Keith wanting to help me increase my wanker size. I was extremely puzzled by this request because I was about 62% certain I never showed him my dingaling.

  4. Beowoof

    I am 40 years removed from high school but somethings come back like it was yesterday. One those juvenile testorone fueled things is to kick this losers ass and piss in his car window. And you know I never did stuff like that in high school.

  5. comrad_darkness

    When did conservative morph from "slow, considerate policy changes" into "spoiled, poopy diapered five year olds on a mountain dew binge"? Truly this is the most important political question of our time.

  6. facehead

    The email was as follows:

    Dear friends and fans of Keith Olbermann,

    I like to eat stinky smelly poo on my face and mom!!! STINKY POO !!!!! I had stinky poo sex with my mom!!!!!! Rachel Maddow is a poo face!!!!!
    I like to drink beers and want to hang out with Tucker Carlson who is still really cool !!!!

    Sincerely,
    Keith Olbermann

    P.S. Jon Stewart is a stinky face !!!!!!

    1. petehammer

      He got the following encouragement:

      Tucks, you've outdone yourself again! – Jonah Goldberg
      The part about poo was hilarious AND erotic! – David Vitter
      My cat's breath smells like cat food – Christine O'Donnell

  7. fuflans

    “Could you resist?” Carlson said. “It was just too funny…."

    wow tucker, with this level of comedic genius you'll be headlining the white house correspondent's dinner before you know it.

  8. SteveMcCroskey

    Carlson said he didn't expect the email exchange to be published.

    Really? When someone from the Philadelphia Daily News writes to you and says "I’d like an opportunity to speak to you about your current situation. I am doing a column for publication Monday."

    What a twat.

    1. SorosBot

      Tucker may be jealous and hurt because the wingnuts didn't love him enough to flood the lines to keep him around on Dancing With the "Stars" beyond even the first episode, much less all the way to the end, unlike some other obviously-worst-dancers-from-the-very-beginning we could mention.

  9. SayItWithWookies

    Tucker's reminding me of who he bears a faint resemblance to: Dan Quayle, the self-involved rich brat who couldn't focus on anything beyond its potential to make a stupid joke. The Dan Quayle who was fascinated with a South American wooden doll that had an erection; whose idea of a moral stance was to pick a feud with a fictional character over her desire to have a child. The world is his sandbox and there's no point in telling him otherwise, because he's never seen evidence to the contrary.

    1. Kitty_Sanchez

      Ew. Dude. Margaret Carlson doesn't deserve that slander.

      Besides, Tuckie's real mommy is an honest-to-goodness heiress. That explains how such an embarrassingly unfunny and adolescent turd reached middle age, still thinking he had clever things to say and therefore deserved a forum to showcase his, you know, wit. He's a middle-aged spoiled rich brat.

  10. doxastic

    I'd rather Tucker spend his time being a juvenile asshole than an actual savvy and self-aware yellow journalist. God help us all if DC ever goes into "Remember the Maine" mode.

    1. BeWoot

      Yellow journalism in the age of FOX: "You furnish the fiction and I'll give you the hysteria."

      Remember the Death Panels!

  11. SorosBot

    You know what else would be just too funny? Tucker having to pay a shitload to Olbermann following a defamation suit.

    Also, Stu Bykofsky is so old, grouchy and senile he probably would've believed it if Tucker was pretending to Adlai Stevenson.

    1. Not_So_Much

      I was wondering if that were an option. Seems like something Keith would want to do — to ensure everyone knows he's smart.

      Tucker's flesh is weak is the understatement of the decade. Also.

  12. CthuNHu

    This is what is known, in any real news organization, as a firing offense.

    Instant, no excuses, no appeal, ten minutes to clean out your desk.

    We'll see how that goes with Fox.

    1. Sue4466

      At Fox this kind of thing is part of the job description. If they had to fire everyone there who impersonated a journalist, there'd be no one to read the GOP's talking points to Fox viewers. And then the world would end.

    1. Beowoof

      I thinking trying to write at a third grade level, trying to look smart and yet sound really really stupid is much harder than you might think.

    2. SorosBot

      But no matter how hard we tried, there would be too much correct spelling and grammar, that would be a dead giveaway.

  13. TuckerCarlson

    I'm such a raging homo/furry I just don't care what anyone thinks, as long as I have my glory hole, I'll be happy, Paul Begala was mean to me so now I cry myself to sleep on a bed of plush stuffed animals every night and I TRY not to touch the kids but the flesh is soft and the spirit weak.

    I really don't expect this to be published.

  14. Beowoof

    I just looked at the picture again, and wow does he look like he is pulling off that Disco shirt and going come on, I know we just met in a Union Station Stall but I need it big boy.

    1. Lascauxcaveman

      He just acts out like this because he's human and needs he to be loved.

      What!?! Hell no! I'm most certainly not volunteering.

  15. kenlayisalive

    This has to be absolutely totally illegal.

    Sue him Keith. No, for real. Sue the living shit out of him. And call those ICANN people who regulate interenet domain names, you can get your name from him.

    Tucker is doing what is known as "cybersquatting" which is only slightly different from the position he takes when shoving another bow tie up his ass.

    1. BerkeleyBear

      Problem with the squatting angle is that commentary on KO on the site would qualify as a bona fide use, since he's a public figure. Squatting is for people who just lock up sites and then try to get payoffs to release them – I'm not aware of Carlson doing that.

      This bs fabrication in KO's name, on the other hand, probably violates both state and Federal law on identity theft/pretexting, although Carlson would find some way to slime out of it.

  16. elviouslyqueer

    Dear Lord:

    Me again. Remember that prayer I offered up yesterday? Well, here's your chance to make it a threesome. Also, make doubly sure that the dildo is the size of a baseball bat, and don't worry with niceties like lube. I've heard from reliable sources that Tucker likes it a little rough and a lot natural.

    Thanks again!
    EQ

  17. BarackMyWorld

    Were the roles reversed, Olbermann would probably get suspended or something. Good thing Tucker doesn't have a job to get fired from.

  18. thefrontpage

    Carlson: It's time, far past the time, actually, for you to leave the spotlight. Just shut down this "daily brawler" thing, or whatever it is, stop sending out libelous and slanderous and lying fake e-mail messages, publicly apologize to Keith Olbermann and MSNBC for this juvenile crap, and please just shut up and go away! Early retirement seems to be the right course here!

  19. PsycWench


    “It was just too funny. The flesh is weak.”

    If by "flesh" you mean the part of the brain in which maturity and good judgement reside, you are right. The flesh is very weak indeed.

  20. Neilist

    "Tuckler Carlson Acting Like Annoying 8th Grade Dickhead . . . ."

    This is news, why, precisely?

    :::Yawn:::

  21. CapeClod

    Tucker Carlson. Is he that guy who is like a less successful version of Joe Scarborough only with fewer dead interns?

  22. neiltheblaze

    That Tuckie! Always bringing the comedic gold!

    Of course, the fact that everyone is laughing at him and not with him is lost on Little Lord Fauntleroy-Carlson – and that just makes it funnier.

    1. Kitty_Sanchez

      Hmmm. I don't know. I think Tuckie has quite a way to go before he achieves the O'Keefe level of funny and cool.

    2. OhNoGuy

      Let's tie Little Jimmy and the fun loving Tuckster in a burlap sack with a few cinder blocks, throw them in the river and see what happens.

      Nothing, I hope.

  23. user-of-owls

    As with all things malignant, this is a mutation. We've gone from being Rick Roll'd to being Tuck Fuck'd.

  24. DahBoner

    Tucker has moved away from the Harvard Square Bowtie look and is now exploring the 1970's Disco Prom look…

  25. NadePaulKuciGravMcKi

    Tucker Carlson will do anything for a neocon paycheck.
    Flash back to his '08 Vegas prostitutes for Dr Ron scam.

  26. Allmighty_Manos

    For his next trick, Carlson is going to create an Olbermann soundboard and start calling Kathleen Parker in the middle of the night.

  27. ttommyunger

    Tuck, Tuck, the flesh is not only weak, it is flabby, pale, delicate and girlish, if you will; with the consistency of cottage cheese mixed with urine. Not to put too fine a point on it, you are a miserable excuse for a male anything and light years away from ever becoming a man. Please, please, fuck off and die.

  28. Troglodeity

    Ironically, someone at tuckercarlson.com is posting ridiculous, puerile bullshit in Tucker's name.

  29. mumbly_joe

    Tucker is so obviously trying to bait Keith into doing something like sue him over "trademark" or "slander" or some other thing like that so that Carlson can make him look pompous, because that's funny or something. In pretty much exactly the way it's funny to buy up [person]@[person'sfullname].com and use the account to misrepresent yourself as that person to the actual press.

    Christ, Tucker Carlson is such a fucking bowtie-clad twerp.

  30. anniegetyourfun

    This might be that men in bowties get me wet, but I thought that this was better than most pranks that Republicans are capable of playing. For one thing, it actually sounds like something that Olbermann would say. For another, it was spellchecked, apparently.

  31. PlanetWingNut

    wonders if he has sex with anyone (who would have sex with him…srsly) and tells them he's keith olberman too.

    1. OhNoGuy

      No, he tells them he's a doctor. Afterwards, he dresses silently and goes back to his room at Mother's house.

  32. Rotundo_

    If ever there were a finer living example of why the inheritance tax (or if you're a winger-DEATH TAX1!1!!!1!!!!!) should not only continue, but be heavily increased as the size of the inheritance increases, it would be this young fellow. Everything you hate about entitled, self-financed, grandstanding congenital idiots in one convenient package. If one were to hold a hearing all one would have to do is call him to the stand and say "Speak! Tucker!" and all argument for ending the tax would be rendered moot.

  33. Mort_Sinclair

    Clearly Carlson wants to have sex with Olbermann. Carlson's hostility is all a front for his desire. Anyone who's ever seen a soap opera knows that!

  34. bordo2

    Actually, I see Tucker in a greasy little threesome with James O'Keefe and Matt Drudge. They're all submissives, so maybe Ann Coulter could show them how to man up.

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